Zeke's Daily Journal

[WorkInProgress]

Hey there first of all good job with quitting for 20 days and doing so mcuh more constructive things. A thing which you have to realise is that gaming is in many ways a bandage. If you rip it off all the other little or big problems bubble up and hurt. Keep in mind that this is good. If you doesn't feel that hurt you'll will stay in this position for every if no lucky chance is happening. I think you don't need to do much more but just keep on doing what you allready doing. Don't hide your feelings of loneliness before yourself keep trying constructive things and your life will get better. Not that the world is changing but if you keep on going you'll see opportunities.

Also it is normal to be frustrated sad or angry, As long as it isn't a permanent state of mind this is fine and even a good sign (https://markmanson.net/happiness-not-enough).

Best of luck to you. Hang in there, I can say out of personal experience that it is worth the hassle.

[SlackRamen]

@zeke365 I watched some of your animations, they're really good! Did you record your own voice for the voice-over? Back in high school I was really into animation, so I appreciate the work that you've put into it.

I like the concept of using Leech-Block to restrict your access to certain websites to weekends only. How have you found it to work for you? Would it be something you would recommend?

Out of curiosity, what is the faith-based stuff that you're listening to and watching? Is there a particular video or audio track you use consistently?

Reading through your journey over the first 20 days has been really cool. It's amazing to see the change, and I especially love how you're coming up with a plan, experimenting, and then reporting back with things to change. Really really great work. 

Your analogy of life to a game is a fun one that I like to use. It helps me have patience in my skill acquisition, and reminds me to celebrate on my achievements more. Have you heard of SuperBetter?

Right now it may feel like your life is a chess game against a grandmaster, where every move you make seems to be a mistake. Don't let it paralyse you. 

Firstly, we aren't following the normal rules of chess. We aren't given a set number of pieces when we are born and that's it, and our pieces can't be taken and eliminated from the game. Instead, we build and improve our pieces as we go, every move strengthening our pieces in some way. 

Secondly, our version isn't a 1v1 game. I believe the rules of the game are more accurately aligned with filling the board up with as many cool looking pieces as possible, working together with rather than against everybody else.

Just my thoughts. Anyway, thanks for sharing your journal so far with us, I look forward to reading more.

[zeke365]

Yes I did voice act in some of the videos not all the videos. The ones I did play in are The Hallway, TMU Promo, and What your passion? The rest of the movies I got actors/actress to do lines by site called voice acting alliance which now closed. I have a sound card in my pc called sound blaster z with mic and software and I will use that as well audacity program.  

I have not found work yet but in job training program to get work and would really like to be involved in making movies more on the storyboard, screenwriting and creating concepts and bring those to life rather than directing for now because I do know directing movies is not creating, your just given a script and expected to make it, problem is I do not do well in fast past environments and enjoy seeing these creations come to life, I m always making these movie for myself as well as others asking the question is this something I want to see?

What do I mean by faith based, well simply put I m Christian and I walk my faith with God each and everyday and so when I say faith based I mean anything do with christainity like for example I listen to The Bible Experience which has denials Washington, blare Underwood, samual l Jackson, and others as well The Bible and AD the bible contuines to help me come back to my faith. This should hopefully explain it better, I just choose faith based over christian movie because more neutral word.

Though I m making an exception to YouTube for game-quitters on YouTube help continue the progress for now,

I m not really worried for this month because I have quit video games before for month then returned then the next, it next month that gonna be the real challenge because body will be like where my entertainment. 

Day 21

I decided to get rid of the modules days because it seems to confusing but 21 days you break the habit not the addiction, plus today I gonna buy some new shoes. So you like the idea of chess as life annagoly thanks. 

[SlackRamen]

@zeke365 I ended up watching What's Your Passion, which was what I was referring to when asking whether you voice acted for it. You did a really good job with it. I would've believed you if you said you paid a professional to voice it.

"Is this something I want to see?" I think that's such an important question to be asking, and I'm sure if you put your mind to it, work that you enjoy will come to you. 

I'm open to and respecting of all faiths. It's great that you've got something to lean on when things get tough, and to inspire you. Faith is a powerful thing.

21 days and the habit is broken! That's one step closer! What better way to celebrate than with new shoes?

Keep it up!

[zeke365]

Day 22

My new shoes are very comfortable. They are Skechers air cooled with memory foam and adiaus neon cloud foam shoes.

I also completed a sequence in one projects today which I proud of. Still needs a little tweaks but at least I competed something  release  date won't be till early 2018 cause it ambitious project based on one my earlier stories I wrote.

Im also writer on occasion and have blog series on the animo app in faith based communities if you like to read that, it called The Church Series.  Here a link to check it out http://aminoapps.com/p/3orlj 

I hope you all have good day.

[SlackRamen]

@zeke365 mate, I don't know what those shoes look like, but they sound bloody amazing. I need to get myself some air cooled neon cloud shoes. 

Good to see you making progress on your project! I don't have the app so it won't let me read your blog, but I think it's great that you're writing regularly about something that inspires you.

[zeke365]

Day 23

thanks sorry about that it comes from the animo app you can get on iPhone which is where located.

Now I have been doing some research on doing a YouTube channel hopefully to make in 2018 but first I want to build some content, since I learned about how to market I think I will apply that to. 

Though right now my brain wants me to go back to gaming to check up on everything and I have to keep reminding myself I have moved on from it, second is I have the ability to research too much and not do anything, sort like I want to get these dreams to pass but without the work, just get their but I know it requires work to get where I want to go so that I m battling with.

I also had to restrict YouTube on weekended during 1-6pm so I m not tempted to do that all day which has been the last weeks. 

The only thing I m really excited about is anime Atalanta weekend (awa for short) that will be happening this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so I m really excited about that. 

That it for today. 

[zeke365]

Day 25 

Nothing really happened on day 24 so tomorrow I will be filling out applications to different jobs, but right now my mind is like tornado does not know the direction it wants, is this normal when you quit gaming?

I have few small projects I like to complete to but right now it about money and how to budget right, not that I had problem before it just making sure everything is right. 

Plus I have the convention this week so I will not post Thursday-Sunday (maybe Thursday) 

[SlackRamen]

Let us know how the convention goes @zeke365! I think your tornado mind is very normal. I've been feeling like all the emotions and thoughts in my head have been a bit of a raging hurricane themselves. And that's after only 7 days! 

Don't give in to the temptation to check up on your games. You're past that. Remember that it's impossible to keep up to date with everything in the world. If you check up on your games, that time spent will need to replace time spent doing something you've decided is more valuable. 

Enjoy your extended weekend!

[zeke365]

I will and thanks 

Day 26

I now have a salt lamp to to hopefully natural my energy levels since am I m on the PC a lot, because of project. 

I think I would like to share with everyone what I have been thinking for sometime and it how in high school we all loved gaming but the only time we could play is on the weekends, this to me is what I called a reward system, it based on you rewarded yourself by gaming on the weekeneds but by the time you do have the money and effort to play games, you will notice that you dont play as much because it not rewarded anymore, it just expectation. 

There a lie that gone around saying "once I have this freedom after school, I will be able to play all I want to." Unfortunately the opposite is true, you end up not desiring to buy games or even play them once you have that freedom, and that because it not something that being rewarded to you, it was fun because you were limited to it and wanted more but when you finally have what you ask for, you notice that you don't want to spend you money on games or you do but play very little.

I noticed this when I was younger and had my old job, I spent gaming but it hardly gaming it was boring yet at the time I did not understand why and it because gaming was the reward I got when dealing with week without it. This is for those following this thread and your still on the verge on whether to quit gaming or not,

Now I believe you still need a type of reward system as replacement for gaming so you can say I done this all week now I need reward. 

For me the I use this reward system 

YouTube on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays (limited on weekends) 

Cartoons/anime weekends (though been kind bad about this of late.) 

During the week I have YouTube mostly blocked till Friday plus it gives me something to look forward to without having to much free time and allows me to focus on other things, second is I have most sites that would distract me blocked till 3:00pm as a reward system so I can say I accomplished something that day and this the reward I get after accomplishing task during the day. If you use Firefox you can use leech-block which quite nice but be accountable to yourself on this. 

This one exception for me since I completed the modules, I watching the YouTube game-quitters but that is the only exception to the rule, the rule will not allow me to look at anything else on YouTube. 

So I would recommended some type of reward system for yourself saying you did good job or just something that relaxes you and hopefully this will help you be more productive, I know this has helped me a lot doing this way. 

I think all for today, I m gonna keep pressing on next month is my real challenge since my brain thinks it will get gaming next week when reality it wont, plus I got rid any tech videos involving cpus, gpus, pc building, reviews, game trailers, game reviews, conspeires, movies involving that, cut-scenes, everything this my own cold turkey and I did that at the beginning of this month, so if your on the fence or struggling I suggest getting rid of sites, videos, that remind you of certain to tech that remind you of gaming.  

That it for today have wonderful day. 

[zeke365]

Day 27 

Last night I had another video game dream last night. I seemed to be in some type of house and all my video games seemed packed away somewhere and some friends I did not know came over and asked if we play, I was hesitant first then justify for being a little bit and we ended up playing wii games that I don't even own or made up ones. seems like my dream made up the games I was playing. Then after they left I was trying to move all the video games somewhere they were not in the open, mostly in back room on shelve like game stop has and was packing them in boxes. Then I woke up.

What I think is happening is my body is trying to return to normal levels but at the same time it wanting me to play which I refuse to, so the more dreams I have of them means I one step further getting over the addiction. I m not sure how long it will take but I m not giving up, I m tough cookie. I m gonna keep pressing on believe me the tougher it becomes the more likely you are about to get out of the addiction so do not given to temptation no matter how tempting, that can be tough sometimes.  

My reward right now is my convention has to say job well done. 

hope you all have wonderful day. 

[zeke365]

Day 28

I do not know weather you count this as a relapse or not but I don't. 

I should explain first when I was gaming I found a recipe guide that takes video game foods and makes them in real life and I have actually made some of them very Delicious and some of them included cake, curry which I have made few times, bread, and something with tea I have been wanting to try. Now I would go buy the ingredients and make them from site called gorument gaming.uk or tumbler now. 

To help explain there was this tea that required to ingredients that are extremely hard to find where I live and was gonna look up the recipe to make it and for spit second I did before I realize that might be too tempting to do since I m on a detox doing this, mind you this was just a web search and complete erased afterwards but I need your option though I think it bad idea, what do you think cooking food from that site is too tempting is gonna make me play? I just need your advise or just wait till the 90 days are up and then try it? 

I start my convention tonight anime Atalanta weekend. 

So that it for today no post will be uploaded for the next few days while at the convention but will return Monday. 

hope you all have wonderful day. 

[WorkInProgress]

Did you use this game to evade other things? Do you bingeplaying it? Are there any good alternatives if you want to cook more?

You should decide this but maybe this questions are helping you decide. Best of luck.

[Hitaru]

Though right now my brain wants me to go back to gaming to check up on everything and I have to keep reminding myself I have moved on from it.

Fear of Missing Out (F.O.M.O). You may check the video about it in the YouTube channel (link later if I remember, if not just check it out ^^)

Nothing really happened on day 24 so tomorrow I will be filling out applications to different jobs, but right now my mind is like tornado does not know the direction it wants, is this normal when you quit gaming?

Absolutely! It gets better with time. 

Now I believe you still need a type of reward system as replacement for gaming so you can say I done this all week now I need reward. 

How about taking up a new hobby and using it specifically as a reward? 

I had another video game dream last night. I seemed to be in some type of house and all my video games seemed packed away somewhere and some friends I did not know came over and asked if we play, I was hesitant first then justify for being a little bit and we ended up playing wii games that I don't even own or made up ones. seems like my dream made up the games I was playing. Then after they left I was trying to move all the video games somewhere they were not in the open, mostly in back room on shelve like game stop has and was packing them in boxes. Then I woke up.

What I think is happening is my body is trying to return to normal levels but at the same time it wanting me to play which I refuse to, so the more dreams I have of them means I one step further getting over the addiction. I m not sure how long it will take but I m not giving up, I m tough cookie. I m gonna keep pressing on believe me the tougher it becomes the more likely you are about to get out of the addiction so do not given to temptation no matter how tempting, that can be tough sometimes.

Dreams about gaming are also usual and they also fade with time. Your subconscious needs to rewire as well! 

Have fun at the convention! 

[zeke365]

Day 32

Well I m back and bought some anime stuff and had a lot fun going to all the panels. 

I'm very tired after the 4 day weekend but today I just washing some clothes and browsing the internet since I did not get to over my 4 days. There was just one instance where I went to a panel about like tabletop gaming but left immediately cause gave my brain a headache, never went to the arcade, console section expect once (did not play just checked it out) and apparently I had no interest in it. 

so tomorrow I might start working on some more projects but now it my realx day, 

hope you all have wonderful day. 

[zeke365]

Day 33

Some of my goals for this month is to

1.complete animation project by the end of October, have it ready to go and release in 2018 and start the next project. (I have 4 projects all together)

2.Get more fit this month to 

3.I have some good news that I will be involved with a church that near it best thing I can find right now to help build social skills and be will like minded people. 

The reason I want to build in 1 month is to help me keep deadline which sort of new for me so by having that it will help me accomplish some goals, second is I want to complete 4 projects together then upload them to either my movies community or YouTube so that I can have videos upload on monthly basis in 2018. 

4.Is to start a YouTube channel by 2018 (revamp the YouTube channel I have) by have videos uploaded on monthly basis. 

5.Is something new making a TV or web series on YouTube for 2018.  

The only reason I choose 2018 over doing it now is to make enough content for it so I will not run out and the YouTube channel wont run dry but I hoping to start that Jan. 1 2018.

I should note that I have to say I m in the 2nd phase of the detox which my mind and brain is wanting game console games right, I will resist like last time but this one might take longer since I played them more often. 

Phase 1 was getting rid of the PC gaming steam era getting that detox off and that has finally died down but sometimes I repeat the game series out of nowhere without thinking of thinking, strange not sure if this happened to you.

Phase 2 is getting detox from game consoles mostly Nintendo stuff from everything up to Wii u I use to play. So that where I m at on the detox level right now. 

Plus I sold one my game consoles on ebay so I m really happy about that. 

That it for today, hope you have wonderful day. 

Edited October 3, 2017 by zeke365

[zeke365]

Day 34

 

I m doing okay for today, went to the gym today and I actually having an interview tomorrow with one the church's near me about getting involved with the video/post production. A second reason is that it will cause me to have more social experience by working with everyone rather than come and not speak to everyone. So I really excited about that. 

Another thing I started thinking about is how I m looking for the perfect job rather than the right job. A perfect job is everything you want to be but without reality the works it takes where is the right job requires the work you need to get where your going. This is something I m thinking of today because I have been chasing the perfect job and rejecting other jobs but even though I do not have the skill sets yet. 

I m avoiding relapse as much as possible because the other day I tried on gearvr and was wondering why it was not working then realized I need the remote then press the screen hoping to see a movie rather than a game when I realized it was game I took it off and left the store, because I was not gonna go back there. 

well that it for today hope you all have wonderful day. 

[zeke365]

Day 35

Something I have been thinking of the other day, is how I somehow want to escape my own reality without expecting it for what it reality, for a very long time I have tried to create this false idea of recreating my childhood back when I was child back in the 90's and somehow trying to replicate that. I think real problem is I actually refused to grow up for so long that it became my truth. This has do with both video games and cartoons which I still enjoy and more calming for me but just looking back on my past, I think of all the missed oppurtunies I had because of my refuals to grow up. 

Now not having gaming and getting back to reality is really hard to reverse the effect I had done since I have done it for years. 

Another thing I realized is when I looking for job I seem to have an unconscious and conscious moment in which both do not communicate to each other. Like I want medium past job but all the jobs I want to do is fast paced, kind unsure why or is that what I want to do with out realizing it. 

Two examples is maybe working in hotel, or movie industry since I studied how to write my own scripts and work hard on my own projects and have more joy in that yet life keeps telling me the opposite and trying to do something different but it seems like every time I try something new I return to either writing or movie projects, 

Plus I just watch cam video on purpose and that was very good and it something I m trying to figure out but I feel like I m in battle but I do not know who team is the right team or the wrong team. 

Plus I have conderider getting the challenge to help me but not sure where I go for that.

That all for today. hope you all have wonderful day.  

[zeke365]

Day 36

Today I would like to discuss about the meeting I had with person from the church and I have to say I m really excited from what we talked about he could use the help in the church so on Monday I will be watching and the work he does and learning how to do post production using adobe preimire. (I normally use cyberlink powerdirector 13 for most my own productions)  

Second thing is I asked around for job opportunities in my area at hotels, and postal office.

What am I grateful for

1.Waking up 

2.Having freedom

3.The relationship I have with my family

4.The ability to drive

so That it for for today hope you all have wonderful day.

[zeke365]

Days 36-37

I m in sort of dilemma in scheduling myself.

The main problem lies in that much what I do is on my PC where temptation is greatest on being consumer not a creator. I have also reverted back to this mindless browsing consuming and wanting to get there without getting their moments. 

The second problem lies is in the morning where in the morning before noon because I have the most energy and I m trying to fit that in their and trying to figure way to be out of the house at the same time. Since I have no laptop where I can take anything, it makes it more difficult to figure out the best strategy. Plus I want to fit gym in the morning to,

The current one was go to gym, go to library learn grammar skills come home but I m currently trying to come up with better plan than this. 

What I have been considering is still the gym in the morning from 9-10am and then pc 10:30-12:30pm then library or park if it nice out to practice grammar skills. 

1.Wake up 6:20-6:50 devotion 

2.Eat breakfast 6:50-7:50

3.Gym/walk around the neighborhood 8:30-9:30 

4.Pc 10:00-12:00 on Movie project, learn Japanese, grammar skills, screenwriting all on different days of course not on the say day. 

5.12-12:45pm Lunch 

6.Go window shoping from 1:00-3:00pm 

7.Return home at 3:00pm for internet access

What are your thoughts on this plan, my third problem is getting enough rest not say I go to bed to late more like 10:00pm needs to be knocked down to 9:00pm and I refuse to take naps if I can so I need suggestions on how to do this. 

Fourthly good news I will be getting involved with a church near me and some their ministries like in post production which I will be learning tomorrow at 2:00pm so I m excited for that. 

Plus I gonna start listening to the podcast now since i finished the YouTube series. 

Grateful for: 

1.God being a blessing in my life

2.Finally found a church I get plugged in at

3.PC I have 

4.Life 

5.The house I live in

6.My Car and the ability to drive

7.Having money to do things  

Edited October 8, 2017 by zeke365

[zeke365]

Day 38

I have been thinking of VR of late not for games but the reason I would like to be involved with Virtual reality is to offer a positive message rather than what it actually used for. To get early on so I know how things work and stuff. Yes I know it temptation and I m not talking about doing it now but it mostly to make Virtual reality videos and how it interacts with you. Though this could be sign that my body is wanting VR for video game interaction to. 

Second thing is that I have desire to travel and this even happened when I was gaming wanting to travel across america and speaking to different churches and the strange thing is I m normally a really re severed person. I would also like to visits other countries as well like Japan, Israel, Italy Venice city in water, maybe others and I normally not social person. Maybe I will become more social in the future. 

 

I m currently listening to the podcast right now and the main reason for doing it is to keep reminding myself why I m doing it and so I do not relapse at any point because if you remind yourself of why your doing it then it becomes easier.

That it for today hope you have wonderful day. 

Grateful

1.Being alive

2.Country I live in

3.Our dog 

4.The animals 

5.Plants 

6.Fresh air

7.Internet 

Edited October 9, 2017 by zeke365

[zeke365]

Day 39

Just wanted to let you all know that I worked on my next movie project some more and shaping up nicely do to me perfecting everything until I m happy with it. 

That it for today. 

[zeke365]

Day 40 

 

today i I was kind pressured by my parents to do brain game to help home my skills with math but I’m in the middle of my detox but I have say played it did not like it, made feel uncomfortable playing saw how it can be addictive so I have been thinking of others ways to do this. 

So I deleted the app am gonna a get one those books to help train my brain math b cause I be lesson phone and I can see some progressive with that rather than machine giving wild numbers. 

That it for today. I prefer not to play any video game that includes apps as well. So tell me your thoughts on this. 

[WorkInProgress]

I think telphone apps can be as addictive as computer games. They aren't as immersive but they are always available which makes it easier to get into the habbit of compulsingly using your phone to evade thinking or emotions. I would agree to stay away from these things until you finished your detox. I also doubt highly that brain-apps help you with math skills. Sadly school math is imho a lot about learning simple routines by heart and training them. This is still best be done with a lot of training exercises on paper. THe problem with that is that you'll usually need someone to help you if you get stuck. Thats where tutors or (good) math books come in. The problem wiht math bools is that the notation their written isn't really easy. It is a own sort of (precise) language you'll need to crock before it helps you. School usually does a crappy job at helping you there. To summarize. Deep studies are way more advantagous then any mobile game. They are also dangerous. The ability to learn/study things especially when they aren't exciting and gamified is essential for your future success in life and career.

[zeke365]

I think telphone apps can be as addictive as computer games. They aren't as immersive but they are always available which makes it easier to get into the habbit of compulsingly using your phone to evade thinking or emotions. I would agree to stay away from these things until you finished your detox. I also doubt highly that brain-apps help you with math skills. Sadly school math is imho a lot about learning simple routines by heart and training them. This is still best be done with a lot of training exercises on paper. THe problem with that is that you'll usually need someone to help you if you get stuck. Thats where tutors or (good) math books come in. The problem wiht math bools is that the notation their written isn't really easy. It is a own sort of (precise) language you'll need to crock before it helps you. School usually does a crappy job at helping you there. To summarize. Deep studies are way more advantagous then any mobile game. They are also dangerous. The ability to learn/study things especially when they aren't exciting and gamified is essential for your future success in life and career.

Day 41

Thanks I gonna find a book sometime today so, though I thought I share something you guys might find intersting and something I have been thinking for the last two days. 

their as series I watch Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! that talks about Chuunibyo which some say it not real syndrome some do,   eighth-grade syndrome is another word for and a good definition is The typical symptom is being caught by delusions of grandeur.

Once it gets into their mind, they start to regard themselves as a great person, the greatest

in the world. They also create their own world of delusion as if they were God.

I got from here http://lang-8.com/461574/journals/1769016

So how does a relate well think about for a moment gaming transports us to world where we don't have to grow up and we can continue to engage in our child behavior. another way to say is as gamers we refuse to grow up even though we are growing up we just don't want to accept the reality of things and I think this chunnibybo though Japanese is very good example of this syndrome we may have and why the detox is so hard sometimes.  I know I m coming back to reality trying to think is this something I should Continue to purpose or is their something else,

One thing I have noticed at one point i don't when it happen I closed off all doors to learning new things, I refused jobs to to learn new thing unless it matched with my hobby and upon realizing this, I have kind rethink how do I learn again when I have closed those doors so tight that they barely open. This where I m at and though I really like making movies everywhere else is telling me to close those doors even though I refuse. That both blessing and curse because I have some many people depend on my for muvizu assets software I I use to make movies and yet a lot doors seem to be shutting down that prevents me making further films. 

Plus I realized I m better at making long term goals than sort goals to get to those long terms goals for what ever reason. So the lesson here is I need to be more open to learn new things.

This what I find so interesting in my life right now. 

Grateful for today 

1.Game quitters

2.Spending time with grandparents yesterday

3.Having food to eat

4.having clean water

5.having money 

6.the community here

7.Programs I m like job training