BooksandTrees Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 I haven't written anything in weeks and am losing my drive for it. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern of doing nothing. I don't feel depressed though and I'm not burnt out anymore. I can't really describe it. I'm just complacent to do nothing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Ah shoot, I feel the same way! Have not written anything for a week now, and feel so uninclined to return. Knowing that you share my struggles is encouraging- I will go ahead and write for a bit now! Wishing for passion-building habits coming your way (and passion alongside them) ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 3 hours ago, Pochatok said: Ah shoot, I feel the same way! Have not written anything for a week now, and feel so uninclined to return. Knowing that you share my struggles is encouraging- I will go ahead and write for a bit now! Wishing for passion-building habits coming your way (and passion alongside them) ❤️ Thank you! It's odd because I would normally associate this with depression but I really believe I'm not depressed and letting myself relax a lot as I recover fom burn out. Thanks for the well wishes and I'm glad this could encourage you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 I had a lot of bad dreams last night. One was me fighting my dad, one was me getting my bike stolen, one was me losing friends, one was my old runescape account getting hacked and I was sacrificing everything to get it back, one where my town was getting invaded in a war and they used my house as shelter to fight, one where I had a tenant as a landlord but she left because she didn't like the candles in the living room lol. Just exhausting waking up after that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 I just read about sugar withdrawal. I've eaten so much sugar this vacation from holiday candy. I haven't had it in 3 days and I'm just exhausted and having weird effects. I didn't realize this, but sugar withdrawal symptoms can include dizziness, irritability, nausea, difficulty sleeping, fatigue, etc. I've been battling this a lot lately. I'm gonna get back to a better diet and start there. I'll give this a couple weeks as the mayo clinic says it takes 2 to 3 weeks to regulate if you've cut sugar and certain foods. Worth a shot. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 I'm also going to sell my drum set. I want people to know that a lot of the hobbies I've tried have not stuck. The only things so far are reading, legos, cooking, puzzles, listening to music, and board games. Rock climbing, boxing, beer league hockey, badminton, volleyball, animation, drawing, yoga, photography, billiards, woodworking, drums, gym, painting, brewing beer, podcasting, video editing, and a few other things have not worked. It seems that I'm attempting mostly exercise or artistic things. I haven't tried things such as a new language, volunteering, making furniture or clothes, etc. Just keep in mind that it's sometimes painful to find replacement activities for video games and most of the time they're not nearly as fun. We're just in it for a healthier and balanced life without addiction. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 17 hours ago, BooksandTrees said: Just keep in mind that it's sometimes painful to find replacement activities for video games and most of the time they're not nearly as fun. We're just in it for a healthier and balanced life without addiction. What makes video games fun to you, what addictive mechanics draw you in? For me, it's the sense of intellectual growth- not improving "skill" in a game, but gaining a deeper understanding of the mechanics and therefore getting "better". In this regard, learning languages has been a major hit. So is watching movies through an analytical lens (rather than for entertainment)- I tend to watch 20-30mins of a movie per day, and no more than 1movie/week. Both activities help me learn more (deeply) than I do through games while scratching that itch for (more) instant gratification! Thank you for sharing this, I feel so lucky to have received an opportunity to reflect on this topic! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 5 Author Share Posted January 5 1 hour ago, Pochatok said: What makes video games fun to you, what addictive mechanics draw you in? Progression, competition and winning, friendship and community, something to do without having to learn something new, collecting items, going after new goals, being high ranked, leading people. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 5 Author Share Posted January 5 (edited) I woke up today feeling less lethargic than previous days. I started doing chores around the house and then prepared to write my writing coach an email explaining I've been too tired to write. I then got frustrated with myself and started to write. I ended up writing over 1000 words, finishing a chapter, and sending her a positive progress update with a draft of my new chapter for her review. Just because I'm good at writing and enjoying it as a hobby doesn't mean I can do it the same amount as I did with gaming. This is a mentally exhausting hobby and I need to accept that if I take a couple weeks off or a month off I'm not a failure. It just takes time. Also, I wanted to compare writing to working out at the gym. If you over exert yourself at the gym you'll hurt yourself. It's exhausting and you can only do major body parts once or twice a week for bulking. Same concept for writing. Sometimes your mind can only handle once or twice a week. It doesn't mean that we don't like writing or the gym. That's just how it works for some people. Edited January 5 by BooksandTrees 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 On 1/4/2024 at 9:07 PM, BooksandTrees said: I'm also going to sell my drum set. I want people to know that a lot of the hobbies I've tried have not stuck. The only things so far are reading, legos, cooking, puzzles, listening to music, and board games. Rock climbing, boxing, beer league hockey, badminton, volleyball, animation, drawing, yoga, photography, billiards, woodworking, drums, gym, painting, brewing beer, podcasting, video editing, and a few other things have not worked. It seems that I'm attempting mostly exercise or artistic things. I haven't tried things such as a new language, volunteering, making furniture or clothes, etc. Just keep in mind that it's sometimes painful to find replacement activities for video games and most of the time they're not nearly as fun. We're just in it for a healthier and balanced life without addiction. You also write, that should be on your hobby list too! I also have a bunch of discarded hobbies: going to the gym (later Brazilian jiu jitsu, now I just go for walks), drumming, learning new languages, partying well into the night (lol), reading a lot of newsletters, giving English lessons for free and nearly joining a cult-like organization. I got to the last one through culture and volunteering, so it's definitely a good idea to beware of volunteering with strings attached! Some of my current hobbies are: writing, reading, journaling here, my job and spending time with friends. I also occasionally go to the shooting range, play billiard, table football and organize student events with my geography group and blog. 15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said: Also, I wanted to compare writing to working out at the gym. If you over exert yourself at the gym you'll hurt yourself. It's exhausting and you can only do major body parts once or twice a week for bulking. Same concept for writing. Sometimes your mind can only handle once or twice a week. It doesn't mean that we don't like writing or the gym. That's just how it works for some people. I agree. I prefer working on my master's thesis every day for two or three hours maximum. I can't do any more after. I know some people write the whole thing in two weeks, while I take three months with my tempo. Everybody's different. Plus, if it's a hobby, there's generally no "right" way to do a hobby. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 On 1/6/2024 at 2:44 AM, Ikar said: You also write, that should be on your hobby list too! I also have a bunch of discarded hobbies: going to the gym (later Brazilian jiu jitsu, now I just go for walks), drumming, learning new languages, partying well into the night (lol), reading a lot of newsletters, giving English lessons for free and nearly joining a cult-like organization. I got to the last one through culture and volunteering, so it's definitely a good idea to beware of volunteering with strings attached! Some of my current hobbies are: writing, reading, journaling here, my job and spending time with friends. I also occasionally go to the shooting range, play billiard, table football and organize student events with my geography group and blog. I agree. I prefer working on my master's thesis every day for two or three hours maximum. I can't do any more after. I know some people write the whole thing in two weeks, while I take three months with my tempo. Everybody's different. Plus, if it's a hobby, there's generally no "right" way to do a hobby. Very true! I think some people can just write like others play video games. Take Stephen King or James Patterson for example. They put out a book or two a year it seems. But we're not them and that's ok. As long as we appreciate what we're doing that's all that matters. Also, it's amazing to see what we've tried as hobbies. I don't think many people understand that it takes forever most of the time lol. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 14 Author Share Posted January 14 I had a really great week at work. Very busy but rewarding. This weekend has been great as well. We organized a few rooms to make them more functional. It just feels better now. I finished reading a book. Going to find a new one now. I also drew a sketch. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 15 Author Share Posted January 15 I get frustrated that I sometimes crave video games and porn still after all of these years. It goes to show that this stuff never leaves your system. I've had to rely on my halted technique a lot over the past few weeks. My triggers were boredom and mood swings from all of the sugar I'd eaten from holiday candy. Like I crave sugar now. I had a mini meltdown tonight because I wanted to drive to the store to get huge cookies. I had to do the halted technique and calm down, have a snack, drink water, and get in a better state of mind. This road is a difficult one but we're stronger for trying. I also feel like I haven't written about cravings much in the past few years and maybe that makes me seem less relatable to anyone here in recovery. I've been away from gaming for over half a decade and I still get cravings. It's frustrating. But it's ok. It happens to all of us. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 This week's been so much better than last. I've written almost 2000 words, built the last of the furniture in my house that needed to be built, cleaned the whole house, read 60 pages of my new book, spent quality time with my wife, practiced good hygiene, meal prepped a ton, went shopping for essential things I'd been putting off, solved 3 big puzzles, and watched less TV overall. Work went well and I finished a few projects that had been lingering. I also exercised more in general. I'm glad I was able to turn things around after feeling down last weekend and earlier in the week. I needed that. Something that helped me is setting very small goals on activities and if I want to continue, I will. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amphibian220 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) you trust yourself by overriding desires. I want to get to that level of control Because in a situation of stress I want to watch shows and this gets out of control. By journaling and working out more, i get more ability to do the harder things. Edited January 22 by Amphibian220 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 27 Author Share Posted January 27 Today was exhausting but I got a lot done. Cleaned the house, visited family, wrote 1000 words, got my medicine, prepared for the storm, and read my book. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 On 1/22/2024 at 12:05 AM, Amphibian220 said: you trust yourself by overriding desires. I want to get to that level of control Because in a situation of stress I want to watch shows and this gets out of control. By journaling and working out more, i get more ability to do the harder things. It's all about trusting yourself. If you have a craving and you can trust yourself to understand why you're having it, then you might be able to find a solution at that moment. Each moment is different though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted February 3 Author Share Posted February 3 This week was really exhausting but not as bad as last week. I feel like I'm handling new work stress better and I didn't leave work brutally tired. So that was good. I also wrote a thousand words this week, spaced out over a few sessions. I ate better and exercised a little more. I had some good conversations with my wife about how I'm understood by her family as well. They like me, but I don't think they understand my past well enough to know the hardships I've been through. So we're working on that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 I wrote the rest of my chapter today. I also realized I have vertigo caused by screen time and the angle at which I tilt my head and eyes at the screen. Cleaned a bit more today and talked to family too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 I just became a dad today! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 42 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said: I just became a dad today! Amazing! Congratulations!!! How are your wife and your baby doing? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 (edited) 6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said: I just became a dad today! Wow, that's a huge change in your (and more than yours!) life- excited for you to navigate it!!!! Edited February 6 by Pochatok 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandTrees Posted February 18 Author Share Posted February 18 I haven't had any time to write recently. My wife had an emergency and almost died. I rushed her to the hospital. She gave birth brilliantly only 5 minutes after getting to the hospital. I apparently saved both their lives. They're both doing great now. She's healthy and dealing with the emotional trauma of what happened but she's so brave and doing great. My baby is doing great but will be in the hospital for a few weeks. But that's OK! We're both off of work for 4 months and spending each day at the hospital with him. I'm so happy they're ok. It's been very difficult going through all of these emotions. Some days are difficult and others are good. I'm so glad I've prepared my mind through therapy and quitting games. I feel like I'm very prepared to handle this adversity and come out with a good outlook. I'm very grateful that everyone is OK and for the care we're receiving at the hospital as well as from family. Time goes by very fast at the hospital. We do his cares and spend bonding time with him. We're trying to fit in little bits of time to read books or do small hobbies and they've helped restore us a bit. He should be home in 4 to 6 weeks. I might write less for a while just because of this but I promise I'll update you and share any successes I've found with dealing with stress and not relapsing. I think for me, the keys to success are sleep, nutrition, communicating My emotions and telling people how they can better help me, and finding joy in spending this time with my wife and child. If I eat poorly I lose any energy I had. If I don't communicate my pain or stress then I fester and get sick. My method for HALTED is getting me through this. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikar Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said: I haven't had any time to write recently. My wife had an emergency and almost died. I rushed her to the hospital. She gave birth brilliantly only 5 minutes after getting to the hospital. I apparently saved both their lives. They're both doing great now. She's healthy and dealing with the emotional trauma of what happened but she's so brave and doing great. My baby is doing great but will be in the hospital for a few weeks. But that's OK! We're both off of work for 4 months and spending each day at the hospital with him. I'm so happy they're ok. It's been very difficult going through all of these emotions. Some days are difficult and others are good. I'm so glad I've prepared my mind through therapy and quitting games. I feel like I'm very prepared to handle this adversity and come out with a good outlook. I'm very grateful that everyone is OK and for the care we're receiving at the hospital as well as from family. Time goes by very fast at the hospital. We do his cares and spend bonding time with him. We're trying to fit in little bits of time to read books or do small hobbies and they've helped restore us a bit. He should be home in 4 to 6 weeks. I might write less for a while just because of this but I promise I'll update you and share any successes I've found with dealing with stress and not relapsing. I think for me, the keys to success are sleep, nutrition, communicating My emotions and telling people how they can better help me, and finding joy in spending this time with my wife and child. If I eat poorly I lose any energy I had. If I don't communicate my pain or stress then I fester and get sick. My method for HALTED is getting me through this. Oh no, that sounds terrifying. Glad you made it there on time. Many things can go wrong during birth, my grandma gave birth to my uncle almost two months prematurely. I hope things are a bit less tense now. And again, great job on your progress as a person, it is truly amazing to see what you've achieved! A fun bit, my grandma is born on 6th February. I don't know how it worked out with timezones, but your dad post came to me on 6th here 😄 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 On 2/18/2024 at 11:39 AM, BooksandTrees said: I think for me, the keys to success are sleep, nutrition, communicating My emotions and telling people how they can better help me, and finding joy in spending this time with my wife and child. If I eat poorly I lose any energy I had. If I don't communicate my pain or stress then I fester and get sick. My method for HALTED is getting me through this. You are so in touch w/ yourself- I admire that a lot! So sorry you've gone through a lot of stress, and also I'm so excited for this huge change in your life. Wishing you and your loved ones good health ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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