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Small step and I hope big results - 90 days


Chris
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Hi everyone,

16.04.2017 I have started my 90 days detox. Until now I didn't wrote a journal per say. I started Journal on paper, but I go full detail in it, like what I eat, how my body feels what did I do. I do not want to copy it here because:

1. It is not the topic of this forum,

2. You would be bored to death after reading this and for me it would not be necessary, because I have it on the paper,

3. In terms of writing I'm not a fan of a keyboard and mouse I would rather pick a pen and paper, 

Instead of this I want to share some simple emotions as hycniejsy suggested, maybe interesting things that I experience and maybe some dark moments. Feel free to comment. I wish you the best in your journeys.

 

Today is 35th day without gaming. Today is I would say "easy" day. It is nice sunshine outside and it's warm, no clouds and it's weekend. I like that. I'm in good mood. I went for shopping and I saw so many happy people. 

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Great job! Just keep it up to see the difference after consistent writing.

Emotions are very important to write about them. Because they come and go, and sometimes thanks to emotional journal you can see a pattern that leads you to some behaviours you don't want to be led!

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Congratualtions on your progress! 1/3 of the detox!

As for a public journal on these forums, there are two big things you can benefit from having one here:

  1. Accountability
  2. Sense of Community

To put it simple, it would be like playing the detox on multiplayer mode.

Good luck!

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2. You would be bored to death after reading this and for me it would not be necessary, because I have it on the paper,

This should not be an issue or something you think about Chris! I worried about mine for a while, until I realised you're writing it for yourself, not anybody else, so it doesn't matter what their opinion is. If they are bored, they won't read it, but many people will probably get inspiration from it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for all the replies, as always @hycniejsy you are the "glue" for this community as I see. So commited to help others, thank you for your input and for reminding. I'm doing pretty well.

@Reno F yes, what you are saying is right. I realised that many people out there who achieved great success was in the community of people which was oriented in same destination and now I see why it is so powerful, because now I don't struggle as much with creating antigaming lifestyle.

@giblets thank you for your kind words and yes I write it for myself, but anyways it will be as simple as possible. :)

it will be based on my paper journal:

21.05.2017 - it was sunny, I met with my friend we spent actively time at the pool, and then we went on walking, we ate some good food and I didn't have time even to think about games,

22-23.05.2017 - I was working, spending some nice time after work, nothing really bothered me,

24.05.2017 - 01.06.2017 - my health went down and I was spending lots of time after work in home, not really feeling good physically nor mentaly. Sometimes I had cravings for gaming, but in terms of just shifting my mind towards something else. Eventually I was frustrated. Before went to sleep I was really mad on myself that my health went worse I work hard for to be clean in eating and it's frustrating that it isn't enough sometimes, but I shifted my mind towards better cooking. I hate cooking and at the same time I like cooking. I don't like doing new recipes, but I forced myself to do this. Eventually I discovered some nice recipes, my health slowly began to be better.

02.06.2017 - I have sold my gaming laptop and now I have average laptop mainly for work and doing some notes, documents. I had some regretting thoughts, but at the same time special feeling that another chapter was closed.

03.06.2017 - I stayed at home, day wasn't really special. My health is good - I'm really happy about that. I don't feel bad or good, but it is stable. I'm looking forward for 04.06 when I go to rock climbing gym with my colleages from work.

AND for the most important part from 2 days straight I didn't have any dream at night related to gaming! I think I'm getting on the right track.

 

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Hi again,

04.06.2017 - I went climbing and was shocked that all the buddies were at the place, just too much fun

05-08.06.2017 - was really fast forwarding days I was focused on my nutrition and diet plan, work, excercises and really didn't have time to think about games. I wasn't even sleeping that much during these days.

09.06.2017 - I don't eat sweet things on regular days, just because that I feel worse after eating them (physically more than mentally) and somehow they tend to make me lazy for the rest of the day, so it's a lose-lose thing to do. Unfortunately, one of our work employees was leaving, so his wife baked a pie for everyone at the last day of his work. It was so delicious, oh my goodness, but after that I get very lazy and after work I just watched videos on youtube for the rest of the day, and I wasn't happy with my decision. I tried to not worry about it so much, but it really bothered me.

10.06.2017 - I had some plans going to the pool with my friend eventually it evolved into pool - some eating - and again water but on the lake. Wow it was so calming. The light breeze from lake, happy people, some dudes riding on a motorboat having a good time, lots of sun, clean mild-cold water, people having barbeque in woods nearby, really awesome day.

 

11.06.2017 - again, I was dreaming about breaking the 90 day detox, which it doesn't make sense, because I don't really have any cravings whatsoever and still being dreaming about that. Today I'm going rock climbing. I'm a little bit excited, because there will be new routes that I can challenge! And of course my colleagues will be there too.

56th day

greetings Chris

ps. I'm not really sure if it works, but I added a picture of duck and ducklings, that I saw at the lake for no reason.

ducks.jpg

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13-14.06.2017 - Had some health issues not that serious, I have heard accidentally about new game coming about, so I had some thoughts about gaming, but it wasn't really bothering me. It came and I didn't payed attention that much to this, and it lefts my brain. All in all, even if I wanted to play, I couldn't because I don't have my gaming laptop anymore. Haha checkmate addiction!

15.06.2017-16.06.2017 - I'm really antisocial person, but I'm really happy about the fact that I met new person and I didn't hesitate as I use to do, to be a little bit open to new friendships, we talked we laughed we have been pretty opened to each other.

17.06.2017 - 18.06.2017 - (17.06) Was really typical day nothing happened, I worked, I was tired and I fell asleep pretty early on and I'm happy today (18.06) that I didn't stayed late watching tv - at least I have energy for upcoming rock climbing day.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Long time no see, due to mini vacations in Bieszczady!

Still not playing games, I started to see different behavior of mine. I'm much more open to others. I made some interactions with people, I talked to strangers on different topics, I played volleyball with girls, that I never met before. Hiking, fresh air, seen so many different places and everyday it was hunger for more to see. Unfortunately there was some worries that whenever I ended up vacations in the past I jumped hard straight to gaming, when I was coming back to home and I was afraid of this feeling again. Thankfully it did not happened to me. During vacations I still had some desire to play a game, because I started to talk about old days with friends and playing games was involved in that case. My friends naturally don't play games now (some of them occasionally) so it is easy not to talk about that, but all in all, it is still part of our past.

80th day and still improving myself to be better person.

Cheers everyone.

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Thank you @Mettermrck for your support and for all the people who are reading this!

Days after vacations were pretty hard to swallow. A lot of housework and unsolved problems in work made me feel really bad. I manage to find extra hours inside busy day, but it was really hard on mind and feelings. It is really frustrating feeling, when you know, that you will not be able to do, all the things that you have planned, but you cannot hesitate in doing them, to not make it worse. At the end of the week, thankfully I found a spare moment to do what I like, which is exercising. Still it was not so much time, but anyways I was happy about that. Today, I did what I had to, so I'm a little bit more relaxed. Still, when I was in that critical (in managing time) situation I tried to do some meditation. Eventually I failed on several days, but I manage to make a session, when I was waiting for a bus, which was pretty awkward to close my eyes, when people sitting near, was watching. Well, sometimes I guess, it looks just like that. Not everything will be perfect. In this case nothing really was perfect, but I'm happy that I did not broke down. I'm feeling excitement about bouldering session tomorrow with friends, I hope it will be as fun as usual.

Have a nice weekend!

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I realized that today is actually 90 days since I started my journal. My goal is accomplished, but I won't celebrate as much. I'm happy about that, but I do not want to go into euphoric state about that. In my mind, I wanted to accomplish a life time absence from games. The 90. The number was just to trick my mind that, it is not so long to do so, but I know now that I do not need to trick it now.

I am not saying that I'm completely free, nor that I will never go back to gaming. I have still dreams at night about me playing games, which is really confusing, because I do not want it, when I am awake now. There are still "dangerous" situations such as ads with game trailers or generally talking about games, which triggers sometimes my memories. My goal is to avoid them, to do what I love despite the fact that it would be hard sometimes, to be thankful for all the good things that happened to me, to be aware that every bad thing eventually leads to a good thing, listen more and be more empathetic and finally work hard for all your goals, because I do not really know, how much I am going to live.

This is maybe not enjoyable topic to speak, but we will eventually die. It could be due to a natural death or due to other circumstances. There are so many people who commit suicide oh my God. I do not want to fear myself about that, nor some readers here. I just wanted to say that I want to live to the fullest, then I must to realize that life is short and eventually it will end. I want to use every day - literally EVERY DAY to be more happier, to be better at cooking, at exercising, at realizing that there are so many things that I want to explore, to visit, to experience, to touch, to hear, to see, to feel, to be present in todays moment, to be aware what I am doing, to know which direction I am heading. When I played games, more than a half of this things does not even bothered me and I do not want to go back to this state! I literally do not have second life.

I just felt that I need to write all this things. Maybe I will need this in future, so I wrote it here in my dairy as some sort of reminder. I will continue to write some of the ups and downs of mine, because it is a form of exercise to my brain to stay in that state of no-gaming and I really want to stay here.

cheers Chris

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I agree with you Chris. I've sometimes had a morbid thought of death even since I was a young kid. Either you let that fear consume you and try to numb it or else try to give meaning to your life in the meantime and let whatever happen, happen. Congratulations.

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Mettermrck

Wise words there. You always have choice to do what it needs to do, to live as you want and to be happy. If you go in the right direction, as you said "whatever happen, happen". As always thank you for your support.

In the past two weeks I had some major issues to conquer. Had some health problems, job problems and had bad feelings in myself, but I started to be more present to the moment. Started to think less, observe, listen and feel more. I have started my new hobby which is gardening. Funny thing is, I live in residential block and I do not have garden, so this hobby would not stand a chance, when I played games I would pick some obstacles to not do this, but since I do not play games I decided to not hestitate. I  have started gardening on my balcony. I decided to pot up bell pepper! One week later after doing this I see some small green plants growing out of the ground in pot. They look awesome. I will build small glasshouse later on :)

Still have some dreams about playing and having this feeling of letting myself down in no-gaming journey, but then I wake up and it is fine. Since I am more present, I get my thoughts clearer and mental fatigue has gone.

Cheers Chris

 

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Awesome, Chris! Very well done.

I also undrestand your interest in gardening. I'm not into flowers or edibles, but I love Virginia Creeper. It's such a nice plant for covering up fences! I planted it by the fences around my businesses myself. Planting was interesting itself and it's such a pleasure seeing it grow. But these plants are tricky - the seem to grow only when I'm not paying any attention to them. Shy plants, I guess. xD

Edited by Vlad
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Yeah I don't like flowers either @Vlad :)  I searched Virginia Creeper to see what is this. Looks good for fence covering for sure.

But these plants are tricky - the seem to grow only when I'm not paying any attention to them. Shy plants, I guess. xD

HEY, thats awesome in that manner you CANNOT forget to take care about it :D and will be just fine and even better when you do nothing with it. This is a win win situation!

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Gardening sounds like a good hobby. I have an old friend I recently got back into touch with who gardens. I've thought about getting into a physical hobby....maybe not gardening but cooking perhaps.

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Gardening sounds like a good hobby. I have an old friend I recently got back into touch with who gardens. I've thought about getting into a physical hobby....maybe not gardening but cooking perhaps.

Hey, @Mettermrck if you are thinking about cooking you should check term "food pairing" it is a very fun way to feel the taste of very weirdly combined foods! And it is an awesome way to twist your attention out of games. It was mentioned in Cam video named "How to Stop Binging and Compulsive Behavior | with Samantha Skelly" that whenever you want to play (for example) you just want to change your (emotional/physical/sensational [that is my interpretation]) state (5:30 in the video). Hope you will find your favorite "thing".

Recently I'm feeling lonely. I met a girl while ago, but she is making trips right now, my best buddies had to go somewhere too so I had none to go out for the moment. I decided to play on some instrument. I thought for a while what will fit me perfectly. I like to go out in nature so something electric doesnt fit for that and also I do not want nothing big, so I decided to buy a harmonica. I like slow blues songs too, so I think it is a good choice. I bought it, but I was tricked by shop owner. He said that harmonica in tone E will be good for start so I believed him. Then I read that tones B and E, aren't selling that often and they ARE NOT recommended for beginners, I was pissed. And yes, all the tutorials are made in C so when some play something and I want copy/paste this it doesnt sound anything like that. I was really upset and angry. I will buy harmonica in C anyways and will se where it goes.

I uploaded an image of bell pepper growing, hope your like it  :)

20170806_145918.jpg

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Thanks for the advice, Chris. Yes, I'm a complete newbie when it comes to cooking so I'd like to start with something nice and basic...and economical.

You have a lot of creative outlets...music and gardening. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely...I get that way a lot, though not as much as my detox has progressed. Hang in there!

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Mettermrck you hang in there too! You give a lot from yourself to everyone here, you are a very good man.

I am still feeling lonely. I cannot sleep at nights because I have different feelings on my mind. Poking in the back of my head. I socialize the most in my job. Now I have couple days off and although I do not want to go to work per say, but I would go there just to talk with people. The girl that I met, do not want to talk with me anymore. She literally said that. That crushed me inside. I am feeling anger and sadness at the same time. And I want to play games really bad, but I am constantly saying that it will get even worse (I watch Cam's video "About to relapse? Watch this") and I do not play. And after all of this I cannot feel the power that I was feeling back then when I quit gaming. Now it is just... life.

Have you felt that way before and somehow you change that state by doing something? I am looking for advice about that, because I do not feel anything. I mean sometimes life is really exciting, but sometimes I force myself to be in SOME state of my emotions (I mean anger, sadness, happiness, fear, excitement). Sometimes it is so ambivalent for me, that I do not really care what am I doing and I try to go on autopilot, to just rush through the day. That is not what I wanted to do. Yeah I am gardening, playing on harmonica a little now, I excercise, I cook a lot and try different things, but funny thing is sometimes I miss this level up thingy. This fireworks and nice melody, when you gain a new level. This one point to your statistics that never vanish even if you do not play for a while. You now, accomplishing very big things in a short period of time. Like beating up some end-game boss after a "long" 1-hour battle. Every NPC is cheering you, that you saved them and all this bullshit storys about the fact. that none ever done that. But no, the biggest thing that I miss is social interaction, I guess even with NPC. I miss the reaction to my deed. I guess it pops up in my head soon after the girl said that she do not want to talk with me anymore. She was honest I appreciate that, but still it is multidirectional mental strike that now I must to deal WITHOUT gaming. Loneliness is my Achilles' heel and I am really bad in making new, long-lasting friendships.

Hope you are having better time than me right now :) Cheers Chris

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