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Faroe Islander

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14-12

Still in focussing on your identity telling yourself what you are and acting accordingly is really helpful 

I have some times where I don't fully realice it like falling asleep fir sine 2 min mid day instead of pushing past but it is a work in progress and it is better than whatever I was doing before this 

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16-2

Clown fiesta continues.

At this point it has lost its pessimism and pitifulness and become kind of funny in a weird way.

Tomorrow will be better and if not it will at least be funnier, it at least served to confirm that focussing on changing your identity and having strong relationships goes a long way to helping you quit the internet.

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On 12/16/2022 at 4:11 PM, Faroe Islander said:

it at least served to confirm that focussing on changing your identity and having strong relationships goes a long way to helping you quit the internet.

Reminds me of something I learned from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, that in order to achieve a goal, it’s best to focus on who you need to BE, rather than what you or other people need to do. Your CHARACTER plays a huge role in your success and achievement. Keep up the good work!

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Struggling rn, kind of tired and the plans for tonight afternoon just went out the window because of a hit.

I'm tired but it's too early, right now I'm going to go on a run and see if it helps, better than staying at home and not doing anything, I'll try restart work when I'm done

1-Notice the craving

2-Accept it

3-Take constructive actions (even if you have to overcome them by one hour at a time

 

Night update:

Feeling a bit down depressed and frustrated by how things are going rn, my actions in the past years and some problems with the way some of my relationships and career and brain work. Got through it just having a bad streak but it is in my head, a friend told me I tend to overthink things and that is just true. Since the alternative is just hoping my days will just be better I will start to see if I can put some plans into motion like formalizing a bit more my schedules and looking for ways to cope with anxiety mood swings creavings and overall sadness. Maybe a psycologist can help I'll try to get an appointment as soon as I can save up enough money

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18-2 and 19-2 Slipped up, got caught up in the moment with emotions, a phone nearby and too much time left over at home with harder restrictions on going out of the house (needed to work on online project with classmates + it was cold and late) Ended up relapsing, fucking up my sleep schedule a bit (1:30AM bedtime) and spending a considerable amount of time with videos games and PMO. 

Yesterday followed suit, after like 8PM and in the first 20m on my day I lost control and indulged in games, videos, pmo you name it. Now I'm trying to pick the pieces back up, managing to go like 7 days straight has been a great accomplishment, specially after my struggles with games these last 3 months or so.

Now I'm beginning again focusing on a tighter schedule, more self control- self awareness through meditation and changing some activities. Hopefully it will go well, my goal is to resist as many cravings as I can, learn to deal with them and start building a life where I can't see myself going back to games videos or pmo. 1st goal -> resist 10 cravings or make it to 3 days 

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20-12

A time of studies and little free time, Today I managed to not slip back into games... which is already a good start, hopefully this time around I'll be more prepared for cravings/other dangerous situations.

The strategy of changing my identity has worked well and I will continue to use it, after all the relapse while being bad and stressful also proved again that I'm not someone who enjoys games/youtube. I'm just someone that developed bad habits around them and who will inevitable have to and manage to overcome them for me for my aspirations for my identity and for my relationships which will inevitably decay If I don't keep trying to improve.

That's all for now, I am a bit distracted and tired at the moment, I'll go back to studies and see if I can get through the day while also managing to salvage my situation as much as posible

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21 went well

22 managed to pull through more or less (spent most of the day traveling/doing activities)

23 had it rough and started to default, I didn't have friends to hang out a routine or anything of that sort, I managed to go to the library but just spent a lot of times with music

24 Right now I'm starting to take my first steps tp getting over my rout, this morning I spent with music and trying to get out of the house and do some gardening, I really want to get out of this and hope that traveling, scheduling activities or hangouts modifying habits and environment will help me. There is still a lot I have to rethink and a lot of actions I have to take so here I go it is a start and at least right now I found better strategies and my relapses are just a bit shorter which is something.
 

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On 12/24/2022 at 10:35 AM, Faroe Islander said:

There is still a lot I have to rethink and a lot of actions I have to take so here I go it is a start and at least right now I found better strategies and my relapses are just a bit shorter which is something.

Progress!

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Yesterday went more or less well, today was a new start managed to recover from a slip up in the morning but all was well, the morning went fantastically and so did the early afternoon and evening, then night came around and I collapsed, currently writing this in the early morning/late night  hours I just managed to get myself together shower and organice things.

Tomorrow I'll follow todays strategy of going and staying outside the house while doing all my chores and tasks and then focus on regaining the habits that used to help me out so much in the nights and mornings when dealing with my problems

I still believe in the importance of my identity which an old friend of mine reminded me of "you are a very capable individual faroe, you can do whatever others can do and more, if other people with a brain 2 feet and 2 hands have done it so can you, you just have to believe it, if you think you can't you can't but if you think you can you are already half way there"

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27-12 

Went well 

Woke up, headed to library, studied, had lunch with family and spent the afternoon talking to old friends I hadn't seen in a long time.

Talking to people and getting out of the house definitely helped a lot, and also made me realice that I'm still quite bad at talking in groups, I can handle myself more or less in one on one conversations but I really struggle in groups. At least it is a good point of reference and a reminder to also learn to have not shallow but non-deep conversations and talk in groups.

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28-12

Completed, one of the days where I got more done, having a designated place and some people there really works wonders for me, this night I struggled a bit more, I ended up not going for a run and just being satisfied with the 30m exercises on midday, I worry I'm becoming sedentary, at least I managed this time to end up reading instead of relapsing and indulging in activities like entertainment videos games.

I'm growing too old for them I don't enjoy them long term, it's just that I sometimes relapse on them feel the relief for like some minutes to an hour and then it is off with me, down to the self questioning and self pity rabbit hole again.

I want out and I will keep trying I hope that is enough and this recent revival of the streak keeps going, I just want to move on and finally start gaining the confidence and momentum to get myself to the routines struggles and happiness I want to be in let's just hope that this is enough.

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29-12

Got through it I don't remember quite clearly how but I managed in good fashion

30-12

Today was harder, less concentration and starting to feel burned out by uni workload, when I started going in circles I decided to leave and go for a run best decision so far.

I let myself go a bit to much, I slept at midday and stared at the ceiling for an hour or so with frustration about my current situation and I had pizza for dinner + I'm going to sleep later than usual, I hope I can correct this for tomorrow

My goals for tomorrow are:

1-continue going to the library

2-keep doing sport

3-go to sleep earlier

4-figure out wtf I want to do with life now and after the overwhelming uni workload of this past semester

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31-12 music and other stuff stayed up a bit late for new year but it is normal

1-12 was nervous, I wanted to take a big risk and spent the morning with music walking outside trying to get decided, the afternoon was my fault though I excused myself until 7 PM and then let games overwhelm me when a friend had to go to the hospital and we couldn't work

2-12 getting back in it the first 2h were more or less wasted apart from some 30m going outside and coding a bit, now I'm going to continue my work and see what I can do.

Let's see how far we can go

My goals for today:

1-start working on coding assignments

2-go to the library this afternoon

3-make averages to see how I progress

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2-12

pulled through, managed to take advantage of the afternoon and get a bit of work done while also having time to do some sport

went to sleep to late have to work on that

goals for tomorros:

1- Go to the library

2-finish theory for 1 of my exams

3- finish the navigation structure of an assignment and do 3 methods of another assignment

4-Do sport

 

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3-12

going through it, now I'm struggling and really nervous tomorrow I'll try to ask a friend out I'm really nervous since I haven't done it in a long time and I really appreciate this friend and don't want to throw the relationship away with games and other bad habits if I get it. For now all I can do is just wait and accept what may come out, then adapt to see how it goes and how to get better wether that is to maintain the relationship or if it fails get other chances.

Current goals

1-Ask friend out

2-get rid of phone

3-continue working on uni work

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It wasn't meant to be I guess, she had some previous bad experience with relationships which I can respect and accept even if I don't understand it completely.

At least we had a nice conversation and promised to continue being great friends which is good but it still hurts a bit. I have no doubt that we will continue to be great friends and I'll keep having her support in complicated topics or phases in my life and I'll do the same, I'll just have to look for that kind of relationship with someone else, even if it is complicated. 

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Been going through a period of serious burnout, when it comes to games or videos I didn't touch them to much but I also didn't do much overall which is concerning considering the upcoming exams.

I can't seem to find my pace of last year when I could put in 12h/day of work on average and still  keep and upbeat attitude about it, right now I'm lucky if I can get 11h/day and my average is probably closer to 9-10h/day.

I don't know what it has been, maybe it's the increased workload, the environment (I moved and it's a bit more messy), my enjoyment of the subjects (which has decreased) or a combination of all the above factors, right now even some of my closest friends in the degree and class have also experienced this, which is at least somewhat comforting, since it is not just me it is something also experienced by some of the top students in class. It is still frustrating though. 

Right now I'm going to try to focus on the things long term.

+

1-My "worst" days of internet now only last up to 5h after that I go out and at least get some fresh air to let it out and get better

2-I don't find any enjoyment in videos which is an upside but it has also led me to see that I don't really have big passions anymore or don't look for a lot of information/projects anymore, I'm just kind of drifting for a bit 

3-My health has improved a bit, my back doesn't hurt as frequently and I have tendencies to hate sweets or processed foods instinctively (like I can take a bite and know that I don't really like it)

4-Had a lot more experienced and got more control over my introverted tendencies, I still like thinking alone and being by myself but now I can actively choose to go out more with friends have more experiences outside my house or meet more people

5-Amount of time spent on the internet has overall gone down (these days it should be averaging about 1-2h/day when I count the bad days, much better than the average 4h/day I used to have but still not enough

6-Managed to keep the amount of calculated risks I am taking up (not gone completely back to being risk averted) -> bussiness, groups, dating...

7-took up writing

 

-

1-As said before, no big projects/bouts of knowledge gathering no passion, I'm just drifting and trying to get through the day which even though sometimes it is a bit confortable and better than going through streaks of hatting/loving what I'm doing I hate as it doesn't feel like I'm really alive

2-I'm coming to the realization that I don't enjoy a lot of the things that are in my career and my ways of dealing with this + burnout have not been the greatest (mostly staying inside, trying to continue studying while not being completely in or just defaulting to music/videos to fill in the void)

3-Grades have gone down from what they used to be last year, I'm still attaining marks good enough to pass the classes with a bit of room to breath but my average score is going down from the previous year

4-Can't manage my time go back to games and still wonder why I don't have time for all that I would like to do

5-Became much more averted to pain (not doing as much in the gym/running not exposed myself to more pain can't breakthrough some of the times of the mental hurdles of cravings

6-Became less consistent with habits

 

Goals for this next week

1-Organice my day, get more control over my habits since I have gotten worse at managing them -> waking up at 6:30 once again since it really helped 

2-Dedicate time to more passion activities and self seeking ( give one hour of the day for searching for topics of interest -> articles/books + giving myself some time to walk/run/decompress)

 

 

 

 

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Burnout is real! Try to pace yourself when it comes to your studying, break it up into manageable chunks of time by practicing something like the Pomodoro technique. As far as the feeling of drifting, it happens. Take all the time you need to explore different hobbies/outlets, or to sit with yourself and just think about what you want to do. It may feel like you’re just going through the motions now, but if you take the time to be introspective and explore your options, I’m sure you’ll overcome. Hope this helps

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