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Peluconus

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About Peluconus

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  • Birthday 05/18/1994

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  1. Peluconus

    Journey to my white coat

    I understand what you want with this, but in my experience, it won't just fade if she says no. I usually overthink everything all the time, so maybe you can get rid of it and continue with your life, but it may hurt. Be careful, and most importantly don't let yourself sink into games if you feel discouraged. The other only advice I could tell you is this: if you're really going to ask her out, do it as if you think she is going to say yes. Don't accept the defeat until she has declined your offer. But don't misunderstand me, if she says no, then it's no, there's no need to insist and make things weird. Just go with the right mentality. If you ask her out thinking that you will be rejected, she might notice it and actually reject you, but if you show up and talk with confidence, your chances will be higher. We are here to support each other. It's your life mate, I don't need an apology, I just tried to show you a different view, but the decision is yours and, at least me, I will support it, no matter what it is. You are strong, just find the strength inside you.
  2. Peluconus

    Maintenance of the PhoenixKing

    I can relate to this as if it was me who wrote it. So I 100% support your decision, I even find it beneficial for yourself. I used to talk about my relationship with my mother with my psychologist and she told me that it wasn't good to make such a great effort if my mother wouldn't even care to worry about the problem and admit she was wrong and was partly to blame too. I know I am not perfect, but c'mon at least I'm trying to improve, she wasn't even trying. And I'm not willing to bear all the guilt just because she is too immature to accept it. My psychologist suggested me to keep my communication with her as calm as possible and just tell her to talk later if things started to get tense. I had to talk to her for many reasons, but I see you don't have to because you sustain yourself, so I agree with you on this: You have gone through a lot of things in the last weeks and you have been strong enough to not fall into the addiction again. You can allow yourself to be happy for it, it's a good achievement. Life will bring good and bad moments, knowing how to properly deal with them is the key to self-improvement and self-maintenance. I'm happy for your achievements, keep up the good work. You got this!
  3. Peluconus

    Journey to my white coat

    Hey @Deku, I went through a hard time when I tried to have a relationship with a girl while I was addicted. It didn't went good. Damage were done in both ways. I don't know if I should say we were "lucky" because we had just started to date when we parted ways, but we both were excited in the beginning. What I want to say is that you have to be in a good mood to start and mantain a relationship. Actually both persons have. So if you are still struggling with something as big as games addiction (OR whatever makes you struggle, it doesn't has to be just the addiction), I would suggest to wait until you feel like it's not such a big deal anymore. If you can't keep your feelings inside you, be sincere with the girl and tell her what you feel and why you can't be in a relationship right now. That could help too. You wrote that a girl asked you out the other day. That means you are attractive. So don't worry about other chances, they will come someday and you will be prepared for it. Hope this helps.
  4. Peluconus

    Feeling anxious

    Hey @Cindpline, My first advice is: relax. There aren't any exact measurements of time to compare. What you actually need is to not waste your time on Internet if you can do something more productive. From now on, everytime that you or your body want to browse Internet, ask yourself: "What else could I do instead of this?" and, if you can find an answer, stop what you are doing and do that thing. For example, it could be to clean your room, wash the dishes, study for an exam, do homework, read a book, go for a walk, learn or improve a skill, etc, etc. Yes, this is like a detox. But like you said, you can't quit Internet entirely. It's just a matter of productivity. If your browsing has a meaning and helps you do something productive, like studying or improving a skill, then I wouldn't consider that failing. But if you are browsing for hours just because you are bored and waste hours watching a random documentary or reading random wikipedia pages or reddit threads that don't help you, then that would be a failure. I hope this helps you understand a little bit better ?
  5. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 59 (I think) This is the moment when I regret taking the decision of not writting every day. I don't know which day it is. I've counted them in the calendar having in mind that day 1 was the 7th of July, so if I did the counting right, this should be day 59. I hope it actually is. Probably the last entries are wrong. But well, who cares anyway? I haven't relapsed in almost 60 days and I'm not planning on doing it in at least two more weeks. I am finally free. My father helped me with the move yesterday, and now I live in a city different from theirs. I have to do two exams in the following weeks, and after that I'll have like 1 week and a half before the new academic year starts. Even for that week I'll be busy with other matters that I've been delaying because of the exams, so I wouldn't call that holidays... I guess it's better than nothing. My roommates and I have found some trouble with our new flat. We have to talk with our householder about them, but we don't know her too much so we don't know what her reaction will be. I hope we can discuss and fix everything as soon as possible. We also have to make other things here, like getting internet connection and set up a cleaning schedule. Anyway, our relationship seems to be good for now. It can't be worse than last year, neither for me nor for them - at least one of them, I was in his flat and oh my god, that was terrible in many ways. Both of them are studying this weeks too, and somehow that helps me focus more than usual. This always happens to me, I can focus better when the people arround me are studying too. I hope I can study enough to pass my two tests, that would be amazing and it would help me recover some self-esteem. I have almost all my things sorted here. The last year I didn't even cared about putting my things in their places, I just picked what I needed from the boxes or the bags, and never used the furnitures. That made a very bad impact in my life, so this year I want to keep my room tidy and as clean as possible. Hopefully this will have a good impact and improve my general mood. Even now that I'm far from my parents and living on my own, I haven't felt any urges to play or watch gameplays. This is the typical situation when I would just screw it all up and play the whole time for some kind of "revenge" against my parents, but now I feel like the best thing I could do is finish my career and start earning money to be as far as possible from them, and this means that in the near future I need to pass these exams. I need to study to achieve my goal. Add the fear of failing to that. Those two things combined are enough to make me run from anything related to videogames. It's like, I have so much to gain and so much to lose, that it's just not worth it. Tomorrow I have things to do, I'll be busy and that will keep me away from gaming too. I feel happy overall. The more happy and confident I feel, the easier becomes to be strong and put videogames far away. I never thought the spiral could go upwards instead of downwards. It's amazing.
  6. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    @Phoenixking Thank you, this means a lot to me. The old me only wanted to play videogames for hours whenever my parents made me anxious, and now I'm starting to manage these situations without needing that. I think this is my best achievement, and even if I haven't reached my peak yet, I know that I'm on my way. We can do this.
  7. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 52 It's been a while, huh? Well, here I am, not playing at all after 52 days straight. I had many opportunities to do it, but never did. I can finally say that gaming is out of my routine, I don't see it as an obligation or the only thing I can do to relieve stress. I don't want to go back to gaming right now, and if I can, I won't do it. My life is not the best right now but the least I can do is recognize the benefits of quitting. If I'm not completely back in track is just because I am a mess myself. But I'm definitely going to change that from this Saturday. Yes, this Saturday is day 1, but that's not the reason. I'm moving to my rented flat that day, and I'll be finally away from my parents for a longer time. I'll be free to sort my things on my own, take my own decisions, live my mother f*cking life as I want. Oh my, I really need to leave this city... This days haven't been the best of my detox. I haven't seized all the days as much as I wanted, and I have spent too much time watching shows and movies. Once I move, I will take action and I will control my time to orginze myself better. It will be easier, because I won't have to stop or cancel my schedule because of my parents anymore. I need to pass those tests so please, inner me, don't screw this up! One night I was out with two of my friends, the ones that are more linked to videogames, and they were talking about a streaming of some new game. Their intention was to reproduce the streaming on one of their smartphones, in the middle of the street. In that moment, I realized that I'm not as interested as before, and somehow I felt good. I just focused on myself and my smartphone and they watched it for like 5 minutes, but then we moved so they stopped it and never played it again. I didn't want to look at all. It was strange for me, but in a good way, and I'm happy for this. My mother is putting me under high pressure lately. I can't explain with words how much I would like to not see her ever again. I'm angry, but most of all, I'm disappointed. She's a hypocrite, and claims to be very talented at psychology but always fails to understand how others feel when she talks or acts like she does. And it's just useless to make her understand, she won't rectify at all. Geez. I don't know who's to blame, but I don't care. The only thing I know is that we can't be together without arguing. My father is not a piece of cake either. He is mostly annoying because he is used to live alone, and wants everything done his way. I feel judged every time that I'm in his visual range. He can criticize every single act that I do, every decision that I take, every word I say. We usually don't argue, but this is exhausting. I just want to live without this feeling. And he needs my complete attention full time, or he tells me I'm egoist, ungrateful, or something in that line. C'mon, leave me alone for some time! I guess the main reason I'm writing here is because I needed to put this pressure I feel in words and free myself a little bit. Even with all of this, I haven't played or watched gameplays at all in this 52 days. It's good to know I can take some time and distance from something that was my whole life literally, from waking up to going to bed. I've been close to relapse, but managed to dodge it. I've taken other good habits, like the ones related with my health and working out, and that's very good too. All in all, I'm happy. And I have the power to keep improving. See you soon.
  8. Peluconus

    What I never Understood about Nihilism.

    Hey @Some Yahoo, I think I've read enough about nihilism to tell you what it actually is about. There's some widespread lies about nihilism and I can understand the reasons, it's a dangerous path and many people can't make it through the first few steps. What you say is just not true. But I don't say you are a liar, I understand that some ideas don't really sink into the people the first time. So let's talk about it. Nihilism's main point is that nothing in the world has inherent value or meaning. What does this mean? Well, it means that religion, social conventions, etc. are not as meaningful as others want to make us believe. But this is only the first step. Many meme pages and misinformed people decide to stop here because it's more useful this way, or just don't follow their own beliefs. The second step is to understand that we are free to give everything the value we think they deserve. It's just pointless to strip away the value and leave the world empty, what would be the reason to live then? Every person has to live according to their own values, not according to some values of thing that we maybe don't want to follow. This is the reason why many people say that nihilism is similar to atheism, because usually nihilist people don't give religion any value at all. But we go even further, because we understand that some people want to give religion their own value and that is as respectable as any other thing, as long as they don't try to force other's values. A person that wants to be nihilist must be very aware of what is going on in his life to choose correctly. Values might need to change over time, because life is dynamic, priorities change. It needs balance and revision. But it's possible to live a good life and be optimistic about things while being nihilist. I hope I've been clear enough, but if you have any doubts, I'll be glad to help.
  9. Peluconus

    Jay's Epic Journey

    Hey dude, I see you are making progress lately on the social side, and that's pretty good. People and other resources usually tell us how to start the relationships or the conversations with others, but there is always some lack of advice on how to keep that relationship once it is born. I see you are now struggling with that phase, so I'll try to help you. Have in mind that I don't know all the context of your relationship and maybe some of this advices are outdated for you, just take the ones that you think can actually help you. So you have made contact with other people and you seem to get along with them. This is the early phase of a potential friendship. But don't run too fast: the social convention tends to dislike when someone goes faster than usual because it means you lack something that you want to get as soon as possible to fit in the norm, and that thing in this case are friends. Don't worry, even if it takes some time to grow an actual friendship, the outcome is worth the wait and effort. Now that I have spoken about what NOT to do, let's speak about what to do. Let's say you met one person or a small group of people for the first time, you talked to them for the first time and there was a good atmosphere. You want to be their friend. The first thing you want to know after the initial convo is what do you have in common with them: hobbies, shows that you like, films, books, whatever. This will set up a good bunch of subjects you can draw when you want to talk to them again, so you won't fall into an uncomfortable silence. Once you have talked to them like three or four times and you feel like they are happy to talk to you and/or you have enough things in common to maintain a good conversation (it can include many subjects or it can be long enough), it may be the time to actually meet and hang out. The first think you need is a way to meet with them, most likely, their number. If they seem like they won't give them to you, you can take the first step and give yours to them. If the phone is not an option, you can try with social media like Facebook, Twitter, etc. Afterwards, you have to set up the meeting. Maybe a pub and have a beer or a soda, whatever you and the other person want to drink. Or maybe a walk over the city. Something than can give you the opportunity to talk about one of those subjects you previously figured out. Once you feel confident enough, you can try to know something about them or their lives, and you can open yourself too, maybe an anecdote. Talking about your lives and memories will tighten the bound and create a confidence atmosphere. Remember to be calm about this: if you rush, they will take it as a weird behavior and may back down a little. Once you have successfully completed the first meeting, you are ready to try and set up the next one. The more you can meet with someone, the more your bound and your friendship will strengthen. Remember to keep in touch with the people that you are more comfortable with from time to time if you can't meet many times. Some side notes: - Try to look confident when you talk to others. But don't get me wrong, being confident doesn't mean you have to be an overproud dickhead or dishonest. If you overact, they will notice and take it as weird. You have to act like you are doing all of this because it's just natural, so be calm. - If they refuse to meet with you twice in a row, don't force them anymore. It will result annoying and it may break the relationship. Twice is my personal preference, you can choose your own limit, but this has worked fine for me. - Not all the people are good people. I know we aren't supposed to judge and all that rainbow shit, but be aware and alert for toxic behavior, and try to stay away from that kind of people. - Even if you have bad luck and your first attempts turn out bad, don't give up. There will come worthy people at some point. - This is an advice I took from a good friend: Not all the friends you make will give you the same treatment. You have to understand that everyone is unique, so their behavior will be different. Never ever expect something from someone. You have to learn what every single person can give you and what are you willing to give to that person in return. - Friendship is not static: it may change overnight. It only needs one word in a concrete moment and place to change everything, for worse or for better. Therefore, the previous note has to be in constant examination. And I think this is all I can tell you. I hope it helps you somehow. Again, I don't know all the details, so I don't know if all of this information is outdated to you. If you think it is useless, just tell me and I'll delete it. Be strong and keep up the good work mate, you can do this ?
  10. Hey @TheCrystalLake, That is something very important to be aware of. At least for me, even if I don't have urges to play or even don't think about gaming for some days straight, there are always situations and triggers that make my foundations tremble. As addicts, I think it's very important to accept what we are and live with it. Never think you have overcome the problem, on the contrary, always have in mind what have you been through, why you decided to quit, what defines you now; all of this will help you stay strong against the urges and the low moments. On the other hand, I think @Phoenixking's answer was just spot on, and I relate to every single word: It may take time, but once you start enjoying the real things that the real life can offer, videogames sound like cheap imitations, quick and not very durable patches that keep you asleep and away from the real, durable, tangible happiness.
  11. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 44 Two days ago I came here to write about the bad day. I wanted to come today, to write about an average day. Nothing special, I didn't even went out tonight. The most average day of my summer. But I am totally happy with this. I made it. A great, balanced day. I woke up and had breakfast. Then I studied and it was very productive. I had lunch and took a very short nap (15 min). Then I watched some Netflix show, and made some chores. I had dinner and went to the gym (it's a 24h gym). I returned home after a good session and a good shower, and I'm now laying on my bed. It feels very good to finish an average day without any urges to play. This means I am making progress! And it means I can have good, standard days without feeling like I need more action. I enjoyed the calm and focused on what I was doing. I felt like this had to be written here, too. My future me might find this useful somehow. Not every day can be bad, and not every day can be outstanding. Be aware of that and find joy in the everyday things.
  12. Hey! This is something that happened to me too. I am very lazy and subconsciously I always try to not leave the house. But it is all in the point of view. For example, I remember when I was playing hard, I wouldn't even leave the house for more than 5 minutes per day, and I wouldn't even had left at all but I lived alone and had to buy food. One of the first steps that helped me quitting games and being more prone to not cancel or abandon things was acquiring the habit of going out the house for at least 1h30min every day. I would just walk around the city with my headphones or go somewhere to do something I needed. Just stay out and enjoy the sunlight. The second thing that helps too is having a friend that goes to the same activity you want to attend, so you would push each other to go. You are more likely to go if you share that activity with someone you can talk to about it, share opinions and make progress together. You won't feel alone in the process. If you manage to go for some time, and taking for granted that you don't play games at all, adding a new activity to your routine will be easier the more you make it. All that empty time you have now will be filled with it, so you will even want to go because you are doing something that keeps your mind busy, and your mind likes that more than being bored. This is all I can tell you, all based on my experience. I hope this helps you.
  13. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 42 Today was a bad day. My father is in some friend's house for the weekend, so today I was alone. Every time I am left alone, I just can't control my impulses. I eat a lot more than I should, do not progress in studying, do not care about my health... It's like I need to let myself do things wrong in purpose, like some way of escaping from... something. I don't know how to explain it. This is becoming a very bad habit and, now that I am cleaning myself, it has to end, but I seem to be unable to do it. At least I did not play or watch. What I actually did was binge watching Netflix while eating shit, and it took away too much time. I went out with my friends, so that's something I guess. I'm writing here today because I wanted to write this day, so maybe the next time I am left alone I can come here and read it, and make me realize how bad it feels to do things wrong on purpose. I need to find the root of this, but in the meantime, this post may be useful to prevent it. I also noticed that urges come stronger (not as strong as the other day, but a bit more than usual) when I am in this spiral of wrongness, which means I should prepare myself for being alone. Being aware of things and planning are great tools that I need to use in this occasions. In the middle of all the self-destruction, I took the chance of being alone to clear my mind a bit from the thing I wrote in the spoiler. That's probably the only positive thing I did on my own today, but well, it helped. Not everyday can be perfect, and that's something I need to be aware of, too.
  14. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 41 I'm still alive, and still haven't played or watched gameplays. It was easy during last week because of the festival, but this week has been more difficult than all the other days combined. Last week Last week I was a that festival, like I said. It was a blast. I got a pick from Kamelot's bassist! It's amazing. I had a great time there seeing some bands that I love and some that I didn't know about but I liked too. It was good to relax myself from stress. I'm still tired even though I returned last Sunday because sleeping was difficult in the camping with so many noisy people, and I had to run to get a good place to see the bands, but this tiredness feels good anyway. However... (ATTENTION: Incoming long, emotional, mildly drama-filled post) If you are interested in heavy metal or want to know something about the fest, I'll be more than happy to answer you, but right now I think the other things that happened there are not of any interest for the sake of the journal. This week This has been a tough week. My main computer is dead now, the problem is in the hard drive. I tried to format it in many ways but none worked, so I'm buying a new one. This situation adds to the situation I described before, so my anxiety is growing very strong. I had some cravings the day before yesterday for the first time because of this. I really need to face that sh*t and come up with a solution asap, because it only needs a couple of things to mess everything up. The computer has a simple solution, which is buying a new hard drive, but there will come a moment when other serious things will come and I need to be ready to face them, and right now I don't feel strong enough to face anything. At least I could study today, because I have a laptop too, which fills the place of the main pc while the HDD arrives. I still go out with friends at night and I haven't been drowning my sorrow in alcohol (like I sometimes did before) so I would say that, even though it's been tough, it's been bearable. I've been feeling dizzy and sleepy lately, probably because of the lack of sleep and high physical effort during the festival. If this carries on, I'll go to the doctor because I'm a bit concerned. I'm also concerned because I let down a friend of mine yesterday. I was in a middle of a mental breakdown while writting this, and I had an appointment with her to take a look at her laptop and try to fix it but I was just so emotionally bad that I just declined in the last moment... This feels incredibly bad because she always supports me and this was the right moment to make up for that. I don't want to beat myself about this too much because I really wasn't available to make anything, but I disappointed her and that's sad. I hope I can help her in the future when she returns from the travel or at least I hope we can still be friends. And that is all that happened in this time. I'll be posting soon again if I find the time and something worthy to be added to the journal. Be good and keep up the good work, it really makes a difference.
  15. Hey @DRCC. First, I want to say that I wrote this the first day I started here, and my mind has changed a lot since that. For example, some people that successfully quit games for 90 days straight usually don't find the same emotions when they try to play again, so they just don't want to play anymore. I understood that there are different approaches to this matter, and not everyone wants to return (like I thought when I posted this). When I quitted the first time, I found myself in a very good situation overall. My parents were very comprehensive, I had only 1 or 2 subjects at university, I found a lot of new friends... This context gave me the willpower that I needed to keep games at bay and be in control. But it was just that, the context. For some months I had everything I needed to carry on, so it was easy. When things started to crumble, I relapsed and the spiral started. What I really learnt in this forum is that the goal is not quitting games for 90 days and "see what happens". The goal is reaching the version of yourself that you want to be. And that version is not gaming for 10 hours or more every day, maybe it's not playing at all. The point of the 90 days thing is that it is the average time someone need to realize games are making a bad impact, and you have all those days to figure out that version of yourself that you want to achieve. I still don't know what will I do about videogames after doing the tests in September, maybe I'll try to play responsibly or maybe I will just stay away from it or maybe I will only play if I'm not alone... Anyway I will decide it when the time comes. Because if I decide now, I will feel bad with any decision. I have other things to focus on.
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