A collection of thoughts.

[NannerZ]

Welp. Here we go. This is where I will be documenting my journey through the 90 day detox program. Alongside the 90 day gaming detox, I have chosen to also do no porn for 90 days and hopefully forever, as well as a complete overhaul of my diet. All in all it will be 90 days of no gaming at all, no porn, no smoking weed, no junk food, and no sugar drinks. I'll be sharing my thoughts and daily activities as I see fit. I'm hoping being this vulnerable will be a really therapeutic experience for me. So.. I guess this is where I get started.

Day 1: May 6th, 2019.

Today I started my day by cooking myself a healthy breakfast and then I headed to the gym. I worked on chest and back at the gym as well as cardio exercises. Then I went for 2 walks today all combined it was probably an hour and a half of walking. My meals were all very healthy. I bought a new golf driver for myself today, I'm planning on really throwing myself into golf this summer as an alternative to gaming. Now I'm going to work on my Respawn program stuff a little bit before I watch a little TV and prep for sleep. I experienced no cravings for gaming or any other vices today. All in all I'm very happy with my day 1. That's all for now.

 

It's been 1 day since I played a video game

It's been 1 day since I watched porn

It's been 1 day since I smoked weed

It's been 1 day since I ate junk food

It's been 1 day since I drank pop

 

 

 

Edited May 7, 2019 by NannerZ
grammar

[Sapuverell]

15 hours ago, NannerZ said:

 All in all it will be 90 days of no gaming at all, no porn, no smoking weed, no junk food, and no sugar drinks. 

Cool you came on this forum to share your story. I see you wanna change a lot of things and it makes me happy to hear that. In terms of your resolution I think you should consider lessen them a bit. Because it seems like hell of a time in front of you. I'm struggling right now with only your first two points. I'm writing this just to bring you in a reflective thinking process.

Cheers!

[NannerZ]

8 hours ago, Sapuverell said:

Cool you came on this forum to share your story. I see you wanna change a lot of things and it makes me happy to hear that. In terms of your resolution I think you should consider lessen them a bit. Because it seems like hell of a time in front of you. I'm struggling right now with only your first two points. I'm writing this just to bring you in a reflective thinking process.

Cheers!

Thanks for reading and replying! I definitely understand your concern. I was also thinking that it might be a challenge to do all of this at once as well. I think I will continue to evaluate on a daily basis and maybe make some adjustments if needed. It's still so early in my journey, but so far so good. Thanks again, I wish you success on your journey as well.

[NannerZ]

Day 2: May 7th, 2019.

Today was a lot like yesterday in many ways. I started the day by cooking myself a healthy breakfast and then I went to the gym for strictly cardio exercises. I got a good workout in and then I went for a long walk.. maybe 70 mins or so. The rest of my meals were very healthy and I didn't eat or drink anything I wasn't supposed to. I spent some time reading Atomic habits by James Clear today as well. It will be the 2nd time through for me but its an excellent book, both motivating and educational. Really really helps me understand the idea of habit formation and why I became so addicted to gaming in the first place. Strongly recommend it to anyone. I went for a 2nd walk in the early evening.. about 45 minutes. My legs are so tired from all the work today but that's a good thing. And then I even found some time to finally study my IT school work again. I haven't touched it in months so this was a huge step.. really hopeful I can find time to study nearly everyday moving forward.

Didn't get up to much else that was too exciting. So far I've experienced no urge to game, and maybe some small junk food cravings but nothing that could be considered a close call. Day 2 was a huge success and I can't wait to keep going. That's it for today. ?

It's been 2 days since I played a video game

It's been 2 days since I watched porn

It's been 2 days since I smoked weed

It's been 2 days since I ate junk food

It's been 2 days since I drank pop

[30_yrs_of_gaming]

I will check out the book called Atomic Habits. This is the second time I have seen it as recommended. Good job on finishing your second day. It may sound lame, but you have to look at each day as a personal achievement and not despise the smallest advances. I am 10 days in the clear and will keep going. I will try to check in again during your journey. 

Stay strong!

[NannerZ]

22 minutes ago, 30_yrs_of_gaming said:

I will check out the book called Atomic Habits. This is the second time I have seen it as recommended. Good job on finishing your second day. It may sound lame, but you have to look at each day as a personal achievement and not despise the smallest advances. I am 10 days in the clear and will keep going. I will try to check in again during your journey. 

Stay strong!

Yes, I think the book could help you. You will understand why you do certain things even though you don't want to.  It should be really helpful with trying to break bad habits and create new good ones. Thanks for reading! I will check in with your journey as well, I wish you well.

[NannerZ]

Day 3: May 8th, 2019

Today was another successful and rewarding day. 3 Healthy meals and healthy snacks. Crushed it at the gym, worked out biceps and shoulders today as well as 45 mins of cardio exercises. I also did a bunch of walking today.. an hour in the forest and another hour walking to the grocery store and back to pick up some things. I've been finding all the exercise and walking time very therapeutic.. I get a lot of time to think about my goals and dreams and planning my days. Its only day 3 but damn I'm excited and feeling good. I wish I could skip ahead to day 10..20..30..45 to see all the changes stack up. I found some time to do a little studying for my A+ certification exam as well. I don't miss gaming at all...so far. Even if I wanted to play games.. I don't see it happening. I uninstalled every game I own on my PC and PS4 and unplugged my PS4. I don't see a situation where I go thru all that hassle just to game.. I'll find something more productive to do now.

I am going to work a little on my respawn program now and maybe watch a bit of netflix or read a little before sleep in a couple hours. Another step in the right direction, bring on day 4.

It's been 3 days since I played a video game

It's been 3 days since I watched porn

It's been 3 days since I smoked weed

It's been 3 days since I ate junk food

It's been 3 days since I drank pop

[NannerZ]

Day 4: May 9th, 2019

Kind of a boring and uneventful day for the most part. I'm off to such a good start with my weight loss and diet program that I decided to weigh myself this morning (trying not to weigh in more than twice a week) and I'm down 2.6 lbs in only 3 days. Pretty encouraging start. I used one of those online weight calculators today and apparently I'm still 35 pounds away from being a "healthy" body weight for my height. Yikes. Whatever, I don't care. I'm going to lose all of it this year and I'm going to get into the best shape of my life. And if I continue eating so well and getting so much physical activity in.. I could be like.. 20-30 pounds down by the end of my detox. I'll set the bar at 20.. I can definitely do that. Didn't game, didn't have any urges. I'm so disgusted with gaming and what it did to me I just don't see myself failing. I really think this is going to stick.

Going to just relax for a bit now before sleep in a couple hours. Another successful day.

4 days since I played a video game

4 days since I watched porn

4 days since I smoked weed

4 days since I ate junk food

4 days since I drank pop

[Ikar]

Hi!

On 5/7/2019 at 5:02 AM, NannerZ said:

 I'll be sharing my thoughts and daily activities as I see fit. I'm hoping being this vulnerable will be a really therapeutic experience for me. So.. I guess this is where I get started.

This is really important. I'm always interested in how the struggle is looking like for others, as we're all different, even though we start with the 90 days.

In my experience, I crave gaming/Twitch very little, if at all, mostly just a few nostalgic thoughts, but I easily acknowledge them and they go away on their own in a whim. The main damage caused to me is that I can plan and follow through my plans with difficulty. However, every day I wake up more excited on a regular basis and do activities I know that will benefit me long term, even if they are unstructured!

[NannerZ]

Day 5: May 10th, 2019

I went golfing for the first time this year! I got to try out my new driver for the first time, discovered I need lots more practice with my driver.. I'm not hitting it straight. But anyway, I got much better as the game went on and am really excited to play a bunch of golf this summer. I ate pretty well today but not perfect. I had a few snacks that maybe I should not have had but it was still a really good day for food. I went for about 40 minutes of walking today plus all the walking from golf and 40 mins of cardio exercises at the gym PLUS leg workouts. So yeah.. I consider it a really good health day.

I also got another job interview set for tuesday next week! Very exciting. I will spend some time preparing over the weekend.. I will be very happy if I can get this job. I had a craving for a Sprite today and I thought I was going to have one but I just drank a bunch of water instead and after a few minutes it went away. Small craving for fap today also but I changed my activity immediately and it went away. No gaming.

I will try to study for a little while now and maybe read a little. Another great day on my journey to a new life.

5 days since I played a video game

5 days since I watched porn

5 days since I smoked weed

5 days since I ate junk food

5 days since I drank pop

[NannerZ]

Day 6: May 11th, 2019

I kind of wasted the first few hours of today. I was waiting on someone to reply to me so we could make plans for later in the day so I spent many hours not being productive because I didn't know what was going to happen. Then she cancelled and I was frustrated because I could have used my time better today. Regardless.. it was a good day. I went to visit my mom, bought her some flowers for mother's day, had a small lunch with her. Went to the driving range and practiced my golf. I'm quite good with my irons but I have a huge slice issue with my driver and I want to fix it asap. In the evening I went to the gym and did 70 minutes of cardio exercises. That's 6 days of the gym in a row for me. I know someday I will probably miss a day but I will go everyday until I absolutely cannot. My fitness and my health are a priority for me and I will not make excuses to be lazy anymore. Did a little studying and a little reading today but probably not enough.

Big craving for a sprite this evening. I thought I was going to give in but I didn't and it went away. Another strong fap craving this afternoon also.. it was tough but I forced myself to do another activity and it went away. No cravings for gaming. Going to go relax and watch some netflix before sleep in a few hours. Tomorrow should be an exciting day.

6 days since I played a video game

6 days since I watched porn

6 days since I smoked weed

6 days since I ate junk food

6 days since I drank pop

[30_yrs_of_gaming]

Excellent job, man! Going to keep following your journal. 

[NannerZ]

Day 7: May 13th, 2019 (the next morning)

Yesterday was an eventful and busy day. It was mother's day.  It was also the completion of my first week of the detox. Obviously because of the occasion I had my first bad meal in a week but I'm allowing myself 1 cheat meal a week anyway and I had an awesome week so I'll allow it. If anything I feel even more inspired this week to have a great week. I went for a walk with a friend in the evening and had some good talks. He's the first person I told so far about me doing the detox. Didn't make it to the gym yesterday but I did over an hour of walking during the day as well as 20 minutes of yoga late in the evening. Going to keep this entry short as I will write about today this evening. Cravings were minimal yesterday.

7 days since I played a video game

7 days since I watched porn

7 days since I smoked weed

7 days since I ate junk food

7 days since I drank pop

[Guest]

Wow, this is a very ambitious initiative, so many detox'es at the same time! Good luck, I hope you do well, and I believe all this will lead you to big success. Addictions aside, avoiding junk food is the hardest commitment. I'd not leave a cheat meal, but setting a criteria that allows me to eat not so well if this is the only possible meal I can have. Having a cheat meal might be dangerous. But this is only my opinion.

Oh, just commenting, when I first saw your post, I read "7 days since i sang pop" ?

[NannerZ]

5 hours ago, puckspock said:

Wow, this is a very ambitious initiative, so many detox'es at the same time! Good luck, I hope you do well, and I believe all this will lead you to big success. Addictions aside, avoiding junk food is the hardest commitment. I'd not leave a cheat meal, but setting a criteria that allows me to eat not so well if this is the only possible meal I can have. Having a cheat meal might be dangerous. But this is only my opinion.

Oh, just commenting, when I first saw your post, I read "7 days since i sang pop" ?

Thank you! I'm already noticing small improvements in my life. Yeah avoiding the junk food has been a challenge. Haha yeah, I'm not a great singer ?

Day 8: May 13th, 2019

Started the day with eggs and vegetables for breakfast and then went to the gym. Worked hard at the gym on chest and back and cardio exercises. After the gym I met a friend and we went for an hour+ walk in the forest. In the early evening I went for another 40 minute walk alone to get a tea and some exercise and to get outside because it's finally beautiful outside. Sitting here writing this and I'm thinking 'Is this really all I did today?' how does the time pass so quickly? I think I'm wasting too much time looking at my phone lately. I really need to get a job soon. I have an important interview tomorrow and I hope it goes well. It would be a great job for me. If I don't get this job I think I may need to take ANY job I can soon.. maybe something easy like delivering pizza. The #1 thing most important to me right now is that I do my detox and I'm eating the right way and getting exercise each day. I want to get in the best shape of my life more than anything. It's a confusing time in my life right now in some ways but for the first time in a very long time I feel like I'm doing the right things. I'm proud of myself.

No cravings for anything today. Another successful day.

8 days since I played a video game

8 days since I watched porn

8 days since I smoked weed

8 days since I ate junk food

8 days since I drank pop

 

 

[NannerZ]

Day 9: May 14th, 2019

I had that job interview today, I think I did a pretty good job. I don't know if I will get it but I performed much better than the last interview I had. Getting a job is probably the only thing in my life right now that causes me a little stress each day. I cannot go much longer without a job, I need to find anything soon. I will probably have to take an easy job soon like delivering pizza or working in a restaurant or mall while I continue to search for a job in IT. I also booked my CompTia A+ exam for June 6th! Now I have a goal to work towards.

I had one meal today I'm not very happy about, it wasn't junk food but it wasn't healthy food either. And it bothered me all day long. This is a good sign. I will use this mistake and learn from it going forward. This shows me how far my mindset has changed already. If I do this detox half ass I'm going to get half ass results and I won't continue to place obstacles in my path. I went to the gym and did 45+ minutes of cardio exercises and walked for about 50 minutes today as well. I studied a little today but I will need to start to study more now that I have an exam in a few weeks.

No cravings for anything today.

9 days since I played a video game

9 days since I watched porn

9 days since I smoked weed

9 days since I ate junk food

9 days since I drank pop

Edited May 15, 2019 by NannerZ
forgot date

[NannerZ]

Day 10: May 15th, 2019

Hey, look at that, I made it to double digits. Halfway thru May already, crazy.

Today was a really good day for reaching my goals. I was annoyed at my not great meal that I had yesterday and I wanted to course correct today and I did that in a big way. I crushed biceps, shoulders and triceps at the gym today as well as 45 minutes of cardio exercises. Managed to fit in a 40 minute walk in the evening too and got completely soaked in the process as it started to rain. I still think I can make use of my time better, there are still periods of my day where I'm just not using my time efficiently.. checking the same stupid social media crap over and over, spending too much time doing nothing in the morning and other times. But its still so early in the detox, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I'm actually super impressed and proud of myself for how well this journey to change my life forever has gone so far.

I wish I could fast forward to day 30, day 45.. day 60 and beyond. I'm so eager to see the results. Every single time in my life previously where I've tried to change I've ultimately failed in the end. But this time is different. All of those previous times I tried to change I was still a huge gamer. This time I don't have that to hold me back, to suck up all my time and energy and to numb me from my real life. Anyway.. I'm excited for my future now.. in a way I didn't think I ever could be.

No cravings for anything today. A huge win today overall.

10 days since I played a video game

10 days since I watched porn

10 days since I smoked weed

10 days since I ate junk food

10 days since I drank pop

 

[30_yrs_of_gaming]

You're killing it, man! Right on. ?

 

[NannerZ]

Day 11: May 16th, 2019

Today was an eventful and rewarding day. I probably wasted too much time in the morning again ( definitely something I need to work on) but once I was ready I walked to the gym and put in 45+ mins of cardio exercises. Took the long way back home so it was probably 85 mins of walking today as well. I managed to get more studying done today than previous days which is great. Been listening to a bunch of productive and insightful podcasts and audio books lately at the gym and on my walks. Really been educational and fascinating. This is another big reason why I'm going to try to walk a bunch this summer. It serves so many of the goals I have, I get free easy exercise, I get to be outside during the best time of year and I get to listen to awesome podcasts and audio books which imparts knowledge and skills upon me.

In the evening I went to my mother's for dinner. Helped her with a few things and picked up some free food in the process. Then I visited my friend and we spent a few hours talking and catching up, it was really enjoyable. I told her about my detox and all the things I'm doing now. She's really excited for me and wants to see how I do. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this and who supports me. No cravings for anything today, I kept myself quite busy so there wasn't much of an opportunity to make a mistake. As Cam says in Respawn, I won the day.

11 days since I played a video game

11 days since I watched porn

11 days since I smoked weed

11 days since I ate junk food

11 days since I drank pop

[NannerZ]

Day 12: May 17th, 2019

Another wasted morning that actually turned into a disappointing first half of the day. I also had more sugar today than probably the last week combined, yikes. I'm not really sure what happened this morning, I just had this laissez-faire attitude for the first half of today and I'm pretty annoyed by it. Around halfway thru the day I knew I was off track and started to feel the guilt about it and knew I had to save the rest of the day or this could be the worst day of the process so far. In the evening I had to fight junk food cravings but I managed to cook myself a healthy dinner and salvage the day. I also did not find time to hit the gym today which is upsetting but I'm still boasting an impressive 10 out of 12 days so far so I'll just get back on track tomorrow.

But today wasn't all bad. I lost another pound so that makes 4.4 lbs since day 1. That's a pretty good pace.. if I maintain this pace I could lose 33lbs by day 90? That would be fantastic, I've set the goal at a totally attainable 20lbs. I purchased a $119 tennis racquet for $40 thanks to my family member's employee discount! I'm really excited to play some tennis this summer. I also went to the driving range for golf to practice some new swing techniques and the results were quite good. Big improvement from last time I went so that's exciting. Found some time to study for A+ exam AND read 2 chapters of Atomic Habits. Met up with a friend in the evening to go for a walk in the forest which was about an hour. And just finished up about 20 minutes of yoga as I felt I needed to make up for missing the gym and I wanted to feel some good stretches and poses. 

All in all, I think it ended up being a reasonable day. Had I eaten better this would have been an excellent day. I must be better in the mornings, It's not a recipe for success to start the day off on the wrong foot. Small gaming craving during middle of day when I was super bored but never tempted to actually play.

12 days since I played a video game

12 days since I watched porn

12 days since I smoked weed

12 days since I ate junk food

12 days since I drank pop

[NannerZ]

Day 13: May 18th 2019

Today was a good but not great day. My string of lackluster mornings mostly continued as I nursed my morning cup of coffee far too long before finally getting dressed and heading out to run an errand before hitting the gym. I spoke to my old boss about coming back to work potentially, it sounds like it may be possible. It's still too early to tell what could happen but with things being so complicated in my life right now in regards to my lease being up in a few months and no IT job on the horizon anytime soon, I think this would be a wise decision. I always liked working there I just never saw it as a career for some reason but these last two weeks I've been thinking that maybe this could actually be a good place to have a career. I will see what comes of it but I think at least in the short term it would be wise to return and see what happens over the next few months.

I only did 30 mins of cardio at the gym this morning because I was feeling sluggish. Probably because I didn't have a proper breakfast. But I knew the important part was to just show up at all. I am no longer the type of person who makes excuses, I get things done. I also fit in about 100 minutes of walking today and 15ish minutes of yoga in the evening. Got a little studying done also. Lunch and dinner were healthy and as the day wore on I felt better and performed better as I drank a bunch of water and ate clean. Was quite bored for a period in the afternoon today which got me thinking about gaming a little but no real threat of actual gaming.

Tomorrow could be a challenging day as I've got multiple things planned. I've got to start tomorrow off right.

13 days since I played a video game

13 days since I watched porn

13 days since I smoked weed

13 days since I ate junk food

13 days since I drank pop

[Ambassador]

23 hours ago, NannerZ said:

I am no longer the type of person who makes excuses, I get things done

Every time I think about letting something I should be doing now to later I tell myself that. We are now responsible for ourselves, we now get the stuff done, this is what we are from now on.

Watch out for boredom. At least for me, it used to be my worst drive to gaming. Have a back up plan for it, something you can do that is harmless and helps you deal with it. Maybe watch some TED talk you have been willing to for quite some time, maybe read some novel you always wanted to... it'll serve as a reward for the good work you have been doing. Treat yourself well, you deserve it. Cheers and keep rocking.

[NannerZ]

Day 14: May 20th, 2019 (the next morning)

Two weeks of no gaming. My first minor milestone I think. Yesterday was a busy day with multiple things I had to do and couldn't journal until now. Yesterday may have been my worst health day so far but I don't particularly care. I had to visit my mom and in the evening I had friends over to watch Game of Thrones finale and there was going to be pizza. I knew I was going to refocus heading into my 3rd week so I allowed myself some slack. I'll keep it brief as I want to reflect on the 2 weeks so far rather than 1 day where things were a little wacky.

Two week checkpoint

What has gone well:

1) I've lost 4.4 pounds in 14 days. A promising start. If I maintain that pace and my math is decent I should lose approx 30 pounds by the end of the detox. That would be the lightest I've been in a long long time. I know big changes like this don't happen overnight but I just want this so bad. I've tried to lose weight dozens and dozens of times over the last decade and failed each time. The one thing different about this attempt is I no longer have gaming in my life to pull me away from what's really important to me. After I finish this post my best health week yet begins.

2) No gaming, no porn, no fap, no weed, no pop, and no junk food purchases in 14 days. I've had a few bad meals in the two weeks yes but I haven't gone out and purchased fast food every other day like I used to. No gaming has been quite easy for the most part. There have been boring periods of a few hours where I had small gaming cravings but there's no way I would go thru all the hoops at this point just to game for a couple hours. No porn and no fap have been slightly more challenging than gaming but nothing too crazy. I'm definitely committed to doing the 90 days no porn (and hopefully many more days) but at some point I might fap.. I dunno. I think fapping like once or twice a week without watching porn is probably okay and healthy but I'm going to try to abstain for as long as possible for now. No weed has been the easiest so far, no cravings and shouldn't be an issue to continue. A few days so far where I've had cravings for a pop but now that I have such an impressive streak going I don't think I see myself snapping the streak just so I can satisfy a craving.

3) My mental health and general well-being. The last like.. 6 months of my life have been an emotional rollercoaster. Some highs and a lot of lows. I had a few of my lowest days ever only 1 month ago. Since I started the detox I've just been way more stable in every way. I'm no longer prone to emotional outbursts. I just generally feel better in almost every way. And for the first time in only God knows how long, I'm actually excited for my future. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and a clear path for me to get there. My dreams feel more like attainable goals now instead of just something I hoped would happen to me someday.

What needs work and how can I get better:

1) My mornings. I need to adopt a more up and at them approach to my mornings. I am devaluing how important it is to begin the day on the right path.

I'm thinking about this chart from Atomic Habits starting today.

2) While I am no longer gaming I have found myself spending more time looking at my phone. I suppose this is natural as I have way more time now and the whole not having a job thing means this is going to be tough to tackle right now. One thing I can think of is to put my notifications on silent. That will reduce the triggers I get that make me pick up the phone dozens of times a day. Could try other tactics such as leaving the phone in another room also. Not a huge issue tho, I'm way more interested in my quest to lose weight and get healthy than this right now.

I can probably list a few more things but I'm going to keep it to these two for now. I will do another reflection post like this at 30 days. I'm committed to having my best week yet and it starts now.

14 days since I played a video game

14 days since I watched porn

14 days since I smoked weed

14 days since I ate junk food

14 days since I drank pop

[Ikar]

2 hours ago, NannerZ said:

No porn and no fap have been slightly more challenging than gaming but nothing too crazy. I'm definitely committed to doing the 90 days no porn (and hopefully many more days) but at some point I might fap.. I dunno. I think fapping like once or twice a week without watching porn is probably okay and healthy but I'm going to try to abstain for as long as possible for now.

I'll quote myself on this:

On 5/4/2019 at 10:07 PM, Ikar said:

"No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.

My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed ? 

I guess it speaks for itself, unless you have sex on a reliable basis, I can't figure out where would it go.

I have my phone on silent by default, I check it every now and then anyway. I rather use e-mail and SMS, where I can be concise and think my response through a bit.

[NannerZ]

8 hours ago, Ikar said:

"No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.

My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed ? 

I did not know this. I have never experienced waking up and having a 'release' But I only think I've gone past 21 days no fap.. maybe twice ever? I wonder if it will happen to me eventually. I'm not having sex right now unfortunately so I suppose I'll find out soon if I will release naturally haha.