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Rubiroo
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Day 1 of the rest of my life.

I've tried quitting before while I was studying and that lasted about a month, but that was simply replaced with YouTube, Twitch and Netflix. I understand that I'm not addicted to gaming, but addicted to the dissociation from reality. I've been doing it since I was about 5 playing Pokémon emulators and various other games on my pc. Later developed to consoles and now back to pc. When I first quit it felt like I was doing it more out of principle rather than to change my life. This made the justification to get back into it that much easier. It was just a principle.

Since then I've been on and off gaming but haven't made the commitment and I'm feeling anxious, but I've already set some things in motion that Cam suggests. I've already signed up for some Kyokushin Karate, begun throwing myself at books like Scott Adams How to Fail At Almost Everything and Still Win Big, The Rational Male, and No More Mr Nice Guy. Regular fitness is my next hurdle that I have phased in and out of. I haven't found a good enough reason to stick with it. Social will be one of my other hurdles as well. Suggestions?

I've uninstalled all my games, unsubscribed from gaming channels on YouTube, and deactivated my Twitch account. Has anyone had success selling their Steam account? OR should I just delete it. It's got over $2000 of games on there.

I look forward to posting more here. I'll be looking for an accountability partner to assist with the social and to keep me on track.

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Welcome to the fray!

I've also thought about selling the steam account, but the are some problems with it. If I've understood right, you would forever be able to "steal" your sold account back, contacting Valve and proving that you are the original owner (Your purchase history, original email, etc).

I could see some success in selling the account to someone you actually know, and who can trust it won't be a scam. OR gifting it to someone who is able to enjoy it in a healthy way :).

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Welcome and good job on starting your journal!

 Regular fitness is my next hurdle that I have phased in and out of. I haven't found a good enough reason to stick with it. Social will be one of my other hurdles as well. Suggestions?

You can socialize at the gym I suppose? Also, sticking with something becomes easier with a goal in mind.

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Welcome.

Fitness is something which is giving you a lot of benefits like better mood, better bod and better health. But the main reason why people do it is that it make themself look awesome and sexy and this alone will improve your self-esteem. Also being able to stick to something on a regular base will prove yourself that you can do it. And if you can do it with one thing you can do ti with anything. That's the feeling I got after stopping to game and  exercise regularly. If you want to read a good book about socializing I can recommend "Models" from Mark Manson. He is a straightforward guy who is having a lot of sense and likes to be very direct in his writing.

I would delete your steam account. If you can't do that gift it to a good friend /family member and tell them that you'll  want the chance to buy back the account after the end of detox for 100 Dollars.

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Day 2 of the rest of my life

So, I've decided to write my journals at the end of the day so that it's easier to reflect. So I'll cover yesterday and today.

Firstly, I want to say something here so that it is down and in the open. Give others some more perspective. The same day I decided to quit gaming I had this painful realization with my cousin (who's been one of my closest friends since I was about 8) that our relationship isn't unbreakable. He told me that he hasn't been interested in our relationship because he can't relate to me and has a lot of more similarities and going through similar experiences with 1 of our flatmates. I had this talk with him after some other news that triggered this other massive emotional reaction within me so I wasn't in a good headspace. I went for a walk to try and process everything and had thoughts like "What's the point" and imaginations of me killing myself. To add some more perspective, this all comes with the history of a pretty terrible childhood full of bullying, lack of a father and a mother who could barely hold herself together. There's more details to it, but that's the condensed version. I've been in therapy to cope and grow and I'm getting there, but often the progress feels too slow.

Yesterday 10th Jan:

I felt really good. I decided to go for my first run that was intended for exercise (and not because I missed the bus for work) and also my first workout for about 1-2 months. I got a running app (Nike Running Club) to give me some general statistics on my run. This one was for 12:29mins but was a decent pace. I clocked in at 2.7kms (1.69miles for you damn Muricans) making it about 13km/h (8.1m/h). Pretty happy for that speed. My goal is to increase the time to 30mins and then increase the speed from there. Once I notice I'm hitting plateaus I'm going to change the goal.
I've also been meditating which has been very nice. I've used meditation to help me get to sleep, but not during the day and it's incredible how calm I felt. I've been feeling a lot of anger recently and this has helped center me. I work at McDonalds and often eat there for meals since it's cheap/free for me. Today I decided to bring my own carbs and just purchase meat.
I also bought an armband for my phone so I can stick that in there and jam some music without worrying about it slipping out of my pocket or something.

Today 11th Jan:

I got out of bed at 10ish which is later than usual. I got my oats and coffee and chilled on the Dischord channel with Gunnar, Raelana, LT Yu, Sjoti and others. Was really nice hanging with them, getting to know them and contributing to helping others. I feel like even though I'm knew I still have a lot to offer through my own journey of self knowledge. Later I actually got an invite to go hang with someone and their friends that I hadn't seen in over a year so it felt really good to be invited out. I haven't done my meditation yet, but will be before I go to sleep. Tomorrow I'm planning on giving a cold shower a go. It better feel good Cam, I'm trusting you!

As far as my gaming urges go, I noticed I had urges to play something when I felt tired or wanted to zombie a bit. But, I checked out my list and decided I'm going to read instead when I get home. What actually happened was I watched some more of Cam's videos which served the same purpose.

 

Peace!
 

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Day 3 of the rest of my life

So! Had the cold shower this morning. Now THAT was invigorating. Involuntary breathing, gasping for air, in an energetic panic and yelled a couple times to try alleviate the severe discomfort. All in all though, my only complaint was that the water pressure wasn't high enough. I lasted somewhere between 40-60 seconds, but I felt incredible when I got out. Cheerful, alert and ready to move. The trust instilled was trust earned Cam!

I'm working on a project which is an idea for a calculator. I'm picking up Python as the language and want to display the numbers in an interesting way. If Python doesn't work out, then I'll just find another language. I know I could do it in Java if I wanted, but I want to do something different. So today I spent an hour or 2 picking up the language and learning some basics. I've never worked on a personal project that wasn't game related, so it's new territory for me.

Meditation has been going well as well. I've been using Headspace and it's been really nice. For those that meditate, is it normal to have no thoughts during meditation? The director makes it sound like I should have some activity going on, but often it'll just be fleeting thoughts and mostly space.

I've started reading The Power of Habit and been finding it's an interesting read so far. Nothing mind blowing, but still a good read.

I didn't go for a run because of the weather, but had a longer workout instead. I'm using this app for calisthenic exercises at home and it's been giving me the sore muscles and fatigue I kinda miss.

Gaming urges weren't too present today. While I was working I started thinking about Overwatch but responded that thought with "Eh, I get to eat a little chocolate, write my journal, read and then sleep. I like that idea better".

 

Peace!

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I personally ofte find myself having thoughts while meditating wiht ehadspace. But sometimes I jsut drift a bti away (like if you are nearly dreaming) and don't focus on ym breathing. If you are able to Focus on your breathing your doing everythign right :)

Sounds like a good Little projekt. I personally struggle a Little with finding time for programming and focussign on a good understanding of C because I want to work in embedded Systems. Hope it works out like you evnision it :)

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Day 4 of the rest of my life

So today was alright. I was reluctant to have a second cold shower, but got through it and ended feeling pretty good. I didn't eat so well though. I didn't prepare a meal for lunch at work so I had some McD's and rationalized getting pizza and wings delivered for dinner and watched some House. Wasn't a very productive day overall.

I picked up The Power of Habit and been giving that a read. Has opened my mind to so many interactions I have and I'm pretty excited to read more to start some rewiring. Unfortunately I rewarded a bad habit with Pizza, so that isn't a good start. But, I'm glad that I've noticed it so I can be more aware of it in the future.

Did a longer run today. 3.9kms at 13km/h and feel pretty good with that. I aim to be doing longer distances. Probably something like 10-15km and see how I go from there. I did a 15km run without training a few years ago and that took 1:41:00 so that wasn't too bad. Definitely a good baseline to go off. Might do it again to get a new baseline and compare to my younger self.

Meditation felt pretty distracted. I'd finished my run and had a shower. Usually I do it in the morning, but I felt so irksome during it. Kept correcting my body and checking my posture.

Gaming urges were present when I was tired at work. Seems like there's a little theme running here that I'll keep an eye on. It's not strong enough to make me want to game. They feel more like a command was given and I am expecting the experience of gaming and putting myself into that experience in the present. Like I'm casting my present self into a near future of gaming.

 

Peace!

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The Power of Habit is fantastic book! It made me look differently on every day actions. I used to run 5km every other day after quitting and I'm impressed with your speed, good job! :)

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I'm new, struggling myself but I felt compiled to reply. Our past has an impact on us but remember every moment is a chance to do something new. My father died when I was very young, we were actually about to move to Europe permanently as a family but it unravelled at his death. I often joke I would have played with Cristiano Ronaldo and been a soccer superstar but the reality is my life changed with his death, to which extant I am the sum of that process today. I cannot ever have that relationship, for better or worse. But I cannot let negative thoughts on that issue infect my entire life, I am constantly needing to make peace with that change to grow and have positive outcomes that I seek. 

On exercise I seek out physical activities that I enjoy and make time for them specifically. To take a direct example from gaming if you like FPS games check out airsoft, you can (depending on the laws of your land) build up a kit to be like a US Marine, UK special forces, even be the bad guy running around with an AK. It's a lot of fun and a great workout.

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The Power of Habit is fantastic book! It made me look differently on every day actions. I used to run 5km every other day after quitting and I'm impressed with your speed, good job! :)

For sure, and thank you. All of my updates are going to feature my runs, so if it's something that interests you or you have advice, I hope you enjoy them.


Hate the unproductive days, especially the ones where I feel "burned out" or not wanting to do anything
 

I haven't had a burned out day, but I hope this momentum carries through so I don't get one. I'd feel pretty disappointed. But, I guess that's when the quote, "It's not how many times you get knocked down that count, it's how many times you get back up." really hits home. My habit with challenge has been to avoid it more often than pursue it. This is something that I am changing now and when I do get knocked down, I'm going to admit it to myself, admit it to others and allow myself to be picked up by others if I can't do it myself.

I'm new, struggling myself but I felt compiled to reply. Our past has an impact on us but remember every moment is a chance to do something new. My father died when I was very young, we were actually about to move to Europe permanently as a family but it unravelled at his death. I often joke I would have played with Cristiano Ronaldo and been a soccer superstar but the reality is my life changed with his death, to which extant I am the sum of that process today. I cannot ever have that relationship, for better or worse. But I cannot let negative thoughts on that issue infect my entire life, I am constantly needing to make peace with that change to grow and have positive outcomes that I seek. 

On exercise I seek out physical activities that I enjoy and make time for them specifically. To take a direct example from gaming if you like FPS games check out airsoft, you can (depending on the laws of your land) build up a kit to be like a US Marine, UK special forces, even be the bad guy running around with an AK. It's a lot of fun and a great workout.

First of all, welcome friend.

I won't say that I know your pain, but I've grown up without my father since I was 7. He's been in prison ever since. I can say I know what it's like to grow without a father and one of my struggles has been to do with masculinity. I was raised around females where aggressiveness was shunned and conflict involving me was always my fault, even if my sisters were at fault. I'm interested in learning what your journey has been like. Feel free to share it here or privately.

I have always loved exercise when it was competitive and it was fun. I stopped loving it when it wasn't fun or competitive. I'm in the process of teaching myself to integrate those aspects. I haven't played airsoft, but I played paintball and that was a lot of fun.

Edited by Rubiroo
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Day 5 of the rest of my life

Woo! A new page!

Today was another of not being too productive. I got about 4-5 hours sleep because my brain was so busy and breathing exercises didn't help either. I think that was mostly due to the coke I had before bed though.

Got quite a bit of reading done today which felt good. The Power of Habit continues to be a great read. I also picked up a sales book from the local Salvation Army store (second hand store) for $1. They got me!

My run went well as well. 5km in 22:50mins. Average of 4:37min/km. Extra km and slightly faster. I'll be at 15km in no time! I'm considering new runners since I'm getting more into this than I expected and don't want to risk joint inflammation because my shoes are old. 

So productivity was a bit low due to sleep. This can be addressed by being more aware of bedtimes and what I should consume beforehand. I haven't done much learning for my app, but started the Learning to Learn course. I want to complete that to make learning more effective. 

I've been a bit quiet about the social aspect. I do have a couple good friends at work that I talk with, but recently I've felt pretty excluded from them. After my talk with my cousin I  have been feeling pretty angry every since when I'm around him. It's dwindling a bit so I'm expecting to start reaching a bit more. But other than that, I haven't got much going for my social life. I currently feel satisfied, but I don't like feeling like I don't belong in my flat. My thoughts are that'll pass as I grow, but it's noteworthy. 

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Caffeine takes between 7-12 hours to get out of your system so cut out any caffeine that amount of time before you want to be able to fall asleep.

Wow. That's a long time. I know after I've consumed coffee I feel the stimulation kicking in. I'm guessing that's when most of it is absorbed. Later would just be a reduced effect. I think like I'm more sensitive to caffeine than most people. What would you think about cutting coffee for a couple weeks?

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Well depending on how much your caffeine intake is each day it can be difficult. Also so that it isn't such a shock to your system you might want to try cutting back first.

These days I have 0-2 coffees a day. I don't think that will be difficult 

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No, probably won't be difficult, you will still go through withdrawals. I usually have at least 2 coffee a day and sometimes if I don't have a coffee for a day or so I usually get a headache. But each person is different though, so what affects one might not affect another.

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No, probably won't be difficult, you will still go through withdrawals. I usually have at least 2 coffee a day and sometimes if I don't have a coffee for a day or so I usually get a headache. But each person is different though, so what affects one might not affect another.

I tried giving it a go today, but I felt like I couldn't wake up while I was working (Job is on my feet so I should've been awake after an hour or so). Head felt kinda foggy, eyes sleepy and had a slight headache going on. Gave myself a coffee and it all went away.

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I must've to click submit or something because I wrote this already :(

Day 6 of the rest of my life

Today was an okay day. I decided to take the day off from exercising since I had been doing well for the week. I spent most of the day, after work, chatting with community peeps on Dischord and watching some episodes of Westworld and later Hateful 8 with the flatmates. I've made a new friend in one of the members as well. It feels good to have another ear to listen, another brain to bounce ideas off and another funny bone to tickle.

Day 7 of the rest of my life

I was pretty disappointed with today. I decided to spend time watching some of the Summit interviews and took notes, chatted with the GQ peeps in Dischord and got some good info. What I was disappointed about was I didn't follow my habits like brushing my teeth, time for exercise, meditation etc. I also didn't have a cold shower. 

I feel like I failed today.

Some people at work noticed and said I looked tired. I felt pretty meh overall. Kinda tired, not feeling a lot, but there was a faint whiff of sadness. I had a coffee to pick me up again, later had a coke to give me a little perkiness and currently I'm sucking away on a little dark chocolate. I'm glad I didn't play any games today, and I've gone a week, but I'm not proud of it. Abstaining from games is easy and I understand this community isn't about just stopping gaming, but changing bad habits to good, fulfilling, productive ones.

Why is it that the good that I do feels so overturned by the bad?

I'm not proud of my day today, but I know what a proud day is like and it can be replicated. I had some involvement in a military program a few years ago and one of many sayings stuck. "If you're not exhausted when you hit the bed, you haven't earned that sleep." I look at it like "If you aren't proud of your day, you didn't do enough." This puts me in the mindset of: Understand why you weren't proud today, learn from it and make tomorrow a day to be proud of.

Now, this is the time where someone recommends The Slight Edge. It's too late. I've already bought it and will read it after some sleep.

 

Peace

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Day 8 of the rest of my life

I brushed my teeth and had showers! Happier day today. Pretty chill overall, not very productive. Jammed some House on Netflix, read some Slight Edge and got called in to work early.

I haven't been sleeping too well past few nights which hasn't helped with doing stuff. The act of getting to sleep isn't an issue, just the amount of sleep. I do shift work at McDonalds and I don't get much of a consistent sleep schedule. Just need to work harder at getting to bed at more reasonable times I think.

I applied for the Beyond program and I'm really hoping to be selected for that. I think it'll be really helpful for me and I think I'll be able to contribute a lot of knowledge and be a solid supporter of others. One thing I do have difficulty with is maintaining a social life. Outside of work and a couple close friends I don't have anyone. I'm slowly working on relationships with family members because I distanced myself from pretty much all of them except my cousin and a small handful of others.

 

Peace

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Hey good that things are going ebtter.  Everyday of abstaining from gaming is a win. Maybe not a big win but a win you can be proud of. Don't tap into the trap of wanting more and more and instead take a moment from time to time to acknowledge your achievements (especially if they are small). Exactly this will get you to your dreams. In the spririt of the slight edge: This Little things who are easy to do but also easy not to do. Be proud of them. That is what will Keep you going.

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