My Journal - Joe

[wookieshark88 635]

Is this your last year of school? 

I really hope that I can earn my bachelor's degree by the end of this academic year.  However, I hope that it isn't my last year of school because I have grown to love learning and I want to get my master's degree and architecture license.  It will probably be my last year of school for a few years though.  I have my plans, but I know through experience that they almost never work out exactly.  Still, it's a good framework that guides me in the direction I want to go.  For now, it looks like this:

1. Get bachelor's degree
2. Make baby #2
3. Get an engineering job at my company
4. Get a job at an architecture firm
5. Get master's degree
6. Get architecture license
7. Create my own firm
8. ???
9. Profit
10. Observe flying pigs
11. Play video games

It's kind of ironic that goals are so important in life even if they don't work out at all.  There's something about of choosing a path and following it that makes everything, even the unexpected plot twists so much more enriching than just bumbling along.  My life is so far removed from what I had ever imagined back in high school, and that's an amazing thing.  The unpredictable nature in life has almost always ended up giving me my most treasured memories, possessions, and relationships.

I'm thankful for:

1. Overcoming so many fears in my life.
2. Running around outside and using sidewalk chalk with my baby.
3. The new chapter in my life that's about to begin.

[Cam Adair 5086]

Haha that's a great list! I think you need to add playing ice-hockey with Cam to it! Don't think I've forgotten! 

[Cam Adair 5086]

BUMP! :D

[Hitaru 1125]

15 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

BUMP! :D

You almost gave me a heart attack. I miss the guy D:

[wookieshark88 635]

On 8/3/2016 at 8:24 PM, wookieshark88 said:

For now, it looks like this:

1. Get bachelor's degree
2. Make baby #2
3. Get an engineering job at my company
4. Get a job at an architecture firm
5. Get master's degree
6. Get architecture license
7. Create my own firm
8. ???
9. Profit
10. Observe flying pigs
11. Play video games

It's been quite a while since I've posted so I thought it would be good to revisit my list.  I successfully accomplished my first three goals of graduating, having a second child, and getting an engineering job!  Of course, this was all while being video game free.  It's time to remake my list as priorities change.

1.  Pay off the bigger of my student loans.  That thing is seriously cramping my style.

2.  Get a job in an architecture firm.  It has to be a firm that allows for a good work life balance.  I have no desire to miss out on my family for any kind of work.

3.  Get a bigger house.  The family is outgrowing this one!

4.  Start masters degree.  This one depends on how life goes.  I'm not even sure I will care about this in the future.

[wookieshark88 635]

For now, I would really like to focus on immediate and process type goals.  Life gets very overwhelming for me as I balance work and family.  The kids are 1 and 3.5 years old which is very challenging.  I still have my battles with anxiety and depression too.

My first goal is to write in my journal every day.  Journaling in this forum was a huge part of what propelled me forward in life to accomplish so much.  

Secondly, I would like to make at least one other comment on this site every day.  It would be really uplifting for me to help others here in some small way.  I know a thing or two about the struggles of quitting games.

[Cam Adair 5086]

@giblets can help on the master's degree - he just got his!!

So great to have you back here and to hear that you're doing so well. Always inspired by you Joe!

[wookieshark88 635]

9 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

@giblets can help on the master's degree - he just got his!!

So great to have you back here and to hear that you're doing so well. Always inspired by you Joe!

Thanks!  For a few years now I was focused on some goals and got used to sacrificing in the present.  That's catching up with me.

Having two little kids is really challenging for me.  Their emotions are so intense and they have a lot of needs.  I am constantly giving of myself to them.  Even though they're so worth it, it's super draining.

Work is very challenging for me too, but I'm able to keep up.  It's not that enjoyable for me, but it pays well and helps me get rid of my student debt.  I will definitely be looking for new work once it's paid off.

Because of life's demands, I tend to forget to take care of myself.  This is kind of a similar problem I had when I was gaming all the time.  My struggles persist even though my life is so much better without the games.

I'm thankful for:

1.  My mother in law.  She does so much for my family.  We would not have as good a life as we do without her.

2.  Spending some one on one time with my younger kid.  I don't do that very often so it was a treat.

3.  Making another payment on my loan.  That's one closer to freedom!

[wookieshark88 635]

Today is a work in progress.  I just put my little one down for a nap and my wife is hanging out with my 3 year old.  This is me taking a moment for myself to just sit quietly and journal.

I'm nervous for the 26th and 27th of this month because it will be the first time I spend the entire day alone with my girls.  I often have them alone for a few hours, but not all day.  Typically I am just trying to survive with them safely when I'm outnumbered.

Even though I'm nervous, it is something I want to do because I want to conquer the situation.  Maybe a victory like that will help me to get out of my funk.

I'm thankful for:

1.  The holiday break.  I am happy to have some time away from work.

2.  Taking a moment for myself.  This is a habit I need to form.

3.  The other forum members who are brave enough to share their struggles.  They inspire me to get through my own.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today ended up being a really nice day.  I meditated for the first day in a long time.  It really calmed me down and left me feeling centered.  I cooked a nice holiday dinner for the family while my wife took care of the kids.  After the kids went to sleep, we assembled the kids' new kitchen play set.  We're all ready to open presents and celebrate in the morning.

[giblets 727]

On 12/24/2018 at 2:07 AM, wookieshark88 said:

Thanks!  For a few years now I was focused on some goals and got used to sacrificing in the present.  That's catching up with me.

Having two little kids is really challenging for me.  Their emotions are so intense and they have a lot of needs.  I am constantly giving of myself to them.  Even though they're so worth it, it's super draining.

I know them feels. I totally underestimated how much effort 2 kids would be - I thought after number 1 the routine is already established, so the hard part is done, right? Bzzzt, wrong!

Some days are more challenging than others - you just need to find your outlet to reset. For me it's running a few miles, it's a great re-balancer. It can be a bit hard to do that though if you're the primary care giver and don't have someone who will be able to share the load at short notice.

As for the masters - you can do this buddy. It will generally involve having less sleep though - which seems to be the main solution for anyone saying they don't have time to achieve everything they want to, they're not willing to give up their sleep.

[wookieshark88 635]

10 hours ago, giblets said:

I know them feels. I totally underestimated how much effort 2 kids would be - I thought after number 1 the routine is already established, so the hard part is done, right? Bzzzt, wrong!

Some days are more challenging than others - you just need to find your outlet to reset. For me it's running a few miles, it's a great re-balancer. It can be a bit hard to do that though if you're the primary care giver and don't have someone who will be able to share the load at short notice.

As for the masters - you can do this buddy. It will generally involve having less sleep though - which seems to be the main solution for anyone saying they don't have time to achieve everything they want to, they're not willing to give up their sleep.

I'm glad that someone else here understands the two kid life!  I try to make it to the gym 1 or two times a week which helps.  My wife works in the evening two nights a week so I go straight from work mode to primary care giver on those days.  The pressures of the daily grind made me think that I should journal here again.

Thanks for the encouragement with the master!  I'm not worried about putting in long hours or hard work.  I can do that all day long.  It's just that I really value putting more into my family these days.  I do my 40 hours every week at work and leave it at that.  I know I would reallu regret it if I sacrificed my relationships.  There will be a time when I decide to go all out and get it done, but not just yet.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was a really good day!  Naturally, I spent Christmas with my family.  The kids were really well behaved for the most part.  It was a blast to see them enjoy their new kitchen set that we had spent hours assembling last night.  We also went to the in-laws for lunch which was really good.  I put one kid to bed, and my wife is working on the other one right now.  It's the perfect time for some journaling and meditation!

I'm thankful for:

1.  The hard work of making Christmas special for the kids paying off.

2.  Being in control of my anxiety and depression for the day.

3.  Quitting video games.  It's been paying dividends today and the last few years.

[BooksandTrees 4046]

Hey Wookie,

I haven't had time to read your forum, but I saw the name.  Are you a Brent Burns fan for the San Jose Sharks?

[wookieshark88 635]

37 minutes ago, Matt S said:

Hey Wookie,

I haven't had time to read your forum, but I saw the name.  Are you a Brent Burns fan for the San Jose Sharks?

Yup!  Even if I don't watch too much anymore, I still consider myself a fan.  Congrats on being the first to mention the reference, haha.

[BooksandTrees 4046]

2 minutes ago, wookieshark88 said:

Yup!  Even if I don't watch too much anymore, I still consider myself a fan.  Congrats on being the first to mention the reference, haha.

I knew it! I'm a huge hockey fan. 

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was a good and tiring day.  I spent all day with my girls without any help.  They were really well behaved and fun.  I'm glad they're sleeping and I can rest.

My mood has been pretty good all day.  It helps that I haven't been to work since last Friday.

I'm thankful for:

1.  Getting through the day as well as I did.

2.  Scheduling a play date for tomorrow.

3.  Having a good dinner tonight.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was another good day.  The kids were good to me, and we had fun visiting our friends.  I am most definitely beat, but that's to be expected when I spent all day with a toddler and a preschooler.  Tomorrow will be nice because my wife will be with us all day.

I'm thankful for:

1.  Continuing with my good habits.  They're helping a lot.

2.  The good folks in this community that make posting here worthwhile.

3.  Surviving the day.

[wookieshark88 635]

I had another good day.  The weather was gloomy all day which left me feeling lethargic, but I still managed to do a bit of cleaning.  The kids were getting restless being in the house so we brought them to an indoor playground.  It was hectic in there, but it was still better than keeping them at home.

I had a good talk today about my feelings about work and how I could deal with them.  I'm looking forward to implementing some of the ideas that came up.

I'm thankful for:

1.  My wife for doing both kids bedtime.  It's a lot of work.

2.  Having a great person in my life to talk to.

3.  Figuring out some goals to work towards.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was a really nice day.  I finally made it out to the gym for the first time in a few weeks.  A lingering cough kept me away for too long.  The kids were fun and well behaved all day.  We also made good progress on the chores.

My anxiety and depression have been under control for the last few days.  The journaling, meditation, and family time have been really good for me.

I think I'm going to put my resume out there in order to see what opportunities are out there.  There's just no way that I should grind along at my job without seeing what else there is.  If I wanted to grind away, I could just take up video games again, lol.

I'm thankful for:

1.  Having a good portfolio.  I would have never made one so good if I didn't quit games.

2.  Having a lot of quality time with my family.

3.  Feeling good mentally.

[Cam Adair 5086]

Gym is the best. I'm about to go myself. After 3 weeks I find it becomes harder to not go than to go.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was a really nice day like all the days from my time off from work.  My wife and I were able to get some time away from the kids for a few hours which was nice.  We spent the time getting a bite to eat together and doing a little bit of shopping.  There's not really much new for me to write about today.

I'm thankful for:

1. Having kid free time with my wife.  It's always a nice treat.
2. Having a good marriage.  A good marriage is the best thing ever, and a bad one is the worst.
3. My kids.  They are intense, but good little people.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today is my last day of winter break, and I'm a little bummed out about it.  The morning has been pretty decent so far as we gave been taking it easy.  Later on, we'll be going to a new year get together.

I'm hoping that I am able to return to work and keep my spirits up about it.  At least I'm getting closer to paying off my school loans every time I get paid.  I'm still working on my letter of interest so that I can send it to a company that interests me.  At the least, I'm hoping to get an informational interview where I can network a bit and learn more about the industry.

I'm thankful for:

1.  My family getting through 2018 well.  I hope we all can grow and be well together in 2019.

2.  Having such a nice winter break.

3.  Having a good paying job that gives me time to figure out my next moves.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was a tedious day at work.  Things were slow, and I have a problem that I am struggling to resolve at work.  Everything I do at work relies on many other people to accomplish.  Unfortunately, none of my work is of a particularly high enough priority to get the support I need.  I really want a new job.

My evening with my daughters was good.  They played well together and listened to me when they had to.  Hopefully they sleep well tonight.

I'm thankful for:

1.  Having a job even if it's not my ideal.

2.  My mom.  We skyped together for a while today.

3.  My meditation which I am about to do.

[wookieshark88 635]

Today was a decent day.  Work was slow, but I got a few key things done.  The evening with my kids was great.  They were well behaved and a lot of fun to play with.  Now that they're in bed, I have my previous few moments to journal and meditate before cleaning up and starting dinner.

Tonight, I'm going to send my cover letter and resume to a potential employer.  I'm always a bit nervous when I do these things, but often the best thing in life come through discomfort.  Hopefully I can at least get an informational interview where I can network a little bit.

I'm thankful for:

1.  Finding a place I want to apply to.

2.  Getting through another day at work.

3.  Being able to enjoy my kids.  That was a big part of why I quit games in the first place.