Stevec2283 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 (edited) Hi guys, this is my third journal that I've done since I started on here about 2 years ago. Over that time, I've had many relapses and since my last relapse in April 2018, I gave up trying and went right back into gaming and haven't stopped. My usual gaming habits vary anywhere from 3-4 hours a day depending on how busy I am with other things such as work, but there have been days where I've spent more than 3-4 hours per gaming session. Let me just give you a little background of my gaming. I started gaming somewhere around 7 or 8 years old, so I've been a gamer for close to 30 years of my life. When I look back at it, one thing I think about all the time I've wasted over all that time. Over the last little while, I've noticed that gaming is not as appealing to me as it once was and that after awhile of I find myself getting bored. I've really been giving it much thought and also after watching Cam's documentary, I no longer want to get caught up in the endless cycle of using gaming as an escape mechanism. For me, gaming has been a way for me to escape from any problems that I might be experiencing but the thing is that no matter how much I game, the problem isn't going anywhere and if anything, it only makes matters worse. Today is going to be the first day of my game free life and I plan to complete the 90 day detox. Also wanted to add that I just deleted all my content from my PS4 and am currently resetting it to its factory settings. Edited February 2, 2019 by Stevec2283 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Day 1 was a success I didn't play any games at all and also deleted all content from my PS4 and reset it to its factory default. Things I did yesterday: - read for about an hour or so -went for a walk -went for a coffee with a friend -watched non gaming content on YouTube One thing that I will work on is spending less time on YouTube. Today I will continue on my journey to a life that is free from games. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saab900S Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Great job, Steve! Think about how those alternatives were all positive: Reading for learning or pleasure keeps your mind sharp; exercising improves the mind and the body; socializing is vital for healthy minds; watching non-gaming content on YouTube is a great way to learn. Keep at it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Welcome back brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 @Cam Adair Thanks, hoping to stick with it this time around and first of all complete the 90 day detox. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Day 2 is just about coming to a close and it was another successful day. I didn't have any urges to play games. Also I packed away my PS4 and once I get the chance I will sell it. Activities during the day: -Reading -Housework -Laundry -Driving to pick up my nephew -Some TV -YouTube Game Free Days: 2 First goal: Complete the 90 day detox Ultimate goal: Quit gaming forever 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Today is day 3 of my journey and it's funny how many reminders we get on a daily basis about gaming, be it through ads on social media or through ads on websites, but I won't allow myself in any way to be enticed me to start gaming again. I won't be doing too much of anything today apart from some reading and maybe spend a bit of time on the internet or YouTube. Other than that, sometime this afternoon I will take a nap because I have to work tonight. I work at a retail store doing overnight stocking. Today should be another successful day. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 20 minutes ago, Stevec2283 said: Today is day 3 of my journey and it's funny how many reminders we get on a daily basis about gaming, be it through ads on social media or through ads on websites, but I won't allow myself in any way to be enticed me to start gaming again. Funny is one way to put it! I find it scary too... the number of environmental reminders, prompts, triggers we can encounter when we're trying to change a behavior. Welcome back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 @Brian Thanks, and yes it's quite scary how many triggers there are. We just need to not allow ourselves to succumb to any of the pressures to return to gaming. It's not always going to be easy but we're all capable of changing our habits or behaviors if we work hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GCepeda Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 7 hours ago, Stevec2283 said: Today is day 3 of my journey and it's funny how many reminders we get on a daily basis about gaming, be it through ads on social media or through ads on websites, but I won't allow myself in any way to be enticed me to start gaming again. I won't be doing too much of anything today apart from some reading and maybe spend a bit of time on the internet or YouTube. Other than that, sometime this afternoon I will take a nap because I have to work tonight. I work at a retail store doing overnight stocking. Today should be another successful day. Yep. I'm always reminded of this too. Sometimes when I'm home alone, I get vivid memories of games I am used to playing. For me, it's helped to delete and block all sites associated with games so it's harder for me to fall back in. Best of luck on your shift. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 3, 2019 Author Share Posted February 3, 2019 (edited) Today is day 4 and so far I haven't had any thoughts about gaming. Last night I was supposed to work but wasn't able to because my carpal tunnel was acting up and causing me a fair bit of pain. I think the combination of my job and gaming was making it worst. Carpal tunnel is also another reason why I decided to quit gaming. Daily Activities: -Reading -Taking a nap -YouTube -Work Things to improve on: One thing that I need to improve on is to incorporate more activities to replace gaming. Game Free Days: 4 of 90 Edited February 4, 2019 by Stevec2283 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 Today is day 5 and no urges to play games. Today wasn't very eventful, I slept from around 9:30 this morning until around 5:00 because I worked last night and I'm working again tonight. Other than sleeping for quite a bit of the day, I did some reading and as I'm writing this journal I'm listening to music. I'm also in the process of getting back into learning Japanese which was an interest of mine in the past until I lost motivation to continue. I know that motivation is something that I have to keep working on because I feel that sometimes I may lose motivation too easily. I will continue to fight against any urges to go back to gaming. Why continue living in the pixel world, when you can live in the real world? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 Day 6 Yesterday was all that eventful, I slept from around 9:30 until around 3:00 in the afternoon because I had been working. After waking up, I didn't really do a whole lot, did some reading. Also I was out of the house for a couple of hours. When I got back home, I watched a hockey game on TV and then spent time on YouTube watching non gaming content. I still feel that sometimes I may spend too much time on watching videos on YouTube. Day 7 Today is my day off and so far I've had no urges to play games. Haven't really done much thus far, but I did leave the house for awhile to bring my nephew to an appointment and then I went and picked up a coffee from Tim Horton's. So far for today I have planned that I will do some cleaning and also do some reading later. Later this evening, I will be spending some time with friends. Other than that I don't really have anything planned. So far I've been doing well in keeping myself occupied so that gaming doesn't come into my mind. I know that every day may present a challenge but I'm not going to allow myself to be controlled by gaming anymore. "Why live in the pixel world, when you can live in the real world" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 On 2/7/2019 at 2:00 AM, Stevec2283 said: Day 7 Congratulations on your first week! You surely can do it for the next several weeks. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 (edited) After about a week I relapsed back into gaming. I haven't set up my PS4 but over the last few days I've played some PC games. I feel as if I'm starting to fall back into my old habits and to use gaming as a mechanism to handle stress and other things. I'm not going to let this relapse cause me to give up and I will start over again from the beginning. Today is officially Day 0 so tomorrow will be the start of Day 1. Edited February 10, 2019 by Stevec2283 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted March 29, 2019 Author Share Posted March 29, 2019 It has been over a month since I've posted anything here and since then I relapsed and went back to gaming. Gaming for me has continued to be a crutch, something for me to use as a way to escape and not have to think about any of the stresses of day to day life. But I want to break the cycle and to stop trying to justify why I need to continue gaming. I've even thought to myself that I could play in moderation but that also doesn't work for me. Because gaming in moderation doesn't work for me, I've decided that I'm going to quit gaming all together. I know what you're thinking, we've heard this before and true, I've said this before, but I no longer want to allow gaming to control my life. I want to be able to do other things that are not related to gaming. I know that quitting gaming is not easy and I think for me my biggest problem is that I give up on something too easily especially when I feel that things are getting really tough. I know that this is something that I need to work on but that it's possible for me to overcome this if I put forth the needed effort. Today I didn't play any video games and I also just deleted all my saved games on my PS4 and as of tomorrow I will completely reset my PS4 back to its factory settings and when I get the chance I will also sell it. Today wasn't a very eventful day but overall it went well. Day 1 of 90 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fawn_xoxo Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 Welcome back and good job on not giving up. Remember that nothing changes if nothing changes, meaning you have to actively seek other things, time consuming things, with goals attached to them, to take the place of gaming in your heart and mind. All the times I relapsed, and they were multiple, were because I wasn't willing to go the extra mile, get out of the house and force myself to try other activities. Doing something, anything, is better than spending your time on games. I had to start by doing things on autopilot, not caring if I enjoyed them like I enjoyed games. I'm on day 117 or so now. Boredom is always a trigger, don't allow yourself a lot of chances for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted March 29, 2019 Author Share Posted March 29, 2019 Day 2 of 90 Today I haven't really done much, I was out of the house this morning until around lunch time and then after lunch I tried to sleep because I'm working tonight. Other than that I haven't done much. Because I wasn't really able to sleep I did listen to some music and also watched some non gaming content on YouTube. I also did a factory reset on my PS4 and packed it away to be sold at a later time. Before I go to work tonight I will probably do some reading and I may watch some TV. That's pretty much my day for today. Why live in the pixel world when you can live in the real world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 Day 3 and 4 It has been 4 days since I quit gaming and I haven't had any urges to go back to it. With the time that I'm saving by not gaming, I'm using it to do other things like reading and also I'm watching some TV but going to try and make sure that I only watch it in moderation. Over the last couple of days not much has been happening because I've been working and because I do night shift, I'm sleeping during the day. When I get some free time, I plan on selling my PS4 so as to remove any temptation to go back to gaming. Even though in the past I've failed to complete the 90 day detox, I plan to complete it this time. What's important is not the fact that I've failed many times before but the fact that I'm continually trying to quit and not giving up. Hope you all have a great day!! "Why live in the pixel world when you can live in the real world" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted April 3, 2019 Author Share Posted April 3, 2019 Day 5 and 6 Yesterday was a good day, I had no urges to play any games. The only negatives to yesterday was that I had watched a video on YouTube with video game music but only for a short time and also I spent about an hour or so watching non gaming content on YouTube. Today is a good day so far, I haven't had any urges to play any games. I plan to go for a walk later and will probably do some reading. As I've said before I will allow myself to watch TV but I will try to keep it in moderation. Hope you all have a great day!! "Why live in the pixel world when you can live in the real world." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted April 4, 2019 Author Share Posted April 4, 2019 Day 7 Today marks one week since I quit gaming. So far, today has been going good and though I had a brief urge to play games it quickly subsided. So far today, I haven't really did much. I'll probably do some reading and I also have a few things to do around the house which will keep me occupied so that I don't think about gaming. Also once the weather is a lot warmer I'm going to start walking on a regular basis and also going to probably start walking back and forth to work. I know that it's not going to be easy to quit gaming but I know that it's possible. In times past I haven't really put in the hard work and feel that I've given up too easily and tried to justify why I needed to continue gaming. Also I think that boredom has been another downfall for me which has caused me to go back to gaming. I'm slowly trying to incorporate more things to replace gaming but not so much so as to bombard myself. The only thing I can do is to take it one day at a time and work with both the highs and the lows. Over time it'll get easier but I just have to be patient and do all I can to keep bettering myself. Gaming was a crutch that I would always lean on thinking that it would help me to cope with my problems but if anything, it was only creating a bigger problem. So rather than allowing the problem to snowball, I decided to cut it off at the source. Sorry for the long post, but I felt the need to express myself. Hope you all have a great day!! "Why live in the pixel world when you can live in the real world." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted April 5, 2019 Author Share Posted April 5, 2019 Why am I struggling so much with quitting gaming? It was a week since I quit gaming but then last night happened and I relapsed back into gaming. Also today I was gaming for awhile. I find myself falling back into the same thinking as before, trying to justify that gaming is somehow going to help me to deal with the different things that I have on my plate, but I know that it's only a lie that my own mind is trying to get me to believe. Even so, I really wonder if I'll ever be able to quit gaming or will I be caught in this endless cycle and be a gamer for the rest of my life. After all the many relapses I've experienced since I've tried to quit gaming over the past couple of years, it really takes the wind out of my sails, as it were and I've lost motivation and struggle to believe in myself. Going forward I'm really unsure as to what to do. On the one hand, I know that I should continue but on the other one, I feel that continuing to fail at quitting gaming is really bringing me down. Sorry for another rant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattso Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 25 minutes ago, Stevec2283 said: Even so, I really wonder if I'll ever be able to quit gaming or will I be caught in this endless cycle and be a gamer for the rest of my life. I have no idea if you've ever done this before, but how about you break your relapse into smaller pieces? What was the state of mind you had before it? Anything that happened earlier that day? If you end up in a similar scenario in the future, how could you prepare yourself for it? Perhaps brute-force your way out of the house, making it impossible to game? Lock away your console? Or prepare just about anything that might engage you in those rough times. 25 minutes ago, Stevec2283 said: After all the many relapses I've experienced since I've tried to quit gaming over the past couple of years, it really takes the wind out of my sails, as it were and I've lost motivation and struggle to believe in myself. It doesn't matter how many times you stumble- it can always lead to standing up and being able to walk and enjoy this moment of victory again. Perhaps it sounds cliché and you've heard it a thousand times, but that doesn't mean it's any less true. 26 minutes ago, Stevec2283 said: On the one hand, I know that I should continue but on the other one, I feel that continuing to fail at quitting gaming is really bringing me down. No, it's gaming that's bringing you down. Continuing to fail is nothing more than a sign that you need to correct your path, change your strategy. How about this time you do something completely differently and gain a fresh view on some aspect of your life, whatever this could mean to you? If plan A turns out not to be working, you just try B, C and so on until it clicks. I assure you, life can be so much better than being a gamer for the rest of your life. And it's within your grasp. A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted April 6, 2019 Author Share Posted April 6, 2019 Today is day 1 for me again even though I'm still unsure as to what to do. As I said in my previous post, I know what I should do, but at the same time I'm lacking motivation and struggling with believing in myself. On top of that I feel that the different things I'm dealing with are really weighing me down and I sometimes feel so overwhelmed. I sometimes even wonder if I should just try to deal with one thing at a time rather than going at them all at the same time. I will give it some time before I decide what I will do going forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevec2283 Posted April 14, 2019 Author Share Posted April 14, 2019 (edited) It's been a little over a week since I posted anything and I have gone back to gaming because of stress and other things. Instead of making things better, it's only made things worse. I feel really down because of different things that I've been dealing with and gaming is continuing to serve as an emotional crutch. Eventhough I was going through a rough time before this relapse, I was feeling a whole lot better because I wasn't wasting time and avoiding things by pushing it to the back of my mind. I feel like such a failure. I see other people on here who are doing so well and because I'm having such a struggle in quitting, I lose confidence in my abilities. I understand that each person's journey is different and it may take longer for some, so rather than think about what I'm struggling to do in comparison with another person, I need to consider my own journey. Now that's not to say that I would be so focused on my own journey that I would forget about everyone else. We all share a common goal so I would still consider how I may be able to encourage someone else who is also trying to quit gaming. Sorry for the long post and for rambling on because of my being frustrated. Edited April 14, 2019 by Stevec2283 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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