Hitaru

It's only a feeling, and it shall pass if you allow it it's time to pass. Be strong!

Soy español amigo, but I have nothing against mexicans, until they claim their voice acting of The Simpsons is better. Then holy war ensues. They dubbed however the Disney old movies my gen grew with, and somehow we don't change them for anything. The power of nostalgia...

Thus spoke the plants. I'm quite a bit late, but happy birthday! Also, friendly reminder that if you ever have some doubt or question with Spanish, you can hit me up. We southerners have the sassiest accent, just sayin'. Mexican Spanish sounds really cool too. Depends if you're interested in composing baroque sonnets, tell the best jokes or ask all those mamasitas to dance.

Welcome back @tirEdOrange [I don't wanna think too much about any reasoning behind my motivation, I just wanna get. shit. done.] Getting shit done is the best way of having motivation

Welcome back!

Might read it . Won't make promises yet, Books and Hitaru still go awkward together. Got a new phone and sadly departed my trusty old one; the substitute is one of these last-gen monsters (not the +1000USD kind, I'm neither crazy or rich) and as a kind of social experiment went crazy with synchronizing everything and say yes to all sort of add-ons. May end a clusterfuck or I may have taken the first step towards having an empire on my hand. I was suspicious already, but it's confirmed, I'm turning into a fucking normie. This device reeks of african children scratching discarded cobalt, but may come very handy, for many years I hope. Travel in two days, luggage insufficient, trouble assured. Sigh. Low cost bullshit.

You can also try to chew slower and other little tricks to make dinner a more meaningful experience, like not watching TV or checking phones, etc. A good dinner is the prelude of a great sleep and better morning

Welcome to the forum @Mimetic! Don't quit out of regret and self-loathing (I mean those words you're using to describe yourself, like stupid or fucked up), or you will soon find a lot of reasons (spoiler: excuses) to "quit quitting" and go back to compulsive gaming; guaranteed. Because my bet is you're using it to escape from the bad feelings, and those are plenty if you let them in. Games are addictive if played in excess, but the key factor is the reasons why we play (beyond the point of a fun, harmless hobby). The four main reasons are Temporary Escape, Constant Measurable Growth, Challenge and Socializing. This areas are completely natural and legit motivators: you are perfectly capable of quitting one game or a thousand, IF you find another activity(es) to fill the temporal and emotional space games previously had. You'll feel this is way too easy to say for a complete stranger, but what is done is done and what happened, happened. It's normal to feel angry, frustrated and lost, and those are feelings we know very well here. Your brain is on a destructive mindset, you have that kind of inertia. Why not focus in what you do have instead? You're a law graduate. You have the ability to work, to develop yourself personally, socially, emotionally; to start building the life you want even if now it feels like a pain in the ass. For anything you need, know that we support you and have your back!

That's a great sign, you know!

Because I'm a perfectionist and want to devote a lot of time to each thing individually instead of pushing them forward all together but slowly? Because it's actually an excuse to avoid doing anything and live instead in a state of constant panic and disappointment? --------- I've mostly decided to take a second try on the exam, which will delay the whole thing by half a year (if successful). That means I can't keep this current mindset. I need to enjoy life AND take care of my future, whatever future, at the same time. I can't keep waiting to reach an imaginary standard of normalcy to start living, I need to get up and get it. That said, I need to make preparations for my next now imminent travel and God damn I'm procrastinating it like a pro. It's killing me inside. Ah, where did all those good vibes from Peniche go? Please come baaaaack...! Thinking hard about it without all the internal resistance I'm facing to avoid getting the thought formed up in my mind, there is only one thing that I feel I need to do that would probably be incompatible with the military. Only one. Is it what is delaying the whole thing? I want to think that's not the case, I would feel really stupid. But in the end I know the truth. I will give another bold pull at the lever, and crazy things shall happen again. If I dare.

The other day my partner in crime showed me an animated TV show about three bears who did stuff like... updating their social media? It was cute tho, given your love for bears maybe you know about it?

I thought about this too man. I used to think so bad how letting go of a strong sense of morality would make me into the biggest of assholes, and even isolated myself out of fear of that happening. Lately (read several years) I've been learning to see things under a grey light without jumping straight to "how things should be" and not only I'm happier but with much more range of movement to do what I want to do, which is not radically different from what I wanted in the past, but in the mindset that it's just my arbitrary preference, as if life was a game in which I play to impose my opinion but I don't get mad if that doesn't happen. It's a much more interesting approach imo.

Well, I wasn't making any assumptions this time @destoroyah (and to be honest that's quite unusual in me), I read your post and wondered about that definition of chaos you were making: "Is he talking about how does he see life and his personal best way to react to it (as if some sort of 'nihilistic utilitarianism' perhaps?), or is it something more philosophical, or more abstract, or...?" That's what was going on in my mind at the time. Your description of your assumptions about me and yourself is not weird at all, at least compared to my own experience (yes, you can bet I did my opposite deal of assumptions about your reply for example, including "Is he attacking me/mad at me?" "Am I explaining myself so badly?"). If not everyone has that process inside their head all the time, at least there is a percentage of the population including you and me who certainly does. So what? Thoughts are cheap and harmless until materialized. It is actions that not only leave a real impact but are the ultimate tests for thoughts. The way I see it, think and do what works best for you, you'll cause a reaction around you which may well be what other people think and is the best for them (or not). That's perhaps another form of chaos, the endless possibilities of consequences of all kind. [And since you mention, what pushed me to ask? I would say my behavior answers a mix of J with a heavy focus on B supported by C. My temperament is very narcissistic (the narcissistic part rejoices on the admittance while the "social" part is disgusted to have such flaw, and I'm not used at all to be this matter-of-fact with my inner workings) which means I am obsessed with me in the world -and- the world without me, and in my particular case that manifests into craving to witness and understand. My mind, your mind, all the minds, I want to know, I must. For no particular reason but my pleasure and what I felt since the beginning that is me. That's the most basic and most subconscious impulse (and so probably the strongest), but then there's other things like empathy or the reply quota. Again, so what. Even if I didn't give a fuck (which is not the case but why not, it could be the case in other circumstances if I was someone else), if I kept the conversation in this journal going, if I bumped your own internal dialogue forward in a way that helps you (and it's my belief that eventually all thoughts converge into something helpful, that and the narcissistic curiosity is why I decided not to kill myself back in the day) then I would be already doing a good job with an action that pisses in the mouth of a thousand of my previous thoughts or assumptions. And I don't feel F and G towards you, but that's not the case for other people in my life, present or past. It is also an emotion that dwells in me and also believe it does in everyone else as well. Again not that I'm proud, but it's there.] But I wasn't sure how to put it all of this into words when I wrote that and it came out as simplistic and clueless perhaps. Maybe it still is but with a ton of words this time... In any case I want to thank you honestly for the time you took writing! Not as the mod but as the weird narcissistic human mind eavesdroper.

> Game Quitting specialist. We would hire that [How do I stop avoiding and start acting when I'm barely aware I'm making the decision to avoid in the first place??] Maybe acting until there's no distinction between acting and no-acting...? 

Maybe what you're talking about is resilience and adaptability, or does it have a deeper meaning for you?

Keep a positive attitude and focus on the things that help you carry on

Welcome to the forum Doug! You can check this list of +60 hobby ideas if you need suggestions of new things to do. It's divided in 4 sections: Active (physically), Resting, Social and Challenging (mentally). You should have these 4 areas covered but probably there's one or several of them you find more lacking in your life. You are really brave for taking this step at your age, we're fully aware that thinking about quitting video games at 14 is a completely different situation than, say, 20. Your awareness is inspiring; just by the way you write it's obvious that you have a good head over your shoulders. And since you seem to be really smart, probably you are tired to be hearing all the time that you have a long life before you, that you can do anything you set your mind to, etc. But hear me, you set your own terms man. If you want something, anything more out of life that's awesome, go for it like the world would end tomorrow. Be it at 14 or at 80. Any day and any age is right to start improving yourself and living the experience you believe you deserve. The next step we would recommend is opening a journal in the Journal Section, so you have your personal space to organize your thoughts and whatever you want to do next, share your thoughts and feelings, seek support or whatever you need. In the Main Section there are topics about video game addiction that you may find relatable or interesting, and the rest of the forum is more generic (topics about daily life, hobbies, social skills...). The forum is yours to browse.

Oh please, it's great when other people post and and create so much needed breathing breaks between one existential wall of text and the next. ------------- About the Armed Forces: There's a extraordinary selection process starting in December, and then an ordinary one probably in March. It's a hassle but let's be real, I'm am physically ready (at 90%), and the other tests? I'd just need to bury my elbows in "puzzles" again. It's not the big deal I'm making it be. All the problem comes because: 1. I don't have a healthy daily routine and activities so every day I'm not reaching my end-goals feels like hell on earth. I don't have hobbies, I don't do anything, only oversleeping and then spending my day between here and preparing my entrance process. I'm clearly not enjoying the ride and only focusing on the destination, and this is clearly a bad attitude. 2, I was expecting to enter asap to finish asap and study and travel asap because I feel I need to all this shit between 30 because my "youth" is coming to an end and urrrrgh! Because there's a rift in me between "Seriousness" and... let's call it "Adventure". Like two opposite natures competing between each other to settle as my main spirit: - The military, studying at Uni, getting a steady job, helping out mom and living independently, reading, creating a family... these kind of things fall in my serious mindset. - Traveling, writing lewd texts, exploring my sexuality, having hobbies, living adventures with friends, becoming a Buddhist monk... these are adventures. The problem is my staunch belief that adventures have a strict time limit. Specifically 30. Specially my sexuality exploration. But at the same time I can't put developing my serious life on hold just because I didn't have a proper puberty/adolescence to fool around and make mistakes. That time was lost, I squandered it, fuck me. Of course my other side puts resistance. Then I do nothing. Fuck. Me. What a mess.

Ladies and gentlemen, this guy is on fire!

Tener claro lo que no quería me ayudó mucho en momentos muy malos de mi vida; es otra forma de saber lo que quieres, pero que no tiene tan buena reputación, como si valiera menos. Dale el valor que se merece a cualquier cosa que te saque de la incertidumbre completa y la desesperación existencial, porque esas cosas valen oro. Muchas veces relacionamos sentimientos con personas y les asignamos el papel de salvadores, y nos obsesionamos. Muchas veces no es tanto la persona como lo que representa para nosotros, lo que deseamos que signifique para nosotros, lo que nos mueve a seguir buscándolas. Creo que esto te puede llegar a pasar o quizá te haya pasado con las chicas. Las parejas y la gente en general nos aporta Jay, pero no debemos asignar exclusividad como si esa persona y sólo esa fuera a arreglar con su simple presencia nuestros problemas o inseguridades. Cada persona es un mundo y este mundo es abierto, con infinitas puertas y ventanas, en el que la gente puede decidir entrar o salir de tu vida por la razón más trivial, buena o mala, justa o injusta, altruista o egoísta. Y eso da miedo, porque cuando alguien se nos acerca mucho nos apegamos (lo cual es totalmente normal y humano). Las grandes figuras de la Historia de cualquier lugar o período coinciden en que una de las claves de la felicidad es aceptar la vida como una sucesión de cambios y por eso apreciar tanto el momento presente, porque es un conjunto de circunstancias que nunca más se va a repetir de manera idéntica. Cada día que nuestros seres queridos o amados están junto a nosotros es un regalo, y si en algún momento no lo están, así es y así ha tenido que ser, aunque duela, y muchas veces duele. Creo que esto te pasó también en cierta manera con tu padre. Dices que te abandonó y desde luego lo hizo, no tiene justificación. ¿Pero no te abandonaste también tú mismo? Él cometió un error, tú lo ratificaste. No encontraste un modelo en él, pero si realmente lo necesitabas podrías haber mirado a otro lado, buscado otro modelo, en tu madre, en tu familia, en tus amigos, en un artista famoso, en quien fuera que sintieras que podía servirte. Pero esos no valían para tí, debía ser tu padre, no porque fuera su responsabilidad natural como el comer o respirar, sino porque tú le asignaste ese rol, y cuando no lo cumplió te sentiste traicionado, estafado. Mi madre es una persona más bien individualista, con poca tendencia a la espontaneidad afectiva o a dar palabras de ánimo. Yo le asigné ese rol de apoyo emocional porque consideraba que "eso era lo que las madres hacían" y cuando no encajó en él me sentí muy molesto y frustrado. Y todavía me frustra, pero debo entender que las personas simplemente son, y que es mucho más efectivo adaptarse a ellas y liderar con el ejemplo de ser nosotros 100% quienes queremos ser, que vivir una vida larga y resentida porque no actuaron como queríamos o creíamos que debían hacer. Tus padres y todas las personas de este mundo tienen su camino Jay, y la mayoría para ser sinceros no tienen ni idea de cual es, por eso la gente se equivoca, hace el idiota o cae en adicciones. Tú tienes tu camino, y la gente de tu alrededor puede empujarte en una u otra dirección, pero tu eres quien da los pasos, y tus pasos son mucho más fuertes que las intenciones o las influencias de la gente, para bien o para mal. Tú tienes el poder sobre tu vida. En ti está el poder de ser quien decidas ser.

@Zala You must know of Into the Wild and the story of Christopher McCandless. If you ever do what he did, bring a map with you at least! Edit: (I meant @Megaman) @Cam Adair Haven't you noticed? The list is in chronological order and not by priority! If I had to say, the Top things of the year so far are: 1. Meeting Cam. 2. Meeting my bf. 3. Trying to get into the military and get my shit together. I'm putting Cam higher in the list since meeting him could have a bigger impact in the world than me just being happy, though that's arguable, since if I'm happy I could deliver a bigger value in whatever I do, and that thing may be great for other people. As @Regular Robert said, my shift came when I recalled entering a relationship, so maybe I'm just holding back my feelings as a defense mechanism...?

Hi again @Laney!! Missed you! Damn right you are girl. Fuck shame; games are a tool. If you're fine with playing solo like you watch a good film or drink a good wine, then go for it! I know for sure I can't, but each person is different and if they're honest and commited to their wellbeing we support them all. It seems it'll still a while until you reach that maximum point of healthy relationship with yourself, but we'll be with you as well all the way until you get there. Rooting for you! I think it's ok if you sometimes are a sassy fabulous bitch to those who deserve it, extremes are not good But, seriously now: This is absolutely the story of both my recent life and my whole social life as well It really got me thinking when I read it. Somehow we need to reach a mindset in which we celebrate what we are and do, but at the same time develop a healthy ambition, looking forward to things and striving but without letting stress and impatience weigh us down; nor growing complacent and stagnant. What a riddle. But anyway that's what we're here for, right? To find out.

Imagine if all pronouns were academically gendered like Spanish ones (eg a 'table' is not gendered in English, but a 'mesa' is gendered as feminine in Spanish). Then things go through the freaking window. Honestly speaking, language is created through custom and usage, and imo imposing newspeak rather than fighting against the social constructed values we throw upon the old ones (eg. think of the concept of 'white' vs the concept of 'black', not only in race) is just ridiculous. Now I can't go to Canada

I hope you kept that Option 1 rolling!

@Piotr Remember it's not games, but the reason why you play games. Temporary escape is ok, procrastination is not. Challenge and progress is ok, Idleness and wasting time in fake achievements is not. Socialization is ok, isolation is not.