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The Warrior's Infinite Opus


Schwing
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Day 174 - The Archetype Dilemma

I've been the same ever since I was a little kid. At lunch breaks I would sit on the concrete and play with stones while everyone else played football. And that was absolutely everyone. All the other kids just wanted to fit in and have fun. Of course I wanted to have fun; but fitting in was an untrod path for me. I would created my own games and play by my own rules. Some became pretty popular actually. I was away with the fairies. Couldn't have given a fuck. I would explore all kinds of strange and exciting things. I traversed the world of my imagination because I was too weak to traverse the world of reality. The same could be said for most kids perhaps but I feel like it was a different story for me. Everyone always used to ask me: "why are you so weird?". Didn't matter who it was. I would always get that question.

I remain the same person to this day. Just in a different skin. I bear the archetype of the magician. The man who toils in the realms that few look to traverse. The realms of the soul. But he is always alone. His work is his own venture. Hmm. It's strange. I am a pisces and I exhibit the traits typical to one. Perhaps this star sign shit is not 100% bullshit after all. Really I am not grounded in any discipline of the real world. Not dedicated. Not a warrior. Not charismatic. Not a lover. Not assertive. Not a king. I've been a magician this whole time. I sought to change myself and be more. I sought to train as a warrior but I remained the same. I sought to train to be a lover but I remained the same. I sought to train to be a king but I remained the same. I remained that same kid fucking around with stones while everyone was out enjoying themselves. The only difference is I have convinced myself that I am weak and pathetic to exhibit my intrinsic sensitivity and lack of discipline. Too busy being unhappy with myself because I am lonely. Thought weakness was my issue. But no. It's just me that's the issue. For now that is. Things change. My environment will change. I can only change myself so much. As of now, my soul is still there...on the concrete.

shinosuke.thumb.jpg.8cf9545c3fc0ff66a0e3

Perhaps strength is not found in the vanquishing of weakness; but understanding it and pressing on. A darkness bore by the soul can not be cured by moving from one place to another.

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Day 174 - Stoically Sick

I feel nothing. I don't know what happened but it's been like this since the latter half of wednesday. I just can't bring myself to care about anything at all. Nothing phases me. I must write about it. I don't know how else to solve it.

Overcome with some sort of peculiar nihilism I actually relapsed on my nofap today. But I don't care. I don't care about girls. I don't care about goals. I don't care about anything. This will pass. I hope it will at least. It feels like I hold no value over anything. That my whole life is pointless and that I'm aimlessly flailing my arms in the dark at illusions of salvation. It feels like my soul has departed my body. All that's left is a shell.

I sort of feel like I just want to go back to games and sink into this imaginary world where I could flop about and do pointless shit in peace. I feel like these past 4 months have just been me flopping about doing random shit but in different ways. And now, I see nothing. No road to the future. No window into the past. Just the present whizzing by my face.

Perhaps I drilled this into myself. I let go of my struggles a bit recently. Thought: "hey fuck it man you're you and it doesn't really matter if you're not a social god. Every man has his definition and yours is whatever it is. It really doesn't matter. Just be the strongest version of yourself!" But the catch is if nothing really matters then what's the point in being anything more? What do we even define as more in a life where we are fixed in an equilibrium of change.

Hmm. I don't fucking know. I'll just go study and see what happens. This'll probably pass and i'll revert to old me in no time. Whatever old me was....

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Day 17something - FUCK YOU!!!

Fuck this piece of motherfucking shit. Why can't we all fucking nuke each other already? What's wrong humanity? Too busy building your fucking pillars of fucking sand to care? To think? To give a singular motherfucking shit! I can't even take a shit without your fucking machines you fuck!

Greetings. I'm a fucking ape monkey man. In the not too dismal dark and distant dingy dingbat dickmilking past my race of monkey fuckers invented something truly groundbreaking on a cosmological scale. By piling sand on top of more sand; one can make a pillar! OF SAND!!! Unfortunately this is as difficult as it is pointless. Due to the ever increasing scale of the project of sand building (aka. 'Progress'), every ape monkey man decided to build cybernetic enhancements so that they could pile the sand more effectively. Unfortunately, such cybernetics require stringent maintenance! Therefore ape monkey man built many more machines to cater to his needs!

It came to a time when ape monkey man forgot how to do basic monkey things like take a shit and scream when he was angry! But Progress called and ape monkey man had to create machines to fuel his monkey needs too! As the years past by ape monkey man started to suck. He didn't even know if he was an ape monkey man anymore. All he knew was how to pile sand and how to hook himself up to the machines.

However some ape monkey men just don't give a fuck! A growing contingent of ape monkey men have realised that the cybernetic enhancements aren't actually there! They are projection of the mind created by the toxic granular fumes of death that emanate from the pillars of sand. It's very hard to get rid of them though. Ape monkey man has fallen so far he can't go back. He is stuck. Many ape monkey men use machines so that they may enter the jungle once more. But then Progress calls and bids them return. They always return. The jungle is a dark and lonely place and your cybernetics tend to fail there. You may lose your mind. At least they can be with the other monkeys piling the sand.

But for some piling sand just doesn't cut it. Some ape monkey men don't have very good cybernetics. There ape monkey parents sorted that out for them. So they are not very good at piling sand. They try and do it with all the ape monkey strength they have but then the other super cyber ape monkeys laugh at them and say mean things. All they really see is ape monkey cybernetics. Not the ape flesh.

NO MORE!!! Fuck your fucking cybernetics. Fuck your sand. I play this game how I want. I don't give a fuck about your opinion. I don't give a fuck about your nice words. I don't give a shit about your fucking job! I'll take your machine food! I'll shit on your monkey food! You think machines can make monkey food? Go fuck yourself!

Untitled.thumb.png.1a0f21999bbeb05bb0aa2

Shit I think I'm losing it. Look I even made some crap on microsoft paint! HAHAH! Just being a dumb edgy teen again. Need to go do something with this fucking STRESS. SHIT. Need to do something. Tired of fake smiling. Can't keep this shit up. Fuck. Going for a run. Gonna break some shit! BE RIGHT BACK! Bye!

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Day 177 - Fixing my shit
The flood gates have opened. I'm back.

  1. On Thursday I was in a pretty nihilistic state of mind. I could do anything. It sucked. I let my mind run loose and beat down on my soul. Disrespecting the unison. Ended up watching porn again. Twice in the space of 3 hours.
  2. On Friday I went for a run. I was really enjoying it. My troubles went away. I went to the stream and check out the top part. But then as I was sprinting back home I realised I was 25 mins late for work. I wasn't angry or sad or scared. I just got down there and apologised. I actually felt good. I came in drenched in sweat and panting. Started doing the dishes pretty quick. But I was careless. Kept fucking up. Kept breaking glasses and shit. Chef got angry. I didn't really care. I felt happy from being fresh out of monkey land. But then I kept messing up. And it kept coming out of nowhere. Bullshit on top of more bullshit. Got angry fast. Real fucking pissed but I wasn't prepared to let it out in front of everyone. I started getting mad at the world. Mad at all the shit I hated about it and how all of a sudden it decided to fuck me in the arse. Went home with no dinner. Tired. Pissed off. Took a cold shower. Watched some shitty porn. Went to sleep.
  3. Woke up next morning at 12:30 with a killer headache. I then went on to write that piece of shit post. I didn't actually go for that run. My stepdad needed help taking down a shed but I was too weak to just say: "Fuck you I'm going for a run!" Same thing almost happened today but I just left without saying anything. Yesterday I watched a couple of movies and tried to chill the fuck out. I watched Super and The Matrix: Reloaded. Good movies.
  4. Woke up today and I still felt like shit. I went for the run. I screamed hard. Kick some rocks. Threw my shirt off. And then I just lay down in the sun and sat around on the rocks. "I'm fucking alive!", I said.

Life is more than survival and life is more than progress. When you boil it down you could say that the very action of trying to survive is piling sand because life is meaningless is it not? It's this boiling; this digesting of reality; this straining of the mind that drives us insane. This universe; this kid on the internet called Schwing. I am a part of it and it is a part of me. When I was walking around outside I felt this. Without each and every individual molecule of air, earth, water, everything I wouldn't be the same person. I am a mere product of the folds of chaos. The ebb and flow of time. This isn't about me; my struggle; my pain; my pleasure; my life. This is about everything. I understand now that I must sit back and let the universe flow through me. There is one true constant and that is my soul's existence. My need to feel. My sentience. The inexplicable unfathomable depths of my consciousness. That is where God is and I must respect it. I think too deeply of myself.
I believe in the bible somewhere it says this:
"Men love your women and women respect your men"
I believe this can apply to the mind and soul. The mind must love the soul and bring it to places where it can be nurtured. The soul must respect the mind and the limitations of reality. Man woman. Mind soul. It's funny how everything is linked.
Thank you for sticking around and reading my stupid posts. I'm terrible at expressing gratitude or anything emotional really. It's good to have a place where I can say what I want and have people listen. Thank you all.

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Day 178 - The Hydra
Well. I still feel empty. I don't feel like relapsing though. Porn and masturbation just makes me feel sick. Like when you eat too much sugary crappy processed food. That kind of sick. The thing is porn just doesn't satisfy me. Nothing does. I feel emotionless. Like I'm dead inside or some dumb shit like that. Today I was back at school. I could hold a conversation sure. I was very confident. But that was only because I stopped caring. I feel stoic. But it sucks. And I know why.
I grew up in a pretty shitty family setting. My father could never provide me with the strong figure I needed. A greater man to respect. I never even had a brother. He was retarded. Like actually severely mentally retarded. He used to try to attack me all the time. He died when I was 11, a couple of weeks before his 18th birthday. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been better if he was normal. But then I wonder if he would be just as fucked up than me. If not even more.
I was weak. I didn't know it but I was. To make up for this I substituted reality for fantasy. Then I began to create images. Images to feign my strength. I loved my images. I could project anything and say, "Look at me!". Except nobody would look. That wasn't the point though. I wanted to be able to look at myself and be content. But i wasn't truly looking at myself. Just the images. The images were the ideas of myself projected by my hobbies. I wanted to be THAT kid. That one kid that does that thing. And the thing was always some stupid shit in my head conceived by my imagination. I didn't like it when people did my thing too. They would ruin it and make it their thing. That's why I hid. I was scared to mingle with the others. I didn't trust them. I didn't trust anyone. Not even myself. I was also scared when the thing got hard to do. So I fled to find other things which I could use to fuel my images.
I fed off these images. My only things to look up to. I couldn't look up to my dad. He was useless. I couldn't look up to my mum. She was my mother; she was a woman; the source of comfort. I couldn't look up to my brother. He had the mind of an infant. Hobby to hobby. Interest to interest. All for nought. I still do it to this day. I'm scared for people to know me. To see past my images. "Look at me! I haven't played games in 5 months! Look at me I do art! Look at me! Look! LOOK!" All distractions. Now I have realised that all I am doing is fuelling images I have little motivation to do anything. Tried doing some handstands today though. Was quite fun. I also listened to a lot of metal today. I can still find lots of enjoyment in that.
But, the base problem remains. The torso of this multi-headed hydra. I sever the heads one by one but they only grow back. I must thrust my sword into the belly of the beast. But in doing so I risk being torn apart.
I'm lost. In disarray. I'm afraid if I sink back I'll just lead a life of lies. I would bring the beast down but I don't know how. And if I do then what lies beyond? I'm in limbo. In purgatory. Waiting. Wasting away.

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Sorry to hear you didn't have a good fatherly figure in your life. It must be really hard to look back on, but from it you can also feel accomplished when you achieve things without that help.

Being content with oneself is a necessity for consistently good self-esteem. It is something I am working on as there are times when nobody will recognise you for your accomplishments. Perhaps it might be a good thing for you to try to do if you don't want to feel 'empty'. That's my two cents, best of luck with living without relying on images, whether imagined or from video games.

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Day 178 - Chemical Warmth

What is this feeling?

I got bored with studying so I decided to pack it in for the night. I had some cool ideas for mechs in hawken and I sketched out a leg. At the same time I opened up steam and went to the warframe page. I used to play a lot of games with some friends at school. We would have a lot of fun together. But then I stopped playing with them. They went off and did other things and I was left by my self most of the time. Alone. Then I quit and I was never lonelier in my entire life. Even more alone. Lately they have been proposing that they should begin playing warframe again. I told them I was back on gaming and asked if I could join. They weren't too shocked but they accepted. I just needed to get away from this feeling of lack of belonging. Like there is no one around me. Like I'm sitting on the sidelines.
I had my sketch pad in front of me. I almost press the 'play game' button to install but something hit me. I was listening to a song (one above). A riff came on that was stuck in my head all day. And I turned to an unfinished drawing I made:
[IMG] 
Then something hit me. A feeling I've only felt two or three times in my life. One so indescribable I have once resorted to calling it "high on an asian woman's breast milk" HAHAHA! I guess I can only describe it as 'chemical warmth'. I've felt it in moments when I was on the verge of something spectacularly blissful and exciting.
Art. Comic books. Is there something special about them. Is there something in there that's a part of me? I don't know but this drawing I made just speaks to me in a language I can't translate but I can understand perfectly. It's drawn with shitty watercolour pencils (without the water) but I can feel every blossom on the tree. The warmth of the sun. The cool air of the mountain peaks. And the cold, solitude of the wayfarer. What is he walking towards? Why do I have this feeling?
Why do I want to be an engineer when it means nothing to me? What's the difference between breaking your back drawing panels and breaking your back writing technical documents and doing CAD? The emotions, the ideas what I get out of this life is from art. Be it a videogame, a comic book, a book book or music. This is something I want to cherish. To preserve to perpetuate. Art is what's been keeping me alive in my soul all this time I've spent alone. It's that horizon that's kept me on my feet. But am I to walk to it or simply stare at it?
Why? why am I sitting here? On the foothills? Not prepared to make the trek? I hear the screams from the tower afar. It might be just the wind playing tricks on me but it makes me afeared of what lies beyond. But this feeling is calling me to make the first step. To take action. It will be gone in time. But it shall then come again? On which cycle am I to walk? Or shall I never walk?
I feel the feeling. But then I forget. Only to stay firm and look to other horizons. I'm walking in circles. But the sun lies on this horizon. It's warmth beckons me to set forth. To taste the fruits of the forest and fight the beasts that lie therein. To seek truth. To seek greatness. No. Not greatness. Only truth. Only to have the path. The feeling. The feeling is what guides us.
Am I to set forth?

 

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Interesting entry!

Looks like you found something you're passionate about!

Hmm... If video games are just the extention of art, then looks like your attitude towards games seriously changed.

Btw. Can you give this kind of drawings/sketches more often? It's really nice to see them here.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

It's decided! I am going to be a comic book artist! Fuck engineering! I will never achieve true satisfaction in this life bumbling along through the motions. I want to do something I believe in. And I will do it at all costs.

Video games inspire me a lot. But I just don't have the time to play the things!

You can see my drawings here: http://vaeldus.deviantart.com/

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Hi Mathew,

great that you found something your passionate about. I can speak from personal experience that it isn't smart to just study because it is the sensible thing to do. I rue a little that I didn't explore my passions before university. Otherwise I would most like didn't spend so much time there and instead learned a craft I want ot eb great in. I found Computer science right now and my Engineering degree will help me to follow that path but I could have prevented myself from a lot of self doubt and agony if I just searched for a proper path before Hand. So good job in beeing proactive. I leave some Inspiration here ;)

https://gearpatrol.com/2015/04/15/must-own-graphic-novels/

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The First Step

I'm off. I'm doing it! I'm going to become a comic book artist. I emailed my art teachers and a guy who used to go to my school for advice. I'm drawing everyday from now on. Here's what I did today:

faces_no_ref_by_vaeldus-dbaagbt.jpg

Sometimes, if there is something you truly want in your life you must make sacrifices. You must overcome adversity. And from it you become stronger. You find purpose. You must be prepared to cast of the shackles of self doubt and give everything to it. As chuck said: "In life there are no limits, you are only limited by how far you want to be limited". Guts fights demon, man and mandemon alike for his love for casca. That's what gives him strength - not his hate for griffith or the berserker armour. Comic books have come down to me like the hand of god reaching out palm extended. They've helped me cope with my misery. They've helped me become stronger. I can touch people's hearts with my own ideas and my own feelings. This is what I'm supposed to do!

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Hi Mathew,

great that you found something your passionate about. I can speak from personal experience that it isn't smart to just study because it is the sensible thing to do. I rue a little that I didn't explore my passions before university. Otherwise I would most like didn't spend so much time there and instead learned a craft I want ot eb great in. I found Computer science right now and my Engineering degree will help me to follow that path but I could have prevented myself from a lot of self doubt and agony if I just searched for a proper path before Hand. So good job in beeing proactive. I leave some Inspiration here ;)

https://gearpatrol.com/2015/04/15/must-own-graphic-novels/

Nice man! I'll check out all those comics!

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It's Spring Motherfuckers!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2goYUJpq9k

They say your life has seasons. Spring has sprung. I feel it. This newfound bliss!

Been a hectic week. Getting all this art shit together. I'm really grateful for all the support I've gotten. It's really been staggering. I surprised I've had so much positive contribution to my decision. My art teachers have been really helpful. I've now formulated a bit of a plan:

My plan for my remaining time at school is to focus on honing my skills, finding contacts in industry and building a portfolio and knowledge of illustration/comics. Try an rack up as much tutoring as I can. I'll attend life drawing classes on tuesdays (BOOBS!!!). In the meantime I'll keep up with my Maths and physics and use them as a plan B and just to beef up my employability. I'll stick on with design/ technology and do a more creative project.
Then I'll apply for uni in illustration and electrical engineering as a small option. I might have to take a foundation year for illustration given my lack of arty academic background. Then I'll take a gap year. In this year I'll continue to build up a portfolio and get an apprenticeship/ part time job and as much work in art as I can get my hands on. I'll build connections and get my work out there - try and promote myself as much as I can. Then at the end of it all I'll decide whether I still want to go to art school.

Something awesome happened today! I told my design/technology teacher that I didn't want to be an engineer anymore and be a comic book artist. Expecting him to be pissed off at me I walked in to the department today to be greeted by a table covered in comic books! He said he was given them by a guy who had to clear out a load of stuff. He wasn't interested himself so he gave them all to me. This shit is pretty obscure. Never heard of any of it. Plus I flicked through and it all looks dope as fuck! Super dark, super gritty. Titties, sex, drugs and satan! YEA! He gave me some ideas about my project for next year. And, the technician went to art school for graphic design and she said she could find me a shitload of contacts. NICE!

I'm not alone. I have an army of people around me; supporting me in what I do. I'm growing as a person. Something want's to be let out and I am the gatekeeper. I'm pulling open the floodgates for my soul to surge through. I'll endure the dark; i'll love it. Because I know there is daylight on the other side.

fuck_you_old_man__haha_by_vaeldus-dbaiof

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The Fated Train

I'm on a fucking train and it's going so fast it derails a little every once in a while. But somehow it manages to stick to the tracks. Some cargo falls off sometimes, but if the train slows down; if it even comes to a stop. The fuel depletes at a constant rate. The end of the line is defined by the volume of the tank itself. So the train chugs on and keeps chugging as fast as it possibly can. To the horizon.

I was so busy chugging this train that I relapsed on nofap 3 days in row! SHIT! It's just so exciting and it takes so much willpower all my energy I was putting to nofap has shifted into the spin of the wheels.

Attention passengers; this is your nutjob of a driver speaking here! I am most apologetic to inform you that customer service is not a priority anymore! This train is fated! However we shall still try our best to maintain standards. Thank you for your patience and go fuck yourself!

Ah shit. I don't even know right now. I suddenly stopped caring about everything and started caring about comic books. But it feels so fucking good! I'm finally alive! I'll try not to jerk it. But I won't put my arse on the line for nofap.

I'm actually getting pretty bulky from working out. Need a strong back so I can sit on my arse all day and make comics. Plus it's a great escape from the screen and gives me lots of motivation. Got a new comic book in the post today (HAWKEN: Genesis)! Looks dope as fuck! Here is some of today's practice:

spamming_out_reference_drawings_by_vaeld

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Not going to art school

I'm not going to art school. I've been reading up on it and there's no point. It's a commodity. It's a thing you do to say - "oh I'm going somewhere! I have direction!". But that behaviour will only consume you. Suck you in and dry you out of any energy you had. I'm not spending my sweet time and money on that.

This is actually very exciting. I feel like an errant samurai going out into the world to hone his skills and seek enlightenment by way of the sword! (Takezio much? hehe!). I'm going to be the best. I don't care. Nothing can stop me and nothing can take this away from me. This is the purpose I have sought all my life. And I'm going to make it happen! Onwards we fucking march!

I have to forge this path myself. I have to work the blade with my own anvil. But in this vast universe nothing is truly my own, am I right? I'll confide in the strength of the universe! The strength of God. The strength it's bestowed unto me through every circumstance that led up to this moment! I'm putting everything behind this struggle. I'll find strong people to learn from and I'll get all the training and support I can find. I'm giving this everything and nothing can stop me.

I'm finding it hard to study. I just want to draw, learn and build myself up. I don't give a fuck about your meaningless qualifications. You cannot standardise mastery.

trying_to_draw_the_same_fucker_twice_2_b

Space marine: You should be studying computer science right now, soldier! The AI of the future Imperium won't code itself!
Kid: Hmmm...
Kid: Nah...
Space marine: Most disappointing. It seems we have lost another brother to the forces of chaos!

Edited by Schwing
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Thats good you are figuring things out. Art school does seem to be a mixed bag. I guess it really depends on what direction you want to go in, and if you have a specific style you are going after (like drawing instead of learning other things as well like painting, sculpture, film, etc.), then maybe focusing on your craft and taking some individual classes locally may be a more worthwhile investment. Your portfolio is more important that a degree on your wall I'd assume. 

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I wanna share – Look man, I see so much potential in you. To be striving, to want to improve. So many people give up. – You’ve got that drive, if there’s anything I can do to assist I’d like to reach out.

I want to encourage you to pursue your passion – I love seeing your drawings and the progress you’re making.

Back to sharing: everything I am, I’ve built since I was 25. – In Canada I’m a Chartered Accountant.  – The equivalent credential in the UK is the ACA through ICAEW. – I have the ability to move to the UK, Australia, New Zealand, literally dozens of countries that will accept my professional credential through reciprocal agreements.

High school doesn’t matter, except to the point it does. – Do well enough that it won’t hold you back from getting into any kind of program you would be interested in participating in. Learn a strong work ethic now. Learn what pain is, physical pain… mental pain. The absolute best in their fields know that it’s only when they pain starts, that you begin to grow. Muhammad Ali said “I don't count my sit-ups; I only start counting when it starts hurting because they're the only ones that count.' It only gets harder as you get older to kick the bad habits. I see you discussing your struggles, the loneliness. I hope you’ve got people to talk to. If you need another accountability partner, let’s set something up.

Personally, I think I was wired a lone wolf. Between roommates and living with my girlfriend I’ve never lived alone, and sometimes it makes me want to scream.

The clock doesn’t start until high school ends – And even then… I finished my degree at 30 and started at a Big 4 accounting firm the same year. If you google big 4 accounting acceptance rate – first result is 5% in the UK. 1 in 20. That’s qualified applicants with 3.0+ GPA’s coming from the best schools in the UK. Big 4 was a nightmare for me. But I did the best damn job I could, because I chose the path. – Now I’m living in the mountains working for an amazing group of partners. And I’m pursuing my hobby, one hour at a time.

There are people who are going to tell you having a degree doesn’t matter, getting schooling doesn’t matter. BULLSHIT. There’s a big difference between grinding out 2 hours of your comic art in the morning before work and a couple more hours when you get home from work when you don’t have to worry about money, or having to beg your parents to support you, while you barely make enough to scrape by. If you want it badly enough, you’ll make it, and you can quit your day job. – Funny thing is, you might find you liked the day job all along… Regardless the things you learn along the way in your professional career will ONLY HELP YOU develop as a person towards your dream.

I implore you: get your life in order first – Do well enough in high school to get accepted into any program. Finish a professional degree. – Take as many structured options in arts that fascinate you along the way, and push yourself.

You have the opportunity to start early. Ultimately I hope you’re getting the encouragement and support you need. – I constantly want to grow and change, to improve and strive. – But I am at a point where I’ve seen and done enough that I feel like I can share from an authentic place. If there's anything I can do to help you out, let me know.

Cheers

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I wanna share – Look man, I see so much potential in you. To be striving, to want to improve. So many people give up. – You’ve got that drive, if there’s anything I can do to assist I’d like to reach out.

I want to encourage you to pursue your passion – I love seeing your drawings and the progress you’re making.

Back to sharing: everything I am, I’ve built since I was 25. – In Canada I’m a Chartered Accountant.  – The equivalent credential in the UK is the ACA through ICAEW. – I have the ability to move to the UK, Australia, New Zealand, literally dozens of countries that will accept my professional credential through reciprocal agreements.

High school doesn’t matter, except to the point it does. – Do well enough that it won’t hold you back from getting into any kind of program you would be interested in participating in. Learn a strong work ethic now. Learn what pain is, physical pain… mental pain. The absolute best in their fields know that it’s only when they pain starts, that you begin to grow. Muhammad Ali said “I don't count my sit-ups; I only start counting when it starts hurting because they're the only ones that count.' It only gets harder as you get older to kick the bad habits. I see you discussing your struggles, the loneliness. I hope you’ve got people to talk to. If you need another accountability partner, let’s set something up.

Personally, I think I was wired a lone wolf. Between roommates and living with my girlfriend I’ve never lived alone, and sometimes it makes me want to scream.

The clock doesn’t start until high school ends – And even then… I finished my degree at 30 and started at a Big 4 accounting firm the same year. If you google big 4 accounting acceptance rate – first result is 5% in the UK. 1 in 20. That’s qualified applicants with 3.0+ GPA’s coming from the best schools in the UK. Big 4 was a nightmare for me. But I did the best damn job I could, because I chose the path. – Now I’m living in the mountains working for an amazing group of partners. And I’m pursuing my hobby, one hour at a time.

There are people who are going to tell you having a degree doesn’t matter, getting schooling doesn’t matter. BULLSHIT. There’s a big difference between grinding out 2 hours of your comic art in the morning before work and a couple more hours when you get home from work when you don’t have to worry about money, or having to beg your parents to support you, while you barely make enough to scrape by. If you want it badly enough, you’ll make it, and you can quit your day job. – Funny thing is, you might find you liked the day job all along… Regardless the things you learn along the way in your professional career will ONLY HELP YOU develop as a person towards your dream.

I implore you: get your life in order first – Do well enough in high school to get accepted into any program. Finish a professional degree. – Take as many structured options in arts that fascinate you along the way, and push yourself.

You have the opportunity to start early. Ultimately I hope you’re getting the encouragement and support you need. – I constantly want to grow and change, to improve and strive. – But I am at a point where I’ve seen and done enough that I feel like I can share from an authentic place. If there's anything I can do to help you out, let me know.

Cheers

 

Thank you for your advice man but this is art not accounting. They are two fundamentally different things.

  1. You have to get chartered in accounting or you cant do it. You need to adhere to the education system
  2. In art it's all about your own skills and how you acquire them is out of the question. You can have a masters and nobody will care unless they're some big shot elitist arty farty gallery. Instead of going through the education system you can find mentors, take classes, get work experience and even use the internet.
  3. At art school you are thrown into masses of debt and it is incredibly unlikely you'll make any of it back
  4. At art school you actually learn more from other students than your lectures. It's just as effective as being on an internet forum.

There are people who are going to tell you having a degree doesn’t matter, getting schooling doesn’t matter. BULLSHIT. There’s a big difference between grinding out 2 hours of your comic art in the morning before work and a couple more hours when you get home from work when you don’t have to worry about money, or having to beg your parents to support you, while you barely make enough to scrape by. If you want it badly enough, you’ll make it, and you can quit your day job. – Funny thing is, you might find you liked the day job all along… Regardless the things you learn along the way in your professional career will ONLY HELP YOU develop as a person towards your dream.

 Art is risky regardless of what decisions I make. It's either debt or day job. I'll admit there are benefits to art school:

  1. Connections. This is definitely a big one I'd miss out on. But it's not something I can rely on for it. I'll still have to get going to conventions, music festivals and just promote my arse off. I'll make it.
  2. Exposure to different mediums (but I just want to do comic books)
  3. Plenty of time and resources to work on your art (but you still have to attend classes and spend your time on stuff probably don't care about)

I don't want to be stuck in a school. I want to be in control. I'm not throwing it all away just yet though. I'm asking around. I'm forming my opinion. So thanks for chipping in, but as of now I am very sceptical of whether art school is worth it.

My plan is to apply for art school and defer my application for a year. In this year I'll try and hone my skills as much as I can myself. So that means part-time job land. But on the other side I always have the option of art school.

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Just be realistic. Definitely talk to the art instructors you mentioned. Look up bios for artists you like to see their experiences (heck, try contacting them directly, you never know).

A degree may be useful, but focusing on taking individual classes for your needs to build up a portfolio may be more cost effective. Degrees are not magic, especially those outside of the STEM, finance, business, architecture fields. Too many people go $50-$150k in debt for liberal arts degrees and graduate with no more earning potential than if they didn't go to university just because they were told they need to get a degree, any degree (that is in the US, other countries may have better pricing structures). Many of them weren't even passionate about their degrees, so the learning experience was lost on them as well.

If it would be beneficial to you (degree-wise and lifestyle wise) and it won't put you into debt, go for it, by all means. Or if you want to pursue another degree (like engineering or accounting) and take art classes as well, go for it. Just make sure it is something you really want. I took engineering instead of my original desire to go to music school. While I am happy I did financially, I do think about being happier if I pursued my passion (I figured I could get my EE degree and go into the guitar amp/pedal industry, stay close to my passion... while I built guitar amps in college, my path changed drastically after graduation). However, if I didn't waste time gaming, I could have pursued my passion on the side (taken classes, self study, etc.).

But if 80% of people in the profession you want to pursue do not have degrees and a degree isn't required, then why go into debt? Especially if you can get the instruction/skills for cheaper means (1 off classes at a community college, or local art school outside of the university structure).

Just do your research and be realistic. The benefits of going to school. The benefits of not. The possible trajectories for your chosen path (including backup options to sustain you while you try to get where you want to be, or if you never get where you want to be). You don't have to have answers, just ideas and reasonable expectations, but do not get discouraged, just be willing to accept the outcomes. You are young and only live once. Go for the gold.

Edited by EndOfAnEra
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Just be realistic. Definitely talk to the art instructors you mentioned. Look up bios for artists you like to see their experiences (heck, try contacting them directly, you never know).

A degree may be useful, but focusing on taking individual classes for your needs to build up a portfolio may be more cost effective. Degrees are not magic, especially those outside of the STEM, finance, business, architecture fields. Too many people go $50-$150k in debt for liberal arts degrees and graduate with no more earning potential than if they didn't go to university just because they were told they need to get a degree, any degree (that is in the US, other countries may have better pricing structures). Many of them weren't even passionate about their degrees, so the learning experience was lost on them as well.

If it would be beneficial to you (degree-wise and lifestyle wise) and it won't put you into debt, go for it, by all means. Or if you want to pursue another degree (like engineering or accounting) and take art classes as well, go for it. Just make sure it is something you really want. I took engineering instead of my original desire to go to music school. While I am happy I did financially, I do think about being happier if I pursued my passion (I figured I could get my EE degree and go into the guitar amp/pedal industry, stay close to my passion... while I built guitar amps in college, my path changed drastically after graduation). However, if I didn't waste time gaming, I could have pursued my passion on the side (taken classes, self study, etc.).

But if 80% of people in the profession you want to pursue do not have degrees and a degree isn't required, then why go into debt? Especially if you an get the instruction/skills for cheaper means (1 off classes at a community college, or local art school outside of the university structure).

Just do your research and be realistic. The benefits of going to school. The benefits of not. The possibly trajectories for your chosen path (including backup options to sustain you while you try to get where you want to be, or if you never get where you want to be). You don't have to have answers, just ideas and reasonable expectations, but do not get discouraged, just be willing to accept the outcomes. You are young and only live ones. Go for the gold.

Thanks man! Set me straight. I'm going to make this work. Holding back just makes me feel sick inside. Like I'm letting my soul stagnate.

I'll get my stupid STEM as fuck A levels. I'll take my GAP year. I'll work on my art as hard as I can. I've got time to think. I've got time to understand.

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Fuck yeaaa!!!

fuck_yeaaaaa__by_vaeldus-dbayjcb.jpg

Getting my A levels is just one stepping stone. It may not get me closer to the part of the other side of the river I want to be on but I have to step on it because there's no way around. It's one more step. Unless, I jump right in the drink and wade through; soaked, filthy and shivering. I'll hop on your fucking stone. But know this: I'm gonna jump in and swim at some point. And I'll use these A levels as my buoyancy aid for a time. But I'll rip them off fast and I'll be doing butterfly stroke even sooner. Gotta go out into this world and own it. Own my passion. Own my life. I'll own what you throw at me and I'll chew it, i'll suck on it and I'll spit it on the pavement and step all over it.

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Sorry man I went way overboard. - For the record I meant you should complete your Engineering degree that you mentioned a few months ago. - Taking some Arts options along the way. I could have done a better job approaching this.

Thanks for sharing the drawings. - I love all my old writing. Sometimes it's hard to pick up and look at again, but it always makes me smile. - Hope you've got a place you can keep it all to have that tangible record of your growth.

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