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About SuperSaiyanGod

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  1. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 37, 4.10.2019 20:22. I either forgot or didn't feel like writing yesterday. I'm mostly writing now because I don't want to skip days. I'm not sure I see much value in writing this journal right now. Though I want to keep doing it because I want to be able to use it later should I need to do this all over again. So yesterday I met my friend and she helped me finish my resume and look for job offers. Mostly she helped my by just being there, because the thought of looking for a job on my own is paralyzing. She says I have a very good resume.
  2. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 35, 2.10.2019 10:04. Forgot to write yesterday, possibly because I was gaming pretty much all day, just as I did the day before (started at about 15:00). I find it really difficult to stop. Today I slept until 9:00, but that's because I couldn't fall asleep until at least 3:00. And that's because my rls wouldn't let me. I had to get up to walk twice. I really don't feel like doing anything today. But I'm going to make breakfast. I should clean the apartment today.
  3. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 33, 30.09.2019 6:59 according to my computer, though my alarm just went off. I really feel like going back to sleep. Anyway, so far so good, I feel kind of motivated to do my morning routine and not game. Edit: 12:35. I did a thing I had to do, and I did my morning routine, but I didn't shower. And I for two hours in between. I feel like gaming. I really don't feel like exercising or playing guitar. I think I'll read in bed for a while.
  4. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 32, 29.09.2019 7:20. Forgot to write yesterday. Only remembered in the evening. Yesterday got up at 8, same reason as before, but the day before I'd only slept for maybe 30 minutes. But I had the worst sleep in weeks, I'm not sure I slept more than 50%, if even that. So that's why I set the alarm to 8. Today I got up at 7:00, quite easily. I don't feel like doing much. I forgot to buy rolls yesterday and today everything's closed. So I'll have to figure something out with breakfast. My morning's aren't going well. I usually get up ear
  5. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 30, 27.09.2019 8:35. Woohoo, day 30! I believe I've already written a longer report some time ago, I don't think much has changed. One thing that's important is that being at my parents' was indeed a great boon and since I returned home it's been harder. The trick with putting my phone away from bed so that I have to get up immediately as I hear the alarm works every time. Today I slept until 8:00 (actually woke up earlier, around 7:45, and kinda knew I wouldn't fall asleep again) because I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight I
  6. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 29, 26.09.2019 7:40. I didn't fall asleep until well after 23:30, because my new roommate was moving in and doing some noise. But then I slept well. Oh well. I feel very similar today as I did yesterday. But I'm a bit more motivated to doing stuff. I don't get any real pleasure or satisfaction from gaming. I think I'm going to stop. I don't really feel ready. And I have no idea what I'm going to replace it with. So for now I'm going to make a rule of no gaming until 12:00. if I don't count the morning routine, it should be only aroudn
  7. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 28, 25.09.2019 Forgot to write yesterday. I really don't feel like doing anything. It's 7:04. I really don't feel like making breakfast or taking a shower. My friend visited two days ago and left yesterday. I was already itching to be on my own by the time he was leaving. Then I proceeded to waste all that time. We met my other friend and it was fun. Most of the time I could lay back and let them do the talking, which is kinda what I'd planned. I likely won't be doing anything today. I'll wait with breakfast until I feel hun
  8. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 26, 23.09.2019 7:56. I got up at 7:45 because yesterday I forgot to set up the alarm (I turned it off because I'd already been up). And so I've been lying in bed half awake and half asleep, waiting for the alarm to go off, as I was hearing the street strating to get busy and seeing the light emerging. But then I realised there was no alarm. So I just got up. I have no bad feelings about it, I'm even happy that I already have the habit of waking up on my own this early. It wasn't hard to get up either. And I'm perfectly rested. Yesterday I
  9. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 25, 22.09.2019 I've been feeling much worse since I returned home. Maybe it's because this place is associated in my head with all the crap I'm usually feeling. Maybe it's because there's less space, or no cats. Or maybe it's because I don't have anyone to talk to. For the last three weeks I spent time with my parents every day, and quite a lot for my standards. Now I don't have that ability. So I really don't feel like playing guitar today. And, just like yesterday, I really feel like sitting in front of the computer all night. I think ye
  10. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 24, 21.09.2019 19:10. I've been at my parents' for exactly three weeks. It was nice, much better than expected. It helped me with my sleeping habits. Now I'm back home, I got back at noon. The first thing is that it's cold here, much colder than back at my parents'. This makes the bed very inviting. I need some way to keep my feet warm because it's very distracting. I am currently in bed because of that reason. An interesting development. I think this night was the first night when I didn't have to get up during the night. This is pro
  11. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 23, 20.09.2019 8:41. So today I woke up on my own and it was bright, so I immediately jumped out of bed thinking that I'd missed the alarm or even turned it off without remembering. And then I looked at the phone (which was away from bed) and it was 6:57. So yeah. That was a bit of panic. Yesterday I couldn't fall asleep until well after 23:00. But I still got some 7 hours of sleep, which is awesome. I think I haven't had any suicide thoughs in three weeks.
  12. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 22, 19.09.2019 7:46. Someting interesting happened today, that is, something different than usual. Yesterday in the evening I made a plan to put my phone away from my bed so that I would have to get up to turn off the alarm. I didn't expect it to have any effect, because usually when I did that I would just go to sleep immediately. For example when the alarm was set for 14:00 so I would get up then instead of at 17:00. Now it worked. I heard the alarm, was confused as usual because of it, but got up and turned it off. And then my rational
  13. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 21, 18.09.2019 20:51. So it's been three weeks. I think that's what's said about how long it takes for a habit to form. I don't feel like my habit is formed. Every evening I have this thing that I want to keep sitting in front of the computer like I always do (or did, hopefully) or just keep myself from falling asleep for as long as possible. Maybe that's because going to sleep means cutting myself off from all the stimulation, and I want as much stimulation as possible. Or maybe it's because I'm afraid of that silence and void of me just lying
  14. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 20, 17.09.2019 20:47. Got up around 7am, it was pretty hard to get up. I just played guitar with my dad for a while. It was pretty chaotic but okay. That's it I guess.
  15. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 19, 16.09.2019 8:09. Woke up at 6:40 because my mom was leaving for work. My parents got back around 2. I think I'll stay here until Saturday, in part because their presence will help me with maintaining my sleeping habits (which is very important for at least another week to silidify the habit), but mostly because travelling back home is going to be easier on Saturday. I think I slept remarkably well, maybe 90%. I did almost all the things I had to do yesterday. It took only a short while really.