Brian 75 Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 First journal entry, day 2: Dammit @Cam Adair. Module #2 hit me right where I needed to be hit. Fuck, I'm conflicted... feeling and thinking different things. On one hand: nope, not gonna do it. Not gonna give up Civ. There's an expansion coming out in under two months and you want to play that. Things weren't that bad with Civ... You listened to podcasts and new music while playing. See? That's not that bad. You're not like these other people here. They are WAY worse than you. Maybe you can restrict your time playing. Maybe that will work this time. Maybe set a stopwatch next to you while you play. Cut yourself off when you hit your time limit. Yeah, that'll work. And permanently delete your Steam account?! Are you insane?!? You've spent too much money to give that up!! What if you want to go back and play?? You'll have to buy the game all over again!! Fucking denial. Minimizing, justifying, rationalizing, comparing. Cognitive distortions all over the place. :deep breath: On the other hand: there's a reason you have been saying that you've wanted to quit gaming for a long time. You always feel less good than you think you will. Even when playing Civ. Sometimes gaming was downright boring. The same old thing. Done this before, done that before. Been here before. And think of all of the things you can DO with that TIME!! You have a backlog of books! You've wanted to get back into drumming! There's an artist and writer inside of you that is just ACHING to come out! You've been striving to know your purpose, your reason for being on this earth. Not spending time gaming loosens up time to find out!! :Sigh: I'm alright. Everything's going to be OK. I've got this. Now that the anxiety has passed, I just feel sad. I know what I have to do, but... Fuck this is going to be hard. I didn't game today. I didn't watch streams or check forums or websites. I worked on my house, journaled, set up a habit tracker, went to the gym, did some work, played with my dog, spent time with my wife. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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