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Tzen1

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1 hour ago, Tzen1 said:

Day 59 and FREAKING 60

          I can't believe it 60 days without gaming or media content. If you asked me if I would have made it this far I probably wouldn't have believed it myself! 

          The days have been long while not teaching. Waiting for teachers to start taking some days off so I can start subbing. I need to fix my mind of picking up jobs and doing what best for me and my wife and not put games first. That's how bad I let games get to me. So this year is a time of change. It will be hard to break the mindset but it's my biggest step in order to really break this addiction and start gaining trust back with my wife. 

          On day 60 I have a great accomplishment as well to top it off. For the first time I finished my first 600+ page book and bought the second book. I'm super proud of this as reading was never my go to hobby until I stopped gaming and I love it. It's the first book of the King Killer chronicles and it's amazing!

          Onwards to the last 30 days people but more than likely I'll still be going past that. 

-Cheers 

Tzen

Nice job. It's really great when you feel proud of yourself after meeting a benchmark. Especially since this journey started with pain and resentment toward the benchmark you've now met and feel good about. Keep up the good work. After 43 weeks I can tell you there will always be ups and downs but the larger the number gets the more backbone you feel in your self esteem as you learn to stand taller. 

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Day 61 - 65

          Man I have been bad about posting on here I need to be more diligent.  This has always been a problem for me irl vs gaming, just do it. It doesn't really stem from satisfaction or anything like that it's just lazy and not finding my motivation within myself to do things. I can accomplish things and get them done but it's hard to start. Once I start though I'm on it until it gets done it's just beginning that I have trouble with. 

          These past 5 days have been good and some substitute jobs are starting to pop up slowly. Game cravings are still low, the music no longer plays in my head unless I think about it. The media aspect however is still something I miss. While I don't miss the constant YouTube ads or sellout streamers on twitch but the charity side of things. The hardest part about starting this journey over the summer was missing out in sgdq (summer games done quick) and support the people who play games for charity money. It's been my favorite event these past few summers and to miss it was tough. I know in the long run the media side will get just as low as the cravings will in time. Being diligent is tough sometimes but I will not falter and I will accomplish these 90 days.

          I know media is my biggest problem but to all you MMO people stay strong! I know it is a tough day for you people but you can do it! You won't get any satisfaction from playing and watching. You can do it people!

-Cheers 

Tzen

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Day 66

          Today was a productive day on the back half. Woke up in the morning checking for substitute jobs to pick up. Since it is still the beginning of school not much open right now. Spent the first half of my morning on my phone some just browsing but more of research. The house we bought came with a shed, full of rat poop and urine. Well after lots of research and a new goal in mind it's time to clean up the shed and back yard! Towards the end of the day I felt good and is just more of a reminder that working out feels good. About to hop into bed and read some more of my book. Tomorrow is another day working outside! 

          I also want to leave yall with this video. If you have not seen this motivational speech it's amazing!

-Cheers 

Tzen

 

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On 8/26/2019 at 1:55 PM, Tzen1 said:

Day 61 - 65

          Man I have been bad about posting on here I need to be more diligent.  This has always been a problem for me irl vs gaming, just do it. It doesn't really stem from satisfaction or anything like that it's just lazy and not finding my motivation within myself to do things. I can accomplish things and get them done but it's hard to start. Once I start though I'm on it until it gets done it's just beginning that I have trouble with. 

          These past 5 days have been good and some substitute jobs are starting to pop up slowly. Game cravings are still low, the music no longer plays in my head unless I think about it. The media aspect however is still something I miss. While I don't miss the constant YouTube ads or sellout streamers on twitch but the charity side of things. The hardest part about starting this journey over the summer was missing out in sgdq (summer games done quick) and support the people who play games for charity money. It's been my favorite event these past few summers and to miss it was tough. I know in the long run the media side will get just as low as the cravings will in time. Being diligent is tough sometimes but I will not falter and I will accomplish these 90 days.

          I know media is my biggest problem but to all you MMO people stay strong! I know it is a tough day for you people but you can do it! You won't get any satisfaction from playing and watching. You can do it people!

-Cheers 

Tzen

You know what's strange? I think I'm one of the only gamers who never cared about sgdq or that community in general. I think I might actually hate the video game community and most stereotypical gamers in general. I think I stayed in it for too long and just used anger to get out of my addiction. So it may have left me with a sour disposition towards those specific gamers.

Stay patient and enjoy your journey and keep learning.

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@BooksandTrees you do whatever it takes to beat the addiction. I also get from where your coming from as well. At times it seems every twitch channel you hop on is almost the same just a different face or not even one sometimes. Also if you did leave in anger make sure to try and release it from your mind. Anytime gaming thoughts that might come in could also be a cause for extra stress. You can beat the stress! 

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On 8/28/2019 at 1:05 AM, BooksandTrees said:

You know what's strange? I think I'm one of the only gamers who never cared about sgdq or that community in general. I think I might actually hate the video game community and most stereotypical gamers in general. I think I stayed in it for too long and just used anger to get out of my addiction. So it may have left me with a sour disposition towards those specific gamers.

Stay patient and enjoy your journey and keep learning.

I never cared for it too much either. I think I was mostly looking for something I am good at. It turns out that if you put enough time into something, you become good at it!

I used fear of the abyss that would make my life insufferable after what I knew what the correct decision was. Something just had to go.

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Day of 72 , entries 67-71

On 8/31/2019 at 4:15 PM, Ikar said:

I think I was mostly looking for something I am good at. It turns out that if you put enough time into something, you become good at it!

          @Ikar you know what's funny? Is that before I quit this also was a problem for me. I spent so much time looking for another multiplayer game I could just pick up and be good at and I kept making myself feel disappointed that I could never reach the top even after countless hours in the game. It was such a bad cycle that I would lead my mind down a dark path and set myself up for failure. It wasn't until a week or two before I quit gaming that I came to appreciate single player games. Like being able to open a book with no pressure, it was comforting to not worry about having to be good and to show up other people whom I'll never meet IRL. Because in the end, nobody cares about your online gaming achievements and that's a line that was also hard for me to accept.

          These past few days have been busy. I finally tackled the shed full of rat poop and urine. I took every precaution as best as I could in order to not get sick. The yard is starting to finally not look like a trash pile and I have just a little bit more work to do.

          Thinking of a good hobby is still tough right now my mind has been on diy stuff so maybe it's time to really make that my hobby and learn how to upkeep a house.

          While cravings have been low to none about playing games I did have a moment that told me im doing the right thing in continuing this journal. While I was grocery shopping I went past electronics and went down the video game aisle. While it was for a brief moment I just peeked at the switch games that were out before I walked away. But why? Why do I have the need to check what was out? I fear my FOMO is a lot worse than I realized and I still have a long way to go in order to beat it. Just more work I need to do on my self. While I'm down to my last 20 days it is probably for the best that I continue the journal until I get to a more comfortable point. If I ever return to games and learn to play in moderation I think it's best to follow cams advice and stick to single player games. If that doesn't pan out well I'll be back and start this process again but for good.

-Cheers

Tzen

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I also grew to like SP games more and more later on. I had a feeling my teammates would generally let me down in MP games, as I think I always put in more hours than the average player into the game. There is some comfort in screwing up in an SP game and not having anyone to blame. It is kinda like real life! 😄

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7 hours ago, Ikar said:

There is some comfort in screwing up in an SP game and not having anyone to blame. It is kinda like real life! 😄

@Ikar man that is the freaking truth! It's really true though life is the ultimate SP game. 

Day 72-73

         Had a super proud moment today! I finally finished cleaning out all the trash (which was so much) that was in our backyard. It felt good to know that I accomplished that and honestly o think if I was still on video games the back yard would have taken ages to finish. Next to tackle is the shed but we have spent a tad bit on money and need to cut back a bit. 

          It's funny how one image can almost ruin your no game spree. I was looking on my phone checking out some videos I saved that I wanted to watch later and out of nowhere, even after I cleared my history at the beginning of this detox, I get one picture of a Monster Hunter World. While I have treated that game like a single player game because it's just easier. It was hard not to watch the updates on what's going on with that game as it was really the only game I was looking forward to this year. Other than some co op games for the switch for me and my wife. The streak remains unbroken but man it's tough as nails right now not to go look at the news. Anyway more work tomorrow cleaning gutters and the roof so rain can flow better. Here's to staying away from media content! 

-Cheers

Tzen

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Day 74 (Writing on day 75)
     The mornings have become a troublesome spot during my day. On days I'm not substituting, I find myself laying in bed longer and just being on my phone mindlessly browsing the internet (Reddit, Imgur, YouTube, etc.). Then after getting out of bed, I sit in my chair and just stay on my phone. The funny thing about me is that once I start working on whatever needs to be done then I am good to go. I worked for 4ish hours yesterday on the house, getting on the roof and clearing all the leaves and sticks, checking on the shed and figuring out what I need to do on it, and working on setting up new light fixtures in the guest bathroom. Just starting the day though is hard and I believe my phone is to blame. So I think my goal for these last 15 days is to limit screen time to 2 or 3 hours and avoid the need to constantly check my phone. I also think this will help my FOMO out as well in the long run. If there are any apps the can help reduce phone screen time, like something that can lock out certain apps, that would be awesome if y'all could recommend any!


     With 15 days left of the official detox, I plan on continuing past the 90-day mark until I take my social studies certification. After the test, I will slowly reintroduce gaming in moderation. Gone are the days of multiplayer games, except couch coop with the wife, it will be a single-player only life for me. 9/20 is day 90, no way am I losing the fight now!

-Cheers
Tzen

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1 hour ago, Tzen1 said:

Day 74 (Writing on day 75)
     The mornings have become a troublesome spot during my day. On days I'm not substituting, I find myself laying in bed longer and just being on my phone mindlessly browsing the internet (Reddit, Imgur, YouTube, etc.). Then after getting out of bed, I sit in my chair and just stay on my phone. The funny thing about me is that once I start working on whatever needs to be done then I am good to go. I worked for 4ish hours yesterday on the house, getting on the roof and clearing all the leaves and sticks, checking on the shed and figuring out what I need to do on it, and working on setting up new light fixtures in the guest bathroom. Just starting the day though is hard and I believe my phone is to blame. So I think my goal for these last 15 days is to limit screen time to 2 or 3 hours and avoid the need to constantly check my phone. I also think this will help my FOMO out as well in the long run. If there are any apps the can help reduce phone screen time, like something that can lock out certain apps, that would be awesome if y'all could recommend any!


     With 15 days left of the official detox, I plan on continuing past the 90-day mark until I take my social studies certification. After the test, I will slowly reintroduce gaming in moderation. Gone are the days of multiplayer games, except couch coop with the wife, it will be a single-player only life for me. 9/20 is day 90, no way am I losing the fight now!

-Cheers
Tzen

I wouldn't fully blame the phone or beat yourself up. Millions of people deal with the same thing you are in the mornings. Something I've done to combat this is schedule grocery shopping at like 7 or 8 in the morning on my first day off. It gets me out of the house fast. The second day I either plan outside activity early, or a slow cooker meal that takes hours ti finish by dinner so my morning starts early and I have reason to get up. 

Don't beat yourself up. It's worse for us because we're focusing on ourselves so much. One of the ways we move forward is just accepting some things as normal. Sometimes we are normal. 

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19 hours ago, Tzen1 said:

The mornings have become a troublesome spot during my day. On days I'm not substituting, I find myself laying in bed longer and just being on my phone mindlessly browsing the internet (Reddit, Imgur, YouTube, etc.). Then after getting out of bed, I sit in my chair and just stay on my phone.

Same, I also struggle with this. In order to curb my screen time in the morning I usually go to a fitness club each morning except for Sunday. I know it is not going to be easy and that it happens once in a while, but I shall say it is not impossible to get over this habit. Stay strong! 😀

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Day 75 - 77

     Thanks @Lea & @BooksandTrees! I have found an app to combat this for now. Funny enough, the app is called Appblock, it lets me select the apps I want to block and locks me out of them. I set up times when I want to be locked out, so I did from 8 am to 7 pm, and turn on strict mode so I can not edit my settings. I also set up a time frame at night as well so if I randomly wake up during the night then I won't be able to browse the internet to fall back asleep. 

     So these past few days I decided on what I can do for now as small goals. Home projects, I want to be able to improve one thing in our house. Does not matter if it's big or small just doing one small project a day. I also started to study a bit more and focusing on this test I am signing up for. I have failed it 4 times already and under our education laws I only have one more shot before the price of the test doubles in price and I have to apply for a waiver. I am a bad test-taker, always have been, to the point I would rather write essays and do research papers as I enjoy those more. So I am going to beat this test this month and beat this addiction so this is a big month for me.

     Speaking of the detox, I like to browse YouTube's trending section to try and broaden my views on different subjects. As I was scrolling down a Nintendo direct was on the list and it didn't phase me. I wanted to watch I will admit but it felt good knowing that I didn't know that one was coming, not worrying about the hype of new things coming, and not having the mentality that I have to buy these games to be happy. That line as well feels so good to say, "not having the mentality that I have to buy these games to be happy", with the house I want to start expanding my tools selection. My best friend and his family set me up pretty well with a toolbox as a wedding gift awhile back and I'll always be grateful for that gift. While I did not have much use for it in an apartment complex now that we are in a house it has become the biggest lifesaver. I want to expand on this though and be ready for anything that comes my way. 

     My biggest goal for house projects fixing up is an old shed that I have talked about in previous posts. Its finally starting to look decent other than the rat that died under the shed. It needs some fresh nail in the wood and some new wood on the bottom of the shed. Lastly, I need to caulk it close because every time I open it there is always a lizard on the floor. So that is the ultimate goal.

     T-minus 13 days 

-Cheers

Tzen

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I have a friend who is reading my journal right now. Shout out to him for reminding me to fill out today's entry. I didn't realize how many days went by already without an update!

Days 78 - 81 (writing on day 82)

          With sub jobs starting to become a little more frequent work has slowly started to come in. I'm grateful for being able to start earning something to help out with our income but it's still not where I want to be. I used to use gaming as an escape right now trying not to think about not being able to teach for another year. I had the grip come back to me these past few days as I was craving 100 percent, not playing games, but just reading updates over Monster Hunter news. It got to the point that I would type it in on Google and YouTube that I would have to stop my self before clicking a video or a news article. It probably was my closest call yet to ruining my streak. So it's been really tough these past few days. I almost felt guilty about just typing the words on the search bar. Other than that though its been good with plenty of work to be done around the house and studying to do.

T-minus 9 days. 

-Cheers 

Tzen

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1 hour ago, Tzen1 said:

Days 78 - 81 (writing on day 82)

9 days left to go! You can do this. 😀

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Days 82- 84

          Cravings have finally gone down for the media side and I feel like I'm getting back to normal again. No work on the house this weekend as the wife came down with a cold or sinus infection. We will see on Monday but being sick is no fun no matter who you are. Got to see one of my best friends on Friday and catch up a bit which was nice. The best part, I was able to take about some games with him and no cravings what so ever arose. It felt good to not want to play games all the time. To no want to crave the latest and greatest or worry about what's coming out. I'm more interested in house renovations at the moment and have a book already planned for my next read over the matter. 

         @30_yrs_of_gaming and @TTTshout out to these two guys for almost finishing their 90. You guys got this and I'll see y'all at the finish line soon. It's the final week for me so it's time to buckle down and finish strong. 

-Cheers

Tzen

Edited by Tzen1
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Days 85- 89

     If someone were to tell me that it was possible to put down a controller for 90 days and miss out on everything gaming has to offer for 3 months I would have thought they were crazy. Here I stand on day 89, one day left in this detox, without picking up a controller. This has been an eye-opening journey to show me that there is more than a screen in front of your face. While moving into a house built in the '80s that had some work needed to be done it brought to light a new hobby of learning how to renovate a house. It's crazy how fast these three months went, how much time in the outside world is missed due to looking at a monitor. Tomorrow I will have a longer post about my journey. I liked the tip @BooksandTrees gave to @30_yrs_of_gaming about how to end on a good note for the journal and I plan on doing something similar. It's funny, in my first week of posting I said that I wasn't big into social media type aspects (liking, commenting, etc), I'm glad I turned out to be wrong. This website is a helpful community and once you start reading other journals you quickly learn that you're not alone. 

     So my first tip for anyone new to this community is start reading other journals. When you put a like down it has more meaning than just saying "oh I like your post" it means, at least to me, that I read your journal or post and you're not alone; It was comforting. Once you get familiar with the forums start adding comments and keep the positive train rolling. 

     90 days is possible! You can do it! 

-Cheers

Tzen

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@BooksandTrees thanks man! Now, it is time.

Day 90 out of 90

          After going into this with a goal to make a change in my life. To improve myself and to untangle this behavior. My honest first thought when quitting that stuck with me all the way to the end was who am I without video games? This was the big question to tackle during my 90 days; and honestly I don't think an answer like that can be found within 90 days. So, like other people have said, I don't feel as if my journey ends here. But now I have the tools in my pocket to make finding the answers a little bit easier. Well how did I succeed? The honest answer, I got lucky at the beginning of my 90 days. 

         1. Working on the house we bought showed me a hobby I didn't see coming, home repair. My first hard project was fixing the stopper on the fridge ice machine. Taking off the whole front panel, disconnecting the wires, and readjusting the stopper to seal was an amazing feeling when I finished. So finding a hobby is definitely a priority while on this detox.

          2. My biggest regret at the beginning of this detox was not reading sooner. Going from games to a book was like going from your favorite junkfood to your least favorite vegetable. START READING AND STICK WITH IT! It doesn't matter what you read, find something that Interest you and get a physical copy of it to read. At nights this was such a game changer I regretted so much not doing it week 1.

          3. I'll keep these next points short now. Find time for yourself, somewhere quiet. It was very hard and still is a little difficult for me to accept that video games don't define you. Spend time reflecting and sitting with the boredom.

          4. Find your motivator. If it's for someone, make a picture of them and make sure you can see them everywhere you go. Mine was my wife and I made her my home screen. Every time I opened my phone I remind myself who I am doing it for. If it is for yourself then why? Find the reason why you want to quit and stare it down everyday. 

          5. Lastly, try new things. This piggy backs off of hobbies but it's the old saying you won't know until you try. Once you try, that experience is with you forever and knowing you tried something new, something out of your comfort zone is a huge win no matter how bad or good the experience was.

          I want to say one last congratulations to @30_yrs_of_gaming and @TTT for finishing there 90 days as well this week. @Cam Adair the program you have made is amazing and hopefully seeing three people in one week reach 90 days gives you more strength to keep fighting the good fight for us. Thank you again.

          My plan for the future is to start gaming in moderation starting in October. I still have a big test at the the end of September that needs to be taken care of first. I still plan on hanging around here I feel like this is one community that will be hard to let go. 

          For those of you going through the detox right now don't give up you can do this and I believe in you. For those of you thinking of taking the plunge I say jump in head first like the rest of us. There is a great community here ready to help out. 

Take care everyone, I'll still be around. 

-Cheers 

Tzen

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