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Sapuverell

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About Sapuverell

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  • Birthday 05/24/2000

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  1. Wow, this has been a long time since I last wrote on this forum. Not happy about what happened in the meantime. I relapsed like crazy and did not find a way out yet. I played the hole night today and had no sleep at all. This is going to be a rough day for me. Right now after this experience I wanna do what I already did one time when I quit gaming for over a year. I wanna put away my computer. Bring it to a place, where there is no chance to even see it. I haven't found a place till now, but I'm surely going to. The only electronics I'll have is my Nokia I once posted a picture of it here. Just to be available for the case. I need to feel this boredom really hardd to get away from something, also I have to really get used to another method of solving problems. This will probably be my last post for a long time. Maybe I find some time during school to write how it is going, but rather not. I just want to disconnect from everything. I wish everyone here a good time and much success at whatever your projects and plans are. Cheers, Sapuverell
  2. Day 34 gone to bed: 01.30 woke up: 06.00 So I did nearly all the things I had planned for today, except some learning and homewokr, but that's done quick tomorrow. As some classes fall out I have more time to do this and due to my five and a half hour sleeptime I really wanna go to bed. Today I had great fun with some classmates, discussing different topics and playing card games. All in all I had a great day. I had some problems however on behaving normally, because I'm still not over the heart break from my female friend. It's gonna take some time, but I talked with two persons today about it and it helped me a lot. I'm grateful for: quality time with all my colleagues about 80% accuracy on my plan feeling motivated to move on from what has happened during the weekend good weather therapy was exhausting but very helpful found some more rap music I like having a made bed, everytime I return at home
  3. Day 33 gone to bed: 01.40 woke up: 10.50 This will be a long one. So as you might have noticed were my last posts very short and not reeally clear how it is going with my detox. I had a hard time. About one and a half week ago I started to feel less motivated and I was more and more bored after school and especially on weekends. It wasn't that I wanted to escape from problems, more like to do what I thought was my passion for years. Playing video games for hours and hours. I relapsed pretty badly and downloaded games, played and watched streams all day long. At least I did all the stuff I've planned before hand. So I had social activities, spent some time outside and doing somtething for my body. Also cooked for visitors on saturday. So it wasn't all bad. But that's how it feels right now. Nearly shame you could say. I mean I hate it how I wasted my time, how little stuff I got done for school or my driver license and so on. But what now? So I've to make myself commited again to the detox. I sort of lost my connection to it and it annoyed me even to write this journal here. What I did now is planning my whole weeek, so that I know when I do what exactly. I also deleted all my games again as you can see on my desktop. I'm grateful for: amazing rap music from Dax starting over with the detox with the start of the new week quick recovery from being ill yesterday
  4. Day 32 gone to bed: 02.30 woke up: 13.15 I'm sick, so I lay in my bed, cooked me a meal and watcched some streames. Not very active today. I'm grateful for: being entertained good sleep hopefully built up my motivation to quit games
  5. Day 31 gone to bed: 23.05 woke up: 09.30 No gaming. Watched some streams. In the evening I went to my brothers birthday. Went to the gym and did some phone calls. Overall I'm happy with this day. I enjoyed the weather outside as well. I'm grateful for: my hair loss has stopped to start planning my days or rather weeks in advance like discussed with my psychiatrist today the book for my graduation work just got delivered
  6. Day 30 gone to bed: 23.45 woke up: 10.20 I played video games. I watched porn. No achievements today, but my spirit isn't broken at all. It even strengthened me and I look forward to the coming days. I'm grateful for: wonderful evening in the church having learned about myself how I function not blaming myself, instead the things I've done wrong in the last few days good weather
  7. I'll try my best💪
  8. Day 29 gone to bed: 16.00 woke up: 06.00 Good day. Havingg donwloaded a video game on my computer. I'm close to play again only because I'm really bored and I have nothing to do. Also because every other part of my life is going very well and I would not see it as a bad thing if I would play for 2-4 hours. Don't know what to think about that. I'm grateful for: the time to with freinds and family having done almost eversthing I could do today a talk with a frined I haven't seen for weeks now
  9. Day 28 gone to bed: 00.00 woke up: 07.05 Had some thoughts about gaming. "NoFap" is going good, since I made a challange with two friends about who can last the longest. I'm gratful for: a discussion in school during german class about human beings being motivated for the gym ddue to the few minutes driving a car yesterday and saw that I have to work on my shoulder to make it work With urges not have fallen back into gaming
  10. Day 27 gone to bed: 23.45 woke up: 07.05 Good day. The exam went better than expected. In the afternoon I could try some different vehicle steerings and now I feel good, because I think I soon be able to drive my own car😎 I watched a film in the evening. Didn't do my homework and Youtube filled all the spare time. Not happy about it, but I feel empty and I don't know how to handle it. Even downloaded a game again and played for 4 minutes. Then deinstalled it again. Strange. I'm grateful for: I don't know...
  11. Day 26 gone to bed: 23.20 woke up: 08.30 Fuck me! I relapsed in "NoFap" pretty hard. Watched some porn and regret it now. I feel down and I hope I get back to how it was before tomorrow, when school gives me back some routine and stuff to do. I chilled many hours today, watched Youtube and never got anything done until 21.00. Now I've done all my homework. I still need to learn for my physics exam. I'm disappointed by myself. I'm grateful for: church service and worship in the morning cleaning my room support from a women in church for my relationship-problems with my female friend
  12. Day 25 gone to bed: 02.20 woke up: 07.40 I was not very productive. Gym was good, went for a walk outside as well so that's good. Got a new haircut and I feel way better now in terms of look. Watched a film. I feel a bit sad, because I try to distance myself from my female friend and take a break from her for quite some time. One way I feel free again and open for new friendships, otherwise I hope that one day we get back together. Gaming gives me some urges, because Path of Exile released the trailer for the new league. Gotta stay strong here! I'm grateful for: music the storm and rain in the afternoon, that calmed me down my cute cat
  13. Doing the saem thing at the moment😉
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