Oxanasayuri

A story named "Almost Relapsed" My husband was seeing, how I'm suffering today, invited me to the PC to play for an hour before his friends will come. I wasn't sure it's a good idea but...well, you know, I'm too weak yet 🙂 BUT: when I came, I couldn't decide what to install (all my games was deleted) - some games like Rainbow Six Siege was too heavy, LOL and Blizzard accounts needed to be recovered in addition to installing. I have a lot of games on Steam, but...I didn't choose any of it. My subconscious told me - better I'll read a book (even I'm tired of it for 2 weeks).

Wow, it was a strong story. It makes me think about my own more deeply. Feel sorry for you and your relationships. It seems that you are a kind, smart and successful guy. All will be fine!🤗

@WorkInProgressthank you for visiting me again! Unfortunately, I have no friends😅 And my family lives quite far away to visit them often, so I go there once a month or like this. Family from my husband's side is much more close, but soon, if all goes well, 4 of 5 of them will move to the USA and Germany 😞They have good jobs and money, apparently, cause they hadn't spent their lives in games 🙄 But, anyway, thanks for advice! I'll think what to plan on such days (it wouldn't a problem if I have a child, would it?😄)

Yesterday I've started doing yoga in real classes - I liked it very much. Rather, it was yoga therapy - for people with problems with health and newbies (I'm both lol). Hope to go 2-3 times a week to improve health and reduce stress. Except for general yoga and therapy, there are a lot of interesting things like female breathing practices or qigong. Looking forward to trying! Want to buy a bicycle also 🙂 Also today I've got the first injection of the COVID vaccine 🙂 Feel well yet, hope, and will further. Still want to play. My husband doesn't leave me a chance to forget about it 😞 Soon, he will be at work for whole days (ambulance paramedic) and I'll be able to pay less attention to his games. I hope I WILL and WON'T play in secret from him at this time. This is, first of all, what I need. Yes? YES?

I liked your answers very much - need to use this questionnaire for myself 🙂 Could you tell me, is this exercise from the paid Respawn program on this site?

@WorkInProgressthank you for your support!🥰 Well, what about half a year - I meant about my sitting at home without a job 🙂 I've got this diagnosis in March, but I guess that I have it muuch longer, maybe for a year or more, who knows? I know only that I was afraid to go to the specialist before. It was a shame to open my soul to smb unfamiliar. But in March I met with a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, because I was in so big mess! Was crying after even a little bad thought or word or even not bad. And he told me to take 4 different medicines during 4 months (only 1 was working, but it was during 2 weeks - BUT I was so productive and inspired that I've almost enroll to the Dutch University - just didn't have enough money😄). By the way, my last medicine will end in few days and then...I don't know what will happen 😄Not so much has changed and second visit will cost a lot of money which I don't have. So I'm afraid I'll have some kind of withdrawal syndrome. The most stupid thing that I must be happy - I have a roof over my head, a cool husband and cat, even a little money, I live in the capital with big opportunities, I have the Internet to study everything I want. What wrongs with me, why I want to live in other worlds? Haha, because I can't struggle against real problems. Never could. Always give up, during all childhood and further for the whole life, all hobbies and sports and languages and books 😞 So it won't be a surprise if I quit quitting. Sorry for the big message. Just a cry of the soul.

Hi! Yup, the scariest thing is these regrets at the end of life. Wish you the power of will! You can do it 🙂

Thank you, @Martinof! I'm really trying, but I feel like I'm on edge of failure 😞 Yup, relapsing won't solve any issue, moreover, I guess I'll hate myself more than before. It's a pity I can't play a couple of hours in a week as many people do 😞 One of the main barriers is that I'm sitting at home always, I'm unemployed. But I had so much stress on my last job, and now I have a depression diagnosis, that I'm afraid I won't be able to try again in the nearest time (pfff, half a year has passed, get a hold of yourself!).

Good news: I do some little exercises up to 10 mins every day almost a week already (it's a high number cause it never happens usually) Not very good news: yesterday we presented to my husband a board game named Gwent - the game from the famous game Witcher 3. I haven't played Witcher games (unfortunately), so I have no strong feelings about it. But my mother-in-law mentioned that Gwent is kinda similar to Hearthstone. And then, a strong feeling of nostalgia, which is still in my mind now. I even had a dream at night about my returning to this game. But, like WOW, I've quitted it cause I'd stopped like it much - to play in whole power, you should donate to get legendaries or be in meta with your decks. So. My smart part tells me: you don't need this game, you've quitted it when you were playing all these games. But my weak part cries: wanna plaaaaaay please I don't have any cool thing now to doooo 😞 Feel like Gollum 😄

My partner will give me a SPA day if I don't restore my deleted LOL account 😄 (I have 30 days overall to do it but already about 20). To be more precise, I argued with him about this and established a prize for myself. At least there is one clear incentive. Because I still have no clear goals, even small ones. Yes, I read more now, watch documentaries and walk, but often I just seat in an armchair and think about what can I do with my life aaaand...nothing. Sure, it's easier for my mind just to go to play without these problems 😞

Haven't played any game for a week, it feels for me like a month minimum 😄 Harsh to go to bed early, to be productive during the day, cause my husband is playing games the biggest part of a day alone or with his fellow student 😞 Of course, we spend time together, but I can't don't think about games in this situation 😞

Hi! Wow I reaaly like this post! Need to save somewhere to reread 🙂 I wish you great vacation!

Today I was a participant in a D&D game (you know, role-playing not in front of a computer 🙂 ), which was held by my husband. I turned on some playlists named "D&D music" in Spotify and suddenly melody from World of Warcraft start playing. And DivinityOriginal Sin 2 (although I wasn't addicted to this game, I have it). Mamma mia, the Elwynn Forest theme woke up so many memories in my head. I was crushed, cause I understand, that I won't return there, but how it was cozy - to be there, just to feel the atmosphere around. But, I remembered the fact, that I haven't played in WOW for a long time! And I've quitted it - not because I needed to make my life better, no! Just cause I was bored after several new global updates! So, it was just nostalgia, right? Need to watch one of those videos about it. I still want to play LOL and TFT >_< Oh! I've started learning Dutch, cause I wanna move there someday 🙂 Though, I do it in the Duolingo app and so similar to the game with a rating so I don't know if it's a good idea.

@Amphibian220 hi and ty for visiting my diary 🙂 I've got a specialist degree (like a bachelor now) as a historian-archivist, but I've graduated in 2014 and I had no interest in it then (my family made me to go there), so I can't really say that I have a degree... I've seldom worked in this area since graduation. My dream is to go to study again. But I have no money now. What about my interests... Well, most of all I like to travel (and of course, it's difficult now), nature, ecology, and sustainability (I'd like to go to study this area, by the way). I also like to learn languages, but I only speak English well now. I like board games. I like Asia and Japan especially. Fantasy genre (in movies, books, games, and so on). Today I'm totally alone and most of the day I was learning about the DSLR camera (couldn't do anything somewhy) and cleaning up my house and reading. But now I'm sitting in the chair and can't find a thing to do, just want to play to kill time eh eh eh 😞

Haven't tried yet but know there is interesting site Meetup - some events and clubs are online there