Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

NEW VIDEO: What TikTok Does to Your Brain

My journal


Recommended Posts

Day -4, preparation

Currently focussing on setting the bases for new habits to replace the old ones like going to the library doing sport and studying a new course.

Managed to correct a bit the Sleep time turning it back 3h which is great, still have to do more and focus on implementing a no digital device after 10pm policy.

Still need to work on getting hobbies and activities to replace gaming on these hot summer days need something to stay outside the house but manage to remain in the shade or inside a building of sorts so mosquitos don't eat me alive, will try reading in the library waking up earlier to have more time to put into cycling practice and hanging out with friends.

 

Planning to quit completely this Wednesday coinciding with a trip through the mountains to deal with withdrawals and boredom. In the days prior I´ll try to find new activities to replace gaming create new habits figure out exactly what parts of the internet I want to quit  + reasons for it and slowly chip away at the old habits and time on the internet 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day -3, preparation, getting things straight

Managed to finally prepare to go to bed at a reasonable time and actually stop internet binge for sleep, sports and a bit of reading, small improvements but a victory is a victory 

Recalled a conversation with a friend and started to think that this problem with the internet in general might stem from the fact that I am usually a boring person and have nothing I am passionate for or really care about right now no gf or reliable group of friends to around no projects going on or special things to do apart from the bike trip.

Should do something about that as right now I feel like I'm using the internet and games as a way to escape boredom and avoid having to go through all the work that and stress that would come from actually pushing for the groups to go out or start a look for a project/hobby I truly enjoy (like in not just to passing the time but actually feeling good about it or getting memorable experiences out of it .

Will try hanging out with friends tomorrow morning, reading, studying for my driving license exam and generally trying to develop habits to replace old ones plus giving me time to ponder different ideas and take some action 

 

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day -2 preparation 

Hard to get up at the right time and start the morning activities that I had planned out still have to work on that.

Midday went well hanged around with friends for a while, It feels weird avoiding game topics but we managed to have more or less a good time though sometimes I feel like I should try to participate a bit more and find more activities and topics to talk about.

Afternoon followed suit with sport and study being enough to pass the time though I don't feel like I accomplished a lot, more like I just managed to make another day go by while doing a bit of work, I hope on the upcoming days I can finally manage to concentrate more and get more realistic expectations about how much I was supposed to do 

Night went just fine didn't try to innovate in the kitchen because of time issues but at least managed to go to sleep earlier than yesterday so that's at least something.

Overall not the best of days but at least managed to reduce the time spent on the internet and fill that time with other activities I hope that in the upcoming week I finally manage to get my schedule sorted and start enjoying these new activities more,

Tomorrow I'll focus on the morning as it is the thing that has been more affected my bad internet habits I hope to recover this set of activities as they used to be the thing that kept me going and helped me have enough time and peace of mind to relax in the evenings and nights

  • Like 1
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day -1, preparation

Morning was pretty great went cycling for 4h to prepare for biking trip

Middays are tiring and I start closing myself off which is really bad but often just leads to some wasted time

Afternoon was quite good managed to organice my day go to the library and hanged out with a friend for a while

The early night was decent, even though I managed to finally cook a new weird recipe I spent to much time looking at videos and almost burnt my food

The night was bad lately I had been getting better in terms of decreasing the time I spent on the internet and going to bed earlier today I was no longer the case I ended up sinking into a 2-3h binge and relapsing on some of my other more minor addictions 

I have dealt with this situation before I know that staying up and being harsh on myself for this slip up won't let me deal with it better taking action has always been a better idea, maybe just journaling whenever it happens can be a solution, it helped this time, but it feels very discouraging to have had an opportunity to resist the cravings and gain a lot of momentum from them. Guess I'll need to work on my mindset, with my track record of bad  experiences with the internet and lost opportunities because of it I can't go around not fully believing that I can do it or not fully committing to the process of quitting It would just prolong the suffering waste more opportunities and make the process just that much more complicated.

 

But yeah  habits, managing expectations, deciding what is allowed and for which reasons and pulling through with everything I say I am going to do are the things I need to absolutely focus on, specially the last one this is a mental battle and I can't say I'm already defeated before I even started

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 0 Last day of preparation

Did a test run of what a normal day might look like, mornings and middays went well, hardest part are evenings and nights, specially during weekends when the library is closed

Surprisingly even on normal times I'm starting to sometimes get tired and avoid the internet a bit or at least push it aside, must look into this it will provably not last all summer and it will probably disappear in the first days and weeks of the quitting journey but for now it gives me hope that a future with no internet or very limited internet is possible

I'll try to develop this further and stay away from risky places (home) during dangerous times (early evening and night) and focus maybe on going to the library drawing or during sports at these times or trying to convince friends to hang out at these times

For now trusting myself on not opening the internet (very soft blocker aka: can be deactivated in just 1 click) at least until midday was a good idea so I'll try to keep it and maybe expand it to the more dangerous hours of the day when I get more confident and have more hobbies

 

Will see how it goes so far I'm really pleased with this current progress although I know from todays experience that if I don't do anything about the early evenings and nights I'll end up struggling a lot with boredom and general cravings

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Day 1 

1st half of the day

I had to stay at home for the whole morning which as expected brought trouble, tried to get by with music and podcast but it ended as I expected, I'm used to relapses been having them for the past 5 years so there is no big epiphany or breakdown just a bit of disappointment and knowing that I just have to keep going, managed to finally get outside It's hot but nothing that a bit of shade and enough water can't fix. I'll start again and now focus on continuing to reduce screen time and getting some good reasons habits and motivators to get out of the house.

For now hanging out with a couple friends during the evening and studying a bit in the park should suffice to at least win the rest of the night and improve my overall average

Note to self: Try to not get discouraged when you fail 1 task in the day accept it and do damage control don't let it bring you down you can still make your day great "better late than never"

Edited by Faroe Islander
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Glad you didn't let your relapse get to you. It happens, just gotta brush yourself off and keep going.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Paul I appreciate the kind words of encouragement

Hope you keep doing as well as you seem to be doing on your journal we will all make it as long as we keep trying 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 1

Today I concentrated on sports hanging out with friends and studying

Woke up early and rode my bike to the waterfall we had planned to visit had a good time talking and swimming a bit though I wish the journey there hadn't taken me as long as it did as I only got to talk and be with them for about an hour (wind and getting lost are funny like that), unfortunately in that time I forgot I was carrying my phone with me and soaked it which means that if I don't become the IT guys equivalent of the Frankenstein doctor I'll have to struggle a lot more when contacting friends, managing money and not trying to get lost in the traffic jungles of Europe. I only hope that the friend that I had promised to call to visit doesn't get mad at me I tried to apologize but had to wait until  I came back home to do be able to do it with the computer

TLDR Had a good day with shitty luck, phone went glu glu no more bzz bzz me cry cry

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 2

Focused on trying to go outside, not having a phone made it quite difficult as I'm very used to listening to music all the time. At different times I opened social media players but found them to not be enjoyable anymore, they are mora like a chore and a bad habit for dealing with what I could best describe as a sort sort of an analysis paralysis.

My best guess as how to deal with this routines environment and goals let's see if that is enough all though I think I should ask the community for better ideas

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Day 1

Restarting my progress today I was very close to managing to stay on track with many activities outdoors and some hobbies like reading  but alas I folded which even worse when I think of the people that had trusted me with this plan I don't know if I should go on with counting days or just go and try to get as many hours game free as posible.

My ability to do damage control has improved but the underlying issues still stand mainly just not believing I can actually rid myself from my vices I don't really know how to do it but I guess I'll start to try to rebuild trust in myself with this: 

My current goals are: 

1- to wake up at the same time every day

2. to leave the house and go to the library everyday at 7:30

3-to leave the house at 14:00 and go to the park

4-to get to 24h without relapsing on either of my addictions 

 

It will take a bit but it should be manageable if I focus a bit more on being present

It  feels horrible to say this but here we go again day 1 hour 0 25-07-2022 

Edited by Faroe Islander
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't really know where to ask you as writing to you in your journal would defeat the point of having a journal and since I can't really message you directly I will just write it here

Paul.

 How did you get started with meditation and being present?

I tried it a while ago and sometimes practice it for a bit but always seem to just forget about it.

It seems to have helped you a lot with progress cravings and overall day to day life

Link to comment
Share on other sites

25-7-2022

Woke up a bit late but picked up the pace and managed to have a good morning more or less with a bit of music thrown in to deal with cravings

Went outside to study in my local park found it quite peaceful with long trousers being enough to stave off the mosquitos and have a good time despite the 30 something degree temperature.

I took my food with me and found it hard to deal with cravings and boredom, studying for my new hobby could only take me so far started getting distracted and decided to visit grandpa's house but after talking to them for a bit I decided to go home as the trip had made me sweat a lot. I think that this was my main mistake, going back home I always struggle a lot more when I get back, specially during the afternoons and nights and with the day I'd been having I should have stayed clear of that place and only returned at bedtime.

 

I'm pretty happy with the accomplishment of being able to deal with the cravings though but I really need a way to better deal with them and if possible reduce them 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

26-7-2022 

Managed to not touch games or internet for most of the day while also doing quite a bit of work in the mornings

Finally got 1 of my most important exams finished and I can be less stressed about it. Tomorrow I'll focus on going outside, revisiting some of my notes from cam's videos and continuing with books + online courses

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/24/2022 at 4:14 PM, Faroe Islander said:

I don't really know where to ask you as writing to you in your journal would defeat the point of having a journal and since I can't really message you directly I will just write it here

Paul.

 How did you get started with meditation and being present?

I tried it a while ago and sometimes practice it for a bit but always seem to just forget about it.

It seems to have helped you a lot with progress cravings and overall day to day life

You should be able to direct message people actually, and don't be afraid to comment on other people's journals! We like being interacted with.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Restarting progress now, found out ways to replace internet with music reading outside activities and studying will see how far it takes me, need to change as the life that I want to have requires a lot more self control and work than what I'm able to have with internet.

Day 1 7h in 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Day 2 26h in

Yesterday I managed to get by thanks to some of my new hobbies, managing to shift most of my entertainment to listening to stuff instead of being completely absorbed by the internet is not my final goal but it was enough to mark it a w today I'll finally leave for my trip so I hope these days in the mountain can help with the first days of quitting internet media

Edited by Faroe Islander
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/24/2022 at 7:14 PM, Faroe Islander said:

I don't really know where to ask you as writing to you in your journal would defeat the point of having a journal and since I can't really message you directly I will just write it here

Paul.

 How did you get started with meditation and being present?

I tried it a while ago and sometimes practice it for a bit but always seem to just forget about it.

It seems to have helped you a lot with progress cravings and overall day to day life

Sorry for the late reply, I didn’t see this till now!

Funny enough, a friend of mine gave me a book by Shannon Lee (Bruce Lee’s daughter) that contained some of Bruce Lee’s wisdom. That book got me into studying Buddhism and Taoism, which in turn led me to my current practice of mindfulness and presence (although admittedly I can’t stick to meditation as well as I’d like to).

Enjoy your trip to the mountains!

Edited by Paul A.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you're interested in Meditation, I'd suggest starting with some Guided Meditations. You can find many available on YouTube, Spotify, etc... 

I love stuff my Calm, though they're a subscription service. I just used the free stuff they have available on YouTube, starting with 

 

Another tactic that helped me a great deal I learned from my therapist. Write down a list of things you would consider "Self Care." This can be anything you like to do for yourself: reading, listening to music, hiking, meditation, etc...

After writing down the list, try to take the time to do at least one of those things every day, and track which ones you end up doing each day. Over time you'll start to realize that by doing at least one each day you'll actually trend doing more than that.

Edited by rkalajian
Adding content
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6th day in

Back from the mountains it was a nice fun and relaxing time. Had some issues with the internet but overall got by relatively easily thanks to no internet coverage and a fun social activity to do. Now on day 7 I'll have to deal with the bad environment and digital devices again but it should be as bad as before.

Looking forward to cooking and going to the library with a friend, hoping that the social commitment helps but still have to find a social activity and a relaxing activity to help with boredom and cravings. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Today I relapsed on the internet it started with just listening to music as with the other days but grew with wanting to watch tutorials for cooking I don't really know how to call this or deal with it it is in theory a relapse though the only thing I feel is a bit of a headache, some brain fog and a tad of stress, maybe the consequences will hit me later. I haven't sunk into a negativity hole it is more like a bit of apathy like, damn again maybe I should try a complete detox process as it always starts with music or a little video/meme from a friend.

I just really dislike the thought of being stuck with social media content and not getting started on what I really should be doing but feel some analysis paralysis when doing anything at all and end up not doing anything at all or starting and getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things to do or frustrated at the lack of progress.

I'll try the detox idea at least for a week and see what I can learn

My first goal will be to make it to tomorrow and start meditation today, and slowly starting to integrating it into the night routine

Edited by Faroe Islander
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Focussing on going outside this afternoon had quite a sizeable headache this morning while trying to quit and had to take a break I'll restart right now and if I get the headache again I'll try to find ways to deal with it 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day -3 

down bad 2-5AM in the morning don't know stopped looking at the time, can't really get worse so I guess that's nice don't really feel anything other than a bit of tiredness no frustration no guilt only a pfff I did it again 

I'm going to go and get my books to finish the last task I promised myself I would do maybe that will help me in the long run with keeping my promised and my future sobriety following through with what I say that's what I should do and focus on.

Last years have just been a streak of failures and unkept promises to myself so I guess that working on that plus accepting that I'm a weird and very rigid person when it comes to schedules might be just what I need at least while dealing with this addiction. I hope one day I too can be in the big league with those who have managed to stay sober for a long time

Time range: late night to early morning

Feelings: nothing, literally void no apathy no sadness no joy no nothing just acceptance

Activities: looking at screen and writing this message 

Progress: fucked up sleep schedule, let myself down when it comes to sobriety from both of my addictions but managed to complete every single one of my must do tasks today which was no easy feat, tomorrow asked a friend to hang out and got myself into a community activity of sorts so that should help with the next week

Take aways:

  • Being at home is bad I have issues handling it being outside all day and maybe sleeping in a tent is preferable short term either that or marking clear boundaries when it comes to time ranges and places
  • Need to go outside for longer periods of time
  • There will be good times and there will be bad times
  • Leaving the internet is a must but I should let myself have music with an mp3 or something it may be a bad coping mechanism but it's better than complete relapse
  • My brain is very stingy when it comes to schedules so I should follow them no matter what and not let myself sleep in or take a nap as that tends come back to bite me in the ass mid-long term
  •  Be worry of "gateway drugs" of sorts like the phone the mp3 reddit steam...
  • Realice that throughout the years I have convinced myself that games and social media are bad for me and while they may be in some ways beneficial (learning, discovery...) I am in no position to take advantage of those benefits, leading to an alluring poison of sorts which is not worth it
  • I'll try writtng down cravings and how to manage them maybe even getting myself into a NA group of sorts
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share