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Read: A Guide to Quit Gaming for One Year

Peluconus

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  1. Peluconus

    Idea: total game-free days counter?

    Ah okay I see what you mean. It's a good idea too. It could be added as optional, for example. I would take it like a challenge. If last time or the best time I did 10 days, then this time I will do at least 11. I think it would work at least for people like me who are a bit competitive. Anyway those are just suggestions, so everyone can choose to do it or not, depending on how they are and how they want to organize their journals.
  2. Peluconus

    Idea: total game-free days counter?

    Maybe have both counters? The first would be the total of days and the second would be the current streak. There could be even a third for the longest streak. But I don't know if this is even possible in this forum, and I think there have been other similar suggestions. Anyway, sounds like a good idea.
  3. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 9.5 Woah, I forgot to write here last night. I was a little bit more drunk than usually. The same routine. I am in a bit of a hurry so this time I won't follow the scheme. The important things are that I didn't play, no urges, no YouTube (even if I said that no more than 2 hours per day, I feel like that would be cheating on myself every time I consider watching some gameplays, so I don't do it neither), some studying, seen my father and half-brother, my uncle and aunt, had a good family evening and then went out with friends. We decided to drink gin tonics this time instead of beers so that's why I forgot to write. I started to follow Nanatsu no Taizai again. The second season was not released when I watched the first and remembered that now it is. Good anime so far. If nothing serious happens today, tonight I may start writting something about my past. Why I became addicted and this kind of things.
  4. Peluconus

    My journal of joy

    Welcome to the forums! You look like you are already feeling very good with the decision of quitting, and that's helpful, because it will make it easier than if you were frustrated or feeling forced. There is a subforum where you can post questions if you feel like it. Although many of us read the journals, not everyone does, so if you post them there, you'll have more chances of getting an answer. It depends mostly on how you feel about it. If you feel the urge to play or watch gameplays, then you should not be in that conversation. I know I can talk with my friends about games, they know my problem and when they talk about buying a game or playing together they always look at me and say: "don't worry, we know you can't play and we will not allow you to do it", and even with their warnings, I know my will power is strong enough to be up to date with videogames and still stay away from playing or watching gameplays. So every situation is different. Identify your feelings about it and detect if it's going against your commitment or not. Maybe our friend Cam has a video talking about this topic in his YouTube channel, you could look for it to get more information.
  5. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 8 Finally, I could start studying today. For me, the worst part of studying is the first step, I always feel overwhelmed and the urge to run away and just play games comes to me. I've been dodging thay urge for the last days, but I just replaced gaming for watching series. Now that I have started, I should be able to continue studying. And there is one more good point about studying: I don't feel the need to eat. Being able to accomplish what I wanted to is a very rewarding feeling. Things that felt good today: - Started to study. - Ate less. - Went to the beach with friends and out for a beer. Things that felt bad today: - My relationship with my mother gives me anxiety and my cravings get more intense when we are close or talking. I guess that I'll have to get away from her if I want to quit games and have a good life. More about her soon. Things that I'm grateful for: - I didn't left my career completely, so I can still finish it. - Every device I have is working fine. - My friends. They help me stay out of my house and give me other perspectives.
  6. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 7 A whole week sober! 🙂 I'm having the same routine every day. Getting up early, having breakfast, then going to my PC to study, not being able to focus longer than 5 minutes straight, taking a little break, going back to try and study again, feeling frustrated, making a break again, having lunch, relaxing for some time, having a snack (this is mandatory because of my condition), trying to study again, the same happens, one more break, then going out with friends and writing here once I'm home again. This routine has a few problems. I need to make an extra effort and study properly, or I'll fail the September's tests. I think tomorrow I'll be able to do it because I won't be alone at home and that will press me. We'll see. The other problem is that every time a take a break, I feel the need to eat. And most times, I do it. Although I don't eat fats, I eat between hours and that's bad. I'm getting used to eat a lot and that needs to stop. And the last one, I'm starting to think that going out is a way to escape from my home. Specifically from my mother. For the first one, tomorrow I'll try a new way of facing the subject. For the second, I'll take it as if I was detoxing from bad eating habits. And for the third... I will still go out every day I can. My mother is just too much for me. There is nothing I can do to change our relationship. I'll cross out days in the calendar until I can leave again in two more weeks. I can afford to spend this money, and it makes me more good than bad. So I'll keep this in my routine. Things that felt good today: - Going out with friends. - 1 week sober in a row! - I didn't drink any alcohol today, which feels good because I wanted to stop drinking every time I go out. Things that felt bad today: - Not being able to focus. - Not being able to abandon my bat eating habits. - I came late home, so I won't sleep much. Things that I'm grateful for: - Having friends to go out. - Having money to go out. - Deciding to quit gaming.
  7. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 6 Almost a week away since I did my last thing related to gaming. Sometimes it feels like it was today, and sometimes it feels like it was months ago... I had a peaceful day. Nothing relevant in the morning, nothing relevant in the afternoon. I find it very hard to focus in studying lately. Maybe the more I study, the easier it will be. If this lack of focus continues, I'll have to see a psychologist or something because I can't almost complete 5 minutes straight. Let's see what happens tomorrow. My mother had an argument with her partner just before dinner. I started to write about my feelings about it while they where arguing. I had to write about it or I would have lost an important piece of information about how I feel about my mother. I came here after I finished polishing that writing. I wrote it in Spanish, so I may translate it for tomorrow and post it here, because I found some valuable concepts that may help me understand why did I become addicted to games. I could even start to write my story soon. Things that felt good today: - I helped someone and prevented him to buy an absurdly overpriced device that he didn't need... But he bought a not much cheaper and still overpriced device that he didn't need. I have the feeling that I did the best I could, so it feels good. - I had the courage to ask forgiveness to someone that I think I hurted in the past when I was an addict. There hasn't been any answers yet (it was via message), but doing it felt very good. - I discovered some things about my addiction when I started to write that have been wanting to exit my mind for a long time. It was liberating in some way. Things that felt bad today: - I can't improve fast enough to feel like I'm making progress. I feel like I'm not doing my best and that harms my self esteem. I feel week and like I'm going to disappoint everyone for not being good enough. This has to change: I have to either be faster or relax my expectations. - I could not control myself when eating between hours and had a pretty bad stomach ache. Feels bad that I seem to be unable to not eat if I'm bored. Need to work on this. - My friends were ill and I couldn't go out today. That's nothing I could have avoided, but it sucks anyway. Things that I'm grateful for: - My mother's partner. - Being able to study what I want to. - Living in the first world.
  8. Peluconus

    241 Days of Life

    Hey man! I see you have quite a story behind your back. Congrats on your long time without games. In my own experience, consistently thinking about returning to games at a fix day (like you said, August 30th) may cause cravings for that day to come and may make you see the other days like a punishment from which you'll be released, hoping for that day to come. I see you have everything organized and that you have thought about this for a long time before making the decision. Be very careful, especially if what I say happens, because you might feel like for one day it is possible to have a "no worries day" and play like you did before to celebrate. This feeling is dangerous af. Or you might organize a "gaming session" with your friends that turns out to be a whole-night session, and you might feel like there is no problem if you just play hard but with friends, which is also a dangerous feeling. I have experienced what is it to play with responsibility. But after some months, I granted myself some "privileges" (especially at low times) and that made me relapse. So I just wanted to say that you should be extremely careful about this way of thinking. Instead of thinking "that day I will be free to do what I want", maybe think "from that day forward, one of those days I'll reconsider playing for half an hour this story-driven game that hyped me and I'll focus in my feelings about gaming again" (because you said you like this kind of games). This is just my advice from my own experience. Everyone is different and have their mindsets. Remember that we are here to support you, no matter what happens, and for myself, I will discuss with you any matter you want about this (or whatever, I really love a chat with whoever wants to talk). I hope you do good in your tests, and beyond!
  9. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 5 Nothing really important happened today. I decided to have a relax day to "celebrate" yesterday's event. Some Netflix, some reading and some hanging out. No games nor youtube. Tomorrow I will start studying for my September's tests. Things that felt good today: - I needed something from a shop, and I actually went to buy it. This is something that wouldn't have happened if I were still playing. I had a tough moment in which I was about to not go out. I feel good because I was able to do what I had to do instead of letting it be. - I was able to stop myself from eating between hours when I was almost starving. I'm stronger than I thought! - I'm starting to care more about my health and hygiene, and that shows progress, so it obviously feels good. Things that felt bad today: - I think i'm hanging out too much. I'm starting to worry about my money and my drinking habits. I didn't drink too much, but I've been drinking beers for 5 days straight. I should stop and be responsible with my money, and maybe not drink alcohol the next time I go out. - The friend I'm worried about didn't catch the hint when I said I wanted to quit games. I think he doesn't want to recognize his problems with his habits. If he doesn't want to help himself, no one will be able to do it. Things that I'm grateful for: - Local weather is good to go out. - The shop had the thing I was looking for. - I have things to do to replace gaming. It's easier if I can fill the time gaming took from me with other things.
  10. I have always been passionate about music, especially two characteristics: heavy metal (many genres) and complex but well tied arranges (any genre that does this attracts me). Some time ago, while listening to Dream Theater (that meets both characteristics that I like), I came across this set of 5 (plus prologue) songs that are connected between albums. They are called the "12 steps suite", whose lyrics talk about the former drummer (Mike Portnoy) problem with his addiction to alcohol and other drugs, his steps to recovery and his thoughts and feelings during each of this steps. I know addiction to substances is not the same as addiction to games, but these lyrics made me think about addiction and helped me some times. So I thought I would share them with you. Dream Theater is a progressive metal band. Listen to the songs if you think you would like the style. More info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_Suite, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dream_Theater, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Portnoy - The Mirror (Prologue) -> Lyrics - The Glass Prison -> Lyrics - This Dying Soul -> Lyrics - The Root Of All Evil -> Lyrics - Repentance -> Lyrics - The Shattered Fortress -> Lyrics I hope this helps, or at least I hope you like them! P.D.: Talk to me if you are interested in talking about music. I am always open to listen to new things, and also willing to share more music.
  11. Peluconus

    My Journal

    Hey! Nice to have you around and see you feel strong about quitting. Like the others said (and I support that idea), it is strongly recommended that you leave all kind of games during your detox, but I understand that everyone is different and they have their own habits that they want to change. You only have to be able to realize and detect if this other games are becoming your new hindrance in your path to the life you want to have. At first you may not notice any change, but if you start coming back to that game more than usual, that is a symptom that you should care about. Be careful and you should be good. Try to fill your days with those kind of activities like learning new programming languages. They help you staying away from games, improve useful skills, fight boredom and give you a feeling of getting things done. Keep up the good work! 🙂
  12. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 4 Today I met the face of boredom. It was a familiar face. I was about to start watching some gameplays on YouTube, but turned my head to my library and found a book I always wanted to read but never did. So I took the chance. After having the "Pass" in the subject, I decided to have a break today. Still don't know if it was the best idea, because I felt focused and should have invested my time in studying for the September tests. Boredom came to say hello as well. But even if I wanted to do something related to games, I didn't. I remain strong, and that motivates me. The more time I spend without playing, the more motivated I feel to stay away from it. This doesn't mean it's easier, it means that I feel so good doing what I committed to do, that I just don't want to spoil it. I went with my friends to have dinner. We spent a nice night. The friend I was worried about came today with us. He didn't have the best face, but at least he still leaves the house sometimes. I hope I can bring this matter up the next time I see him, but I couldn't today. Things that felt good today: - My effort has been rewarded with a "Pass" and a 10 in a subject I thought I would fail. Quitting from gaming has made this possible, if I didn't decide to quit, I would have failed. - Had a great time with friends tonight. - I am progressing in doing my best to stay healthy. Less eating between hours, and focusing on having all my meds every time. Things that felt bad today: - I wasn't able to tell my friend I decided to quit, because I know he is in a similar situation and this may cause him to feel bad. Somehow I know he needs to take consciousness about this problem, but he doesn't want to. So it feels bad not being able to help a friend, and it feels bad not being able to be honest with him and get his support. - Still shy and insecure. Can't stop thinking I'm not going to fit if I try to know more people and that they would turn me down for not being good enough. I definitely have to improve my self esteem. Things that I'm grateful for: - Having a flexible and positive teacher. He really was involved in helping me pass the subject. - Again, my mother's partner is a gift from the skies for me. He loves me a lot and cares about me and that means a lot. - My family can sustain my expenses so I can go out with my friends if I want to (caring about how much I expend but it's more than enough).
  13. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 3.5 Quick update: I got up early this morning to go to the critique. My mother's partner took me by car to the city where my University is. All the work I did during this 3 days to finish the test at home have been rewarded: I passed. I can't almost believe it. The teacher was very nice to me. I almost left the class dancing haha. Only 3 days away from gaming have improved my life a lot. I needed to write this down for my future me. I made a good change in my life and I need to go on to reach the life I want. It feels amazing when things go good and the effort is rewarded.
  14. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    Day 3 This morning was hard. I had a serious argument with my mother. She is that kind of person that wants to take control of everything, because she thinks she can do it better, but not in a bad way, just because she needs to help people around her, and has advices for everyone, even unwanted. This sounds like she is great but the truth is that she is VERY annoying and their advices are useless for me in the 99% of the time and sometimes even harmful. Talking with her is anxious for me, and when she enters this mode of wanting to control everything, I just can't stand her at all. I want to write more about this because she is one of the main reasons I became an addict. Our relationship hasn't been good almost never. And still I can't really blame her, because even if she has harmed me many times, she just doesn't know how to do it better. She doesn't know I relapsed, but I know that if I tell her, she will loose her mind and make a bad decision for me. I still depend on her money to live in other city and pay the university, I just can't risk my whole life. I'll probably write more about this sometime, but I need to rest today because tomorrow I'll have a hard day too. So we had an argument because she asked me about my plans for the summer. I said I wanted to pass 2 tests in September and 1 in December (*), but I still have one mark pending. Tomorrow I'll go to a critique for an exam I know I failed, but I'll try my best to pass the subject (**). So that is when everything became ugly. She started by saying I wasn't doing enough to pass my tests, which is true, but it is indeed because of gaming, and she wanted me to do more in the summer. The thing is, I have already thought about how would I face the summer, and I know my limitations and my capacity. This isn't something I just said like a quick scape, this is how I organized myself after a long time of deliberation and analysing myself and the subjects. And this really pissed me off. She can't just take control of my life like she is playing The Sims. The other leg of this argument was that she blamed me right in my face for failing the tests in June. That was so much for me. I felt like shit. But my instincts reacted before breaking and I just told her that I didn't deserved that from her, that I was under a lot of stress and that I'm in the way of doing things right. She didn't believe me and started blaming me again. I just left the table. This was in her breakfast rest, so she went back to work and I was left alone in the house. I couldn't just loose. I had to be stronger than my addiction. I have to be stronger than my mother. So I went to my PC and saw an episode of a series in Netflix. That was enough to calm me down, to make me reflect about my feelings and to make me think about how not to go back to games even in this situation. I know that, in the past, I would have spent the rest of the day playing, maybe skipping the dinner and the classes next day. But not now. I want to change, so I have to put my shit together and go on. So I did. And that, brothers and sisters, that felt awesome. I managed to stay strong in a situation where my body commanded me to play. This is the way. And having it written down will make me stay strong in the future, because I know I will return here and read it. After that, my mother called me and asked me to forgive her. I did (like I have been doing since my childhood) and we could talk about how to prevent this kind of arguments during my time in her house. It doesn't matter, because we have already talked about this in the past and still nothing has really changed. But at least she is trying, and that gives me hope. In the afternoon, I went with some friends to the beach. They are the ones that I hang out with usually. We are a group of 5, but one of them didn't say anything about coming and in fact he didn't come. I feel like he is having a bad time with games too, but he doesn't want to change. The others in the group have already told him that he is going to a very deep well, but he never listens to us. I don't want to see him fall, but one can't be saved if she or he doesn't want to. I am concerned about it, and I hope he finds his way before it's too late. Anyway we had a great time. Finally went to the beach for the first time this year. I told them about my decision of quitting again and they were skeptical, as if I didn't need it. But they were supportive anyway, and respected my decision. One more step made. Things that felt good today: - Being strong enough to not relapse even in a typical situation where I would just have done it. - I was able to tell more of my close friends about my decision, and they supported me. - I spent the afternoon outside in the beach, sunbathing and swimming. Quite good. - I ended my project for tomorrow's critique. I hope that's enough for me to pass. Things that felt bad today: - The argument with my mother went out of hand. - I still can't feel good with myself because I failed in the past, and I should be more flexible about it. This will hold me down when trying to know other people, because if I can't stand myself, who will? So this is one thing I have to work on. - I still eat more than I should. Eating relieves stress for me somehow, and even if I don't do it compulsively and I'm not fat (I've been always thin) I should face my stress instead and fight it somehow else. Eating more than I should (or less) is double harm for me because of my condition. But I feel good about this, and I think I'll be able to eat better if I commit to do it. Things that I'm grateful for: - I didn't lost my friends and I know I have someone to call if I'm bored (which is great, because we all know that boredom is a huge enemy in this journey). - My mother's partner is a piece of cake. He is always willing to help and usually understands me when I fight with my mother, and acts towards reconciliation. Thank you for being around. - The weather was good today so I could go to the beach and had a great afternoon. Very relaxing and constructive. Notes: (*): I have 3 summons for every year. The year is split in 2 quarters: from September to January/February and from February to May/June. At the end of both, I have a series of tests for the subjects I had in those quarters. The next summon is in September, in which I can go to a test for every subject I didn't pass during the quarters, it doesn't matter which quarter the subject was in. And then I have one more summon in December, like the one in September. This one is special and not so many people go, but it is there and I will use it if I can. (**): This subject is quite special. The mark we have is the average of the deliveries we made during the year (annual subject) and then we have 2 tests than don't have marks: they can only have "Pass" or "Fail". The deliveries are made in teams (my team was 5 persons including me), and we all obtain the same mark, but the tests are made individually. This tests are not theoretical, they are like an update to one of the deliveries, so we are asked to add more things to a project we made. We had an 8'89 in the first quarter and a 10 in the second. I passed the first test... But the relapse made me throw away all the work I did during the year and failed the second test. So what I did was to make the test at home, and tomorrow I'll try to convince the teacher that I just had a bad day and that I am able to make it right, and see if he can help me pass. Whatever happens tomorrow, I'll come here to write it because it will be important.
  15. Peluconus

    Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery

    You'd be welcomed for sure 🙂
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