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Radio Biscuit

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  1. In my own experience, I found it very hard to date again after each relationship I have had in my life. Luck played an important part, but after my last, devastating, break up I had to make myself get out into the world of single relationships again. I am in my 50s, so it's even harder, but luckily with some help from others in building my confidence and a positive attitude, things started happening. The attitude I took was that if something happens, then it happens. If it doesn't happen now, then maybe tomorrow. Sometimes I just got bored and went home after an evening out. I had real problems talking to others, but at least Canada has quite friendly people (I live in Ottawa). I found that if I didn't seem too interested, then people would become interested in me. I would start a conversation and then leave it, come back, talk again, go away again etc. I did find that spending time at the local pubs and bars meant that I got to know the people who worked there and I would talk to them when they weren't busy. This helped to build a persona as a popular person, as I would be welcomed in every place I went to by the staff. This helped attract conversations and interest. I also used Tinder to make contacts. I was honest in my profile that I didn't want a relationship and was just happy being friends and not alone. This began to work because I was not a threat. This lead to closer friendships etc. In the end I was having relationships with people much younger than me which was fun, but not always comfortable. One of my dates from Tinder, who was my age, had a party one weekend and I met a woman there who was very interesting and intelligent, we started a friendship that has moved to a relationship that is impossible to describe because it is so good. I realise now that the relationships I had in the past were not complete. I'm truly happy that I found a partnership that works. It took me thirty five years, but it was worth waiting for. You will do this too one day. Never lose hope and be honest and interesting. Good luck.
  2. It isn't the quitting that's hard, it's the fallout that comes afterwards that hurts so much. I quit before some years ago but started again as I wasn't really trying hard enough. I've realised in the face of my relationships and employment that my gaming has grown out of control again. Some backstory for you: I started working in IT around 1986 and found that I was useful due to the fact that I understood how to fix a PC (or anything connected to it) due to being curious rather than with any trained skill. There were no IT courses that taught you this kind of stuff back then, so I taught myself from books and by experimenting with whatever kit I could get my hands on at work. Then Civilization I was launched. It was 1991 and I would be playing Microsoft's Flight Simulator among other things, but Civilization was infuriatingly addictive. The constantly changing challenges kept me busy for hours at a time when games weren't really even mainstream like today. From that point on it was downhill all the way and I amassed a collection of flight simulation, real-time strategy, first-person shooters and other more esoteric genres over the years. In 2001 I was put on disability due to depression and anxiety and my gaming reached a peak with the launch of Medal of Honour and Call of Duty. I had literally all day, every day to play games and ran my own servers too. Guildwars beta also featured heavily here with a marathon session one weekend from Friday to Monday evening with a group of other gamers some time around the release of the full game. I had enough kit collected from various high level IT jobs and the Linux knowledge to get the servers working and this continued until around 2005 when I came off disability and started working again. In 2006 I moved in with my girlfriend and by 2010 we were married and I'd ditched most of the gaming. I removed all the games from my computer and sold off the DVDs and CDs. Some of these were expensive games at the time (£80/$110) for some of the simulators. I was clean for about two years. In 2012 my wife and I moved to Canada and gaming was limited by the possession of only one low grade laptop between the two of us. I had to by a new laptop for work and found that a good deal of the original games I used to play would work on it despite the Intel graphics chipset. This led me to installing a few from my old Steam account and again slowly the addiction crept back into my life. We divorced in 2015 and I turned 50 the following year. The divorce wasn't due to gaming, but it played a small part. After that I spent my evenings gaming, my nights drinking and my days working a low level part-time job. Things were fine, but the anger from the divorce was overwhelming. Gaming helped to sooth it and the drinking helped me to sleep. I wasn't playing online any more, but I was absorbed by Minecraft and other such open ended titles. The anger subsided and I met my current girlfriend in 2017. We're very happy, but I couldn't stop the gaming. I stopped drinking and smoking, but the gaming was still causing trouble. I would disappear from the world and play every moment that I wasn't doing something with my partner. Recently we found that I couldn't get things done as I was getting upset when I didn't play games. I went cold turkey and erased everything. It's all gone now, but these days it's only a five minute download away. I've managed to keep away from starting again, but I feel so totally lost when there's spare time. So lost, that my mind turns to the anger I felt before. This time it's worse though, while I wanted to die after the divorce, I find myself imagining hurting my ex-wife as well now. I go to therapy and take anti depressants, but I can't work all the time and I can't face trying to get disability support. I think I might hurt someone in the process. I want to hear from others that have found anger, suicidal and violent thoughts have come to the front of their minds too. I am struggling to deal with these and it threatens my job, my relationship, my ex and my life. I need to fill the time, but nothing appeals to me, I just end up crying while fighting the urge to die. UPDATE AT NEW YEAR 2020 Everything's going well, the cold turkey has worked so far and the new meds I'm on have reduced my anger considerably. Now I can handle the down feelings as if they are just part of life like everyone else and they don't stop me. Remember that everyone would have a different reaction to different meds and treatments, but it's working so far. Oddly enough, I find myself learning C# and Unity in order to fill some time. I may end up working on my "ultimate game" instead, but I find it much easier to break away from this than from actually gaming. Thanks for all the support messages. Yes it is hard and I still have a mountain to climb, but you can be assured that age is no object after all. Grow old happily, it's worth every second. A