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Ikar

Ikar's Diary

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5 hours ago, Lea said:

This is interesting and true, as there is a saying that "what you sow is what you reap."

I hope that you are adjusting back to home life well. 😄

It seems to work that way indeed!

As for my home adjustment, it is challenging. I gotta remind my parents sometimes that I have to spend some time on my own. They both have a full-time job, whereas I am basically working whenever I want, searching for opportunities either myself or through proxies. I believe it'll get better once the reconstruction is over, so I will be home alone for the mornings and afternoons, free to do whatever I want without interruptions during that time.

Day 141:

Today, I did Duolingo, watched some Mitchell and Webb comedy shows on YT, wrote to friends and here, helped around the house, took a short walk and had a family meeting. I got a schedule for tomorrow and some other parts of the week, but it is so far more of a to-do list, both because I just got back to scheduling and the current situation at home. The meeting yesterday went nicely, I was slightly surprised I did not have a hangover in the morning.

I also want to stream on Twitch on Thursday, topic being life/psychology/philosophy. I am not expecting large amounts of people watching me, but I will try it anyway.

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2 hours ago, Ikar said:

It seems to work that way indeed!

As for my home adjustment, it is challenging. I gotta remind my parents sometimes that I have to spend some time on my own. They both have a full-time job, whereas I am basically working whenever I want, searching for opportunities either myself or through proxies. I believe it'll get better once the reconstruction is over, so I will be home alone for the mornings and afternoons, free to do whatever I want without interruptions during that time.

Day 141:

Today, I did Duolingo, watched some Mitchell and Webb comedy shows on YT, wrote to friends and here, helped around the house, took a short walk and had a family meeting. I got a schedule for tomorrow and some other parts of the week, but it is so far more of a to-do list, both because I just got back to scheduling and the current situation at home. The meeting yesterday went nicely, I was slightly surprised I did not have a hangover in the morning.

I also want to stream on Twitch on Thursday, topic being life/psychology/philosophy. I am not expecting large amounts of people watching me, but I will try it anyway.

Are you talking about streaming like a podcast sort of format? It wouldn't be gaming, right? I've always wanted to create something like this.

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6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Are you talking about streaming like a podcast sort of format? It wouldn't be gaming, right? I've always wanted to create something like this.

Yeah, a Q&A of some sorts on those topics, primarily bound to my ongoing detox. It is probably not gonna be anything shocking, if you used my diary as a basis for that.

That said, I have been in sometimes in the mood for a game a bit since I got back home, but just a quick glance over my schedule/things I want to do to re-adjust back to my home schedule is just making me think I would just dodge my responsibility.

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Day 142:

I did about half the stuff I had scheduled for myself for today which is totally fine. I actually nailed all of those I needed to be home for, while for reading and meditation I can do outside. I would like to do them inside, but I just have this constant feeling in the back of my head that parents are gonna interrupt me when I immerse myself into something for an hour, but I might also be making half-assed excuses why to shirk responsibility, so I will just pick myself up and go out tomorrow to get these things done.

Off-schedule I wrote quite a bit and I also watched some more Mitchell and Webb, I put a video of them into the spoiler too!

Spoiler

 

 

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Day 143:

I got it nailed today. I watched a discussion/lecture with Peterson after a long time and I feel it inspired me throughout the rest of the day. I watched Mitchell and Webb, did Duolingo, watched a documentary about WWI and wrote emails. I also got off and went reading outside and walked a bit. I wrote with a friend in the evening as well.

I also notice I actually like to eat and just focus on eating. Eating and multitasking something else just feels dismal.

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15 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 143:

I got it nailed today. I watched a discussion/lecture with Peterson after a long time and I feel it inspired me throughout the rest of the day. I watched Mitchell and Webb, did Duolingo, watched a documentary about WWI and wrote emails. I also got off and went reading outside and walked a bit. I wrote with a friend in the evening as well.

I also notice I actually like to eat and just focus on eating. Eating and multitasking something else just feels dismal.

Eating should never feel rushed. It's one of those few hallmarks of the day for everyone where you're supposed to detach from your tasks and enjoy it if possible. Commune with friends and family or focus on yourself and appreciate the flavors. Eating a good meal can be therapeutic in many ways as it's a sensory boost and also replenishes energy and nutrients to the body.

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Day 144:

I watched a lecture of Peterson in the morning, some M&W, did some small research and wrote emails, went outside and finished The Subtle Art by Mark Manson. My next book is gonna be Gulag Archipelago by Solzhenitsyn. After lunch, I visited my grandma and went shopping for some new T-shirts.

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Day 145:

Today was a mess. Streaming tonight was one of the few things that actually went according to the plan. I am also fairly tired, so I will try to gather my feelings about it tomorrow.

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Day 146:

I got more things done today, again an early entry because I have a meetup in the evening. I cleaned my room too, hooray!

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Day 147:

I was social again today. I did some minor stuff, I am gonna do my schedule for the next week tomorrow.

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Day 148:

I helped around the house, watched some That Mitchell and Webb Look, but I felt pretty tired after going out yesterday. I got the schedule for tomorrow and Tuesday, I will get it finished tomorrow. I'm also gonna be home alone tomorrow!

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Day 149:

I had done most of the things I had planned for today. It was mostly maintenance/low-stress stuff, but it was THE routine day as I want it to be. It was a good day.

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Day 150 = 5 months:

Today felt like a really long day which is good, because that means I got a lot of things done.

I did my languages, watched Peterson lectures for a few hours, rode on my bike + visited and talked to my grandma, did the groceries, wrote with a friend for quite a while and prepared for English teaching tomorrow (after some 10 weeks or so).

I also had a thought about re-establishing my gaming stream. x1-x2 a week for 2-3 hours. Always planned a few days in advance.

I already thought of some both positive and negative implications of actually doing this. I will keep the idea in the back of my head for a few weeks, as I want to be able to nail days in their "basic" form (as I did today and yesterday) at the very least on a regular basis.

I can definitely say today was good as well.

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3 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 150 = 5 months:

Today felt like a really long day which is good, because that means I got a lot of things done.

I did my languages, watched Peterson lectures for a few hours, rode on my bike + visited and talked to my grandma, did the groceries, wrote with a friend for quite a while and prepared for English teaching tomorrow (after some 10 weeks or so).

I also had a thought about re-establishing my gaming stream. x1-x2 a week for 2-3 hours. Always planned a few days in advance.

I already thought of some both positive and negative implications of actually doing this. I will keep the idea in the back of my head for a few weeks, as I want to be able to nail days in their "basic" form (as I did today and yesterday) at the very least on a regular basis.

I can definitely say today was good as well.

Are you currently working right now as well? I worry about the gaming stream because I think it will conflict with the progress you've made.

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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Are you currently working right now as well? I worry about the gaming stream because I think it will conflict with the progress you've made.

I currently work once a week and I will go to university once a week soon as well. The university is on a normal workday though and, for whatever reason, most employers here cringe at the idea someone would not go to work five times a week, even if they say there's not enough people to fill in all the empty positions. That's the reason I am adding my work from from "0" hours, rather than subtracting from "40" or "50" hours a week, taking days off just so I could go to work etc. I've also come to terms with having all that free time and trying to use it more wisely.  It took me half a year and a breakup. I'd say most people are not faced with that situation until they are retired.

Obviously, I will not know what's up until I actually start streaming games, but it's like that with everything. I've been learning three languages on Duolingo for over a week now (I'm also aware of the fact that I will just grasp the basics like that). I do not know if I will ever have the chance to realistically use them. Every hobby seems to be like that when you start it and most hobbies just stay hobbies until you quit them.

I also feel like a bit of a special potato when I'm reading most of the journals, because the average "quitter" seems to have more, longer and stronger cravings than me. I've experienced some minor cravings perhaps the first week, but I was mostly excited about actually having time to get other stuff done, rather than cowering in the corner and looking at the clock. There have been some thoughts about gaming along the way of the detox, but it was the same as with thoughts about my ex or the army - I just accepted them, thought about them a little bit and let them go, primarily because I think it is a very good idea to be at peace with your past.

I am a strong believer that if something in your past makes you uncomfortable, sad or angry, then that is exactly the reason to focus on sorting your past out. I think it is ideally done the best with someone you can trust (the diary is pretty cool as well), but the main incentive has to come from within you anyway.

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Day 151:

I taught English for 5 hours today and it was mentally draining, but because I am not used to it, rather than someone making some trouble. I wrote with a few friends today, did Duolingo, cycled on my bike and even wrote a few emails in the evening. I think I deserve to relax for the rest of the day.

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Day 152:

I went to an interview, did some paperwork in the town and mails, Duolingo, got my leaflets around the village and also researched something about my further education. Tomorrow I have a day off, I'm quite happy about it.

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Day 153:

I watched Peterson explaining the Lion King as an archetypal story. I've also read up on some of the Jungian concepts of "anima" and "animus" and it was fairly interesting.

I also hoovered, cleared out some mails and tabs, sent several emails, mowed the rest of the lawn and checked out additional uni courses. I also had a light meditation in the bath.

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Day 154:

I watched a short Peterson lecture (2017 Personality videos) and demolished tiles in the bathroom, so the reconstruction can progress. After lunch, we visited the grandma for her name-day. That was pretty much it for today.

It's gonna be time for a monthly report soon and perhaps even for a half-year report.

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Day 155:

I played Scrabble with mom, did my daily Duolingo and went outside for a walk and to read Gulag Archipelago a little bit. I also finished That Mitchell and Webb Look, it was a great sketch show! For the rest of the day, I wrote to people and thought.

I thought about my parents, about my relationships, my past. I think I am asking better questions nowadays and that I am also getting better answers. I am intently drawing corollaries where there have been none before. Only time will tell to what extent I was correct in my assumptions.

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Day 156:

I did Duolingo, watched another Peterson lecture and cleaned my room a bit in the morning. I watched some Mitchell and Webb, wrote for about two hours in the afternoon. I also exercised outside with my basketball. I met some small kids on the playground and they immediately wanted to play with me. It was fun!

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Day 157:

I talked with mom, played Scrabble and prepared for my English teaching class tomorrow. I also exercised, checked out Bioenergetics I've seen on @LordArjuna 's diary, did Duolingo and watched Peterson on existentialism. I've also seen a bit of sketch shows.

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Day 158:

I taught English for 4 hours, cycled some 15 kilometers, read a bit about money, visited my grandma and hammered some facade off in the bathroom.

I feel fairly tired after such a day.

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Day 159:

I got most of my tasks done super quickly today, I just had less tabs open and less emails/calls to do than I thought.

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Day 160:

I went to school today, so that ate up most of the day. I got to socialize a little bit today, so that was good 🙂

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