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Laurie

Healing journey

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Hey everyone, so I already created a journal but relapsed since then.

Today I bought the Respawn Elite program and I actually am going through it. I've had enough I think, of keeping myself away from happiness, and other people. I want to live and to love without shame. And I want to achieve my dreams, become a comic artist, travel.

This is my first step, thank you for reading this and to support me. I wish you all the best.

 

Day 1:

I started the Respawn Elite program. For now I'm quite afraid of letting go of video games. Until now it was my safe place, my way to escape from the world and feel confident about myself. It's a big deal to let it go but I want to trust people now. I want to trust people with my heart and my feelings, I want to find comfort in them: my friends, my family and hopefully one day, my lover. I've always been afraid of romance. But I want to try and find out what it holds for me.

I'll be starting module 2 of the program right after posting this topic.

 

See you tomorrow!

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4 hours ago, Laurie said:

Hey everyone, so I already created a journal but relapsed since then.

Today I bought the Respawn Elite program and I actually am going through it. I've had enough I think, of keeping myself away from happiness, and other people. I want to live and to love without shame. And I want to achieve my dreams, become a comic artist, travel.

This is my first step, thank you for reading this and to support me. I wish you all the best.

 

Day 1:

I started the Respawn Elite program. For now I'm quite afraid of letting go of video games. Until now it was my safe place, my way to escape from the world and feel confident about myself. It's a big deal to let it go but I want to trust people now. I want to trust people with my heart and my feelings, I want to find comfort in them: my friends, my family and hopefully one day, my lover. I've always been afraid of romance. But I want to try and find out what it holds for me.

I'll be starting module 2 of the program right after posting this topic.

 

See you tomorrow!

Welcome back. Relapses happen and so do recoveries. You can recover! If you have any questions feel free to reach out and ask. I recommend doing some strong self investigation as to why you're gaming and finding ways to react differently to each trigger.

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Welcome to the forums Laurie. This is a nice place to recover from gaming addiction. That's really awesome you want to be a comic artist and travel. Fun and interesting goals. I really liked respawn elite and listen to the podcasts now. I hope you find them well.

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23 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Welcome to the forums Laurie. This is a nice place to recover from gaming addiction. That's really awesome you want to be a comic artist and travel. Fun and interesting goals. I really liked respawn elite and listen to the podcasts now. I hope you find them well.

I really should start listening to the podcasts. I finished Respawn way quicker than I thought it would take, kinda left a void... but there's always things to learn and the program technically never ends I suppose. 🙂

Welcome to the club, Laurie! I think a lot of us share those desires and also the fears that surround them. Gaming was a safe way to distract me from not being able to be the man I wanted to be or to have the friends I knew I deserved. Without gaming, I'm forced to face a lot of my issues head on but that's really the only way to do it. Look forward to reading more!

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@BooksandTrees Thank you so much for your support. Doing Respawn Elite really pushed me to self investigate.

@Erik2.0 Thank you for your support, I will definitely check the podcasts out now that I'm done with Respawn Elite! 

@ceponatia Thank you for your message, it means a lot ! I relate a lot with your story. Thanks for your support.

 

Day 2 :

I just finished the Respawn Elite course, and it has been quite helpful especially with the cravings I had today, knowing I had to finish it really kept me away from gaming. I met some rude guy at the supermarket today who wasn't respecting the safety distance regarding the COVID19, we had a talk and without going into details it really put me in a bad mood and that was the moment my craving was at its worst so I really need to be aware of social anxiety in order to quit gaming.

But anyway, my new schedule is done, I set up a habitica account to track my new habits(especially the habit to not game) and coupled it with Beeminder, that way if I don't commit to my habits I will be charged 5$. It's an extra accountability measure I decided to take in order to stay committed because I know that wasting money for something that doesn't emotionally satisfy me is not acceptable for me.

Meditating for 10min really put me in a relaxed state during the course, I will do this more often. 

I feel like starting a gratitude journal and committing to it every morning will be my game changer but I can't tell for sure right now.

Anyway I'm proud of myself for finishing Respawn Elite and I can't wait to try my new schedule tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your support and I will see you tomorrow.

Take care,

Laurie

Edited by Laurie
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3 hours ago, Laurie said:

@BooksandTrees Thank you so much for your support. Doing Respawn Elite really pushed me to self investigate.

@Erik2.0 Thank you for your support, I will definitely check the podcasts out now that I'm done with Respawn Elite! 

@ceponatia Thank you for your message, it means a lot ! I relate a lot with your story. Thanks for your support.

 

Day 2 :

I just finished the Respawn Elite course, and it has been quite helpful especially with the cravings I had today, knowing I had to finish it really kept me away from gaming. I met some rude guy at the supermarket today who wasn't respecting the safety distance regarding the COVID19, we had a talk and without going into details it really put me in a bad mood and that was the moment my craving was at its worst so I really need to be aware of social anxiety in order to quit gaming.

But anyway, my new schedule is done, I set up a habitica account to track my new habits(especially the habit to not game) and coupled it with Beeminder, that way if I don't commit to my habits I will be charged 5$. It's an extra accountability measure I decided to take in order to stay committed because I know that wasting money for something that doesn't emotionally satisfy me is not acceptable for me.

Meditating for 10min really put me in a relaxed state during the course, I will do this more often. 

I feel like starting a gratitude journal and committing to it every morning will be my game changer but I can't tell for sure right now.

Anyway I'm proud of myself for finishing Respawn Elite and I can't wait to try my new schedule tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your support and I will see you tomorrow.

Take care,

Laurie

This is a great start. Ignore the guy at the store. There are so many assholes in life. Just be glad you got your food and are on your way. Is your family at home during the isolation or do you live alone for the time being? Remember to keep looking forward to new activities during this isolation.

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@BooksandTrees Thanks again for your support and you are right I should just let it go, it's just that with his behaviour he could very well put someone else in danger and I can't accept it. Yes my family is home except for my mother who works at the hospital and I'm quite worried for her. I will keep to new activities!

Day 3: 

Today I woke up late for my medical appointment during the morning, it put me in a bad mood especially because it upset my doctor, which is absolutely understandable. Writing in my gratitude journal really helped me feel better. I had some cravings because of what happened in the morning and also because I saw pictures of my fellow Air Force brigade members. They will soon be done with their military training while I had to come back home a month ago after an accident. I'm happy for them but at the same time it really saddened me to not be with them and that's when my cravings were the worst, it got me crying, for real. At least I've been able to put some work in my day and finished writing all my military courses on Anki, from now on I'll study them everyday until I get back to work.

During my workout I noticed my push ups were too shallow, I need to get closer to the ground so I'm looking for some calisthenics program to improve them. I'll update my working routine as soon as possible.

Anyway I'll go to sleep now and I'll see you tomorrow.

Take care,

Laurie

Edited by Laurie
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39 minutes ago, Laurie said:

@BooksandTrees Thanks again for your support and you are right I should just let it go, it's just that with his behaviour he could very well put someone else in danger and I can't accept it. Yes my family is home except for my mother who works at the hospital and I'm quite worried for her. I will keep to new activities!

Day 3: 

Today I woke up late for my medical appointment during the morning, it put me in a bad mood especially because it upset my doctor, which is absolutely understandable. Writing in my gratitude journal really helped me feel better. I had some cravings because of what happened in the morning and also because I saw pictures of my fellow Air Force brigade members. They will soon be done with their military training while I had to come back home a month ago after an accident. I'm happy for them but at the same time it really saddened me to not be with them and that's when my cravings were the worst, it got me crying, for real. At least I've been able to put some work in my day and finished writing all my military courses on Anki, from now on I'll study them everyday until I get back to work.

During my workout I noticed my push ups were too shallow, I need to get closer to the ground so I'm looking for some calisthenics program to improve them. I'll update my working routine as soon as possible.

Anyway I'll go to sleep now and I'll see you tomorrow.

Take care,

Laurie

No problem. Sorry to hear about your accident/injury. I recently recovered from some injured ribs from a rock climbing fall after 2 months. You'll heal soon and be back with them or back in the program in no time. That pain of not being there will make you enjoy it even more once you return.

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That'll be nice to make improvements in your push up game. I bench press, but am usually too tired after to do push ups. I do planks and Superman's like you do though. They're really good for your core and helped me overcome low back injury. I hope you feel better and do deep push ups.

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@BooksandTrees I'm sorry for what happened to you and I'm glad you healed through it. Rock climbing sounds awesome I'd love to make it my go to sport in the future. Thanks a lot for your support and yeah can't wait to get back and be done with my training!

@Erik2.0 Ahah yeah push ups really are tiring. I found a good routine in order to do deep push ups, but before achieving them I need to go through several progressions(knee push ups, incline push ups and finally proper form push ups). I agree planks and superman are really great overall. Thanks a lot for your support!

Day 4: Honestly there is nothing much to say about today. I just felt extremely tired and bored with everything I was doing, so I just slept most of the day. I managed to study one course and draw some boxes for perspective but really I just slept lol. Not gonna lie I was so bored that I had gaming cravings. I know it's part of the process but it was kind of frustrating.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit more exciting !

Thanks for reading and take care.

See you tomorrow,

Laurie

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Hey everyone, here I come with a new entry!

Day 5:

Today was a lot like yesterday, I felt tired, moody and low on energy. I've managed to do the groceries, wash the dishes, draw and cook. I also did video editing for a friend. It kinda annoyed me at some point not gonna lie. That's about it. Sorry really my days are dull. Lol.

Take care.

See you tomorrow,

Laurie

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May we see one of your drawings? I try to draw anime sometimes, but I'm not skilled yet. I wonder if there's somewhere with really good tutorials on it. I can still do like 20 push ups even if all I do is bench for my chest. The strength sort of transfers. Sounds like you might be out repping me soon anyways. Good job continuing to post and do your thing.

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@Erik2.0 Thanks again for your support! 😄 It's a bit late right now so I'll post some drawings tomorrow for sure.

Day 6: Still felt tired and I suspect that excess caffeine is a bit guilty. I'll try to lower it down tomorrow. As always, I drew, cooked, slept and worked out. That's it.

Take care everyone,

See you tomorrow,

Laurie

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@Erik2.0 Hello as promised here's a drawing I made today after watching the last My Hero Academia episode: hero.thumb.jpg.aff38ea92073a4fd684fe86ac87dc2f9.jpg

Still have a lot to learn but I'll get there 😄

Day 7: Had very few cravings today but I noticed I kept going back to content regarding gaming, I will be more careful with these from now on by using Cold Turkey. I also am struggling to do my workout during the day so from now on I'll do it right after waking up. I will also start using Focusmate again, it helped me a lot some months ago to stay productive.

Drank less coffee and felt less tired but I'm too heavy on sugar..I drew, cooked and went to get groceries. Even though I'm not playing I still kind of find ways to waste my time somehow, that's why I believe Focusmate will help me out.

Anyway I'll go to sleep now, see you tomorrow!

Take care,

Laurie

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Day 8: I changed my workout routine a bit and did it early in the morning instead of in the middle of the day. It worked well but I lacked sleep and felt tired right after. Also got some stomachache during the day so I felt pretty down. :( I managed to draw, cook and look for inspiration from professional artists in order to work on my art style. I now have a good idea of what I want to emulate from them and will work on that from now on. Also starting my comic books training tomorrow! Not gonna lie I didn't use Focusmate today for whatever reason.

I'm pretty tired right now I'll head to bed. Take care everyone and thanks for reading.

See you tomorrow, 

Laurie

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That is an amazing drawing. I always admire when people can draw because I am so bad at it haha. I have found that having quite a strict schedule works for me and I do need to get into flow when I want to work on something otherwise I tend to waste time and sometimes it feels like I am wasting it  just for the sake of wasting it.

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@Marek I am the same regarding work!

@Icandothis Thank you so much for your support!

Day 10:

Sorry for not posting the last 2 days, I promise I haven't played a single game and I spent nights drawing and editing videos but also having some existential crisis. Basically stopping video games put me in a place where I'm really considering my future as an artist and a military, how can I deal with both at the same time?

I've never drawn this much since I quit gaming and the more I draw the more I'm getting in touch with that child I was who had this dream of drawing as a career. I'm looking up a lot of content regarding professional concept artists and comic book artists. I'm wondering why I'm not pursuing it right now. All my life people told me it's because the art field is hard and I'd lack money if I didn't have a job to live.

So right now I'm trying to make a long term plan that includes improving at art while growing an online community to promote my work. At the same time I'm thinking to keep my job as a military until my employment contract is over, which will be in 6 years from now.

My head is boiling with thoughts and the coronavirus doesn't make it any easier, when you witness how the world is changing and what's happening you're kind of forced to think about your life a lot. I can't help it and video games aren't here anymore for me to escape.

I believe the truth is that I've always wanted a carrier in art but I'm too afraid to lack money and I know very well how a lack of money can be stressful.

So yeah sorry if all this doesn't make any sense I'm just thinking a lot about my future right now.

In the meantime I modified my workout a bit in order to seperate muscle groups, rest times should be much better now.

Anyway thanks for reading and take care everyone!

See you tomorrow,

Laurie

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It's okay to think about your future, but remember to come back to the present.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. 
If you are anxious you are living in the future. 
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

 

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It is a thought decision, you can always keep it as a hobby until an opportunity comes along that allows you to make drawing your main job. I always liked the saying: "Find a job you enjoy and you will never have to work another day in your life." 

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