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Ikar

Ikar's Diary

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Day 59:

In the morning, I drove my car for a checkup which turned out okay. After that I bought the tent, mattress and, most importantly, manicure scissors. I shopped regularly a bit too. After lunch, I got the dishes washed, wrote the summary above and Duolingo and went English teaching afterwards. I solved some Internet issues in the evening and now I'm writing this and relaxing.

I feel pretty on point the past few days, time just flies by and my things get done slowly, but surely.

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Day 60:

I did some small stuff in the morning, finished watching the Maps of Meaning 2017 YT lectures and visited a sports event in the evening with mom.

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Day 61:

I didn't have a schedule for today and I think it showed. I did Duolingo, washed the dishes, successfully practiced building a tent I'll be using for Iceland, worked out, sent the essay to my friend, did some groceries and got more tips for Iceland from friends.
 

Spoiler

 

I spent a lot of the day thinking whether writing the letter to my ex from Iceland is a good idea or not. I'll go with yes, but I take the wow it's gonna be the last one if she doesn't respond, I won't cast pearls before swines. Reason for that being is that I may have sounded like too much of a preacher and didn't articulate my ideas clearly before. I'll do that as best as I can.

The contents will be the external hell she knows to be true, as almost every other reasonable human being does and working up from there. I will believe in what I write. Why? Because I live it.

 

 

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Day 62:

Yesterday I did Duolingo, played Scrabble, read quite a bit of 12 Rules, visited a concert and hanged out with high school friends for quite a large part of the day. It was quite nice talking to them! I got home pretty much in the middle of the night, so I left journaling for today.

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Day 63:

Today's been pretty good. I slept in quite a bit after the last night. I got quite a few things regarding my Iceland trip straightened out amd I read 12 Rules. I also managed to write more of the letter which is important, as it also helps my mind to be more articulate. I also worked out in the evening.

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Day 64:

I went for a car checkup in the morning, got some info on internet roaming and travel insurance. I visited grandma in the afternoon and said goodbye to her, as I'm leaving soon. I went English teaching afterwards and did some checks on my equipment in the evening. What I didn't do was writing the letter, but I won't to be sharp on that and hence I'll do it tomorrow morning. I also didn't read 12 Rules today, but I will catch up on that tomorrow too.

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Day 65:

I watched an old JP lecture to get me into a good contemplative mindset for writing the letter (spoiler). Then I got an unexpected message that sucked about two hours of my time. However, after some calls and mails I basically made a very nice amount of money out of the initial issue. Solving problems actually works! I read a bit of 12 Rules to get me into the contemplative mindset again to write the letter. It's gonna be tough, but I'll try to finalize it tomorrow. I'll do the same with a few pieces gear that might be handy, as I'm already packing whatever I'll need.

In the afternoon, I went English teaching and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I visited my brother and said goodbye to him. Right now, I'm just dead tired, which means I did a good job today!

 

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Day 66:

I did Duolingo in the morning, a bit of Jocko with Peterson and Rubin with Tolle to help me out with the letter. I'm quite happy about it, as I can say I can see the actual meaning behind what I write and I am getting better with turning my words into reality and I think that's good and appreciated by virtually anyone around me.

Well, damn. I finally got hit by some actual fear and anxiety today! It was about time. This must be the most mentally demanding day of my detox, even if it's completely unrelated to games. I feel a bit paralyzed and easily distracted, but it helped I didn't leave everything for the last day. I set up everything I could to the best of my ability, experience and time and we'll see how that plays out.

Everything is sort of in the air, so I am not sure when/if I will report from Iceland, but I will have to confront the unknown on the spot before conjuring up a plan on how to deal with it.

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Day 67:

Just checking in from Iceland, will try to search for some part-time tomorrow.

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Day 68:

I feel like my brain insists on feeling weird, despite putting in some effort. I  asked a few people and handed in a few CVs personally. So I think the mistake was perhaps feeling anxious, just because I felt I could get the job on the spot somewhere.

Other than that, I wandered around the immediate area of Reykjavik, exploring and basically ready to be excited and I indeed did find a few nice places. I walked a TON.

I will give the jobhunt a week and if it goes poorly, I will just trek/stop/bus around, until I run out of ideas where to go.

I finished 12 Rules today and it has been a great read. I could not help, but nod when I read some of the passages, primarily resembling my family, my ex and ultimately myself. 

I will try to assemble my thoughts better the next time, I feel somewhat scattered.

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Good luck with the job hunt dude! Fingers crossed!

I hear Iceland is very beautiful. Is it worth a visit? 

I really need to finish reading 12 rules... never got past chapter two. You’ve put it back on the priority one list for me. Thanks. 🙂

Two more days and you’re ten weeks clean! Huge achievement bud, make sure you celebrate it!

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9 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:

Good luck with the job hunt dude! Fingers crossed!

I hear Iceland is very beautiful. Is it worth a visit? 

I really need to finish reading 12 rules... never got past chapter two. You’ve put it back on the priority one list for me. Thanks. 🙂

Two more days and you’re ten weeks clean! Huge achievement bud, make sure you celebrate it!

Thanks! I just need one hit.

I cannot say yet, since I am here for a short time and did not see much, but the ads and pamphlets say it is, so I will believe them for now!

Rule 3 I had to read twice, because it was that great and heavy-hitting. I really like the idea of dissecting problems down to their core and acting from there and that responsibility is basically a religion.

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Day 69:

Missed an entry yesterday. I feel like I am still bombarded by a lot of impressions, although that is not really helpful, if I want to focus and think about something.

I visited the church yesterday and sat down there to contemplate a bit. I thought about two hypotethical neighbors that didn't kill each other over a stolen chicken, perhaps just from the fear of holy revenge of some sorts, and thus worked out a peaceful solution.

I also feel grateful for the fact that humanity has come along so far that I can use English, my home ID and home credit card to get me going in a developed foreign country. Doing that a century ago would be difficult and two centuries ago probably near impossible.

So really, yay for humanity, even if we still do some pretty atrocious things to each other, physically and mentally.

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Day 70:

These days are crazy great. I feel like I experience so much stuff. Some are captured on photos, some might come up to my mind after a few years...

I will try to get back to some sleeping and reading habits, because I successfully bombared any habit indiscriminately when I came to Iceland.

Job search is well underway and Reykjavik is probably halfway explored.

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Day 71:

I had a slight negative feeling of anxiety earlier today that I resolved by making more plans for tomorrow. It was work related, but obviously nobody would respond to me during the weekend. I will be more agressive in my job search.

I sent the letter and a postcard home. After that, I visited the art museum. I also meditated a bit in the church. 

I took it slightly easier on town exploration today, instead I focused more on work and thinking. Something good should come out of this.

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Day 72:

I did not start today well, I got through some job posts, but I got a bit peeved, as this has been going on for months.

I actually got a job hit today though, so I am pretty excited about that. If they are legit, I will go for it.

I also met some people from CZ in the camp, so it was nice to hang out with them for a while.

Other than that, I feel somewhat stretched, but happy I finally came across something. I will try to feed my mind somethint before I sleep.

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15 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 72:

I did not start today well, I got through some job posts, but I got a bit peeved, as this has been going on for months.

I actually got a job hit today though, so I am pretty excited about that. If they are legit, I will go for it.

I also met some people from CZ in the camp, so it was nice to hang out with them for a while.

Other than that, I feel somewhat stretched, but happy I finally came across something. I will try to feed my mind somethint before I sleep.

Good luck with the job search. I can tell you my life feels much better having my job again. It's a pain but important. 

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@BooksandTrees I work voluntarily nowadays. Working on an Icelandic pig farm for a few weeks will be interesting, perhaps I will meet some interesting people and I can use the extra cash later when I know what to do with it. Money is freedom and time, so it is useful to have it around.

Day 73:

I chatted with the CZ people in the morning and they left to the north afterwards. I scraped together the few last places of interest in Reykjavik and went there. I got some info today about the job, so by this time tomorrow, I will be there. At last I will see same people on a regular basis again, as I should work there for two months.

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Day 74:

I am at the pig farm. There is about 8 of us, mostly Poles, with the houses next to the pighouses. We can generally understand each other after a bit of explaining, so that is good!

Even though I am by myself and I just met a bunch of people, I am not afraid or anxious. I feel like I have developed a mindset of "What will be, will be." and learnt to take things as they come. I do not feel entitled to anything or expecting something to be X, or else.

I think I enjoy the little things more. I will sleep in a bed after a week, even though I already got used to sleeping in a tent on an inflatable matress. I like taking a hot shower after doing some work. I like telling my friends over the internet about my crazy Icelandic adventure.

I feel peaceful and meaningful.

I am also a fair bit tired. I have been going through Mark Manson's website the past two days, so it is good to have some quality thought-stir around again.

I will get a routine going for the next two months on the pig farm. Computer as the biggest distraction is gone for a week now and I want to continue that when I will get home again.

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5 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 74:

I am at the pig farm. There is about 8 of us, mostly Poles, with the houses next to the pighouses. We can generally understand each other after a bit of explaining, so that is good!

Even though I am by myself and I just met a bunch of people, I am not afraid or anxious. I feel like I have developed a mindset of "What will be, will be." and learnt to take things as they come. I do not feel entitled to anything or expecting something to be X, or else.

I think I enjoy the little things more. I will sleep in a bed after a week, even though I already got used to sleeping in a tent on an inflatable matress. I like taking a hot shower after doing some work. I like telling my friends over the internet about my crazy Icelandic adventure.

I feel peaceful and meaningful.

I am also a fair bit tired. I have been going through Mark Manson's website the past two days, so it is good to have some quality thought-stir around again.

I will get a routine going for the next two months on the pig farm. Computer as the biggest distraction is gone for a week now and I want to continue that when I will get home again.

Seems like the removal of everyday things and simplifying your life has been beneficial to potentially find some clarity for you and your thoughts. I hope this continues to work for you.

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Day 75:

I am tired as hell.

After work, I realized if I had been a couch potato, I would fall asleep immediatelly, so I forced myself for a short hike and managed to meet some locals and talked to them for a bit. After that, I was reading for an hour or so.

I will wake up earlier tomorrow to have some more time to think, perhaps to schedule.

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Day 76:

I mowed the lawn in the morning as paid overtime, because there is too few of us to work.

I went to for a shorter hike today, but I laid down for a while on the coast, as the weather is excellent and just relaxed for an hour. After that, I met some locals near their house and again had a very nice converasation with them. Iceland indeed seems to be a very communal country.

After that, I had barbecue and some beer with my coworkers. It also has some comradery aspect to it. The nearest city is about 10 kilometers away. After all, if some of the guys here might be here together for years, it would not help if they were on each other's throats.

I am also writing with one girl who claims, long story short, to have a similar past relationship with her ex as I had with mine with a similar ending. She seems self-aware about it too. It is both startling and exciting at the same time to be writing with her.

Things to do every day in Iceland:

Translate an Icelandic article from newspapers I got my hands on

Wake up early enough every day to meditate, or at least try to

Eat a veggie

Read an article from Mark Manson's website

Clean teeth

It does not seem like much, but I think that is two hours of planned activity every day.

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Day 77:

I woke up earlier, but all I managed to do was to hardly not fall asleep again. There is a lot of self-discipline involved in meditating as the first thing in the morning.

We worked again in the morning and I was again mowing the grass and raking.

After lunch, I went outside for about 3 hours, but I actually felt asleep outside for a bit. The weather is simply amazing here the last few days.

I also translated a short Icelandic article, so I could understand it. The method I do it might be adjusted though.

I also got bored the first time today since I arrived to Iceland. I got needy afterwards and realized the girl did not write today. Before I got too anxious, I took a shower, wrote a friend and thought that there are always some things to attend to I just did not think about. So I snapped out of it.

More work ahead tomorrow and less free time to worry about. Voluntarily imposing external structure on myself is definitely better than rotting at home living off of welfare, that is for sure.

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Day 78:

I woke up on time, but did not manage to do anything than to just lay down again. I will try to be an SOB and put the phone across the room.

I got to vaccinate piglets today which was somewhat stressful and difficult, as they screak very loudly and it is not easy to hold an animal with a few kilos still with just one hand. I somehow managed in the end and I will get better and faster the next time.

The girl wrote, so I think I spent two hours thinking and writing to reply her back. There is a lot of ground to cover. I am happy to have the diary around too for evidence for myself that I am genuine and consistent about my beliefs and actions.

After that, I took a walk and I am just finishing some translation.

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Day 79:

I put the phone across the room and got up as planned and used it to have time for some more morning activities.

As I thought, I got better at vaccinating. I give it my best shot, admit my mistakes and move on. I am somewhat grateful for the fact I can already act independently, take responsibility for my actions and put in some good work, even if I am doing this for just a week. We always start off badly and improve on the go. I have also experienced gratitude for being responsible for myself.

After work, I went for a walk and zoned out for a while. I also read some articles, but I feel like I should act more on them after I am done reading them, so I will keep it in mind and not browse them during breaks at work. I am currently working on the response to the girl.

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