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Commissar

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  1. Day 0 And, we're back! Predictably, ended up back on games while recovering from that bit of sickness earlier in the year. Still playing regularly in the evenings with some old school buddies - Which I'm inclined to keep doing for the social contact, with the provision that I keep the time slot restricted from 7-9pm. It's always those long solitary sessions creeping in that get me. Otherwise, things are going passably well. Got a big transition coming up at work in the next few months, so I wanted to fire up this journal again, just to keep a record and keep myself accountable while I prepare for that. I'll continue to check in briefly, daily, and hope you're all doing well!
  2. Day 70 Had a great Christmas and New Year. Domestic travel's open in my corner of the world so I spent a week down in Tasmania with family. Nothing big booked, and we just spent the time wandering around the city, taking in the sights, and resting up. I was under the weather for most of it, and the best bet from the doctor's just exhaustion at this stage. That aside, took a neat river cruise, did a walk up and down a gorge, investigated way too many coffee shops. After something like eight years of proud service my eReader finally wheezed its last, but not before the hero held out for the flight over. All told, was a slow-paced, relaxing weak of nothing much, which was - exhaustion aside - lovely. I did end up spending a good chunk of the holiday napping (and, in all honesty, likely to spend the next couple of days doing the same). Might as well take the chance to rest while it's there. Been a little tempted with games since I've not been feeling up to much else - But we'll see how that goes. There's no other tasks that are immediately pressing at the moment. Hope you all had a great Christmas and following New Year!
  3. Day 56 Today I had the finest set of Christmas gifts I could have hoped for. A friend visiting from a Covid hotspot (who left on the journey before it was identified! We're not super irresponsible, I swear) got his test back negative, so I got to catch up with a buddy I've not spoken to in the couple of months since I vanished from discord like a thief in the night. I do intend to go back there, probably in the New Year. I've got a chat full of old school friends, and it's great - Particularly with the way things are at the moment - to have a place to just sit back and chat. But I'm not ready to go back just yet. For now, it was nice to see him in the flesh and chat. I got back that university result I was waiting on and, against all my expectations when I started writing this journal two months ago - We did it! Managed to pull back from the precipice and scrape out passes for everything this semester. My relief is palpable. It means one more (fairly easy) six month block and my degree's done. Thanks, Game Quitters. I need to send the faculty a box of chocolates or something in the New Year. Several boxes. They really went out of their way to give me chances. Finally, heard back from the landlord and he's agreed to a substantial drop in our rent for the next six months. I can't say I expected it - I was fully prepared to move into a less nice property to save on cost, but he's really carved a good chunk off the weekly dues so that we can stay. Cannot believe how fortunate we were on that. I love our current flat but just didn't think I'd be able to afford to stay while I finished studying. Now it looks like I'll be able to. What a way to round off the year. I cannot express how relieved I am, or grateful to have such understanding people around. I only passed that last subject because my instructor went in to bat for me with the university and got my an extra day on my extension (I misread the original document!). I only got the reduced rent because the agent here was willing to go in and advocate for us with the owner. Without lapsing too much into something distressingly like an award acceptance speech, I'm just blown away by how lucky I am to have these folks around.
  4. Awesome stuff, Panda! You should be proud of what you've done and what's coming. The problem with games for a lot of us isn't the games themselves - They can be a lot of fun! - But it's that they've become, for whatever reason, an obstacle to being happy and fulfilled rather than an aid. Super pleased for you for making this call and seeing where it takes you. Best of luck with precalc and all that follows!
  5. Day 55 The Christmas approach drags on. Chased down a few more gifts, got some more study done, looked a little more in to the property situation. Still haven't received results back for this semester's university, which is vexing. I'd really like to have that weight off my shoulders before I head off on holidays later this week. We'll see what happens.
  6. Day 54 Fairly busy weekend! Was out looking for rental properties yesterday, so missed the entry. There's a few about and a promising one (A pool! Air conditioning!) that I've gone ahead and put an offer in on it. The current landlord's also indicated the possibility of reducing rent and my being able to stay in the current property which, being honest, would be a very good outcome too. It's a nice place, and moving for the sake of six months seems a little much. Stay or go, plans for the new year are sliding ever-so-slowly into place, which is very encouraging. A couple of days next week to, if I'm lucky with timings, get the last few things for work sorted before I scoot off for a week's holiday. Very much looking forward to it. In other good news, one of my family members who has been struggling a bit has finally lined up an appointment to see a therapist. Thankfully it's all government-funded here, so no cost to us. I'm really happy for them and hope it'll help them get where they want to be. Delaying asking for help so long was a super dense move on my part and helped tremendously when I did it, so I'm always glad to see other folks doing it.
  7. Bugg's provided a lot more deep thoughts than I can contribute; but, yes. Very relatable journal entry. It does feel a little weird swinging by a therapist the first couple of times. It was for me the first time I popped in to see a counsellor. Ultimately, though, they're there to help and just being willing to be helped and try things out is nice, I think. I'm a little similar in mindset - I'd really struggle to deal with it as a job, and have the utmost respect for folks who can do it. Hard relate on the anxiety side of things. That was - Uh, pretty much gaming for me. It didn't deal with any of it, but let me ignore it for long enough to be exhausted enough that I slept anyway. I feel like half the struggle (for a lot of people really, not just us game addicts) is finding a healthy way of managing all of that. I've seen otherwise brilliant people burn out because they didn't find an outlet that worked for them. But it's a process, y'know? And it's only a couple of months in, after all. Still poking around and experimenting myself. Have to expect there will be a lot of false starts before we find whatever it is that works. A thousand ways not to make a lightbulb and all that. Hope the cold's treating you alright. I've been doing my best lobster impersonation with all the heat around here, so I'm very envious.
  8. Day 52 Pretty much got done what I wanted to get done for work. Woo! Should be able to focus a bit more now on getting back into my schedule. Habits slipped a bit with that looming. I've noticed my spiral seems to be: Quit Games Develop new, exciting hobbies and routine. Settle in. Get hit with stressful Thing to do. Let hobbies and routine slip progressively so that I can devote more time to the Thing. Inevitably spend the extra time procrastinating out of discomfort associated with doing the Thing, or dissatisfaction with the level I've been able to do the Thing to. Finally, after taking three times as long as it really should have, finish the Thing. Shove it away without polishing it because it's scary and roughly made and ugly. Give myself a reward for getting whatever the Thing was done. End up gaming again. Habits recede over the horizon. It's this whacky Ferris wheel where the very first thing I seem to do when confronted with something stressful is grab a jackhammer and set to destroying the healthy foundations I've built to help me manage the stress associated with the Thing in the first place! We're about at step seven, at the moment. But rather than firing up a game I'm heading out for a walk. There's still that itch there. That voice whispering 'Hey, buddy, you're fifty days in. You have this under control. It's Christmas. You don't have anything looming. Don't you deserve a break?' It's utter nonsense, of course, and I know that listening to it'll just drop me down another two month spiral. The same logic that justifies playing because I've got nothing on will happily justify continuing to play and not scheduling anything else because it might interfere with that time. So, uh. Let's not do that. If only because I don't think my family will survive if I neglect the Duo Owl that long.
  9. Day 51 Keeping on. Might be able to stay in the current accommodation through next year rather than move - The agent's talked about possibly lowering the rent, which'd make things a little easier on my end. Even reduced, though, it's still higher than some very similar properties about. Something to consider, in any case. Didn't much as much progress with work things as I wanted to today. It's not the most pleasant to write, and I've been making progress in fits and starts with plenty of distraction. Realise now that I've neglected my early pomodoro-ing. I really should get back to that, as I'm hideously unproductive working on a computer for long stretches. Really need to break it up a bit to get things done. Still, hoping to get the lion's share of that done tomorrow. Should be able to focus on getting the housing situation in order shortly after. Still waiting on uni results for my last subject. I'm sure I passed it based on how I did with previous assessment for the subject, but it's never certain until I get the results. Expected them by today at the latest, but nothing's come through yet. I'll call them tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
  10. Day 50 Fine day today. Still running about doing things, but they're getting done. Almost forgot to journal!
  11. The league chasing is real. Silver, baby! Day 49 Still running about sorting end of year things. Making arrangements for the current rental property to be cleaned out and stuff moved at the end of the lease, doing some annual stuff for work while still working through things there. Keeping up with languages, less so with my running and drawing. I'll be very glad to get to the end of the year. Nominally I'm on break at the moment, but there's been so much to sort that it doesn't feel like it; and I'm hesitant to actually relax until everything's sorted for next year. It'll pay off, though. If I can get this all in order, should be able to slide comfortably in to 2021 and just keep on keeping on. This sort of advance preparation's a bit of a new experience, being honest. That's boredom for you. Makes me productive.
  12. Good stuff, man. I've hit the same conclusion myself recently. Consistent, easy habits are much more sustainable long term then beating yourself up for not doing the whole list every day. Hope it helps you relax some and settle over Christmas!
  13. Day 48 Busy enough. Caught up with family on the way through, putting things in order for the end of the lease. A little more study, a little more admin, a little more New Year's planning. More than a little mindless web browsing too, admittedly.
  14. Day 47 Nice cool day today. Had rain and cooler temperatures for the first time in a while. Going outside without coming back the colour of a tomato was possible. I've also leveraged the recent gaming-itch into - Well. I was introduced to DuoLingo. I might be getting a little competitive with it. I must top the bronze leaderboard. I will have victory.
  15. Day 46 Casual Saturday today. Cleaned up the house, got through a university lecture, kept on with a few end-of-year arrangements.