My journal

[Faroe Islander]

30-9/4-10

Stayed away from games but struggled very hard with youtube and social media in general.

I need to get better at dealing with my mobile phone and maybe come to accept that I also can't handle music (specially in the morning or midday) as it just throws me into the internet rabbit hole.

Today I will just focus on surviving and keeping habits, my sleep schedules and habits are already fragmented or are about to be so because I procrastinated too much with game related content through the weekend and now have to pay for it with reduced sleep and time.

I think I'll go back to my hardline approach to games/social media until I can consult with a professional in some weeks, maybe it wasn't the best approach to take but it definitely  helped with grades, social life, habits and adventures/mental state

 

[Faroe Islander]

1st day without social media

Middle of the day and feeling anxious, it has been a while since I haven't been more than 10h without a phone or access to social media. Hopefully it will be just because of my previous association of midday with videos and it will go away in some time. Doing daily chores has helped a bit, now I'll try to see if I can immerse myself into some other activity like studying.

[Paul A.]

Other activities will definitely be key as you’re working to conquer social media. Preferably, you want to find something just as engaging as social media, or something you can easily spend large amounts of time doing without it being unhealthy. Best of luck

[Faroe Islander]

Thanks for the advice @Paul A.,  This week I'm going to give reading a shot, I think I just struggle to much because I'm afraid to trying things out and I just sunk back to my normal habits.

I hope this eventually becomes easier to manage and deal with but until then

Physical distance, new activities and patience will have to suffice for now.

 

PD: for you, what signs of something being a good/enjoyable hobby have you found, for me it always became something that sometimes was interesting and good mid-long term. I struggle to find and define what a hobby or activity I'm passionate about is or how does it feel as the closest thing I got was obsession with video games.

 

[Faroe Islander]

Day 1 completed

ended up hearing a commentary about news in europe about 20m, I don't feel proud about it but hope that it will not throw me into the rabbit hole again.

It amplified my headache and served to remind me again that the headaches and anxiety I'm feeling are a symptom of with withdrawal. 

For now my best solution is to contact and ask a friend to take my phone as, with my pc being softlocked and already unconsciously associated with work the phone is the biggest challenge I face on my day to day life.

[Paul A.]

On 10/5/2022 at 5:22 PM, Faroe Islander said:

This week I'm going to give reading a shot

Reading’s a good one, definitely super engaging if you pick up the right books

On 10/5/2022 at 5:22 PM, Faroe Islander said:

PD: for you, what signs of something being a good/enjoyable hobby have you found, for me it always became something that sometimes was interesting and good mid-long term. I struggle to find and define what a hobby or activity I'm passionate about is or how does it feel as the closest thing I got was obsession with video games.

Oof, I’m not the best person to ask about this. Because of my bipolar disorder, I tend to get super excited/“passionate” about some new activity for a short period of time, just to lose interest after a while. This happened most recently with computer programming, I got super into it for about a week and a half, just to lose interest. I’m getting into investing/trading now. As for you, I think you’ll just find yourself naturally gravitating towards particular activities during your free time, at which point you can determine whether it’s a hobby you want to pick up. I’m definitely not an authority on the subject, but it may pay to do some research on potential hobbies and try out what looks interesting to you. Hope this helps

[Faroe Islander]

thanks a lot 

[Faroe Islander]

Days 5-8
Spent most of the day ill in bed, ended up watching vids but managed to get a bit of work done with gardening in the warmest hours of the day
 

Day 9 

No vids for the most part, talked with a friend about my problem and she convinced me to find another way of dealing with the phone (leaving it a relative's place instead of with a friend.

Midday-afternoon I spent gardening and preparing my stuff for the week

evening was a all about, cleaning the house and reading while on the train, it sucks that I couldn't work during the ride (no int from phone) but it was a nice way of putting distance between me and the phone

[Faroe Islander]

Day 10 (2nd day no int)

Managed to stay away from social media as a whole, middays are still the toughest as it's when I normally used it most, right now I'm getting through it but not in to much of a good way, I mostly try to distract myself with other activities of not much profit so the end result is somewhat similar but with less time and mood problems. Little victories I guess, through I have to better this, today I'll try to use exercise and going to the library to deal with the problems and see how it goes.

[Faroe Islander]

day 3 no int

spent most of the day traveling and gardening, there is a lot of work to be done in the garden this week to prepare the field for the autumn-winter season so for now it is able to distract me quite a bit, leaving the phone out of reach was also a good idea but I have to be worry of substituting int addiction with pmo habit...

 

[Faroe Islander]

relapsed hard on the 4th day.

apparently there are a lot more things I have to change before I reach my end goal, right now I'm thinking of the influence of the people around me, maybe I'm just finding excuses or maybe I'm just too tired but I feel like the attitude of some of my close friends towards quitting is just counterproductive as they have already given up and happily indulge over and over, maybe I should just give it time and a bit of space they have helped me through, even when I was quitting but now that I'm so involved with them I don't know if they are dragging me down with them

[Faroe Islander]

Day 1 done

not too much sleep, a bit tired, trying to recover from yesterday, didn't do much, studied a bit, traveled back home and finished the practices, didn't perform but at least I'm still in it 

[Faroe Islander]

Thursday and friday went relatively well

Sunday and saturday crushed 

Looking forward to monday though I think I should start a preparation format where I give myself x days and then tell myself to quit, it just hasn't been feeling like I tried hard these past month or so and I want to get back into it but I always slip up or get demotivated midway through.

So day -4 

Objective:

1-get routines back (specially morning and night ones)

2-do exercise

3-go to the library midday

4-finish project 

5-pick back up the feeling-actions-plan form for posts

6-make a plan

7-tell friends about intentions and day 

Edited October 16, 2022 by Faroe Islander

[Faroe Islander]

Did goals 1,2,4,7 to an extent

Today I reduced video consumption quite a bit but I still have to be careful as I still try to justify using it and having it interrupt my study work and sleep schedules

Tomorrow day -3

Goals

-Cement habits

-Go to sleep early 10PM-11PM

-Make list of tasks 

-Find a better solution for phone use (locking it up was useful up to a certain degree I have to find somewhere to leave it at until I'm able to return it to the primary spot back at my relative's house

Feelings:

Morning . good did work, payed attention in class, a bit sleepy as a consequence of yesterday

Midday good, managed to concentrate and finish main group tasks/projects

Night crashed a bit, cooked and had 1h of music / podcast which I should try to refrain from, not feeling too guilty or demoralized but it is still something I have to worry about

[Faroe Islander]

Day -3

My problems with youtube have gotten quite serious.

Now it is affecting my sleep a lot and I don't even know when I'm sleep or if I have little energy anymore.

I just start binging vids for hours even when it's way past my bedtime

 

[Faroe Islander]

Pretty bad morning overall 2-3h int and only 1h work outside class tomorrow I'll try to drop int below 2h and increase study time over 2h.
Today I'm going outside to run to recuperate sport habits and also keep up with my buddy who asked if he could help by being an accountability partner

[Faroe Islander]

restarting

going slow.

My main goal is to regain my old good habits, nothing more nothings less.

Music is allowed though not recomended and small clips I can pass but other stuff is too dangerous to be let through.

Not much else, just getting back up after a long time of let down and debochery

[Faroe Islander]

Got through today, taking it one day at a time

rn I'm quitte stressed because of university (9 exams 6 projects each one taking 5-40h to finish really took their toll, I have found it hard to concentrate or maintain the spree, with me just being too "gone" in the weekends which wasn't nice.

I managed to experience new and cool things in the brief breaks and with my colleges which was good but I hope that new times will give me the space I need to get back on my feet.

That's pretty much it I'm going to focus on taking it one day at a time and rebuilding my old strong habits

[Paul A.]

Welcome back Faroe!

I'm going through a bit of a restart myself, we're in this together! Let's support each other as we work to re-establish better habits

[Faroe Islander]

@Paul A.

Thanks a lot Paul,

The relapse part is understandable, I'm glad to know that you are still going strong and haven't let it affect your attitude.

Yes let us be a help to each other in this journey. 

[Faroe Islander]

Made it through Thrusday and Friday, today I spent just on resting doing a bit of gardening and overall talking with family, finally some time to rest, today I'm back on the grind this semester is supposed to be the worst one in the 4 year course so at least that's something that keeps me going

[Faroe Islander]

Back in

Friday was a rest day I took well and I'm not ashamed of how it went, it was nice finally getting to rest a bit I spent most of the day outside in the garden, talking to family or just resting.

Today didn't go so well, on Friday night I went to bed with a stream on, waked up midday, turned it off and then woke up all wrong which was just what I didn't need, it kind of overpowered me and affected Saturday mostly.

The biggest problems are easier access to the phone (my main source of troubles) lack of habits during the weekend and past unconscious associations between my parents home and bad habits.

At least I'm not collapsing now constantly though not having the same level of drive and obsession to quit I used to doesn't feel good either. For now I have regained my midweek habits so that's something, hopefully little by little it will get better, I am going to keep focusing on the day by day things, the little things, not counting the days since that did more harm than good.

Today I will focus on not switching on the phone and doing other things instead like cooking, talking with friends, doing a bit of study and gardening if I can.

[Faroe Islander]

yesterday went half well, spent most of the day listening to music, in the garden or reading a bit overall a good day, today I cracked mentally in class, I didn't make a show I just left and the midday went halfwell mostly thinking, sleeping or getting a bit pessimistic, rn my best solution is  trying to recover and not let the day pass me by fully.

Scheduling hangouts with friends to work on uni projects has helped a lot though, maybe I would have stayed fully in my room otherwise

[Faroe Islander]

Hello back here after flirting with bad habits for a long time again, I'm not making any promises to keep going since that doesn't seem to work for me too well.

Today since I no longer have breakdowns I have just spent a bit of time staring at the dark and just admitted to my 3 close friends (one of which I live with) that I still don't how to deal with my problems, with my short sightedness impulsiveness and difficulty to let go of things. 

This in itself is not much, I know for a fact that I still have to make lots of changes I just hope that being a bit more disciplined when it comes to habits and accountability with things such as this, the forum will help.

For now here are my goals:

1- Wake up at a proper hour 6:30

2- Do 5m meditation

3-Put time between urges and action by acknowledging (writing them down) and then moving on congratulating myself for pushing past it and moving on)

4-Retake sport 

5-Post everyday at night, no later than 11PM if possible

 

My current goal is to make it to tomorrow without relapsing to the internet or pmo.

Which includes video and looking intentionally at news/images/videos without cutting them up as soon as I notice myself slipping up

Edited December 12, 2022 by Faroe Islander

[Faroe Islander]

13-12

quite a bit of work, I'm a bit tired but overall proud

Started writting a bit in the nights, like a semi diary, it is fun and helps me think about what I did in the day

Telling yourself what you are as in defining your identity and acting accordingly seems to be a really strong and interesting idea that can affect you radically, even in subconscious ways it is definitely something to look into