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hemonkey's Journal


hemonkey
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Sorry about the relapse again, but i like to think that you never truly fail unless you give up. Even if we don't reach our goal, as long as we don't give up, we don't fail, we just learn how to get even closer to what we dream. I hope prioritizing works well for you, making to do lists (which are similar) personally help me a lot. 
 

Best 

Jason 

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Day 103

No gaming: ~2 or maybe 3

I am planning several meetings at the park with my friends to encourage them to go outside although only my neighbor several streets away came. Most of my friends are gamers, most of my classmates are gamers.

Something I learned this week is that being jealous is because you didn't use your gifts God gave you. Today's wisdom is about luck. Genetics are made to adapt to one's surroundings. A blind man in a dark cave doesn't need eyes because there is nothing to see but when the blind man goes to the bright city, he is at a disadvantage, but that does not mean other people with sight is superior. It only means he is not suited for this environment.

So conclusion? Your idol is not superior than you, you just wasted your talents and pursued the wrong career. That's all for today's wisdom.

hemonkey

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Hello, hello, hello! It's day 109!

I finally decided to start my meaningful quarantine plan: time management and self management. School is going back to in-person in my area so I plan on making new friends. There won't be much students on campus due to covidphobia so I am going to make the most out of it. Although I will be cautious and stay 6-feet away, I am planning to meet my classmates and hopefully make some new friends that like to exercise.

Adding to my previous paragraph, I cut off the "dangerous chat methods" off. I won't be texting/discord voice calling them now much. I hope in this brief moment of friendship transition I won't relapse into depressive gaming or anything of the sort. And I guess that is all for today as I am busy these days.

hemonkey

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey guys it's been almost 2 weeks since I last posted here. I just wanted to say I am doing well, aside from a minor relapse. My gamer friends has been wasting their time as usual so I try my best to persuade them to exercise at the park with me. 

One thing I am passionate about is using a calendar instead of a to-do list. I watched a motivational talk about time management and decided I'm quitting the to-do list. This has been day 1 of calendar management and I have been very productive.

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Already easter today! I have finished all of my tasks ahead of time like piano exam and numerous assignments. Now I get to have some fun going outside to the park and working on my lego films! I have not even touched lego filming ever since last month due to a combination of school and preparing for my piano exam. Now I feel more relaxed and easy with time.

Today I want to share something I learned.  It's always important to stay busy with hobbies even if you are done with everything. This can be derived from Calhoun's mice utopia. The mice who get free food and free bedding stop reproducing and started killing each other. After 2 years the mice population was on the verge of extinction. So conclusion is? if you don't have meaning in your life, create meaning. This is your life, spend it wisely.

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4 hours ago, hemonkey said:

It's always important to stay busy with hobbies even if you are done with everything.

This is a nice tip! I need to start applying this to my life as most of the time, I will do the activity I put down to do and then I will be open towards watching some dumb crap on youtube. Staying busy with something takes time away from doing that. Good realization!

Thanks & best 

Jason

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh flip! It has been a week since I last posted ever! 😮

Well, this is what I've been working on:

  • Piano Exam, online one where you record yourself playing and upload and P.S. I didn't cheat 🙂
  • Use of calendar app, an app on iphone that I recommend highly instead of a to-do list. Most people give up on their to-do list everyday.
  • Video with Adobe Premiere Pro, Expensive video editing software more powerful than iMovie which I used to use.
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Posted (edited)

this is sad...

I have relapsed everyday for the past week. This has been my most horrendous week ever since quitting for good. I hope life gets better for me somehow in the future but for today what I did is:

  • waste time
  • clean the floors
  • wasting more time regretting my mistakes(worst thing you could ever do in life)
  • finally realizing why I am a loser today and started on some productive things

I wish I knew this younger before in elementary school but it is what it is, I was too young to understand back then.

Edited by hemonkey
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  • 1 month later...

I'm back!

There were several reasons I was offline for 2 months. One being that I was busy the last 2 months with vaccinations and transitioning my quarantine schedule back into the pre-pandemic non-social distancing daily tasks. I went back to my swim team and attended school in person. I also got my 2 doses of pfizer vaccine which the second one gave me fever 😞

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm quitting again because I feel like I shouldn't be wasting my time during summer vacation. People don't live forever and I don't want to regret my life on my deathbed thinking I wasted everything. This time I want to try to convince my friends into meeting in person more like we used to before the pandemic rather than talking through discord and gaming mindlessly. I hope this will be the last time I fall into a terrible relapse again.

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This has been 2 days since I have last written. My goal for this week will be a small goal: go to sleep before 9:30pm so I can get up early the next day to exercise and get a kick start for the day. I hope I can accomplish this goal because time is running out for me and I don't want to end up like a loser.

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I could not write these past couple of days because I was very sick. It started with a sore throat but I ignored it thinking it was just a common cold(it was actually just a common cold) and I went to swim practice just to avoid boredom. It was about Thursday night that I came back from practice and a fever descended upon me. I was fatigued by the amount of exercising combined with my constant headache and I felt chills running down my spine literally. I later got a fever of 102 degrees and took some tylenol to reduce body temperature so I could at least sleep a few hours in the night. The following day I went to test for COVID and luckily I was negative. I was so relieved by this news but I need to be more careful around people now since everything is reopening.

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