My journal

[wheatbiscuit]

1 hour ago, Faroe Islander said:

Shoot my shot at relationships, failed?, she already had warned me that she was busy this weekend again either that or she doesn't catch anything, I don't want to be bothersome, hate those kind of people the ones that force something.

Idk what I'm going to do I want to be clear about what I feel but don't want to force things, I'm going to go down to one of my best mentors ever and ask him, maybe he can tell me something, anyways I'm glad I didn't relapse due to this, I was very close, but at least I guess this is progress

I dunno if this is called for, but I wouldn't say not catching a potential love interest at any time equates to relationship failure. I am however finding it is easier (and so tougher business) holding on to real-life attachments alone without gaming ones to fall back on. There was something in a Jordan Peterson speech somewhere saying that we should try and keep what makes a person attractive in our eyes alive, no matter who else finds the same thing desirable as well. I dunno. ❤️‍🩹

[Faroe Islander]

26 minutes ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I dunno if this is called for, but I wouldn't say not catching a potential love interest at any time equates to relationship failure. I am however finding it is easier (and so tougher business) holding on to real-life attachments alone without gaming ones to fall back on. There was something in a Jordan Peterson speech somewhere saying that we should try and keep what makes a person attractive in our eyes alive, no matter who else finds the same thing desirable as well. I dunno. ❤️‍🩹

Thank you for the advice, I don't know for sure if this will work out but after talking and thinking about it it more or less feels like the quote you miss 100% of the shots you don't take is true, I don't yet know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it but I guess the best course of action is to take the hit, ask it in a more direct and honest way and if it doesn't work out that's fine, I've already had the same situation before and just remained as very good friends with the person I asked out.

Still sucks but if it is the best possible option to at least not end up with any regrets then I'll take it

[Ikar]

3 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:

Shoot my shot at relationships, failed?, she already had warned me that she was busy this weekend again either that or she doesn't catch anything, I don't want to be bothersome, hate those kind of people the ones that force something.

Idk what I'm going to do I want to be clear about what I feel but don't want to force things, I'm going to go down to one of my best mentors ever and ask him, maybe he can tell me something, anyways I'm glad I didn't relapse due to this, I was very close, but at least I guess this is progress

The stereotypical "bro" advice would be to say she isn't supposed to "catch" anything, but that you are supposed to catch her by the hand and kiss her. Jokes aside, there is some merit to it 🙂

1 hour ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I dunno if this is called for, but I wouldn't say not catching a potential love interest at any time equates to relationship failure. I am however finding it is easier (and so tougher business) holding on to real-life attachments alone without gaming ones to fall back on. There was something in a Jordan Peterson speech somewhere saying that we should try and keep what makes a person attractive in our eyes alive, no matter who else finds the same thing desirable as well. I dunno. ❤️‍🩹

100% on this not being a "relationship failure".

@Faroe Islander If your meetings stop, then it was a relationship that was not meant to be. You don't have a relationship until both you and she know each other's true expectations and until you balance them to a roughly similar level.

1 hour ago, Faroe Islander said:

Thank you for the advice, I don't know for sure if this will work out but after talking and thinking about it it more or less feels like the quote you miss 100% of the shots you don't take is true, I don't yet know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it but I guess the best course of action is to take the hit, ask it in a more direct and honest way and if it doesn't work out that's fine, I've already had the same situation before and just remained as very good friends with the person I asked out.

Still sucks but if it is the best possible option to at least not end up with any regrets then I'll take it

As for setting up the environment, it's best to be alone with her, ideally somewhere where you can move freely and get close (e.g. park/bench). Don't speculate what she knows or "doesn't catch" or anything else. She might have her reasons for not dating you. Don't try to control the outcome either. It's her life too after all.

I hope this was useful. Good luck! 🙂

[Faroe Islander]

2 hours ago, Ikar said:

As for setting up the environment, it's best to be alone with her, ideally somewhere where you can move freely and get close (e.g. park/bench). Don't speculate what she knows or "doesn't catch" or anything else. She might have her reasons for not dating you. Don't try to control the outcome either. It's her life too after all.

I hope this was useful. Good luck! 🙂

Thank you for the advice I'll keep it in mind, the reason as to why I said she didn't catch it is because the last times I told her to go out were more in a group together with some of our mutual friends and didn't emphasise the aspect of wanting to be just with her treating more like a hangout with friends.

So yeah last time I told her both of us I don't know if she took it as o lets go for a walk because we are friends or saw more of the romantic aspect of it, right now I already know she was busy and she had already warned me that if she could she would but yeah.

Right now I'm just waiting for a response and when I have it I guess I'll tell her in person and if that doesn't work out I'll just remain as a friend like I've done in the past, someone that cares about the other while not having any romantic aspirations with that person anymore

[Faroe Islander]

No chance yet on the social front, nobody came today to the lab which is to be expected at this time of the year.

Rushing through work, these two weeks are being a hustle but I believe I can do them.

Now all there is left to do is to not let the internet become my scape tool for stressful moments and we will be golden (I hope so at least)

Edited June 19, 2023 by Faroe Islander

[Faroe Islander]

No chance yet on the social front, nobody came today to the lab which is to be expected at this time of the year.

Rushing through work, these two weeks are being a hustle but I believe I can do them.

We either succeed or collapse in the attempt but it is better than not doing anything

[Faroe Islander]

Dealing with my feelings while trying to not relapse, today I was normal in the morning happy in the afternoon and down in the late evening.

The morning went well but I couldn't do as much as I would have hoped within the day, I guess that's fine. It doesn't feel right but it is better than mindless indulgence with internet and so on, I'll got through it, walking helps and talking with friends or with yourself also does I just hope it is enough.

[Faroe Islander]

Been on and off for a while, more or less happy with the end result, instead of wasting it on the internet I listened to music and went outside.

It is an improvement, I still have to work on being more disciplined and consistent with habits and not relapsing but it is something

[Faroe Islander]

same deal as before it is a week left until I finish my studies for this year, it is being a bit stressful but I must concentrate to finish everything in a good way, not only in the studies department but also in trying to maintain and curate the friendships and habits I have stablished during the course of this year I don't want to lose them like what happened some years ago but also don't want to be the one that always has to push to maintain or expand them so yeah tough choices

[Faroe Islander]

Got the relationship done with some 1 day ago, didn't work out but that is fine, we ended up as friends which although it is not the ideal outcome I was hopping for it is still really positive. 

I get to keep the friendship, and have the possibility to strengthen it by being more honest and having more things to talk about and not be bothered by being attracted to the person. And what is also important I get to learn what to do, how to act and what skills I need to improve for other possible friendships or relationships.

I'm still a bit sad because I though that this would be the one but I can live with it and be proud of at least trying failing asking for help from friends to get back up and evaluate and  learn, I'll just have to wait a bit for my feelings to calm down and for my expectations to adjust to the new reality at hand.

Going to work  now I still have things to finish before this weekend, gotta prepare for the new opportunities in the summer and book an appointment with my psychologist, there are still a lot of things I have to improve about habits tendencies and prioritization  and I don't want to leave them to fester for the summer. 

Anyways that's all for me today maybe I'll write again today or tomorrow but for now I better get going, yesterday talking with friends walking and contacting the psychologist helped with getting back on the right frame of mind but I still have work to do and things to process.

Hope you also have a good day

-Faroe

[Ikar]

5 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:

Got the relationship done with some 1 day ago, didn't work out but that is fine, we ended up as friends which although it is not the ideal outcome I was hopping for it is still really positive. 

I get to keep the friendship, and have the possibility to strengthen it by being more honest and having more things to talk about and not be bothered by being attracted to the person. And what is also important I get to learn what to do, how to act and what skills I need to improve for other possible friendships or relationships.

I'm still a bit sad because I though that this would be the one but I can live with it and be proud of at least trying failing asking for help from friends to get back up and evaluate and  learn, I'll just have to wait a bit for my feelings to calm down and for my expectations to adjust to the new reality at hand.

Sounds good! If you keep on asking life for a date, it will eventually give you one 😄

[Faroe Islander]

I hope so man she was great but alas it was not meant to be, doesn't matter though I'm still young so yeah as long as I keep trying and keep opening up more it will come.

Thank you for the advice through this, it was really helpful @Ikar and @wheatbiscuit

Edited June 27, 2023 by Faroe Islander

[Faroe Islander]

A bit of a sleepless night woke up in the early morning with nightmares about well, failed opportunities, not being good enough and being left all alone again, it is the first time in a while it happens but at least I'm through managed to get another hour of sleep in and right now I'm just honestly using relaxing music from stardew valley and some task that I have to do to soothe myself.

I don't know when it will be posible but I feel the need to go again to the mountain, it helps, a lot, no pressing thoughts just a woody path you, your legs silence and time to accept things and see them for what they are. 

Anyways that's all for now I'm going to try to go back to work and see what I can do and just wait for this to pass or at least for me to get sometime to properly address these concerns.

Things I am grateful for:

1-Having a reliable psychologist

2-Having great friends and family which I can trust rely on and can push me if need be

3-Overall luck, I got many internships and opportunities, my biggest issue is heartache and lack of social skills which is when put in comparison with what some people have to deal like hunger or war with is nothing but yeah I should be grateful for what I have and know that not everyone has it

[wheatbiscuit]

1 hour ago, Faroe Islander said:

A bit of a sleepless night woke up in the early morning with nightmares about well, failed opportunities, not being good enough and being left all alone again, it is the first time in a while it happens but at least I'm through managed to get another hour of sleep in and right now I'm just honestly using relaxing music from stardew valley and some task that I have to do to soothe myself.

I don't know when it will be posible but I feel the need to go again to the mountain, it helps, a lot, no pressing thoughts just a woody path you, your legs silence and time to accept things and see them for what they are. 

Anyways that's all for now I'm going to try to go back to work and see what I can do and just wait for this to pass or at least for me to get sometime to properly address these concerns.

Things I am grateful for:

1-Having a reliable psychologist

2-Having great friends and family which I can trust rely on and can push me if need be

3-Overall luck, I got many internships and opportunities, my biggest issue is heartache and lack of social skills which is when put in comparison with what some people have to deal like hunger or war with is nothing but yeah I should be grateful for what I have and know that not everyone has it

Man, sorry about your nightmares - if they have to happen, it'd be great to be able to choose which nights at least. 🫠 

Relaxing gaming music? Oh man. 😄 One of my phone's default selection of alarm sounds resembles the main theme of my old game. I used that for half a year. Not great for facing studies. lol 

I wouldn't mind a good mountain to walk to, but then, I'm a bit spacey with heights. Here's to everyone facing very big struggles :X

 

 

[Faroe Islander]

Finally finished work, it was too much. These last 2 days of holidays I spent traveling to the next job and hanging out with friends, even seeing if I can start playing some music and reading again, it was fun.

Today is my last day of holidays but it should be fine since the upcoming 2 months shouldn't be as stressful and demanding as the last months so yeah, things are looking up.

[Faroe Islander]

Arrived at the new place and settled in more or less, I still have to straighten up my goals and habits but, I'll take it step by step, first imagine what I want to do and see if the routine that would have to develop to meet it would be fun and then create the steps necessary to reach it

[Faroe Islander]

Read a book about concentration and the internet, it hit me quite hard and I'm still trying to process the lessons contained in it mainly about prioritization, reduction of exposure to the internet, concentration and habits. It was good since I sometimes struggle with these topics, right now I'm trying to process them and decide what I want to do with my summer months since when I don't have a plan I tend to relapse hard.

For now I started a reduction in internet exposure eliminating social media and other entertainment sources like youtube but I do struggle sometimes with some of my bad habits, today I relapsed on one of them but I'm trying to get back up, it is usually a response to by bad internet habits and I hope it will eventually come to pass.

For now that's about it I still have actions I want to take to continue cutting down on the internet, making sure other bad habits don't take their place and becoming a person I would like being with a life that I could accept even if it didn't have much success.

Maybe I'll start posting some of the things I concluded this night or tomorrow but this is it for now.

Things I'm doing well:

More socialization

Increased amount of time dedicated to reflection about who I am and what I want to be 

Cutting down on internet use

Things I will fix:

Not letting other bad behaviours appear in the absence of the internet

Things I am grateful for:

Great colleagues who push me to socialize a bit more.

Family and friends who trust me and who I can rely on for help or second opinions.

[Faroe Islander]

New day, going to focus on finally regularizing my schedule since over the last week it has kind of been all over the place which isn't bad but often leads me to not being able to focus as much and succumbing to bad habits more frequently 

[Faroe Islander]

Starting to get the hang of things in my new environment, I rediscovered that for me being outside the house is crucial since my bad habits thoughts and cravings tend to fester while at home, visited some cities in the country set up some hangouts with friends for when I come back and restarted some past hobbies that I either wanted to try out or remembered fondly such as reading, playing the guitar, cooking, sport or simply walking.

I know I still ain't too good at any one of them but at least it is something better than being on the internet and I more or less enjoy them or think I could when I get past the early struggles enjoy them so lets see.

[Faroe Islander]

Up and down going outside helps a lot but episodes of pain and frustration still happen, hope to eventually get better though some promise has been shown until now