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Josh Braden

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  1. Day - 18 morning/noon entry This morning as I rolled around in bed not wanting to get up, I started watching a video on YouTube about quitting videogames. The one that I watched this morning mentioned that everyone has a reason for why they game an why they choose to quit. So I started to think about my own Whys. Why I started playing videogames? because I was bored and lonely because I wanted to talk to people because I wanted to make friends because I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere Because I wanted to escape dealing with figuring out school things because I wanted to escape dealing with career things because I wanted to escape dealing with personal finance things because I wanted to escape dealing with physical health things because I wanted to escape dealing with my mental health issues because I wanted to escape dealing with my life skill issues because I wanted to escape dealing with family issues Why am I quitting? because I don't want to fail my classes anymore because I don't want to feel like a failure anymore because I want to become a better version of myself because I want to feel better about myself because I want to live a more balanced life because I want to feel more in control of my habits because I want to grow in my academic skills because I want to work on my physical health because I wanted to get better sleep because I want to find a new hobby because I want to find something that can be "my thing" that I can bring up in conversations because I want to be more socially competent in real life because I want to grow skills that I can use in my future jobs and careers because I'm tired of carrying the stigma of being a gamer Prior to making these lists I got up out of bed and felt a bit sad because I realized that I may be quitting gaming in the sense the that I am abstaining from it, but quitting should be more than just abstaining and counting days. But making this list helped me feel better because now I can wake up in the morning and not feel as though I'm just holding myself back from something and counting the days. I'm doing this for a reason and that reason has value and power. And every day that goes by isn't just another number it's a chance for me to go in search of my Whys and a chance for me to really carve out my new normal. Cheers~
  2. DAY # - 14 Time I woke up: 9:45 a.m. Time I went to sleep yesterday: 11:35 p.m. Physical task: Cleaning my room and vacuuming my car (maybe cardio workout tonight) Mental task: Reading for Sociology class / bullet journaling Projects: don't really have a project right now Miscellaneous accomplishments: ~ Cleaning and disinfecting my space ~ Cleaning and Organizing my desk and school paper work ~ finally cleaned out my car and got her washed ~ flossed my teeth Summary of Day #: Today I wanted to be productive but also take it easy at the same time. I chose to clean up and organize things so that my world can feel a little bit less chaotic as I'm going into a new week of college. I felt cute and cool today as I admired my fresh haircut in the mirror. A friend of mine I used to work with at the car wash gave me a free wash which was really nice. I finally got some face products to help heal my razor bumps faster. I'm also trying to learn how to shave better so I don't get them. I like feeling clean cut instead of scruffy and rugged. I'm surprised that I got myself to day 14 of no gaming and no twitch. I guess all it took was to just start and begin the process of distancing myself from all gaming/gamer content (as well as selling my console.) I still miss my friends that I made through gaming. I think about them here and there throughout the day. Overall, I feel like today was a good day. What I am grateful for today: ~ That the day was nice and sunny ~ That my friend and coworker gave me a free car wash ~ That it's super bowl Sunday ~ That I'm starting to feel more confident in my appearance Cheers!
  3. Hello friends, its 11:35 am I joined the forum a few months ago because I wanted to try to share my story. I was going through a really rough time in college at the time. I felt overwhelmed and I realized that my gaming habit was a big (if not the biggest) reason why I was failing. So it was around mid November to early December where I started my game quitting journey. However, my first push into quitting didn't really go anywhere. I took a big drastic first step by selling my Nintendo switch and all of my games, controllers, accessories, and stuff ( this was the only console that I've ever owned) At the time, this felt like a more than necessary part of my attempt at trying to save myself from failing my classes. Since the pandemic started and im forced to stay at home, gaming felt like this thing that was always within arms reach that I could escape to instead of studying. And i didn't like that So within a mere 3 days I went from having my escape at my fingertips to having nothing. ... or so I thought. I thought once i got rid of my console I would have all the focus I needed to save my grades, but if I was being real with myself, with the time left in the semester (about 3 weeks), there wasn't much I could do. I crawled my way through my finals week and immediately started to look for a way to make myself feel better about everything (or really just distract myself from my internal pain). I was watching Twitch Streams throughout this whole story and found myself watching streams of one of my childhood games called maplestory. I had quit maplestory a long time ago for a bunch of different reasons, but mainly because I wasn't having fun with it anymore and all the friends I made in it were long gone. But somehow watching streams of it made me want to play it again. So I download it onto my computer again. thinking that I could get back into it and become friends the people I was watching playing it on twitch. (all i really wanted was friends I guess and that makes sense given all the painful emotions i was going through). So I end up spending weeks and weeks, and hours and hours grinding and building up a character on Maplestory (specifically Maple Legends a private old school server of the game). I even spent money buying cosmetic items to make my character look cool. not that much money though. I did find some new friends during this time, but something about me felt like I didn't fit in, or like I couldn't find the space to confide in them like I needed to. So around New years time I decided to delete my character and all my items and left the Discord server I was in with them, and delete the game off of my laptop, and unfollowed the maple streamers that I had been watching and interacting with. This was what felt like the real start of my game quitting journey because other than my Nintendo switch, maplestory was the only other game that I'd ever spent my life energy in. At this point It felt like I was finally choosing to not be a "gamer". giving up on needing to identify with gamer life. however, (another big however) .... Twitch was still hard to stop watching. I spent all of January with my eyes glued to twitch, and I even fantasized and even started to plan out how I could go about buying a new Nintendo Switch. Because again all the friends I made through playing Splatoon 2 and Smash Ultimate were still there having fun without me and I was jealous and sad. but a new fresh semester of College was fast approaching. and I knew that if I kept spending all day watching twitch I was going to end up right back where I was in December. (finally caught up to the current moment in time). A week ago (monday Jan. 25 2021) I decided to finally quit watching and interacting with Twitch and Discord. I made it a full 7 days away any form of gaming content and it feels really good right now. Although I know that if I really want to make this change permanent I have to find new friends and hobbies IRL to replace the ones I'm cutting myself away from. To help fill the void. Right now I'm trying to just get myself to stay focused on not falling behind in my classes though. its hard to think about anything else without feeling like im wasting my time. i just want to not fail again. I wanna learn from my past. I wanna change. I wanna get better. I wanna feel proud of myself again. but things still feel heavy and down right scary. Maybe it'll start feeling better after I make it 90 days. Thank you.