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Day 1: Well the other day I started my first daily journal and that same night on the first day of my detox I decided to give into the cravings and I decided I was going to try to game in moderation without having to do the 90 day detox. It was a disaster and every single time I decided to play I cannot play without feeling guilty that I could be doing great things in real life with real people, including my dog whose leg is broken right now and she needs me a lot and I am still just sitting in front of the tv. I know that I have relapsed like 6 times in this program and it is very difficult for me to stop relapsing because I start justifying it is fun and I can learn to play in moderation which then I do and like I said I start to feel guilty. The funny thing is last night my Dad caught me up at 2am playing GTA online and I he told me that he better not have issues with me the next morning which is today. It's funny that he caught me up doing that and today is officially my first day starting the 90 day detox for the 6th time. I really wish to succeed this time. I really need this to work so that my energy, mood, and focus will increase along with my productivity to get shit done in life and be that person I think of being every single day of my life. Today I am going to town to go shopping for some new clothes with some friends and then we are going out to eat so I will not be at home to even try to give in. Also I have already started my day of pretty alright besides just now waking up at 1pm. I am doing my daily journal right now and then I am going to do prayers, then do my chores, work on my priority and goal list that I created, then I will go and do the shopping stuff for like 4hrs, then I will come back home settle in and shower, wash my face, brush my teeth, maybe watch 30min of Youtube or something to give myself a little reward each night and then other nights watch an episode of Netflix or a movie. Also when I do watch youtube have an idea of what I am going to watch so I am not mindlessly browsing. Then after the 30min, I will do my devotions, and then I will read the book I am currently reading which is called drive and it is about what motivates us and how to motivate myself. Then I will take my dog out, and go to bed at 10pm and then wake up at 5:30am. Wish me luck on today!

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Welcome back man and good luck with your new attempt. Try not to focus on how many times you've 'relapsed' and focus on getting back up each time. This is an addiction. It can be extremely difficult to quit. Don't make it any harder by beating up on yourself. That said, if you still have electronics around that can play games, get rid of them. I gave away all my consoles, locked up my online accounts (steam, etc.) and eventually even had to downgrade my PC to a crappy laptop that I could only work on. It was the only way to ensure I wasn't tempted, and in my experience it makes the detox much, much easier to do.

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Day 3: Well yesterday I was very busy and I did not write. Anyways today is my 3rd day of my 90 day no gaming detox and I am having very bad cravings and thank God I went back to school today or I would be playing right now. Today I am going to go shooting guns at a target range tonight with my Principal from school. I am getting very bad headaches, my focus is super off, I am very fatigued. I just hope in a couple weeks that this weird feeling will go away from the detox. I want to do big things this last half of my high school year. Last semester I let a girl that I really liked pull me down and make me feel even worse than I already did with all the trauma I went through growing up and I didn't need it. I don't know why it is such a big issue to me but my biggest priority for some odd reason is that I really want a girlfriend. It seems like I can't get one no matter how hard I try and it makes me feel worse mentally in all the different ways mentally. It's almost like my mood depends on whether or not I am in a relationship and I hate it. So I want to get a girlfriend one way or another this semester. But today is the start of my last half of my high school career and I want to make it the best ever and I need to improve my mental state to do this. If anyone has any tips for how to help me to achieve that your comments would be much appreciated. Peace!

Edited by Jordan2020
Mistake

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Jordan,

this is what I understand

We program ourselves a lot. But before we do that, we are programmed by people that we spend time with (parents, friends, yes TV , internet and video games)

The last three i mentioned are important because they are programming you without telling you that. Did you know that at the infancy of cinema, alcohol and tobacco producers realized its much more effective to get movie stars to drink and smoke in films rather than advertise directly?

Just understand that you have to reprogram or rewire your brain. Cam memtioned a brilliant idea: move away from friends and all information that plants harmful values into your head and look and ask yourself: where can i find people with good values.

Also, positively respond to your false emotions to rewire your brain: 

Emotion: hey, you lost that girl, that’s so bad!

Me Really? It’s so bad? There are so many valuable people around. Am I one of them? What can I do? Am I a specialist that people queue up to get help from?

Emotion: obviously not!

Me: And all these hard working men, that heal patients, build projects, land airplanes in foggy conditions. If they saw me, what would they say about the way I’m behaving?

Emotion: well, people like that would say you are diverting yourself, living in a soap opera and wasting your time. Dang you are really diverting and playing a wimpering loser

 

Edited by Amphibian220
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Day 1: Today is my first day again because I relapsed again. I'm getting so tired of relapsing. I have been in this program for over a year and I still keep relapsing after a few days to a couple weeks. I think I have finally found out the cause of my relapses. It's me being depressed and tired all the time so I justify gaming that way because if I am too tired to work on anything productive and depressed and thinking I am worthless and I don't want to do things in life because of my depression and not being able to have specific things or relationships. The other reason for my relapses is when I am not gaming I am able to catch up on school work and college and overall everything I need to get caught up on in general so I think well there is no more work for now so I can sit down and relax and play video games which is fine in the beginning but then I give into it too much and it becomes a vicious cycle all over again and I crave them like crazy on the days I can't play and I need to work. Also when I do quit and get caught up on work and then when I have free time I really have nothing to do so I either watch movies or mindlessly browse youtube which is still not good like gaming. I don't really have friends and I live in a small town and there is not very many opportunities for much to do anything. I don't really know what to do in my free time so I relapse then too.

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Did you fill up the three that Cam talked about?

1) Escapism when you get tired of work (jogging 30 minutes does that for me)

2) Socializing (chatting with my team after finishing boxing training)

3) Sense of progression (boxing ability, work and memorization exercises give me that)

Cam stated that if you dont really find your special substitutes in these three areas, video games will force their way back. 

Apart from that you have to build and correct major goals. I know a guy that set a goal to become president of his country. At first this invited laughs, but the mockery went away when he started doing really well in his exams.

Edited by Amphibian220
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3rd day: Well like I said I relapsed the other day so today is my 3rd day again. I would be so proud of myself if I would succeed this time but I need to get the things to go to if I am feeling a certain way like @Amphibian220 said to do. The problem is I don't really have a need for 2 of those but it would be good to have them. The main one of why I relapse I would say is a sense of low self-esteem and then I go to gaming because that is where I am accepted and people ask me for advice all the time because that is where my skills are at in life. I don't really have any friends. I mean I am letting things get to me such as the fact of not having friends to hang out with after school or a girlfriend that I really want. I also am ruining my relationship with my adoptive father. He wants me to be a Christian but I don't think that is what I really want right now. It is an interesting concept but I don't really believe in God. I don't think I am ready to commit or look into that matter as of right now in my life. I need to let things happen as they go but my Dad is forcing me to go to church and is threatening that he will take away items from me such as unplugging the internet or getting rid of it if I don't go and he like trying to force me to be Christian and that is forcing more resistance in me to even wanting to look into the faith. It also puts strains on our relationship. I mean yesterday I did not go to Church and he unplugged the internet and took my car keys and says if I am not going to go to church and be saved then he will create hell on earth for me. He doesn't give me a choice. It really frustrates me and pushes me further away. As of the low self-esteem and no friendships, or girlfriend. I really want my socializing need to increase. Right now I think that is the biggest cause of my relapses. So if anyone can help me figure out my social world that would be great. I don't have really anything social as of right now.

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Hi Jordan,

I had a few suggestions. I think you should talk to your father about religion. A lot of people who are "God fearing" like to push religion onto others because they want you to be saved. There's a really great American Dad episode on it when Stan meets his best friend, who happens to be a Satan worshiper. I'm in no way trying to make fun of religion so if anyone comments on what I just said I'm not replying.

Anyways, he is either doing it because he cares about you, wants you to end up in his vision of the after life and looked after by the God he worships, or thinks it will add community values, moral values, and some structure to your life. It could a combination of those or maybe he just had to go as a kid and thinks it's blasphemy if you don't attend. 

The point is, I think you should have a logical conversation with him at the dinner table. Tell him that you'd like to set up a conversation where you can express reasons why you don't want to go to church yet and ask for reasons why he wants you to go to church. I'd then propose an alternative activity you can do with him outside of religion that can strengthen your bond. Maybe you guys could build some legos together a few times a month, have a movie night, get a hobby together, or have a board game night with him so you two can connect. Cribbage is a great card game between two people that you can have a fun movie on, play some cards, and eat some popcorn or snacks together and just talk and laugh. 

As for making friends: It's brutal in high school. The number 1 ways I made friends was through sports. I was a state all star in lacrosse. I also just made people laugh without being a bully or interrupting the teacher. On group projects I'd tell jokes and make people happy and then ask if they wanted to hang out, see a movie, go to a sub shop after school, etc. The school also has clubs and activities most likely. You can see if the art department has people working on sculptures, paintings, drawings, etc. The woodshop class always let me work on projects after school. You could try joining a club or math league or something. It lets you talk with kids outside of a school setting. If you do this you might be able to allow yourself to be an apprentice at learning something new. Then you can eventually become an expert so people can listen to you and seek out your advice. Chess club, theater, drama, math club, computer club, programming, book clubs, homework study groups, etc.

I think you should also read my forum post talking about how I'm almost at 500 days. I highlight how to study yourself and figure out why you're relapsing. It's obvious to me that you're lonely, looking for a structured life that you have authority within, and the ability to progress and become a leader. Sports and after school clubs are the way to attain this life at your age. Once you're in college (if you choose) then you can join clubs, societies, organizations, etc. Once you graduate then you find meetups, clubs, and other organizations. 

You're only a teen, so in the grand scheme of things you only have 1-3 years before you're out of the house. So it's not the end of the world. You got this. 

Read this: 

 

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Jordan,

I was a hypochondriac during my teens. I was extremely self-conscious and constantly analyzed my responses and behaviour when in the group. This was because I wanted recognition. Strangely recognition has an inverse relationship to your desire. The more you seek to please and be accepted, the less you will get it (parents are an exception to this rule- I try to be nice to my parents and respect them)

This sort of thing never went away instantly, but I paid attention how the confident guys didn’t think too much about how they looked, what they said etc.

These continued observations enabled me  to cut off a rude person who enjoyed teasing me for my weakness. 

Go out there and start socializing and dont think too much if somebody doesn’t like you. Being disliked is empowering, it gives you true independence. Girls notice guys like that.

At the London School of Economics there were high level guest speaker events. My friend said something that strengthened my conviction: “The most boring guests are those politicians who are afraid to say anything they truely feel or think. They are so politically correct, you fall asleep listening to then. The non-politicians are much more fun and exciting.”

There is nobody on planet earth that was liked by everybody they encountered. These interactions are the stage for you to develop. Conflicts fashion your character, without them you turn into a spineless creature. Just this affirmation empowers me so much, that I no longer fear to encounter people and to feel free and confident around them.

Fashion that diamond that you are! 

Edit: Your self esteem is already a lot greater. It takes some guts to say:” I’ve been unjust to myself, wasted time and I will start doing the right things” Most gamers your age are such cowards they will be in denial about gaming problems.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Well guys I have bad news again for like the 100th time and it is really getting on my nerves. Yesterday night I got really depressed because I started thinking to myself that I am nothing but an ugly guy who can't get a girlfriend and if I wasn't ugly I'd have a girlfriend along with tons of friends instead of none but I went home last night after school and the depression hit me again like it always does after school. See I go to school and I think today will be the day that things change and I get that girl of my dreams or those friendships or the looks and fitness levels I want to be at. The healthy, outgoing, energetic person but then I look everywhere around me including myself and I realize they are unattainable or I am still not getting them. So that lowers my happiness and energy right in the middle of school then I come home depressed and I say to myself well I am ugly and don't have friends or I can't achieve the vision I have of myself and that it is unrealistic so I relapse and play video games again and kinda give up on life again and it is just a vicious cycle. This is the 3rd time I have relapsed in the past 2 weeks but I am going to try again tomorrow fresh again and see what happens. I just want things to be different this time and that I will try to apply the advice you guys have given me and thank you for your support. It probably frustrates you guys seeing me say that I keep relapsing maybe after 2 or 3 days in each time.

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2 hours ago, Jordan2020 said:

Well guys I have bad news again for like the 100th time and it is really getting on my nerves. Yesterday night I got really depressed because I started thinking to myself that I am nothing but an ugly guy who can't get a girlfriend and if I wasn't ugly I'd have a girlfriend along with tons of friends instead of none but I went home last night after school and the depression hit me again like it always does after school. See I go to school and I think today will be the day that things change and I get that girl of my dreams or those friendships or the looks and fitness levels I want to be at. The healthy, outgoing, energetic person but then I look everywhere around me including myself and I realize they are unattainable or I am still not getting them. So that lowers my happiness and energy right in the middle of school then I come home depressed and I say to myself well I am ugly and don't have friends or I can't achieve the vision I have of myself and that it is unrealistic so I relapse and play video games again and kinda give up on life again and it is just a vicious cycle. This is the 3rd time I have relapsed in the past 2 weeks but I am going to try again tomorrow fresh again and see what happens. I just want things to be different this time and that I will try to apply the advice you guys have given me and thank you for your support. It probably frustrates you guys seeing me say that I keep relapsing maybe after 2 or 3 days in each time.

You've got to ask yourself if you enjoy gaming anymore. Read to yourself what you just wrote and tell me it doesn't annoy you. Nobody on here is annoyed by you relapsing. You are annoyed that you're relapsing. We want to support you and are.

I'm not saying use anger to shame yourself into quitting games. What I'm saying is read what you've written and tell me how playing games has helped you overcome this issue with having no friends, low self esteem, etc. It's not helping.

The next day won't always be better. Gaming, social media, drugs, alcohol porn, etc., they're all instant gratification tools to make you feel better and escape your problems. Your brain isn't trained to feel good over a long period of time right now. It's looking for instant changes. You're going to slowly need to train your brain to appreciate longer challenges and enjoying the process.

I struggled and wanted to make a cartoon right away. I'm learning that I just enjoy the process of creating the cartoon now. I like listening to music and drawing. I like learning new software. I am not obsessed with the final product anymore. It took months for that to sink in. It didn't just happen. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and take a step back. Give yourself a reality check with depression. Your classmates are friends with people that they've known for years. It takes months to develop a friendship. You have to be realistic about this. Friends don't come immediately like they do on video games. Cut yourself some slack and accept that this is a process. Making friends, finding hobbies, getting a girlfriend, doing better in school, overcoming addiction, etc. will all take a lot of time. 

Most importantly, seeing you relapse doesn't frustrate us. Look at how many people relapse in this forum all of the time. It's a support network. You're here to make yourself feel better. This is probably the first time in your life you've thought about changing your life for the better and making improvements. Improvement is hard. Look at how many self-help books are on Amazon. Thousands. People want to buy the book and help, but don't practice it and keep failing. 

Practice change. Be patient.

We're proud of you for being here. We want you to keep voicing things. 

I tried quitting video games for 6 years. I kept failing. 6 years. I then quit 5 months and relapsed hard for 2 months. I'm now 460 days free of gaming. Baby steps. 

Baby steps. Be proud of yourself. 

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BooksandTrees is spot on in his post.

I can only say about relapsing- switch things around to see if the new balance kills the addiction. 

Maybe you need to find the special exercises that give you the energy for the day. Perhaps you can meet somebody at school in whose company you dont feel nervous.

I took this away from Alexanderle’s journal entry:

Acting out like you are diligent, hard working and time efficient actually changes you! This is how children adopt traits ftom their peers and parents.

Boxing legends worked at convincing themselves they were greatest before they became greatest. So just imagine you have a role to play today and stick to it. 

 

 

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Day 1: Today is my first day again and I know I will succeed this time. I said last time that I hope and now I changed that to I will. Today will be an amazing first day. I am going to work hard and knock it out of the ball park in my classes today at school and be full out productive. Then I am going to finish up my college stuff so I am all ready for college. I seen that girl just an hr ago in the halls here at school and that made me feel nervous and anxious and down again but I am trying to not let it get to me today. I want today to be the best and happiest day of the past few months. I also last night decided to let God back into my life. I still have mixed feelings about it but I am trying to work through it. I was mad at God for that girl rejecting me even after she said she loved me which didn't make sense to me. I have always felt anything good that I get gets taken away eventually and I blame God for that happening but this time I am not blaming him and I am blaming the true person to blame which is Satan. Other than that stuff the only thing still bothering me which I think is going to consist of more mindset changes. But the things that are still bothering me is I still have the mindset of wanting everything to be perfect. Like wake up perfectly and go to sleep perfectly and doing things during the day perfectly. I also have so many things that I want to do that it overwhelms me. I just know that over time with small improvements and mindset shifts that, that will change.

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Hey guys well I did it. Today is officially the end of my second day of my detox. Today was very rough and not fun though. Last night I started to get cravings so I thought to myself why not just skip school and play and also there was going to be a major event week on the game today but I looked on youtube this morning and the event week wasn't as good as I thought it would be on the game and I felt horrible that I just skipped school to play a game because of my cravings and I knew about the event week but at the end after finding out what the event was I was no longer interested so I just skipped school for my Dad to come home and yell at me along with I didn't end up gaming like I planned. My Dad got home and started questioning me and also Ii realized over the night my dog whose leg has been broken was starting to get rashes around the cast and my Dad was talking about that and I knew I was missing school and falling behind on homework, I was thinking about the way I have been acting here lately and acting up but I wanted to do all these fun activities that my Dad would pay for and I am sitting there doing this to him and that made me feel guilty and like I don't deserve these activities, but you guys get the point my head was spinning and I felt like I had just hit rock bottom with everything. But I took my dog to the vet and fixed that issue got back home and contacted my caseworker and he came out and we talked a bit. That made me feel a whole lot better. I went home and created a list I needed to do to get myself back on track. I tackled that list and now I am feeling really good again. Now my head is back on right and I am ready to go again and tackle school tomorrow and anything else in my way. I am going to watch an episode of my favorite tv show and then I am going to do my devotions and take my dog out and then me and my dog are going to go to bed. I'm going to have an amazing rest of my night considering the day begin in chaos. I will talk to you guys tomorrow morning and thank you for the support you guys give me. It really means a lot to me and to my family. You guys helping me allows me to do good to help my family in the process along with myself and my improvement.

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Day 3: Well guys today is day 3 which is the day that for some reason it has been very hard for me to get past. Each time I hit day 3 I relapse which kinda sucks but today I feel like I am going to do it. I am going to do it today and wake up tomorrow and proudly say it is day 4. Today I have a lot on my plate. I have to figure out some routines for my exercise plan. I have to figure out some vacation stuff for spring break in a couple months. I have to catch up on school work that I missed for skipping school yesterday which was very stupid but other than the plate full I feel fully confident and I am ready to dominate this day and excuse my language but make this day my bitch! Let's go!

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Day 3 (yesterday) is when I most felt like gaming so far too. I don't know if it was because I had the day off of work for some appointments, so wasn't really that motivated. I even got as far as reinstalling uPlay but I stopped myself from actually playing anything. Just watched movies all night which isn't much better than gaming but at least it is breaking the habit. I'm back on the ball today. Hopefully you make it through the day okay! I believe in you. If you start feeling like you want to play something, immediately try to do something else. That's what worked for me.

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Right now, I guess you are like someone who wants to loose weight and therefore forbids himself to eat candy. Than he daily thinks about that candy to not it. I think that this creates a ton of tension, which will only be released by finally eating candy again, thus resulting in relapse. First of all, I don't think that you are a looser or something for relapsing at day 3. But I think you are focusing too much on the whole "I am not playing today" mentality. It will be very helpful to slowly expand your comfort zone and start looking into new areas, which are exciting. 

What excites you? What do you want to try out? Is there any area in your life, where you think that you are capable to make a change like right now that is going to help you move forward? Maybe even independent of gaming? Maybe even things, where you can do something good for yourself? 🙂 

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Well guys I have been really busy this weekend but I am proudly able to announce that I am on day 5 of my detox. I was always having issues getting past day 3 but I finally was able to break the barrier and keep going. The only problem that I see now is not relapsing but it is going to be hard considering that I spend a lot of time in my room watching Netflix or browsing the internet or youtube because I have nothing else to do on the weekends or after school most of the time. Also I don't have any friends to hang out with so what I do is just sit at home by myself after school and try to entertain myself. It is just coming up with activities to fill each void is the issue. Filling the social, mental, and escapism activities I am having huge issues with. So if there is anything that you guys can reccomend that'll help me improve each of those areas and start doing more outside of coming home after school and sitting in my room doing nothing for the rest of the day. I am constantly at home and I am pale as can be because of that and I don't have friends but the problem is finding enough things to do so that I am never home really and I am constantly out doing stuff.

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Hi Jordan. Congrats on breaking your previous streak!

I'm in a similar space to you right now, even though I have already done one detox. When gaming and the internet have been your whole life it's hard to imagine what to do without them. But humans have been around a lot longer than computers and they have invented a whole variety of activities to keep you occupied. 😉 The trick is learning to go out and find them.

Cam recommends some different categories of activities that you need to fill in: something social, something you can do by yourself to relax, something challenging, etc. You might have some ideas for these areas already. Taking up a sport might fill in a social/challenging need for you. You could pick up a hobby like cooking or painting miniatures as a solo activity. You might start reading to relax. Basically you want to take all the time you spent on gaming and fill it with new things to do, or it's going to be extremely hard to stay away from gaming. I've also found recently that my internet habit is just as time-consuming and destructive as my gaming habit, and has simply expanded to fill the time I used to game... So if you quit gaming and instead watch Netflix all day, you've sorta just traded one vice for another.

There's a hobby tool on the main gamequitters page you can try out for some ideas here: https://gamequitters.com/hobby-ideas/

In my case, I recently signed up for volunteer work at a boardgame cafe, and I've considered picking up ping pong to play at the local club. Basically, GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM. 😄 That will make all the difference. Hope that helps!

Edited by ElectroNugget
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@Jordan2020 my childhood at time in school back then was horrific. Getting bullied and not having many friends. The ony real friend I had was of course also gaming ^^

What I did however, was to join a fight class. It was independent from school, so no bullies or people I did not like. This helped to have a nice hobby and gave me some confidence. Maybe something like that could help you as well. The interesting thing is that even some people in school noticed that. So this was very helpful. Look out for something like that I would say. Like @ElectroNugget said: Get our of your room! Right now, I am doing someting similar, today I will sign up for a yoga class in university.

 

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Today is my 6th day of my detox and I am feeling a little better. See today the idea of my dream of what I want in life keeps playing through my head. See I want the life that only 1% of the population in the world gets to experience. I want the big houses, Lamborghinis, millions of dollars, a business that I actually enjoy in a niche that I enjoy. I don't know how to obtain this. I keep watching videos and taking courses that say you could make millions but a couple do work whereas a bunch of others are scams. It is just getting the ones that do work to work for me. I don't understand what to do in them. They are very complicated. The other way that they say to make it work is to get environmental exposure. Kinda what this means is you show me your friends I'll show you your future. So you hang around rich people and learn from them you will become rich. The problem is that I don't have thousands of dollars lying around to go get one on one coaching with the dude of the program I am taking so he can understand what I am having troubles with and help me make the goal of millions in the course.

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I think there is only two ways to become a millionaire: Either you are born as one or you have to offer a service, for what people are willing to pay. And you don't need bullshit videos on youtube telling you how to do it. It is all about, what you can give you the community. Don't think about it as taking money. You give first! And if you only do it with the purpose to become rich, you will fail, I think.

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Hey Jordan

Discovering your life purpose is a constant work in progress. 

If I was you I would set intermediate goals. When I was 16 years old, I came second in a long distance run competition in my class and felt proud of it. My family was surprised at this.

I also opted for some volunteering opportunities. 

Edited by Amphibian220
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