Franek

Playing for a maximum of one hour a day works for me. I know that it's not forbidden, so I don’t think about it all the time—just when I feel like playing, I can do. But I try to fill my time with other things. After that hour, no matter what’s happening, I simply turn off the computer and listen to some music for a while to shift my thoughts. And honestly, it’s a bit strange, but it works. So for now, I’ll stick to it. If at some point gaming starts interfering with something important, I’ll get rid of it completely. When I started, I wasn’t able to forget about gaming entirely. I had tried so many times before and always came back quickly. I hope this limitation will work. Yess, gaming and actually watching YouTube or Twitch affected my sleep, and sleep affected my life, creating a huge number of problems."

It's possible that my statement is just a jumble of words, an incomprehensible message for the reader. I sincerely apologize for that—I often lost my train of thought, got distracted, and didn't even know what I was writing about. These are simply my thoughts poured onto the screen, filtered only to the extent that I am capable of filtering them. Besides, this statement was originally written in another language and translated into English. The First Week Has Passed. Of course, it couldn’t be perfect—I started four days later than I intended, meaning I've only been living better for about three days. But that's still good. I survived my first crisis—the moment when I always give up. After a few or several days, a sense of meaninglessness appears, usually in the evening when I'm about to go to sleep. I cry, suddenly get angry at everything and everyone, and sleep is the last thing on my mind. What depresses me the most at that moment is knowing that I won’t get enough sleep, but even more so, that I have to go to work the next day. Additionally, I don’t feel comfortable at work. Because of my lifestyle, I’m behind on everything, so I know the next day will be wasted due to exhaustion. And during such breakdowns, I end up on the computer—playing games, watching YouTube, or Twitch. But not this time... In those moments, I also feel a huge motivation to do almost anything, though physical activity seems the most accessible and beneficial. Yet, it always ended with me sitting at the computer because it was easier. And then I would think that change was pointless since the same thing would happen again tomorrow. I had no way to fight these thoughts. But I broke through and started... dancing. I turned on some music and danced, goofed around, chased away the negative thoughts again—but this time without the side effects of a foggy mind from an overdose of dopamine or extreme exhaustion. (I could spend 5–7 hours on the computer, finishing at 1–2 AM, yet I needed to wake up at 5 AM. But I always hit snooze and ended up getting up at 6 AM. Not only did I have to rush everything, but I was also always late for work. No one called me out on it, but I was afraid that eventually, someone would.) After dancing for a while, I started doing HIIT training. (I know workouts before bed aren't the best idea, but for me, they turned out to be the gateway to a better life.) And within an hour, I was so tired that I fell asleep quickly. So I got my seven hours of sleep—perfect. Now I know how to fight this. One swallow doesn’t make a summer, but there is hope. What helped me wake up these past few days? The same thing—music and dancing. (That’s why I applied it during the crisis.) About Work... I work as a programmer. We communicate via group audio chat in a ten-person team. Not everyone is a programmer—we also have administrators, and even a salesperson. The atmosphere is great. Everyone is friendly, we joke a lot, and even the management doesn’t act superior—they seem like ordinary people, just like me. There are a few exceptions, but overall, I like it. The pay is low, but I haven’t been able to ask for a raise. Even when I start thinking about it, stress paralyzes me. At some point, I will want to bring it up. But the job itself doesn’t satisfy me. (My ideal job—I’ll talk about that in a moment.) And my personal problems created problems at work. No one was really mad at me, but I constantly felt stressed and like I wasn’t doing my job properly. I couldn’t even focus because of my problems and the overwhelming chaos in the workplace. (Unlike the rest of my team, I don’t work remotely. I go to the office, where the CEO works, along with many people from another company that the management owns.) This made me anxious even outside of work, creating a vicious cycle. On a Personal Level... First, I love music and dancing, but I never did anything about it—until now. Now, I’ve started training. I listen to almost any music I like, but since I discovered Aurora (about four years ago), dreams have formed around that. Everyone who knows me is aware of how much I love Aurora's work and personality. She’s my idol—not just someone I admire, but someone who has deeply influenced my life. I can listen to her songs on repeat. If I had to listen only to her music for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I also enjoy drawing and 3D graphics. Since childhood, I’ve been extremely sensitive. If someone cried, I cried too. I have never once yelled at anyone in anger—let alone used physical aggression. Even when someone hit me, I just walked away and later cried when I was alone. I never wanted to hurt anyone, nor did I want to burden loved ones with my problems—so I kept everything to myself. That has changed somewhat over the years. For a while now, I’ve been a kind of passive rebel. (My sensitivity still shows, though.) I try to talk about my problems—I have two people I can confide in. But even then, I feel uncomfortable and worry that they have better things to do than listen to me. I often get annoyed when someone tells me what to do. I feel angry but keep it to myself. I fear confrontation, but I also don’t want it. My Dream Job The job I have now feels boring. Sitting at a computer all day... sure, it can pay well, but money isn’t my priority in life. (The only reason I’d want to earn a lot is to financially support my parents or others in need—not just loved ones.) My ideal job? To be a singer, an artist. I want to be known only to reach a large audience who trusts me. (I know firsthand how much famous people can influence lives.) I want to help those who are at rock bottom, who refuse help, who live in isolation because they’re afraid to go out into the world. That is my goal. My Relationship... Right now, I have a girlfriend. We’ve been together for six years. It’s time for a proposal, but... I’m not ready. Her father bought her a house—for us. We’re renovating it, but over the past few months, all I’ve done is make her sad. I never want to go out. When we see each other, I usually end up opening up and saying I don’t know if this will work out. That only makes her feel worse. She’s a loving soul—just like me, she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And yet, here I am, doing this to her. I told her to give me one last month. I see how much she suffers from waiting and my moods. This is one of many reasons why I finally wanted to change. Over time, many reasons have piled up. I want to finally take control of my life instead of leaving it to chance. If you've read all of this and understood something, I truly admire you. Thank you so much.

Hi, I'm back on the forum after 9 months. My last message in my previous post was about how things were tough, but I wouldn't give up... And yet, I did give up. That's why I'm back—I’ve had enough of living like this. The only rules I need to follow are: Getting 8 hours of sleep (preferably from 9:00 PM to 5:00 AM) Playing games for a maximum of 1 hour per day Staying off my phone for 1 hour before bed and after waking up I’m not planning to create a strict routine and stick to it. Instead, I’ll start with the basics and build from there. I’ll come back here once a week with daily reflections and a summary. I’m starting my own notebook—I won’t be using any habit-tracking apps or reminders, as they would only distract me at this point. I’m making this post so I don’t forget about my summaries and insights, but I also hope that one day, it might help someone else. I don’t want to add anything more right now—I just want to take action.

I still remember to work on my body, too. I'm going to start by riding a bike to work. I also want to introduce strength training into my routine. It's hard at first, but I'm not going to stop. Thank you for help!

Yesterday and the day before yesterday I played until 11 p.m. (it was worse, but still bad). I don't play to play. I play to talk to someone, to have fun with someone. Similarly, I go to twitch.tv because I know there is someone on the other side. I don't know if it's an addiction or a feeling of loneliness. I have people around me who love me and whom I love. Maybe I'd like to meet someone new. I don't know. I didn't follow any of my rules during those days, but I tried to stick to them. I didn't let go completely. Well, two days in a row it didn't work out, but nothing happened, I continue my journey.

It's been a week since my last post, A week has passed since my last post, yesterday I played for a few hours and because of that I only slept for 5 hours. I feel bad, but I don't look into this feeling. Tired again. I played because I'm stressed the next day at work, whether I'll do everything right, whether the tasks I had planned but didn't do will cause me problems. I also played so I wouldn't feel lonely because I could talk to my friends. I have huge problems concentrating, it took me about 30 minutes to write this short post. I need to bring back my inner voice, it was silenced some time ago. I'm starting to add more things to my action plan again and it's already become too much. I need to update my priorities. 1. Sleep well 2. Stop browsing YouTube, Twitch, Facebook (unless for a specific purpose) 3. Exercise 4. Limit listening to music - don't listen to it when you need to concentrate (or listen to music that will help you focus), find time in complete silence, it's best to go outside in the evening and think. 5. Diet - better nutrition, no sweets and sweet drinks 6. Writing assignments on the board in my room. I don't know if it's too much, but that's all I would like to change in the near future, I'll see in a week if I have any chance of following these points. If it doesn't work, don't change it, just remove the ones that cause me the most problems. I'm starting to understand the impact writing about my problems has on my well-being. Thank you all for being here!

Welcome, I'm so glad that you came to visit my journal and added something from yourself! I'm just looking for that balance. Sometimes it is difficult for me to refuse something from someone who uses me, but I am slowly resisting. I find that I prefer to be nice to people who are nice to me. Before, I was nice to literally everyone.

I spend too much time trying to become perfect and not enough time taking action - that's was and still is my problem. I was looking for various tips and instructions on the Internet on how to do something better. After you mentioned this program, I saw it and it's great, I will definitely use it No, after what you wrote to me, I realized that this was not what I meant and indeed my statements could have been misleading. Everything's okay.

Hello, 3 days have passed and I've already played once... but, I managed to tear myself away from the game after about 2 hours, just as I planned before playing. After that, I went for a bike ride and cycled for about 2 hours as well, so it's another step towards improvement for me. I'm not angry at myself like before, I'm not abandoning my resolutions, I'm not starting over. I'm fixing what I did wrong and moving forward. I'm on the right track. Over the past few days, I've been performing my duties better, and of course, I've managed to get more done. I even managed to exercise a bit, albeit for just 30 minutes, but it's something. So far, I haven't done anything towards fulfilling my dreams, although what I'm doing now is still a step forward. "I used to be very nice, but it's a flaw that causes more harm than good. It's better to be nice only when necessary." - I wrote that incorrectly. I'll continue to be kind, but I'll watch out not to be taken advantage of. "If there's something to do, I do it; I try my best, but if it doesn't work out, I won't get down if I tried. It's better than doing nothing or doing something half-heartedly." - I realize now that wasn't quite what I wanted to convey either. What I meant is that I'm trying my best and giving it my all, but if a task proves too difficult and there's a way to simplify it, I'll do that. Edit I deleted games. If I'm not a gamer I don't need games.

Hello Vee, At the beginning, I'd like to thank you very much for reading my posts and adding your input. I've tried deleting all the games. I play ones that can be quickly downloaded again, so it's not a problem to reinstall them. I've also deleted accounts; I can always create new ones because they're free games. That's why I thought I would stop bothering myself with getting rid of those games and consider them less dangerous, but I know that I have other things to do. They're just there, and I can play them whenever I want. Over the past few days, I think this is probably the best approach for me. I only played once for about 2 hours (where normally I would probably spend most of my time playing, if not on PC then on my phone) but after playing, I went cycling for about 2 hours too, for balance. It was challenging for me because I haven't been moving much at all for the past few months, but I managed it and enjoyed it. I'll stick with this "plan" for now because it works for me, not exactly as I would like it to, but still better than nothing. Yea, I used to fall into that trap. I watched motivational videos, felt excited, full of motivation, but after a short time, it all faded, and I went back to my addiction. That's why now I prefer not to watch them at all. I'm planning to start a private journal, I know it can be very helpful, but I'm not sure where to begin and how to start. I suspect I just need to start, no matter how, and then it will somehow shape itself. And things like strength exercises or just maintaining good posture are very difficult for me, but I know I can't just give up, and after some time, it will become normal for me. I feel the same way. It works better for me too, rather than trying to do something perfectly. I agree with you on that too. I've decided to be less nice, but I prefer to quickly think through each situation whether I'm acting according to what I consider right.

Hey, almost a month has passed and I haven't even started. Nothing has changed. And I changed my attitude... again. I'm quitting watching and reading various motivational stories, what I should do and how I should do it. I'm stopping listening to other people and starting to listen to myself. I used to be very nice, but it's a flaw that causes more harm than good. It's better to be nice only when necessary. I don't have any rules yet; there are just three states - better than yesterday, the same as yesterday, and worse than yesterday. The first sentence is positive, the second - if it follows a better day, it's good; if it follows a worse day, it's bad, and the third is the worst. If there's something to do, I do it; I try my best, but if it doesn't work out, I won't get down if I tried. It's better than doing nothing or doing something half-heartedly. And yea, tomorrow is the first day, nothing will stop me anymore.

Hello... again, My last try to end with gaming and social media was around 2 months ago and it's lasts a few days. I'm feeling terrible. Tired, lack of willingness to act, sleeping around 5 hours a day and spend most of the time in my room. Now I'm changing my strategy. My goal is the same, but I'll not delete all games and accounts, I'll try to do something else to have less time for gaming. Additionally, I want to start going beyond my comfort zone and try to do something every day that I wouldn't normally do without thinking for hours about whether I really want to do it (often in the end it turns out that I don't do it and I'm just wasting my time). In the near future I want to practice my singing. For now, the dream to which I'm closest is to create a song, and my main is to make song with my favourite artist, but that's further in future. Dreams are my goals that will keep me on my way. My rules: - sleep 8 hours, - don't eat sweets and fast food, - remember about expanding my comfort zone, - doing instead of thinking and planning, It's all for today. See you tomorrow, maybe in my new life... I hope.

Cały dzień był zabiegany, bo znowu urodziny. I znowu nie miałem czasu pisać przemyśleń. Chociaż w sumie to znalazł by się jakiś czas, ale nie było by to pisane w spokoju. Dzisiaj zdałem sobie sprawę, że idę w dobrym kierunku, może powoli, ale i tak wspaniale. Pozmieniam trochę moje plany dniowe i muszę dodać takie postanowienia, już nie przez ileś dni, ale żeby się ich trzymać na co dzień. Doszedłem też do wniosku, że w weekend gdy spędzam czas u dziewczyny najczęściej w domu z jej rodzicami, to nie jestem szczęśliwy, gdy spędzam czas z dziewczyną, muszę go z nią spędzać gdzieś indziej. I ogólnie muszę częściej robić to co chcę robić, czas mi ucieka jak piasek przez palce, nie ma na to czasu, żeby się zastanawiać długo nad tym co zrobić, a koniec końców i tak tego nie zrobić, to tak nie może u działać, trzeba gonić marzenia. Wierzę, że większość marzeń da się spełnić (a tą reszta też da się, tylko jeszcze o tym nie wiemy). Miałem dzisiaj dużo myśli do spisania, ale już o nich zapomniałem, dlatego nawet jak mam mało czasu to najlepiej jakbym je spisywał. Muszę jutro powypisywać rzeczy których na co dzień chcę się uczyć/ćwiczyć i porozpisywać kolejne kroki w każdym z tych kierunków i może zredukować ilość tych hobby. Tutaj wspomniane przeróbki Z dni zostają: Dzień 5/30 - bez grania Dzień 5/30 - bez oglądania pornografii i masturbacji A takie reguły, których chcę przestrzegać na co dzień to: Ograniczyć przeglądanie facebooka, yt, twitch (Nie chcę zapisywać na dni, bo w sumie jak raz wejdę na coś to muszę od nowa liczyć, a to demotywuje, a jestem świadomy do czego prowadzi nadmierne przeglądanie, więc chcę się od tego trzymać z daleka) Kładzenie się spać tak żeby przesypiać te 8 godzin (tak jak wyżej) bez wchodzenia na discorda (To ogólnie wylatuje, wcześniej to miało sens, teraz jak wiem i mam siłę, żeby się powstrzymać od grania, to już nie ma sensu, może kiedyś dodam, chociaż podejrzewam, że będę odchodzić od korzystania z tego) pisanie sobie w telefonie przemyśleń i tego co robiłem co 2 godziny (to wejdzie mi w nawyk, więc też nie potrzebuję liczyć każdego dnia) Jeżeli coś chcę zrobić i wiem, że to dla mnie będzie dobre to to robię, a nie się zastanawiam. I to by było na tyle, kolejny tydzień mam nadzieję, że już zacznę pełen optymizmu, i że ty też tak rozpocząłeś/ełaś ten tydzień. Jeżeli tak, to zarażaj tym optymizmem innych, strasznie trudno jest być szczęśliwym dzisiaj, a mały gest może zmienić kogoś dzień. Znacznie weselej jest wśród wesołych.

Dzisiaj będzie mało, bo nie pisałem sobie przemyśleń, bo nastąpiła nieoczekiwana zmiana planów. Miałem super zaplanowany dzień, ale brat zostawił swoje dziecko u nas w domu i te ciągle się chciało ze mną bawić. Tak więc połowę rzeczy które chciałem tylko zrobiłem. Ale doszedłem do jednego... Zawsze gdy ktoś przyjeżdża to nie chcę robić swoich rzeczy tylko dostosowuję się do tych osób co przyjechały. Od teraz zacznę tak robić, że to co mam zaplanowane to robię, a jak ktoś przyjeżdża bez zapowiedzi to trudno. Dzień 4/30 - bez grania Dzień 1/30 - bez oglądanie bezsensownych filmików na yt i twitcha Dzień 4/30 - bez oglądania pornografii i masturbacji Dzień 4/30 - kładzenie się spać tak żeby przespać 8 godzin Dzień 4/30 - bez wchodzenia na discorda Dzień 3/7 - pisanie sobie w telefonie przemyśleń i tego co robiłem co 2 godziny (na razie przez tydzień, zobaczę ile mi to czasu będzie zabierać) (Tutaj zostawię na tym samym dniu, bo nic nie pisałem z nie mojej winy)

2024-02-09 - Piątek Sen: Miałem straszny sen, byliśmy w tej samej miejscowości, ale trwała tutaj wojna. Chcieliśmy z mamą gdzieś uciekać, więc uciekaliśmy i w międzyczasie uważaliśmy żeby nie dostać nadlatującą rakietą. Gdy już przeszliśmy przez bombardowanie teren, to zobaczyliśmy jakichś ludzi na drodze. Ja bardzo uważałem na nich i bardzo dobrze, bo okazało się że są niebezpieczni, było to jakieś małżeństwo w wieku około 40 lat, mężczyzna miał siekierę i rzucał w nas nią. On nie trafił A mi się udało ja podnieść i zabić najpierw kobietę która na nas napierała i później mężczyznę, w śnie nie wyglądało to brutalnie, wyglądało to jak w starych grach. Po pokonaniu ich szliśmy dalej, aż dotarliśmy do jakiegoś miejsca gdzie była reszta naszej rodziny. Pamiętam że przyszło jakieś dziecko i zaczęło się bawić z dzieckiem brata. Okazało się że było to dziecko tego małżeństwa które zabiłem. Pamiętam jeszcze jakieś urywki z drugiego snu, byłem w domu i nagrywałem sobie jak śpiewam. Po jakimś czasie pojawiła się moja dziewczyna i wzięła mój telefon i zaczęła coś szybko i nerwowo na nim robić. Okazało się że przesyła sobie na telefon te nagrania które nagrałem. Zaczęła to puszczać na głos i ja nie wiedzieć czemu się strasznie zdenerwowałem. Zacząłem rzucać głośnikiem i kazałem jej to usunąć. Więcej już nie pamiętam, tutaj urwał się sen. 7:01 Wstałem o 5 i wszystko było super, do czasy gdy nie włączyłem yt. Chciałem sobie tylko kawałek filmu obejrzeć z gry i zobaczyłem cały pół godzinny odcinek. Tak więc muszę zresetować dzisiaj licznik dni. Ale byłem przygotowany na taką okazję, wiedziałem że prędzej czy później tak się stanie, jest to cześć mojego planu i nie jest to rzecz przez którą mam się załamać i skończyć całe przedsięwzięcie. Dlatego zaczynam z tym od nowa, ale od teraz, nie od później, a tym bardziej nie od jutra. Tylko teraz. Już będę pamiętał te uczucie które po tym następuje i jak się czuje przez resztę dnia, więc mam nadzieję że już się to nie wydarzy. To tyle, pozdrawiam serdecznie. 8:00 Pisze to tylko po to, żeby wrócić do parzystych godzin. Jakoś tak wolę. Nic się nie działo przez godzinę, pracowałem. Ale chciałem dodać tylko, że dzięki temu, że chodzę spać o normalnych porach i śpię te około 8 godzin to poprawił mi się wzrok, bo oczy były już tak zmęczone że to co było dalej rozmazywało mi się i nie widziałem jak coś na przykład było napisane, a teraz już widzę. 10:43 Nie mam teraz za bardzo co robić, albo przeglądam sobie czy wszystko co zrobiłem działa albo przeglądałem sobie na yt jakieś filmiki, ale dotyczące programowania więc git. Teraz idę jeść. Później już nie pisałem, bo zapomniałem w pracy, a po pracy przez to, że od razu na urodziny jechałem i już jakoś nie było czasu. Ale na szczęście nie złamałem swoich żadnych postanowień. Tyle dobrze. Dzień 3/30 - bez grania Dzień 0/30 - bez oglądanie bezsensownych filmików na yt i twitcha Dzień 3/30 - bez oglądania pornografii i masturbacji Dzień 3/30 - kładzenie się spać tak żeby przespać 8 godzin Dzień 3/30 - bez wchodzenia na discorda Dzień 3/7 - pisanie sobie w telefonie przemyśleń i tego co robiłem co 2 godziny (na razie przez tydzień, zobaczę ile mi to czasu będzie zabierać) (nie było co 2 godziny, ale starałem się, więc sobie zaliczam)