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Silverlining

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1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:
12 hours ago, Silverlining said:

to my problems. 

I think when we quit gaming our other bad habits become stronger.

I feel the same.

As I quit games I got more and more temptation to pmo and grocery shopping or binge eating after some uncomfortable subject in school.

I don't like to face that cravings/emotions are getting stronger get more and more unpredictable.

I don't know how to deal with that yet.. I used to say what the hell just numb out to not go on your parents nerves.

 

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2 hours ago, dirkj3 said:

I feel the same.

As I quit games I got more and more temptation to pmo and grocery shopping or binge eating after some uncomfortable subject in school.

I don't like to face that cravings/emotions are getting stronger get more and more unpredictable.

I don't know how to deal with that yet.. I used to say what the hell just numb out to not go on your parents nerves.

 

I'm gonna talk to my therapist for it since it's bothering me so much. I've talked to him, but I don't think I've told him how serious the issue is for me. 

It's like plugging all the holes in a sinking ship and the fewer the holes the higher the pressure is in each one. We funnel all our stress into one and I think we focus so much on plugging the holes instead of bailing all the water out of the ship that we never learn how to deal with the water, or in this case stress, in the first place. If we learn to prevent and deal with stress better then we won't have to frantically funnel it out. 

An issue I'm having is every new method of dealing with stress is adding more stress. Instead of trusting a gym routine and slowly learning, I try to learn too much at first and make it perfect when there really is no perfect diet or routine. Instead of drawing or writing something funny I just try to craft a format for me to make money off of it and that stresses me out because I want to make money out of something that doesn't exist instead of making something, enjoying the process, destressing, discovering myself without playing games or watching porn, and being naturally healthy. 

It drives me nuts and I can't calm down so I explode with bad habits. I've almost relapsed several times this month with games and it's because I feel like I'm an unstable core with nowhere to funnel the steam and reactions until I explode. 

Sorry for the rant, but I'm guessing I'm not alone with my rant. I meet with my doctor today and will share what I learn. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
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8 hours ago, katsudo19 said:

Hi Silverlining! 

Nice to hear that you are admit the problem with shopping. Mind have tendency to want more, and don't believe it. The mind wants always more. And the same time, it wants less. The mind want more because it thing that more will make it happy, it sees possibility in acquiring more, and it thinks that acquiring things will help relieve the uncertainty it feels. The mind wants less when it is feeling stressed and overhelmed, and just wants relief from that difficult feeling. It thinks that if it gets rid of stuff, there will be peace. Maybe the simplify is the only key. Or maybe moderation.

Thank you! This is exactly what I need to hear!

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6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I think when we quit gaming our other bad habits become stronger. Mine is porn and will probably be eating after that. I think it's just learning about ourselves and teaching us newer things through practice and healing 

That's probably true. I have been thinking about this a lot recently, and I should write about it later when I think it through.

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Day #100: 1/28/2019 Monday

We were moving for the past weekend. Now we live in a bigger apt with a better view. Yay!

I had known that my weekend would be occupied, so I finished my weekly study materials on Friday. It felt so nice on Saturday morning, when I woke up and felt than I could focus on and enjoy moving without worrying about my deadline!

That being said, the moving was very tiring. My feet are still sore. And we still have some unopened cases lying around.

And emotional. It will take me some time to get used to this new place.

And I had a stressful dream last night. In the dream, I joined a race where I felt that I would definitely win. But I failed. I cried very hard and ran away from the crowd. It felt so real that when I woke up, I could feel the weariness from crying. I don't know how to read it. I'm not in any competition in real life.

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Day #108: 2/5/2019 Tuesday

It's been a while. The past week hasn't been easy for me. We live in Chicago and the polar vortex hit us hard. And I don't like the cold. I missed my period and went to see an ob and it turned out that I was not pregnant -- which is normal but somehow I have been feeling depressed about it.

We moved to this new apt and my husband depended on me to organize everything. He helped, of course, but it felt like I was a project manager and he was working for me, so I had to give him instructions constantly. Very tiring.

We also hosted a party to invite friends over to our new apt. It was fun and a lot of work.

The new project at work is about to get started, and it turns out that I have to pass a test to join the team. I took the test and I don't know the result yet. If anything goes wrong, I will lose this opportunity and I should be prepared for it emotionally.

And I missed my friends from the game that I played. I talked with them to learn about how their lives were going. I care about them. When I initiate the communication, I can feel that they like me and they miss me. We talk about our lives, instead of the game, like real friends. It seems that I can't delete them from my life. One of my gaming friends quit. She has been troubled by procrastination. And I introduced Pomodoro technique to her. That's the bright side.

On the other hand, I do feel a strong urge to return to the game community. Besides talking with my gaming friends, I also spent a few hours on gaming forums. I don't real want to play that game per se, but I miss the feeling to be among a group of people who know me and like me. And I don't know what to do about it.

Another problem is that I haven't studied for my exam. Besides all the chores and talking with my old friends, I also have spent quite some time watching TV shows and haven't read a page from my text book since last Tuesday. I have to postpone my plan for a whole week. This has to stop. I'll study this evening after work and will update later.

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I understand how you miss the gaming community. It's so strange. It's like leaving a country you lived in. The culture, jokes, stories, people, games, everything. Now you're on your own and it's tough. Stay strong through this process because with the hard work you're putting in you'll be better at finding another few communities that will make you feel whole again. 

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17 hours ago, Deku said:

30 pages is a sh*tton! You should be more proud! 

Thanks 😃 The chapter was an easy one so I had expected to do more.

12 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I understand how you miss the gaming community. It's so strange. It's like leaving a country you lived in. The culture, jokes, stories, people, games, everything. Now you're on your own and it's tough. Stay strong through this process because with the hard work you're putting in you'll be better at finding another few communities that will make you feel whole again. 

I'm not even sure if it's the right thing to do. My gaming community consists mostly of women. Men play the game, too, but somehow they belong to a whole different society. And they talk about stats, battleground, etc. while in the women's community, we would talk about all kinds of stuff. Work, movies, food, dresses, makeups, men and babies. It was like a women's support group for me. But of course, they would also talk about the game, which is a subject that I should avoid.

I don't know where to find such a group to replace them. I had groups of girl friends when I was in school, but we drift apart after graduation. I work in a small company in a male-dominated industry. I still have some very good friends, but they don't know each other. In my early twenties, I would try to introduce my friends to one another, but somehow it seems that they don't end up to be friends. So I stopped trying eventually.  

Actually I tried to join an online trying-to-conceive community a few days ago, but it was too depressive for me. So I ran away.

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Last time I relapsed was because I missed the people. I went back "for my friends" and I really don't wish this for you, Silver. 

I am making efforts to reconnect with acquaintances myself, it's harder the older we get, the farther away we are from environments like a college etc. But for some reason, as I dare to get out of my comfort zone, attending some odd events for older people, I still met one woman at my age and then hung out another day as it turns out we had a lot in common. I am not saying every time you go to some event this will be it, but the more social events you attend the higher the chance is to meet someone who can be your friend later on. 

And there's another thing I noticed with me, I don't know if it will be of any use to you but.. I realized that all the other times I tried hanging out with old friends and such, I was bored with them and found them boring only for one reason: I only cared about the computer. I was trying to get away and give real life a chance but I wasn't ready and committed to it. Now, I went out with the same woman I had hung out years ago and had a good time, wasn't bored at all and talked without awkwardness.

Either way, I'm sending you my best inspiring vibes. Don't go back to those people. < 3

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I agree with @fawn_xoxo.  Most of the friends from gaming are like drug addicts or drunks who try to keep people doing the same stuff they did.  They make less effort than you do in the friendship, won't understand your gaming addiction struggles, and will even suggest or promote gaming in moderation to keep you there.  I ran a discord server of 100 people and had to leave it because they never spoke to me without just talking about the game we used to play.  It's their whole life.

I do think you have a nice support network here who wouldn't mind casually talking as well, but keep putting yourself out there.  It's going to take months, but you will find that group of people who are going to start asking you to hang out whether it's at work, a social group, church, a sport club, the gym, a group workout club, prison (don't suggest this one), etc.

Stay strong.

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@fawn_xoxo @BooksandTrees Thank you guys! So helpful as always!

 

I have some ideas now about making new friends but it will take time. I think it is easier to start with looking for study buddies who are taking the same exam with me, and then hobby clubs when I have more time.

I'll keep you updated 😄

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Ugh.

I'm supposed to be excited about this new opportunity at work, but I am not.

I start to deal with the new manager, and I doubt that some of his trades are unethical. He admitted his mistake and said that it was nothing more than a model error. I hope that he is telling the truth because my career will be largely depended on him.

Everything else is fine. Except that I still need to fight with my migraines from time to time.

I have found an online group for people who are taking the same exam with me this May. It's very inactive though. Maybe they are just too busy studying.

I have also been chatting with a close friend a lot recently. We are not in the same city or time zone, so we can't get together. But it's still nice.

BTW today is my Day 122.

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On 2/19/2019 at 6:04 PM, Silverlining said:

Ugh.

I'm supposed to be excited about this new opportunity at work, but I am not.

I start to deal with the new manager, and I doubt that some of his trades are unethical. He admitted his mistake and said that it was nothing more than a model error. I hope that he is telling the truth because my career will be largely depended on him.

Everything else is fine. Except that I still need to fight with my migraines from time to time.

I have found an online group for people who are taking the same exam with me this May. It's very inactive though. Maybe they are just too busy studying.

I have also been chatting with a close friend a lot recently. We are not in the same city or time zone, so we can't get together. But it's still nice.

BTW today is my Day 122.

Your career might depend on him right now, but if you ever leave for a new opportunity your interview is completely dictated by yourself and how you distribute information in your favor.  I wouldn't worry too much.  Just keep going through these situations as they're great learning experiences.  Maybe send a reminder to the online group?  Keep it up.

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Day #150: 3/19/2019 Tuesday

I watched a video today and thought that it might be a good idea to share it here.

If you want to achieve your goals, don't focus on them

The general idea is that we should focus on the behavior to achieve a goal, instead of the goal itself. It's inspiring.

 

I keep a private journal to count the days. And today is Day 150.

I guess everything has been fine. Except that I am not as active as I used to be on this forum. I still read as many posts as I can and I will try to be helpful and supportive.

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This approach works much better indeed, the habits we need to establish day to day and not the big fat goal that will only come some months or years from now.

Neither am I as active in writing here but I read still. It's good to see you check in though! 

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