My journal

[Faroe Islander]

Yesterday was bad, woke up and almost instantly picked up a phone and it was downhill from there, most of the habits were kept which was good since it at least meant that I showed up for what I had to do and made the effort even if the total amount of progress was minimum. 

Today I'm hoping to fix this so that I can get back into the flow of things and work on getting back to speed on my studies since that had gotten left by the wayside on preparation for this contest and extracurricular activity I loved so much. At least with today it is concluded happily and I can focus my attention on remembering it fondly,  preparing for the next one and if I can doing some self-criticism with an after action report as well as thanking the team for their work towards making this one of my fondest years with this extracurricular activity.

[Faroe Islander]

rough day yesterday, lots of questions some let downs spend the day recovering, at first it was going to be a downward slope with the depression nap from 3 to 5 but more or less managed to save a bit of the day with some studying and some exercise, it is a big win managing to recover within the same day so I'm happy

[Faroe Islander]

went well in the morning, got up did some chores, went to classes and then drove back home.

after that some sport and nothing much wasted pretty much the afternoon.

I did well in the morning and managed to save the nigh for which I am proud.

I just need to keep working on the afternoon-evening periods since those tend to be the hardest ones, as well as just trying to focus on just begining the task instead of just making circles doing plans as an excuse to not get down to business.

Tomorrow my goal will be to block off distracting sites and focus on just advancing my tasks no matter how much 

[Zoe]

1 hour ago, Faroe Islander said:

just trying to focus on just begining the task instead of just making circles doing plans as an excuse to not get down to business.

I relate this so much!

[Faroe Islander]

good day, invested a significant amount of time doing work and then cooked and went out with friends instead of staying inside, I will have to focus on continuously increasing concentrated amount of time at work but today was a nice step in the right direction

[Faroe Islander]

22 hours ago, Zoe said:

I relate this so much!

What ways did you find to deal with this?

[Zoe]

On 5/26/2023 at 4:41 PM, Faroe Islander said:

What ways did you find to deal with this?

I think the most useful strategy I have found is to say…Ok, I’m going to do this for 30 minutes and see how it goes..if I still don’t feel like it after 30 minutes..I can stop. That usually gets me going and I can do something for way longer than 30 minutes. 

I tend to find it less daunting when I make “time goals” rather than task goals.  Not sure that makes sense. 

[Faroe Islander]

On 5/29/2023 at 12:39 AM, Zoe said:

I think the most useful strategy I have found is to say…Ok, I’m going to do this for 30 minutes and see how it goes..if I still don’t feel like it after 30 minutes..I can stop. That usually gets me going and I can do something for way longer than 30 minutes. 

I tend to find it less daunting when I make “time goals” rather than task goals.  Not sure that makes sense. 

Thank you for the advice

[Faroe Islander]

last 3 days been in a weird state, done work, had by fun with colleges, prepared stuff for the summer which is great and even held a great conversation with my friend over the phone about general stuff. Right now I may be feeling the come down from that.

Idk I just feel the urge to stay indoors after class and just listed to sad music, or feel some kind of petty for myself? i can't explain what it is a longing to be sad I don't know. Anyways managed to get out of bed, and I'll start with a bit of sport and just going to lab, showing up at least who knows how it will end up but let me at least be able to say that I tried 

[wheatbiscuit]

18 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:

last 3 days been in a weird state, done work, had by fun with colleges, prepared stuff for the summer which is great and even held a great conversation with my friend over the phone about general stuff. Right now I may be feeling the come down from that.

Idk I just feel the urge to stay indoors after class and just listed to sad music, or feel some kind of petty for myself? i can't explain what it is a longing to be sad I don't know. Anyways managed to get out of bed, and I'll start with a bit of sport and just going to lab, showing up at least who knows how it will end up but let me at least be able to say that I tried 

~ I think come-downs are almost unavoidable; if I have a good few days with friends/family then have to do my own thing for awhile, yeah. And also yep, sometimes I don't even mind what emotion I could feel, as long as I'd get a good releasing cry out of it. Like DanielG sort of advocated, it's good to 'get with' ourselves and realise what we're really doing 🖖

[Faroe Islander]

Well, it was a good run at least. This weekend I collapsed and resorted to youtube again, I still have to find a way to deal with music specially without going overboard and also managing the ups and downs I sometimes face.

Good things I found out:

1-Instead of going on a full self indulgence spree it was more contained, maybe it was the pressure of academic work and having overall more stuff outside the internet like commitments friends work ideas sport and goals but somehow I did manage to get out quicker

2-Routines, self reflection social connections and sport are very important if you neglect your physical and social need to focus solely on you work/entertainment ones it will come back to haunt you

3-Space between me and the internet is necessary, I can't be constantly fighting a battle to keep myself from opening a certain page, it wears me down too much, a dumb phone together with a blocker is what I need even if I may not fully like the idea of needing this "external help" to manage my time and addictions well.

4-Problems pile up you need to forgive yourself but also force yourself to correct it as soon as possible before they get to big sometimes a I'll start with a little action right now no matter how big the problem is is enough.

Bad things/realizations I had:

1-I still can't handle social media/new non-work related digital technologies like smart phones, youtube, twitch or games in general vr...

2-I'm still lacking in many non work related skills like social life, life skills, work-life balance... 

Today I'm going to get my phone and change it back to the dumb phone together with turning the blocker ups back on I still can't handle it fully on my own but I will try to keep working to one day be able to do so. 

That's about it, let me see if I can make good use of the rest of the day and to whoever is reading this just know that as my trainer once told me you can do anything another person with 2 arms and 2 legs can, you just need to believe that you can and you will get there, you are indeed capable enough just have patience and put in the work. Good luck on your journey ahead 🙂

[Faroe Islander]

Procrastination got me yesterday, it was the worst episode of it I ever had now I gotta see what I do today to solve it

[Faroe Islander]

Got back up, gonna try to keep it up , feeling a bit sad or bad here and there but nothing out of the ordinary

[Faroe Islander]

Got back on a schedule, still have to work on reducing a bit my reliance on music to get things done since it makes me concentrate less but that is fine, final sprint on work, lots of upcoming possibilities and uncertainties but one step at a time, now work, then enjoy then relax and finally turn work itself into enjoyment.

Got a really nice video from a friend about quotes maybe it also helps someone so I'll leave it here

[Faroe Islander]

Note to self: Going into nature whenever you are stressed or feeling unable to do anything is great. Whenever you get stuck on recurrent self destructive habits go outside for like 2h, it helps reset the mind

[Faroe Islander]

Done with today, no content just studying talking with friends, working and cooking good stuff overall, let's see if I can keep it up, I sometimes feel like I don't do much when studying but that will with time and effort be fixed hopefully

[Faroe Islander]

Going to try to sink into a deep state of concentration in these next hours.

My focus has declined this year and I want to see if I can get these "state" again since it helped me study and do most of my tasks much better.

Today will be my first attempt let's see how it goes, going to shut down all media, take away the phone get a silent room and block the communication apps. I'll elaborate further later

Edited June 8, 2023 by Faroe Islander

[Faroe Islander]

Concentrated, no internet and good habits for these last 3 days. Breaking out of the internet loop and having other tasks really does great things for me let me see how far I can take this spree

[Faroe Islander]

Got it today, did an activity for the group all day long, I'll have to spend more time catching up tomorrow but I don't regret it, it was time well spent and what's more important time socializing and away from the internet

Edited June 10, 2023 by Faroe Islander

[Faroe Islander]

Sliped this morning it all started yesterday when I let myself watch some vids in the night before going to bed, I have to be very careful and ensure that I finish the days strong with no internet and don't jump into them in the morning, as that just makes me lose a morning or more.

Took back control now and managed to do some menial tasks which is good, I will work on getting back on my feet and seeing what can I do so that the cycle doesn't repeat the next time

[Faroe Islander]

when well today, lots of work that i needed to do managed to slip in some responsabilities time for cooking and sport in the mix and even managed to avoid letting a slip up of playing a video become a night of depression and worse next day, feeling really proud of this last thing

[Faroe Islander]

Yesterday -> spent most of the day trying to concentrate, got some time on but I was really distracted for a while and when I got home I picked up the laptop for 30m which was bad and led me to spending 2h this morning distracted instead of doing what I had to do. Recovered though and now I want to see what I can get done in the morning it is still early enough that it feels like I can still have a good morning so I'll see.

Things I did right -> recovering from the internet and reminding myself the reasons why I quit, writing my daily bullet journal and getting out of my home

[Faroe Islander]

Off to a good start today, managed to just embrace work and move forward, let's see what this leads me to, these next 2 weeks or so are definitely going to be a challenge in a lot of aspects of my life, let's just hope I can pull through and if I can't then at least I will have learned a lot

[Faroe Islander]

Yesterday I was very tired on the afternoon and didn't manage to do much, today I woke up well and managed to concentrate, it was fun it left me with a bit of mental exhaustion and I had to go for a walk and a water but it let me do a lot, mornings and nights are definitely the best moments for me in working, mainly because of the tranquility I think? maybe It is also something else in those times the peace and quiet... Idk I'll see if I can get a bit more time to think about it with the new book I bought about concentration

[Faroe Islander]

Shoot my shot at relationships, failed?, she already had warned me that she was busy this weekend again either that or she doesn't catch anything, I don't want to be bothersome, hate those kind of people the ones that force something.

Idk what I'm going to do I want to be clear about what I feel but don't want to force things, I'm going to go down to one of my best mentors ever and ask him, maybe he can tell me something, anyways I'm glad I didn't relapse due to this, I was very close, but at least I guess this is progress

Edited June 17, 2023 by Faroe Islander