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Moe Smith

241 Days of Life

9 posts in this topic

Hey everyone, 

I'm back after a long period of ups and downs with gaming. The short version of things is I finished my 90 day detox, and immediately got back into gaming. I've had lots of ups and downs with it since then. A few weeks ago, however, I had a conversation with my lovely wife regarding my gaming. She doesn't hate gaming, she just knows gaming doesn't work for me specifically. We got to the root of why I've continued to game for so long and why I have such a hard time giving it up. My answer kind of surprised even me. I am convinced that I have the ability to have gaming in my life and make it a healthy activity instead of a destructive one. Basically I believe I can conquer my own behaviors and habits and change gaming into something that benefits my life instead of detriments it. I also don't want to look back on my life and feel like I've run away from this challenge. 

To this day, I still believe that to be true. However, I believe something else to be MORE true, and it comes in two parts:

1 - Time is the only truly limited resource we have in our lives.
2 - It is not worth it to spend my time conquering gaming when I could use it in other areas.

This has been a wonderful realization for me. On one hand, it allows me to address gaming with a hopeful attitude instead of a defeated one. On the other hand, it provides a clear picture of the choice I made regarding gaming. I feel confident, strong, and determined regarding gaming now instead of feeling a sense of missing out, longing, nostalgia, social interactions, and other feelings that have been dark and pulled me back like a black hole. Thanks to my wife Cassi, my friend @giblets, the founder @CamAdair, and most of all thanks to me for making the choice to spend my time on other pieces of my life that I'm interested in.

With that being said, I've been game sober for a couple of weeks now, not really sure when, but that doesn't matter to me. Today I am starting fresh with new goals in mind. In 241 days (1 day short of 8 months exactly), I will graduate with my bachelors degree. It will have taken me a total of 11 years to reach that point. For those 241 days I will spend my time on life, instead of media. 

I start my capstone project on Wednesday. My capstone will be the beginning steps in creating my own dream job that pays well. I started a free online calisthenic workout today that I will maintain. I'm working on increasing my skills as a writer, and embedding myself into a community of writers. I start a job soon that will expand my technology skills into a completely new area. I'm focusing on building stronger relationships with my wife and daughter. And I'm looking for new ways to be creative and artistic in my life. Plus many more avenues. 

Overall, today is Day 1/241. And it's already been great! I'll see you soon. 

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Ahh, Moe, you wrote this post for me, I swear, and broke me out of my embarassed lurking shell. I too tanked right after my 90 day detox, thinking I could handle the gaming in moderation, patting myself on the back, hyping myself up with pep talks with friends who gamed without problems. I'd say within a week all of my positive habits were gone.

    And yet, like you, I had this fundamental belief that I could make gaming a healthy part of my life in moderation. After all, hadn't I just proved it by successfully going 90 days without it and demonstrating my control? But day after day I was proving the lie. My soda/fast food was slipping even before the 90 day mark...but once I hit 90 and let gaming back in, the cracked dam burst forth and that was it...right back into my old habits.

   Anyhow, I'm glad that you're back stronger, Moe, and setting me a good example.

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@Mettermrck dude! I'm glad to hear that my post rang true with you too! I found it to be very cathartic to allow myself to believe I could conquer gaming, but choose not to do so. That belief has held me in my cycle for years and years. After my detox I thought that the stronger version of myself could handle games. I wasn't strong enough, disciplined enough, or determined enough at the time. However, that doesn't mean that I won't ever be that way. But in the long run, how many more minutes, hours, days, or weeks of my life will it take to break that unhealthy grip? The answer: too many. I can use that same time to pursue my startup, finish my degree, get in shape, write my book! So many more things that have value in my life. And sometimes I have to remind myself I actually do really enjoy things besides gaming. 

It kind of comes down to the different skills I've built up over the years. I'm good with computers, I'm savvy at business, I can design software, write a book, play basketball, and lots of other things. I also enjoy playing football, but I'm not training to be in the NFL. I like singing and dancing, but I'm never going to be in a ballet or opera. It's not that I am incapable of performing very well in those careers, it's just that I chose not to pursue those skills, because I don't have time to do everything. I absolutely could conquer gaming and make it a healthy habit someday, but I'd rather not and find other activities to replace it. 

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Glad to help where I can Moegli. I will respond properly when I have a moment, but you made my day with your messages! Thought you were off the grid for good this time.

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Glad you're here as always brother. Your ego is trying to hold on with all its might. ;) 

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17 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

Glad you're here as always brother. Your ego is trying to hold on with all its might. ;) 

Hahaha. Aint that the truth? It's losing its vice grip slowly though. 

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I honestly thought I was the only one going through this..finished my detox a few days ago and feeling confident it would solve everything.
It has been a mixed experience going back to games... and just like you I agree. Time is finite. Keep it up!

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2 hours ago, ChewyChickenBones said:

I honestly thought I was the only one going through this..finished my detox a few days ago and feeling confident it would solve everything.
It has been a mixed experience going back to games... and just like you I agree. Time is finite. Keep it up!

90 days is a good start but I'm still trying to learn and grow 9 years later. One day at a time.

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Thanks for sharing Moe, appreciate the honesty about going back to it after the detox period.  I like hearing those goals, that's great

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