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NEW VIDEO: Letting go of gaming

Alexanderle

Trust the process...

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I came to a positive realization again. Despite my recent failures, everything is fine. It is the same with learning a language: It makes sense that I am a fool at first and that I am failing in regard to social activities. So I just have to keep going and to make baby steps. Now the question that arises, is: How can I make baby steps towards my fear of sitting alone in a lecture? The first real thing is just continue to go there. This is the first big difference in comparison to basically my entire past. So that is fine to do. I also found the Mindshift App designed to tackle anxiety. Will maybe give that a try. I will also continue to sit more in the front of classes to actually pay attention and get shit done. Right now I am not only on track regarding my lecture, but actually in front of time and most of my peers. So that is alright. Once again, I will also try to focus on other people during the lecture to get out of my own head. Those are some starting points I would say. The rest I figure out later.

Today I also started to work on my bachelor thesis. Right now it is about sorting out my materials and really understand, what is going on. Maybe tomorrow I find some time to start writing a bit of structure for the introduction etc. 

So overall, I am quite fine right now and focused. It is not perfect, but it is enough to keep me going. 🙂

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Everything is alright I would say. Today I was working very hard for university. I attended the lecture sitting next to a person, I talked with. So that was going ok. The challenge will be, how I react, when this person is not there on Thursday. I guess we will see. I was also studying a bit in the library afterwards and then I attended some sport classes. Right now, I was painting a bit, and my bedtime is visible on the horizon. So with a positive attitude, I finish this day. May tomorrow come to me. I am ready to rumble.

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Alright then. So today was the first day, where I managed to have breakfast without watching any TV or something. I also woke up quite early and had an amazing morning routine. Quite on point. Maybe I can repeat the whole not watching TV thing again. I was listening to some music and watched the Sun rise. Really funny but be awake "before" the sun. ^^ I attended to lectures today, one was "mandatory" the other one was completely unrelated. A famous philosophy professor from the USA was giving a little talk. Was quite interesting, not gonna change my world, but whatever. The important part is that I was there. Talking or looking to other people is still a challenge. I have some serious problems man. xD
But I continue to throw myself out there. It is the right way.

There are two interesting concepts, I found today. The first concept is the idea of painbodies. According to Eckhart Tolle, they are a cumulation of our previous history of "failures". At some point, it loops and creates a vicious cycle. He suggests to not ignore this anxiety feeling, but actually focus on it and accept it. Interesting concept, maybe I will try that out in a lecture.

The second concept is the idea of the Network, which in a similar way like other organizations, tries to organize and structure mental diseases. The idea is that an outside event triggers a certain response. Maybe a huge mistake at work causes a sad mood. Under normal circumstances that will vanish eventually, in other cases, if could also cause sleep problems, which could also cause exhaustion, which creates even more intense sad feelings, which eventually could cause suicidal ideation and voila, we have some symptoms of a severe depression. This is quite a new approach to look at mental illness categorization, but I really like it. I think that this concept can also be used in a positive way. I get one activity right, like fixing my diet, which can cause me to move a bit more due to weightloss, which then let me exercise more, which causes me to improve in other areas etc. Not sure yet what to do with this information, but I wanted to write it down, because this has some potential. No idea for what, but we will see.

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3 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

There are two interesting concepts, I found today. The first concept is the idea of painbodies. According to Eckhart Tolle, they are a cumulation of our previous history of "failures". At some point, it loops and creates a vicious cycle. He suggests to not ignore this anxiety feeling, but actually focus on it and accept it. Interesting concept, maybe I will try that out in a lecture.

I just got into "A New Earth" of his. It's my second book from him, I like the spirituality of it and it makes me wonder a lot. I wouldn't even say it's a "book" per se.

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Interesting @Ikar have not heard of that one before. I just watched a couple of videos of him. Overall, I think the idea of living in the presence is quite a nice and fresh take of the world, even though other "enlighted people" have said similar thinks. I just think, it is worth to try out some of the stuff to see, if it is helpful. 🙂 

Why would you not call it a book? 

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8 minutes ago, Alexanderle said:

Interesting @Ikar have not heard of that one before. I just watched a couple of videos of him. Overall, I think the idea of living in the presence is quite a nice and fresh take of the world, even though other "enlighted people" have said similar thinks. I just think, it is worth to try out some of the stuff to see, if it is helpful. 🙂 

Why would you not call it a book? 

It doesn't have a story-line and it's not giving any advice either. It's just text that is supposed to help you to connect some dots that you didn't see before.

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I really value some of the insights here. 

There are two types of relapses and you keep highlighting this.

The first type is still very attached to his former self and feels overly proud about not gaming. This is why when he relapses, there is the unhealthy reaction.

He thinks he “lost” the streak and exaggerates the failure, but he cannot see the big picture. Because he feels defeatist, he goes on a gaming binge and feels much worse. “I might as well just game the entire weekend since I played one game”

The second type knows the complexity of it. He starts attaching to new activities. He is estranging himself from the old habit. He is learning much faster. Just maybe there can be that negligible relapse after which he is happily disillusioned- he doesn’t want games anymore. He is still cautious and on the lookout. But no relapse will have this self-fulfilling acceptance of defeat.

Edited by Amphibian220
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@Amphibian220 Wow, the way you just described that - amazing. This has to be saved somewhere, so I won't forget the phrasing. And when I really look back to my past, for instance when it came down to my diet, I tried numerous times to change it to the better. But once a relapse occured, I just gave up. Once I started this second approach, it just kinda worked without a lot of problems. It worked for my diet, it worked for gaming, it worked for self discipline overall.
 

What is so fascinating, what I was thinking about is this: What am I actually doing here? Gaming is really not a problem for me. Out of all the things, it is the easiest thing for me to pretty much ignore. There is just no desire whatsover. For my social life, eating and procrastination, it is a lot harder. Maybe because I cannot just delete food or every distration including in my mind and so on. And right now, I have a couple of things, I am struggling with: Waking up early, my diet is a little bit more messy than before, procrastination and pornography. It is not that I am now at a negative turnaround and I relapse completely. I am still the "type 2 relapser". However, I have been thinking, what caused the latest troubles? There are days, where I am super focused but relapse to porn, days where I eat bad but don't relapse to porn or days where I procrastinate without anything else. A possible psychological model that coupld explain it might the so called ego depletion theory. In a nutshell, it states that we only have a certain pool of willpower in the tank. Once it is depleted, we have no willpower to get other things done. The only change that might cause this are the "social changes".

My old module is over and in this module, I have to adjust again to my social situation, have to deal with scary lectures and literally force myself to go there. I still do it, I even attend sport courses now or visit the sauna. So this is a gigantic leap. Such a leap, which I never did before. So this could explain, where the energy went. Maybe it is just a little bit too much to deal with it all at once. But I am still not worried: My eating is not so bad, because I really don't eat sugar. Just a bit too much carbohydrates. I am also working out quite a lot. So I might actually need the extra food. I am getting more ripped than ever. In the evening, I was eating salad like usual. If I would now order muffins and cupcakes that would be a bad thing. I am just not as strict as previously. My procrastination I can also figure out I am sure. One day I am a high tech machine, the other day there is some struggle. The porn I worry a little bit, because I know the influence, it can have on me. But this I figure out as well. I know, how important is now to keep going in the social area. I will still put all my energy in that area, even for the sake of "neglecting" something else. Eventually, everything will be back in order and I learned something new.

Thanks again @Amphibian220 for the valuable input regarding types of procrastinators. This led to the vast amount of text above and helped me to start the thought process to figure some things out and to structure my situation a bit. I don't know if my theory is correct, but for now it is enough as explanation. Nothing to worry, I keep firing.

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You know, I was really tested awhile back with my theory. 

After I did what scared me, I started reacting differently to situations. I was parking and there was this good parking spot, but some men were standing next to it. My usual reaction would be to look for another space, but here I said “Hey, let them complain or what, it will be interesting how this plays out” The guys were friendly and polite when I got out of the car. I was okay, but it would even be cooler if they said something and I defended my ground.

Truth is you have to be brave and have trust in yourself to make changes, but you mustn’t be crazy too. I am now on this island of calmness, but I cannot sit this out. I am going to attack again tomorrow. We all know what this means- doing things that are tough but right to do. When you win, you get a lot of willpower (i dont forget that my balance of activities must be right)

Many folks are afraid of stepping up. I just hope we keep giving each other conviction. 

Edited by Amphibian220
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I hope so too man. But so far, it has been working out. Actually, this kinda answers my question, what I am doing here. Despite the fact that I am really not struggling with games anymore, it just feels good to share this journey or process with other people, who have a similar background. They understand my struggles more than everyone. And it feels good to motivate and give something back to other people in this forum. 

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