Mettermrck

I'm sorry, onlysoul. Hang in there...

Yes, I have felt alone. Gaming really isolated me along with my other issues. When I quit the games, it was like peeling off a bandage and all this pus coming out. I felt utterly, crushingly alone. I cried at night...still tense up sometimes. I have to force myself to reach out to people. I schedule time to text and call folks. I will say that it does get better if you work at it. Don't give in to despair and relapse.

Day 38/90. Well, it looks like divorce. Meg and I pretty much said the things we've always been saying at the meeting. She doesn't think she can ever trust me again and will always be on "pins and needles" and that wouldn't be fair to either of us. I tried to say that previously, I never saw my problems as addictions on the level of drugs or alcohol and that I have never let these things go as I have now. But, it looks like it's not to be. I really didn't have a lot of anxiety. I think I saw this coming so I wasn't completely surprised. I think my tears and anxiety these past weeks has been a grieving process for my marriage. I'm not saying I won't feel sad over the next months, but I think I've come to terms with it. I am in the beginning of what I call my "transformative year". Letting go of the soda and fast food, the gaming, and the porn, will make me into a whole new man. I get impatient about it, but I battle day by day and I can see the slow and steady progress. This makes all the emotions worth it. So, Aug 29th is the day for the divorce. When I heard Meg having this date in her head, I knew it was over. She was committed. Time to move on. I have to become who I'm meant to be with no more regrets. My counselor sent me a text last night that was touching. "You have an awesome attitude...it is really Meg's loss as she will not find another man that even comes close to the man you are becoming. I'm proud of you!" Thank you to my cheerleaders! I am certainly not giving up, only doing as Cam says, doubling down on what's working. Gratitude: 1. I did go through with the meeting and am glad I did so 2. I hugged Meg afterwards and told her if she wanted to be friends, let's be real friends and not just a phrase 3. I started on the couch but ended up sleeping in bed. I made it!

Just keep at it, KO. You're making progress in some areas, so see it as a victory.

I like that, splitting goals into smaller pieces. I try to do that with mine and generate hoped for timelines on progress. You're doing great, Tom2.

That sounds like a good morning routine. Maybe some form of exercise or meditation?

If you're ready to move on then you will. I underestimated gaming for a long time in my life because I didn't think of it being like alcohol and cigarettes. But now that I do, I know better and have more strength for staying away.

I will be interested to see where your journey takes you when your 90 days is up.

You have a lot of great activities already. At least this time you won't have to figure out your hobbies.

Here's hoping for your job, onlysoul!

Ooo I didn't know there were Dune prequels. I'll have to check that out. And I'll put Enders on my list to start again. I thought the Harrison Ford movie was well done and it prodded my interest again. I'm glad about your Facebook friend. I've sort of kept dark on Facebook. I really want to appear a year from now at my family reunion in TN and just shock people! But I know the value of communicating your struggle too. I get some of that when I text friends almost daily.

Get some rest, Tom2, you deserve it!

Good job keeping away from the games, Shine! You're doing great.

Wow, Mhyrion, you are taking on a lot at once! Hang in there. Take it one day a time and be patient with the changes. You are going to do great!

Hang in there, Hitaru. You're stronger than you realize and I'm glad you're posting again.

Yes it takes a lot to work through the cravings. You pretty much have to starve your brain of its gaming fix. It looks like you are well on your way!

@Tom2 Thanks! I understand. Sometimes I don't know what to write on people's journals either but I appreciate reading an encouraging note each day. @Moe Smith Yes, I think there's a good chance we'll be friends if we do divorce. I may have failed my wife in areas of intimacy and trust, but I was always there for support in a crisis and I was always a shoulder to cry on. Day 37/90. So tonight is the meeting with my wife and the priest. I'm honestly not expecting too much though I appreciate her willingness to meet at all. I think I'll be relieved either way and I'll pretty much know where things are heading. I think I'm tired of having forlorn hope. It's mentally exhausting. After tonight, there'll either be a real chance or none and I can adjust accordingly. She told me the other day that she was happy for my changes and wanted someone else to enjoy the "good Robert". Sigh. I told her she deserved the good me. She put up with the bad me for so long. But it's not my.call. I can only make my case, declare my love, and hope. If it's not enough, it's not enough and I must be ready to move on. I tell you one thing. If I do have to move on, I'm leaving these addictions behind me in the trash. Dump gaming, soda, and porn in the can and slam the lid. I will never hurt another woman, or any relationship for that matter, like this again. Gratitude: 1. I slept a solid 8 hours in my bed despite all this drama happening. Meds/meditation/exercise yay! 2. Gym workouts 3. A supportive mother who always listens to me

Yiu did a great job deleting your games and committing to quitting again. I've gamed and deleted many times. You'll find that gaming doesn't cure your anxiety...it just buries it and it will still bubble to the surface. Quitting gaming can be scary, but your feelings will be out in the open and you can find new healthy ways to handle them.

See, you don't need virtual character creation! I can see that you're busy strengthening your real life character right here! You got this, Pierce.

Go, Moe! You are an inspiration for turning your life around. I never did read beyond Enders Game. You'll have to let me know what you think of the series. Never got beyond the first Dune book either haha. I'm so psyched for you!

Very good analysis of yourself, Gruive! I agree the basic things in life become more interesting when you quit gaming. It looks like it's happened fast for you. That's awesome!

Glad you made it through, Jess. I find the podcast to be very fruitful.

Yes I love reestablishing contact with old friends. Having friends in my life just makes things easier.

Great work, Les! You've really done a lot for yourself in such a short time.

Is the activity bracelet something like a Fitbit? Only a different brand in your country? I hope Papu is feeling better! ?