Sarma 124 Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 Days 1-5 Hello everyone, To get to know my thoughts better you can read the post bellow. Quitting gaming has been a lot harder this time around. I've grown emotionally attached to them and it has really impacted me these past 5 days. I've had a rollercoaster of emotions and I'm just hoping it will be easier in a couple of days. I've started to read respawn again, since i don't remember everything exactly from 2 years ago. So from thursday to Saturday I was working a part time job in a warehouse and it really helped me get through the day a little bit easier. In fact i decided to quit games again because I was so stressed out about having to work, when i just wanted to play video games. Anyways, i really enjoyed working. It's not a job i'd do long term but for my first 3 work days it was great. When I wasn't at work I would rest at home listening to music or watching tv. I was also contemplating a lot about where my life was going. Ever since finishing highschool I feel like im losing control. I get these anxiety attacks because i fear everything could fall apart in an instant and that I would die and nobody would remember me. I'm guessing its extra pressure i'm feeling since my friends are all going to university while I look like an idiot for pausing for 1 year. Hopefully I will be able to resolve these issues once i start going to the therapist. I'm just hoping It's not going to be anything serious, that's going to permanently impact my mental health. Sunday I had some work to do aswell. I helped my brother with renovating his work place. Later that day I finally decided to go out with my highschool friends. I needed some social interaction. That night out was kind of a learning experience. I didn't talk much, they asked me some questions about work, but for the most part I listened to what they were talking about. I didn't really have anything to talk about, it would either be about work or gaming (which nobody in this group is interested in). They talked mostly about football. I never was really a fan of it. I might start watching a bit now that I need new interests. I felt a bit discouraged at one point, I wanted to go back to gaming because i had nothing in common with these people. I accepted the feeling and knew it was going to be a learning proccess. So yeah overall I feel like that week was pretty productive. Today though was really fucking tough. I had multiple cravings to watch porn and to play video games, but I somehow managed. Sadly I didn't have work today since it was only a part time job and i need to wait to get another one. So yeah my day was pretty empty. I mostly read respawn and mindlessly browsed the internet. My sister was kind of a savior because she invited me to her home to hang out. That was pretty nice, i got out of my skin and just relaxed. Overall i think I think this past month has been the hardest in my whole life. But I feel like If I don't quit now I will never be able to quit and become a man. I feel like I might be going crazy aswell, but that's for the therapist to decide. Tomorrow I will be going to the bureau for employment to try and get a job. I also need to make an agenda for tomorrow, because my day will be pretty empty again with no work. Those are my past couple of days people. I hope you enjoyed the read and will support me on this journey to becoming a better person. Thank you Cam and thanks to this forum, I would still be playing, If i didn't have your support. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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