Gruive

DAY 7 For the past few days my high-school friend whom I have gamed with most of my young adult life, have frequently posted screen shots of his custom made XCOM2 characters and snippets of mission encounters. It was highly entertaining for me to talk about the stories with him but not being troubled of wanting to game. It was just nice to discuss and talk about it with him. "Rehab" has been going fairly smoothly for me. I noticed that I have begun to enjoy a little more the daily simpler things of life. Such as shopping for groceries, doing some administrative work, reading and catching up with some people. These used to be things that distracts me from gaming and I have abhorred them in my core. I also used to procrastinate to exercising for months... but recently, I have looked forward to exercising as an interesting diversion for the week (currently exercising 2 times a week). I read somewhere that one of the withdrawal symptoms of gaming addiction is that every other activity apart from gaming becomes really bland, boring and un-enjoyable. But the brain needs to healing some 60-90 days to re-adjust itself to a life beyond gaming. Maybe it'll take a while, before I find more enjoyment in doing real life work, but I want to make changes in my life where I see changes needs to be made. Just finished reading chapter 2 and 3 of Respawn and I agree it was really a memorable and fun moment in life to be able to go through all the games that I've ever cherished and enjoyed playing. It is time to close the chapter and move on to the next chapter and adventures to come. There must be more to life than just gaming in front of the screen... and I close this chapter of my life with that expectation.

Wow thanks for the links, Onlysoul! Thumbs up!

Hahaha! Bad thing is that I have AC here in the room Thankfully, I have many things to keep me occupied! Thanks for the support Marsaray I miss them stories! But more curious to be a part of writing and eventually read the story of my own life! Keep at it Mettermrck! Thanks so much for your support!

DAY 1 When I was 11 years old, I was knee-deep playing Mortal Kombat on my SNES on a Saturday afternoon. My aunt came up to me and asked, "Eric, how long have you been playing?". "Since about lunch I guess", I replied. "Wow, you are really into this video games. Could it be that you are addicted to it?", She retorted. I was a little offended, as if I, the Champion of Mortal Kombat could be humbled to a state of addiction, and replied swiftly, "There is no such thing as video game addiction". Famous Last Words... I wonder if I could go back in time, what I would have said to my younger self? I'm still in somewhat disbelief writing this journal and treating all of this like a full rehab treatment program; recovering from a serious addiction. I read that the withdrawal symptoms of gaming addiction was because my brain has been wired/optimized for receiving enjoyment from gaming and that it will take at least 3 months to heal. The realization that I am suffering from what I can term as "Brain Damage" is both funny and eye-opening... But in my past efforts, I observed that I had exhibited some of the withdrawal symptoms and it brought to light that my ill-informed response was what caused my poor initiative and action to treat my addiction. Maybe there is someone that have recovered from narcotic addiction through sheer willpower. Maybe there are someone that have quit cold turkey gaming and made it out on the first go. But I know that person wasn't me and it was high time I looked for help outside of my own strength and efforts. Earlier the morning, I was struggling to stop gaming. I was playing a mobile game the night before, "Marvel Future Fight". By this time, I had given up on major gaming in my life - quit FFXI in 2008, completed Mass Effect story in 2013, relapsed with Diablo 3, and many many mobile & PC games within the span of 2014-2016, and now am trying again to strive for the ideal. I do not know how many times I have tried to reason my way to put some modicum of gaming into my life - but no matter how much I try to spin it, it is just not compatible with my faith... The Lord that I pray to and worship was the one that initiated my journey out of gaming and He is the one strengthening and encouraging me not to give up and to keep striving for the ideal. I can say that whatever positive changes that has happened in my life is because God was in it. The friends and family around me do not understand just exactly what I am going through nor even comprehend the severity of it (even I do not want to acknowledge it). Every time I relapsed, I tried to downplay the severity of it. Every time I try to fight it, I just get overwhelmed by the stresses and cares of life. I always think, how am I going to get through this life without having an outlet or activity to relieve my stress or to get my source of fun and entertainment? Prayer helped me to make my decision this morning to stop at once and uninstall the last game. It was not an easy decision and it, as silly as it sounds, hurts like a breakup (of some kind). But I made my decision in full light of the Respawn community, that there are others suffering like me, and I could not down play this 'addiction' in my own life anymore. I made this decision that there were others wishing and working and fighting to turn their life around and I would join in the fight with all of you. I made this decision having my family, and friends in my mind - not wanting to lose any more time and life with them. I made this decision knowing with a faith-like certainty that God has not given up not me despite my frequent relapses and continued to heal me and give me support to grow up and live life as its meant to be lived. ------- Throughout the day, I felt superb. I could focus. I had peace of mind. I could appreciate the moments here and there. I went biking for more than an hour and though not as enjoyable as gaming (yet), I enjoyed it somewhat. I found the strength to focus and began reading Respawn and writing this journal. I am having warm and empowering feelings and moments as I write this - maybe if I had not gamed so heavily in the past, I could have been writing as my hobby? I don't know and I don't care to fantasize on what might happen in the past. All I know is that today and beginning now, my journey to turning around and have permanent recovery from my childhood addiction unto a new life has begun. From one perspective, yet another gamer part of me died today. But the more I die, the more I seem to live. Is this what carrying the cross is all about...?

I never thought I'd ever come across a community where people know and feel exactly what I am going through fighting this 'addiction'. First of all I have always doubted that gaming could be an addiction - but after reading the book (currently just finished the 1st chapter) and finding a community of people struggling the same things I go through, I see that I cannot and should never underestimate this 'illness/disease/addiction' and I hope that all of you will find the victory to overcome and live your life to the fullest! Hi! My name is Eric. I'm from Indonesia and I live in the capital city of Jakarta, where the traffic drains the life out of you as are games. I want to quit games because I was 23 and I felt that I was living a lie and not my life. I observed that I was quick to give up on many things (except for game challenges) and I enjoyed very little of life outside of my games. I noticed that gaming also takes a toll on your health (duh) and I knew simply that this was not sustainable but I did not know how to change. I felt like I was imprisoned and could not walk out of it. I am 33 years old now; but just came across this website just 2 days ago. I came to believe in God and am a Christian since 2013. I began struggling with games again the past 2 years. I went through a whole lot of life changes in the past 10 years and am far better in my life, but gaming still lingers on the fringes of my life and no matter how little I try to control it. It always has a damaging influence in my life and I wanted to change all of that permanently. I see that gaming still impacts my faith and life negatively and I find it incompatible with the life course that I am pursuing now. Whenever I see how many game hours I have poured into a game, I always get thought in my mind of "Imagine what you could have done or learned with xxx amount of hours?!" When I play, I notice that I start to slack in other important areas of my life like praying, being productive, diligent, and doing other important but not urgent tasks. Playing games had become an activity where I escape to from stressful and fearful situations or mental state in my life. The more I play, the bigger the real fear and stress (because I ignore it), and the more I would play, and I would seek after stronger and longer-lasting stimulus in order to drown out the fear. When I play games, this deadly cycle forms and it gets worse and worse for me. I don't want to lose control of what is important and meaningful in my life. I want out. What is my main goal now that I've quit: 1) I want to experience other things in life and I know that they can be other stress-relievers and fun-inducing activities other than gaming. 2) I want to learn how to face stressful and/or fearful or uncertain situations in my life with calm, a cool and clear mind and learn to accept circumstances and results in life with dignity and wisdom. 3) I want to grow up. I want to grow richly in character, experience life and living to the fullest. I want to live my life and not an illusion or a fantasy. I hope my introduction was not a drag and hope it serves as an encouragement to all of you. God bless you. - Eric