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zeke365

Zeke's Daily Journal

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I think I played because I wanted to escape real life problems more so and felt that there was a soical connection with video games. 

It was not until I noticed people moving away from video games that I started to feel depressed and wanted that social connection again though I never built the skill to make friends. 
  
So I escaped to video games hoping online matching and stuff would help but nothing did, I instantly became bored with them because I thought maybe it just the new video games weren't fun or I need a new one to keep up with a trend. 

As I saw other people get on with their lives I wondered what I could do to have the social experience again of having but of friends and that when I discovered (though I have played all the games in the series) called Myst Online Uru Live again. A free MMO game which you could make friends again and I did and got more involved than I expected to be until I noticed the friends I got to know left and unlike other MMO games, this had a more family atmosphere. 

You see even for me I never developed the social skills to make friends was mostly reserved when talking with people in the church but when I came home I was either on my PC or console playing hoping one day to move away from this life style. 

Sort like you wants to get somewhere without doing the work. I had many ideas never came to pass that now I feel I can accomplish and I have to say everything seems so refreshing. 

This day 2 and I have started doing some reorganization in my room not that it was messy but I want everything to be neat and clothes ironed out and when I played a video game I had no motivation to do these things even though I was not playing I still felt obligated to play. 

I think tomorrow I will discuss a strategic plan I have made for myself. 

Edited by zeke365

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Good, zeke, taking care of yourself is just as important to everyone else as it is to you, just think of how long it would take you to do that step by step if you took a few min away from gaming. It helped me to get up and think of three things to do everyday without shirking away from them, completed them, rinse and repeat. Try it!

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Okay I now have committed to the 90 days detox and the reason for it is because in the past when I did play video games I would think they were taking up to much of my time so I would try limiting them by playing on certain days and even have fasted 30 days without video games before a couple of times and always noticed an improvement with my life when I did that. This I count as day 3 of the 90 day detox.

Now yesterday I went over to my grandparents and played bingo played a machine not because of video game more like it easier for me to understand so say they call b 10 then I type 10. I do not know whether you consider that video game or not. 

Second think I have VR headset Merge VR and have been looking at VR app called Trinus VR yes it use for video games but I mostly just want to use to watch show like imax that my main purpose for it, not so much video games but if you feel like trending water I might get rid of it.

Now yesterday I said I had stragey plan in which I do and here it for this month 

Starts September 5 after labor day. 

1.Eat Healthy 

2.Gym (workout) 

3.Movie production project (I have animation software I use though it was built in game in game engine I do not consider it video game)

4.Closets and clothes ironed out and clean (this taking longer cause I want to do deep clean and not light clean) 

5.Watch and listen to faith based stuff at certain times. (this I have already started.) 

 

Now I started this last year in which I would make rule and that rule must be followed for 3 weeks or 21 days because takes that long to make new habit to get rid of the old one then after 21 days I would add another rule and since first rule is first established I can not change it so I have to work around the new rule in addidition to the 1 rule

example

1.Workout early in the morning (21 days) 

2.Watch TV next ( next 21 days) 

Watch TV can not conpromise the first rule meaning I cant watch tv in the morning because I have already established workouting in the morning. So I have to place TV at different time and that how it works. 

Now I m considering getting account with meetup but I a little cautious of them because I have read bad reviews from them before but that was like back in  2012 or 13 cant remember. 

I should also note I will be going Anime Atalanta Weekended. 

I think that it for today not sure what I gonna write tomorrow but I hope this helps with you see some my goal plans,,

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Do some research on the Miracle Morning. I think that will help. Brianna is also on the latest Gamequitters podcast. I find if you wake up in the morning and start being productive or constructive straight away instead of watching TV or looking at facebook then you will have a far better day. For example, for you it might be get out of bed as soon as your alarm goes off, and go straight to the gym without any distractions. Do not pass go, do not collect 200, just wake up and all you do is get yourself ready for the gym and go.

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Yep I m set time I will do these things that I did few years back and the earlier the better and I have add on on my Firefox called Leech-block and allows me to block sites at certain times and I can set up where I cant change it, 

So for example I have YouTube and few other sites only for weekends while during the week I cant access them, this way when Friday comes I have something like reward system saying now after all my hard work I can watch YouTube. 

This help me previously in the past. 

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I should also note I will be going Anime Atalanta Weekended. 

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well. /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

Your action plan is looking good and all, but as always, I'd caution against burning out too soon. Trying to do more than one thing at once has never worked for me. GLHF and remember, Plus Ultra!

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I understand not do to many things at once but there few things are necessity for me that have to be done and was thinking of this last night that I need to focus on one thing at time for 21 days. 

So what are some of my necessity 

1.Faith based stuff (listening and watching) this I m currently doing. 

2.Eating healthily (needs to be done, I m not overweight or anything it just I m not happy on how I look right now) 

3.Going to be early by 10:00pm is gonna be my goal plan for the next 21 days 

4.Go to gym when I get a chance to. 

5.The reorganization or Reconstruction as I m doing is the first thing I m doing because one keeps me busy and second I have been meaning to do it for a very long time. 

6.Movie production I will try to get that started but not my main focus right now. 

 

Edited by zeke365

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Thanks to everyone who has responded, I was looking at other people post to reply to. Now I have a confession to make here tetchily I did start cold turkey September 1 but that was mostly the fundamentals and I can official say I have started Day 1 of Respawn. Sorry about that 

I have completed my worksheet for today and will be finishing up a couple of things today and for those wondering if I m too much on faith based stuff. The reason behind it is because watching and listening to both inspires me and makes me feel clean. 

Second I should note to this day at AWA I have yet to figure out where those video game rooms are (the arcade yes) but the other one not so much cause I never went to it when I went last year, I'm busy going and trying to attend every panel or anime or japan culture since it still fantasizes me and a lot of has to do that I m anime fan and like all kinds of anime though it hard to find faith based people to talk to about that,  

So I hope this clears up some confusion some of you my be having when I was doing this. 

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Okay day 2 of respawn, I kind do things different where I watch the video first then write here then I take break just let everything sink in and come back do the workseheets and do the forums but I have run into a rather interesting situation. 

the other day one my gamer friends just emailed after I had farewell party and gave them the resources needed and somehow lost the data the gave them and I m trying to figure out how to respond to them. I can do one of 2 of things one find the sites and links they need or say I no longer apart of it and apparently I do not know what to do do? This person wants help because they were my successor in game and I have deleted anything to do with the game. So if anyone can post here and tell what the best response is that be great,

never mind I just emailed the person, second is I was unable to do some the things above but one thing I think I have achived is that watching and listening faith based stuff is working currently so earlier time will have to come later. 

Edited by zeke365

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Day 3 of respawn and 

I did not really know how addicted I was until last night since I went cold turkey no games, no game videos, nothing hard yes but challenge at best and sometimes I like the challenge because it means bettering myself and the reward for achieving hard challenge is good. 

I had dream of one my games I had played for my games I played for years and was on a boat ride seeing this massive structure and remember floating away and big wall was placed between me and the game as I slowly left. 

Plus for the first time I got bored not knowing what to do for the first time which seemed exciting that now I have find something else, but also my excitement is wearing off and the real challenge is about to begin. 

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I thought I should meation something that many of you may have been wondering and that what happened to everything well pc games are all unistalled, steam to, all iphone game unistalled, and I took most of my pc games and console games and hid them under the house which is not easy to get to and selling on console so that what I did before even starting the fundmentals. 

THis and I kind feel like 12 year old kid again excited to explore the world and discover new things, I have been going outside more and working on things to improve myself. 

 

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Thanks and here are a couple of things I have been doing.

One is when I visited a town out of state or something like that I always loved to walk around at the different shops so I decided to do the same thing in the town I live in and basically I park at the furthest store then walk down a path of stores but wont go in them at first then on my way back I will enter shops that are interesting to me. Because before I use to only go into two stores and say that I've already done everything. 

This is for me to become more aware of what around me and I have done this couple times before game quitters while getting a little exercise. It quite fun to do and I notice a lot different shops. 

I have watch day 4 of respawn because I do each module a day just easier that way. Plus have completed one of my projects cloests clean, clothes are nice and neat and then I will move on to my next goal. 

Thanks everyone for being supported and eventually I hope to return to my animation software to create movies I had for so long. 

Edited by zeke365

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Day 5 

There something I should let you know back when I still gamed I joined many social groups on Facebook, and dating sites in hoping to meet someone (now that not the only reason I quit) but had no luck because one none of the social activities were within the area I lived in. Second I got so burned out on it that I decided not to join anymore but now I ready and have been looking at meetup as way to meet new people but I just don't want this to be another failure because I have gone through this before. 

Like I said before I don't make friends easy because I have never try to approach someone which I might need to improve on that and by the time I got to know them they either stop hanging out with me or I ignored them (bad on my part) or they move away by the time I was comfortable with them. So if you can give me advise on meetup and at least encourage since I do need it, that an is meetup is good place to go to? This the reason I m so cautious of meetup. 

2.With everything done in my room now which I m quite pleased, I will start doing gym and some exercise to hopefully reduce down some weight and build some more muscle. This for myself, and I want to be happy with myself. 

So the next 2 goals right now are gym  (earlier the better by 9:00am or earlier ) and getting to bed by 10:00pm. This way I have some more of my day. 

Plus I will have to switch the modules up to so while at the gym I will watch module and the come back home and do a worksheet. 

That it for today. 

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Day 6 The Plan 

As I was thinking of this week, I m thinking what distracts me from accomplishing my goals and part of it do to my own laziness and to wasting to much time browsing not watching YouTube or anything like that but have start doing other things to help keep myself preoccupied. 

1.Gym/walk around the neighborhood 9:00-10:00am (though this depends on job training program) 

2. Libary/Park 11:00-1:00pm (lunch will be included in that time period)

3.Pc 2:00-8:30pm (this will be script writing, movie making, learning new lang, ect,)

4.Bed by 10:00pm 

Now some of this may seem alot but I m only focusing on 3 things on this list going to bed early, getting up early, gym 

Day 7 

For the first time since I started this I felt motivated to do something more than just feel unmotivated all the time like my energy has been wiped out when it really has not, So today I decided to edit some my script that I had wrote a few months back and it was really fun to do that again, took me 2 and half hours to do but it done unless I decide to edited more.

Now how do game quitters will have to be done a little bit different than usual because since I more motivated to learn or understand something in the morning that what I will be focusing so instead of doing the game quitters module after breakfast, I will be doing it during the gym since I want to reduce the time on my PC this the easy way I know how to do it and then do the worksheet first thing I turn it on to keep what I call these game quitters things devotions.  

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Day 8 

Just did my new routine today and felt really good to be doing this because I have goal that I working towards though few changes need to be made to keep it consistent. 

The game quitters will have to be around 10:00am but I m not allowed to do anything else expect watch the modules until later.

Today I woke up at 7:00am, went to the gym, came home and then went to Barnes (library was closed otherwise I would have been there) and noble and worked on improving grammar skills was there for about 1 hour doing it then came back home at 3:00pm. 

It did not occur to me till today that my mediation is at night when I listening or watching my faith based stuff cause it both inspires me and keeps me at peace. Im still thinking of workaround at church and the only days that I do not give curfews are Fridays and Saturday nights other than that I will keep up my my routine up depending on job training program I m in.

I'm still looking at meetup but as usual there are no events within in the area I live and it not that I live in country or anything it just not much to do here other than shopping and eating. 

 

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thanks cam

Day 9-10 

Well I have had to adjust my schedule again not because I don't want to but this movie keeps popping in my head that I need to do, so today after the gym I worked on some of it getting things set up. 

One my goals if possible is to finish the movie animation (have the script) by the end of the month, this was goal my mine before I joined here. 

I will have to say I do have burst of gaming memories but I just remind myself why I m doing this and how much better I feel doing, plus I have not gone out to eat as much, eating healthier, plus getting up earlier to get more stuff during the day, I do watch anime as my break if I tried then get right back into it, That what I did today.  

so that been my day and I have completed all my modules as well worksheet. 

So far this had been 14 days which itself is impressive. 

 

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Day 11-12

Okay yesterday I focused on the movie I wanted to make and it quite fun but did not realize how ambitious the project going to be until I started making it, so now that I have completed all the modules, I m now going to watch the YouTube series based on the same thing then podcast each day. Some you gonna ask why? Well that because if I keep me one motivation and reminding myself why I m doing what I m doing.

so that it for today still looking at meet ups and other social groups to be apart of so that my real challenge right now.  

though technically I done it 16 days now. 

Edited by zeke365

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Props on making plans and scheduling, it can truly make or break your days. Just be mindful that, as Cam said, you will probably have to change and adapt a lot - this is natural. 

Keep going, and keep growing.

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Thanks it day 18 but Days 13-15 after doing the modules, and doing the YouTube series as well on episode 3 right now. 

I have learned one thing, I can't handle YouTube during the weekends to many temptations and random stuff to do but I do not block completely and learned my most vulnerable time is when I m home alone with nothing to do, so I add added a block on leech-block from 1:00-6:00pm so I would not be tempted in any way, plus I seem to be fighting 2 addictions since both of them were intertwined together. 

Since most of YouTube is blocked during the week and I want to have some type of reward system going this is the best I can come up with right now without blocking it out completely. 

Second is I thought about something the other day and I really dislike this analogy because I don't like it them very much. 

Video games are very similar to vampires in which game sucks the blood or life from you each time you play but the vampire not drinking all your blood at once it only taking small portions at first but the more you play the more the vampire suckes the blood out of you and the more numbness comes to you until you die completely or look that this way you've  transferred your life into the game without realizing it therefore your outside body is numb because all life was sucked away. It quite scary and I m not big fan vampires myself but it was the best analogy for it.

The second thing is Life came be the game you want to play but like cam said you may not see your progress as quickly think this way when you level up a character it gets harder to get more EXP think that way your Person the YOU want to be has to have a lot EXP to grow to the next level. 

I hope this helps and it just something I was thinking the other day. 

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A bit of history on this when I was I little I all ways enjoyed creating stories, when I get home I would play with my mashbox cars and hotwheel cars, with my little sister would play with me and we always ended up creating charaters for those cars and stories even though I always the bad guy. I got into pokemon and remember it be amazing at the time (90s) and love the adventure it gave off, later in life we did play based on pokemon then I eventually grew out of but even still I have elemenatry stories I wrote when I was little and it something that has not left me. I had pc that was refirbished in 2005 and found games like the movies game and roller coaster tycoon 3 so I could play them and new of the movies online community and even bought the game for my church to help with minstry idea but unliatly failed and the the community fell through in 2008, then In 2010 I think cant remember I got laptop for the first time with internet access and I remember people saying how the wii had bad graphics so I wanted to prove people wrong so I started recording videos of gameplay footage back then then uploaded to youtube but due to copyright I could not keep it up there. 

It was not until 2012 I found community called TMUnderground which is community who came from the original the movies game community that I got involved in in, so I had to learn alot of stuff but eventually started releasing original ideas to that website which I will post a link here but I have always had passion for storytelling because every time I m at the movies I study the movie like what if the character did this or what about this idea, plus I would love to get involved with it someday, it can be mundane at time but I thoroughly enjoy it because I always thinking of the next idea, it was not until last year I got new software that apparently closed down called muvizu which allowed more control of doing these movies. 

I ve always enjoyed animation movies over live action because they can take you on these fanastic jourenys that and I watch a bunch of anime (japansese word for cartoon)  that helps me develop new ideas, heck I would be willing to take some idea and try to turn into a movie because when I make these these I can picture where it takes place, what camera anglees I need, and music I need. 

I have yet to hit writers block but I always thinking of what the next movie I want to do when I making the current one.  to help descripe this 

All  theses movies are my own original ideas.

To help explain this better is what I call backwards animation which simply means the software or game gives you a set tools to use and I use those tools to tell the story visually but all the models and characters are provided, as well the sets, and props it up to you on how you want to tell that story with what provided. 

With a new one called Muvizu which you will see there I m still learning head, eye, and walking movement. 

What I did do is use the tools to tell the story, edit it, add music, add sound effects to the movie plus wrote my own scripts plus got actors to and each movie took 1 year to make expect the hallway that took 2 years. 

 

Now here a link to all the movies I have created so far and would love to get into the indrusty someday and many more idea, Plus been looking at doing youtube channel of doing things to more based on faith based stuff but I want to build some content for it. 

It seems like no matter what try to anything else try something new I always seem to return to writing, which I should note that I m trying to improve grammar skills and screenwriting skills in the books I have. 

so here a link to those movies and it my new passion. http://movies.tmunderground.com/members/3233/videos/

I should note that I worked on some my current production but needed YouTube and some for some of the scenes otherwise I cant do much with how it set up. 

 

Day 19 Day 16 from modules. 

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Day 20 but day 17 from the modules 

Today I feel kind of fustrated with life in gernal not because I m trying to be lazy or anything like it more like chess and each move I think of of doing is the wrong move. 

I would like disuses why this is to. It not because I live remote area, or not wanting to participate in anything or even limiting things at it more like there no activies to do in the area I live expect eat and shop expect stars and strikes, sparkle or bowling and that about it. 

So back when I did I game I did sign up for 4 dating sites to see if I could meet someone each of them a fail particularly due to me not be participate or anything like that it just none of the social groups which by the way is 4 face books singles groups, meetup seem to never meet in the area I live in. I even go to church and try to get engaged their with young people as well but sometimes they seem to reject the idea or getting involved saying you need some type of talent yet they ask for volunteers or the church is people just getting out of high school going to college but their seems to be no group with people with late 20's early 30's expect one group but they meet only once every month. 

Second is every time I get know anyone and this has happened more than once they either leave  as soon as I get to know them or move somewhere else sort like I cant get close to anyone to make friends, I m not overweight or anything like that and family is fun and all but sometimes it too much much when you live with them even if your not participating in everything. 

It like chess and I'm trying to find the best move to move my pawn but each move seems the wrong move and frankly I do not know what do anymore, sometimes I miss the opportunity and I m trying to avoid that. 

I will be anime Atalanta weekended next week and trying talking to people there.

I have 2 option just leave everything as is or somehow increase my driving distance this only because of my parents sake not mine. So any advice would be helpful. 

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