Pochatok

There is an important distinction between nice and kind, imo! Sometimes, being kind means not being nice, and vice versa. I always try to lead with kindness- as in, I want the best for you. That can mean saying something that's difficult for the other person to listen to. It can also mean saying something nice. But I never put nice-ness as the goal- often, it can be subverted into lying/evading/manipulating others. I'm nice when it helps me be kind, not the other way around. Just my 2c- look forward to hearing more about your journey! So glad to see you passionate about change and learning ❤️

Brief update: day 9. writing this after some significant struggle- about 30mins lost to some escapism. not sure where it came from, not sure why i needed it. i am not sure what it is i am running from- and i want to find out. i'll sit through it next time it's around. i don't want to dissociate. this world is too precious, and nothing i can really take for granted.

Day 7. urges present, but i persist b/c i remember who i want to be. i want the world to be free, and i will not ever achieve that vision w/out liberating myself. so, no relapsing today, and tomorrow me will return to this commitment.

hey! imo, that's you simply being hard on yourself. people who appear at 100% simply don't criticize themselves. that's literally all it takes. it doesn't mean they're doing any better performance-wise. but they definitely appear although they are. i've been in that 10-20% the whole evening today. it has sucked. but as soon as i wrote the statement above, i felt ignited to do the right thing again. have you read 'courage to be disliked'? may be of help to you ❤️

Imo, that is the myth of meritocracy, and quite plainly so. yes, we exist within the same temporality, but our privileges and abilities and experiences create differences that at times may be impassable. such a statement ignores disability, race, gender, and many other identity-based systems of separation and oppression. yes, a lot of things are technically possible for you . but that does not necessarily mean you actually can do those things. we all need to look to our strengths, and continuously work towards personal and collective liberation, cuz that's the only way towards actually becoming more 'all the same'. ❤️

Day 4. Still going well. My addiction now causes disgust, rather than complacency. glad to be here.

Hey, I hear you! Whoever you kid grows up to be, they will be (and already are) so thankful for your love and compassion. I'm sorry that it is so hard on you; when my mom was working night shifts, my dad and I would get those similar 4hrs of sleep at night, taking shifts cradling my sibling. They refused to fall asleep w/ anyone but her mom.

Day 1 - not relapsing today. I definitely need to back up my commitment w/ some reading- so I will read what I am already reading, just more. Caught myself wanting to order a new book... but no- there is no point! I have gotten so many to read through, already. Today, it is so important to take the time to re-learn focus. Last two weeks have been an increasing disarray, due to a variety of circumstances. Time to do better. Po

Hey, congrats on the hackathons (assuming you won?). And hey, competitions are hard, and jobs are even harder. I'm glad you're still here, and let's keep moving at our own paces! And if you don't know what to do- do nothing. It's a skill not a lot of people have an easy time learning, especially those younger (like me lol). And I mean doing genuinely nothing- like a walk outdoors or simply laying on grass. Let your mind roam, or calm it down- but let it process and be bored! Boredom has been the way out for me, every time.

Day 0 - a light, but still a relapse. It's all or nothing for this counter. However, this is not the sole measure of my growth. What matters is the change between the times the clock resets. Been in a very difficult place emotionally this whole week, seem to be struggling a lot with getting things done. Sleep deprivation due to work does not help much either, sadly. But, I will continue to strive for my best. There is no excuse not to do that- I want myself to be well. I want myself to be happy. I can't get there through relapsing and escaping in other ways. I must continue to meet myself where I am. Be kind ❤️

Day 7 behind- a full week. Has not happened in a while, but I will keep this going. Proud of myself for changing so much. Dealing w/ a lot of personal hardships, but keeping together w/ some good habits- picking my face less, no gaming, etc.. I do want to acknowledge that social media and emotional distress took the place. Emotional distress seems to be addictive- it's comforting to feel sad and powerless, to me. So, gotta keep true to my discipline- exercise, ice shower, journaling, and planning my day out. Most importantly, not forgetting that God (future me) is always by my side.

Day 5 and 6 behind - excited to begin seeing a significant continuity here. Right now, with all that's going on around the world (and US in particular), it's been light and easy, keeping myself away from escapist tactics. Yes, I am stressed, but because of how different the source and quality of stress is, I'm dealing with it differently. Simultaneously, I'm continuing to create habits that foster my spirituality. Crucially, however, I am still not working towards my passions. And I want to, dearly.

Haha now that you bring the construct normalcy into the picture, I realize that I came out (in a bunch of different ways, not just queerness) once I quit, even while so many people I knew continued gaming. It was so liberating to feel different!

Same here, that helped tremendously! So glad to see you change in ways profound, richter! Let's keep moving ❤️

Day 4 and 5 behind- excited to keep moving (on). Urges more significant today- I am a bit exhausted, and yet am not providing myself space of rest. I will continue to build the free world I want to live in. I can't stop, I don't want to escape and distract (again). If not now, when?