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About Gorxen

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  1. OH hey buddy!, glad to see you're still around and still quitting <3, In case you still remember me and want to know what happened read my post here Cheers!
  2. I don't even know if doing this is right, I'm so embarrassed!. But I believe I really owe @Cam, @spinips, @wookieshark88, and some others I don't remember well an explanation of why I suddenly disappeared 2 years ago since all of you were super nice to me. Today I had the opportunity to watch this video recently posted by cam, which inspired me to come back and offer an explanation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktvIpo-ySDI First thing I did today as I came back here was check my last Daily Journal entry, which was probably somewhere in Sep-Oct/2015. Turns out all my posts in that section appear to be deleted, which I understand given the lack of activity, But anyways, In there I talked about my struggles with multiple health issues I was battling back in the day, and how gaming provided a escape for all the physical and emotional pain I was dealing with. During that time when I was updating my journal, I managed to achieve the amazing milestone of 4 months without games, the longest streak I've achieved (still to date) in my life. It was magical, little by little, my health both physically and emotionally started to improve and I couldn't believe it was happening. But that didn't last long..... 2 days after my last Daily Journal entry, the demons came back..... with a vengeance, my health abruptly began to deteriorate again, and kept getting worse over the following days/weeks. It got really bad. So seeing myself in that miserable and deplorable state sunk me back into depression which also led to... you guessed, getting back to the only pain relief that had "effectively" worked over the years. And the day I relapsed It suddenly hit me, * I WASN'T REALLY READY TO QUIT FOR GOOD *, the elements I needed to really and fully transition to something else just weren't there, they never were. I had no IRL support system (my family doesn't like to address my health issues), I had no real tight friends, no caretakers, money was scarce, too much physical and emotional pain on a daily basis, etc. there was just no way I was going to make it on my own, and even though the love and support you guys showed me back in the day was amazing, it was just not enough. I heard here and there that in order to completely give up an addiction you have to replace it with another healthier one, I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't find anything engaging enough that could replace it for me. It's February 2017, and ever since it's been a slow and painful recovery. To this day, my health problems still persist, not as bad as back then but still make my days challenging at times. the good news is, for a while now I've come up with a practical method that has finally started to show some positive results and improvements are happening. Yes I still play games, but my plan to quit them is still there, I'm gathering those elements I need, and I'm very hopeful I'll get em' sooner than later, honestly, I'm actually excited. I want to make sure that the next time I try, is going to be the good one, I'm working on it, so rest assured (assuming your care haha) that this is not the last of me, I'll be back! P.D. Suggestions are welcome. Other than that, I just want to apologize once again for not reporting back earlier, I was in a really bad place, I hope you can understand. Love, Andy.
  3. Another soldier joining your ranks my people, It's time for me to quit, about myself, well: My name is Andy, I'm currently 37 y/o, I've been a gamer nearly all my life, started at the very early age of 10 with an Atari 2600. Moon Patrool welcomed me to the world that would be both my blessing and my curse, the feeling I had when I first laid my hands on that controller and my eyes into that screen was undescribable, don't ask me how, but it was right there that I knew videogames would stay with me for a long run. I've been the typical loner during most of my life, my social skills are lacking, I suck at sports, most of the kids on my neighb would only play sports so I would rarely show up to play, so not many friends. In school, I was the typical nerd who would know a lot, get some nice grades and never said no when someone asked for help with their homework, actually... throughout my life I have in fact helped a lot of people with all sorts of issues, I guess I'm gifted in a way, but that stopped one day, 8 years ago, the day I got very sick and ended up in hospital, wanna take a guess of how many of those I helped went to see me or at least bothered to call?..... yup. only one (who is to date my best friend).... ONE, that day I lost my faith in friendship and realized I wasted a lot of my life helping those undeserved and completely forgot about caring about myself. Just like everyone else at some point, I've had to deal with a lot of shit on my plate, Anxiety, depression, stress, loneliness, lack of purpose, Illness, even struggled with my sexuality, and every single time an unbearable lightning of this thing called life strikes me, I always end up going back to my shelter, my place, VIDEOGAMES. So I realized I use videogames as an escape, a escape of my reality which feels empty, lacking, sad..... I stopped having dreams, I don't have anything to fight for, I don't sleep well (these horrible eyebags can't let me lie), I feel tired most of the day, I'm driftless (But oddly enough, not really depressed, just sad), so I'm VERY positive quitting videogames is going to change my life for the better. I've tried quitting 2 or 3 times, but I always relapse 3 o 4 days later. The thing is, when I quit videogames, I don't know what else to do with my time, I can't find ANY activities that get me excited or hooked enough to not want to go back to games, I've tried working out (which I still do but doesn't motivate me enough), singing, editing videos, playing instruments, etc, you name it. Also going out with "friends" is a no go either cause first of all, I don't have that many friends, second of all remember I have issues with trust due to what happened to me in the past with all the people that let me down, I find it very hard to fully trust people again, which complicates things even more. But either way I'm very determined to start my life over, erase and rewind, wish me luck!