Tycoon's Journal

[Tycoon]

This is going to be strange, and I'm not sure if I'm going to succeed, but I would like to try. Here's my INTRODUCTION POST. 

This is technically the evening of Day 2 (Hello from Britain). As it's the weekend I thought I'd do a roundup of events.

Yesterday I got up and worked out for around 30 minutes. This is something I've been doing for around 3 weeks now so it's starting to become a welcome routine. 

My room has become pretty messy. I do clean every so often but, up until now, I had left it for around about a month. I had a rough time, at work, at the beginning of the year which didn't leave me in a great mood to be proactive. So I started to clean my room, and did so for the next 7 hours. This involved me throwing out/packing up old clothes for charity, shredding paperwork, vacuuming and sorting everything away in to its proper place.

I will admit that I did play a game yesterday, but only for 20 minutes. At first I was ashamed. But what I came to realize is that this journey is more balance for me than anything else. I can enjoy video games whilst also leading a successful and healthy lifestyle. In trying out this new life, and finding myself, I may even come to dismiss games altogether. My earliest memories of games came from playing Pokemon with my friends, on our own GameBoys, in the same room; we would go on our separate journeys but we would always share the experience. "Wow I just found Zapdos!" "Where, where?!". I remember playing splitscreen Mariokart, or trying to get through tough levels of Tomb Raider with my Dad. That mutual gaming experience that I once shared with friends and family in the same room has been lost. I've only just realized that this may be what I yearn for.

Yesterday evening, starting at around 9pm, I binged a show on Netflix until midnight. I honestly do not know if this is good or bad. I had been meaning to continue it for a while but I'd always thought that I should play games because I have SO MANY to play. Watching a show actually feels great. I can wind down at the end of the day and shut my brain off for a little while. I don't plan on making this a habit - especially not during the day at the weekend.

Today has been quite a slow day. I woke up late-morning, worked out and ate breakfast. I then continued to clean my room for about 2 hours (I have A LOT of stuff). I've also looked in to potential career paths and hobbies. For me, I've never been certain about what I wanted to do. When I was younger, I wanted to be an "artist". But, upon growing up, I learned that an artist could take many forms and this realization confused me immensely. Did I want to draw or paint? Did I want to make music or act? Did I want to be a writer, designer, engineer? The truth is I wanted to be all of these things and, in not knowing where to start, I wouldn't start at all.

So here's to the start, and to making these dreams a reality. Cheers.

Edited March 18, 2018 by Tycoon

[Cam Adair]

Good job starting your journal - it will help you a lot. Keeping your room clean is a really good habit to get into it. The state of your room is a reflection of the state of your mind. Being proactive to keep your room clean shows a commitment to also keeping your mind clean. Start by just making your bed in the morning. It takes 20 seconds and will encourage you to keep the rest of your room tidy. You might be interested in the Minimalist documentary/podcast. Really good and inspiring. 

[Tycoon]

18 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

Good job starting your journal - it will help you a lot. Keeping your room clean is a really good habit to get into it. The state of your room is a reflection of the state of your mind. Being proactive to keep your room clean shows a commitment to also keeping your mind clean. Start by just making your bed in the morning. It takes 20 seconds and will encourage you to keep the rest of your room tidy. You might be interested in the Minimalist documentary/podcast. Really good and inspiring. 

Hey thanks a lot - I did remember to make my bed this morning thanks to your comment!

Ooh will take a gander at the podcast.

 

[Tycoon]

Day 3 

I don't think I'll be writing every day. My day-to-day, during the week, is pretty samey and so it would just be the same thing written over and over!

So, I see that I didn't actually mention where I work because it's a little detrimental to what I'm trying to do here. Wait for it... a video game company (whoops). From 7am when I wake up to 7pm when I get home, I am a machine. Get up, eat breakfast, make lunch, get dressed. Bus to the station, get a train to work, walk to work. Be at work doing the same thing I do every day (I am an admin goddess btw). 

Despite working for a gaming company, I don't actually play games. I may need to QA test some things but this is purely work. Our games aren't really aimed at myself. I did actually ask everyone if they'd like to play a board game at lunch which I NEVER do. I do not instigate things, I only go along with plans. But I thought today I'm going to do it and, to my surprise, quite a few people wanted to play.

Honestly, these 12 hour days are horrific. It is my own fault. I could move closer to work which might save me half an hour each way. But I would be spending more money on rent. I'm not learning anything at work, but also the work environment is stress-free. It's something I need to seriously think about.

In my 3 hour evenings (which is super lame) I would usually play games or watch something. But instead this evening I researched voice acting. What am I doing?! I looked up courses and how to practice at home. This is actually pretty exciting stuff. I can't even begin to imagine how many skills I'd have by now if I wasn't gaming. I've got a guitar and a violin sitting in my room. I have a pretty decent photography/video camera too. I could be the Tycoon-of-all-trades.

> I need to think of something productive to do on my 20 minute train journey(s). I think I'll give this minimalism podcast a go (ty @Cam Adair). Podcast suggestions are very welcome as I'm allowed to listen to music at work!

> I need a project of some kind. Something where I can see the end result. I think this will keep me motivated. Watch this space!

[Cam Adair]

Although your day-to-day activities may be the same, the emotional experience you have will be quite different. Consider writing more based on how you're feeling or what's coming up for you internally more than just the day-to-day activities. That's where your real growth happens anyways.

Voice acting sounds so fun! @giblets has a ton of podcast suggestions in the past few journal entries he's had.

[giblets]

So many good podcasts out there, so little time! The Minimalists is a great place to start, I get a lot of value out of the Productivity Show by Asian Efficiency. Where do your interests lie? I tend to listen to a lot of personal development type podcasts, which helps me focus when I start to wander off track and need a nudge to keep staying focused on achieving.

[Tycoon]

1 hour ago, giblets said:

So many good podcasts out there, so little time! The Minimalists is a great place to start, I get a lot of value out of the Productivity Show by Asian Efficiency. Where do your interests lie? I tend to listen to a lot of personal development type podcasts, which helps me focus when I start to wander off track and need a nudge to keep staying focused on achieving.

Yeah I've been listening to The Minimalist's today and, so far, they have been fantastic! I'll take a look at the Productivity Show! Mostly my interests are film making/writing, I guess the act of creating in general. PD podcasts sound perfect!

[Tycoon]

Day 4

I felt quite happy today! However my day did start with a message from my best bud saying that Sea of Thieves was out today. If you're completely out of the loop (which I applaud you for) this is quite a hyped up game right now. I already said I wasn't going to get it because I didn't have enough time, and ultimately it would waste the time that I do have. I've done this with a couple of games recently and have felt like an absolute idiot. Some part of me is still like hmm, maybe I'll get the free trial and see what it's like... I haven't told her what I'm doing just yet. I might do in time, but I'm not sure on the reaction. Gaming has always been our thing, our common ground.

I listened to The Minimalists Podcast almost all day whilst at work. Here are some things I'll take away:

Look for the things that add value to your life. If it doesn't, why is it there?

• I started cleaning my room last weekend but I'll continue with this mentality. I realised there was way more I could get rid of that was serving zero purpose to my life.
• This can also apply to your relationships, jobs and hobbies etc. At the moment I don't have much social interaction and so that, in itself, is not adding value. I feel like this is something that will come, in time, as I work on myself.

Focus on one passion and cultivate it.

• I've been so focused on many different things that I never could hone one skill. This ties in to the next lesson.

"At age 15 you can start one path. Then at 25 another. Then at 35 another etc etc - you don't have to spend your whole life doing one thing." 

• My gaming path started at 15-ish. I was never pro-standard but I was pretty damn good. 10 years later I'm having this dilemma because there's nothing further I can learn from gaming. It's time for my "age 25" passion to begin. (I do understand that these aren't rules but I feel as though I can apply them to myself).

I should probably make notes as I listen because there were a ton of great one-liners and the key to a healthy mentality etc.

Life is short guys. When I started this at the weekend I didn't think I'd get to the stage of even considering throwing out my consoles but here we are. I think I might try boxing them up and hiding them away at the weekend. Just see what my room feels like without them.

Edited March 21, 2018 by Tycoon

[Tycoon]

Day 5

Going on 4 days without games. It's fairly easy right now. I wasn't enjoying it before and so I have no desire to play. Before it was just something to fill the time.

I have realised that my room, and some of my clothes, are decorated with nods to gaming. These aren't really doing anything harmful to myself. I still enjoy looking at them because I enjoyed my time with that game. They're like old friends!

Not many thoughts in the old brain today. Just been thinking about what to do with my time. I was thinking of setting up a recording studio in my room but I'm definitely going to sit on this before buying anything. Also I might pick up guitar again; I have 2 but one is too small and one is too big aha.

I've always wanted to write screenplays, or direct or act. But I have no motivation to do these things. I don't know if I actually want it, or if I just like the idea of it. Been listening to The Minimalists podcast again today and they do reiterate the fact that passions do take hard work. I completely agree and everyone does need to start somewhere.

Today I'm grateful for:

> My train journey where I get to stare out at the rolling fields.

> Gloves! It's getting warmer but these are my savior.

> Tea! (my British is showing).

[Cam Adair]

Congrats on four days so far, that's a great start! 

[Tycoon]

Day 6

It's always Thursday evenings when I feel knackered - the weekend is almost here!

Invited my friend over tomorrow just to chill out after work. We will probably play a couch co-op game which I felt guilty about as soon as I asked. However the strict rules I have applied are: I can only play games as long as I'm playing in the same room with someone else. This means I HAVE to be social and instigate meet-ups which is very different for me.  Sometimes I go to work socials where we play couch co-op games and so I wouldn't be able to completely get away! Me and my bestie hardly meet up anymore so this will be a really nice evening! This will also be a great opportunity to let her know what I'm doing with games overall. This is definitely a controlled "step back" - I have no plans of playing a game by myself and wasting any more time!

Also forgot to mention that I'm not watching anything either. I do have a couple shows that I was in the middle of but these will be weekend indulgences only - and only one episode at that.

I just want to clean! I keep seeing things that are serving no purpose in my life but can't really do anything til the weekend. My evenings are so short in the week so I don't have much time to do anything. I now use these hours to live in the present and focus on researching and playing guitar and writing!

Been very content all week since starting this journal. It's literally like I'm starting out fresh (it is Spring I guess!)

Today I'm grateful for:

> My cat (she's so fluffy)

> Slipper socks (these are also fluffy)!

> Logic Square app (so this is a picross/nanogram app with a ton of puzzles - I play it almost each night before bed and it really tires my brain out ready for sleep!)

[Tycoon]

Day 7

Although not sure whether to reset the day count... I think I'll leave it. The days, for me, represent my journey.

So this eve I did play that game as I said yesterday. I actually enjoyed it and it wasn't a drag like it sometimes was when I played by myself. No desire to play anything else since she left so I think we're safe! I told her what I was doing. That was unusually difficult as I didn't want to make it seem like I was critisising her lifestyle. This is my decision about my life. I wish I could make her see what I see but I guess she would have to experience that herself. I think she understands.

I don't really know what I'm doing. I stare into space alot when I have free time and this is just as bad as gaming. To combat this do I need to do research? I think I'm so caught up in needing to create something right here right now, that the ideas are just not forming. Researching and learning more would probably be beneficial.

Quite late now and so I think I'll start some writing. I've had screenplay ideas buzzing around my head for literally years so I'm going to research and expand some ideas now. 

Today I'm grateful for:

> My best friend

> Instrumental music 

> A fresh piece of paper

 

[J(e)RK]

27 minutes ago, Tycoon said:

 I stare into space alot when I have free time and this is just as bad as gaming

I disagree. Staring into space isn't something that sucks up all your time, as you can easily work past it. It may not be a ton better right now, but trust me, it is.

[JSmith]

2 hours ago, Tycoon said:

I've had screenplay ideas buzzing around my head for literally years so I'm going to research and expand some ideas now. 

I'm very familiar with this feeling. Do it!

[Tycoon]

@J(e)RK yeah maybe you’re right. It just feels as though I’m doing nothing as with gaming. Doing my best to get active ASAP!

@JSmith and I did! Only did 15 mins but I got a ton of ideas down! Hope you’re following through with this too! 

[Tycoon]

Day 8

So I did say that I was going to pack up my PS4 when it got to the weekend. Although I forgot that I use it to watch Netflix, which I did for an hour today, and so it's useful once a week now. Ugh. 

Today was another cleaning day. Didn't really feel too motivated though as I'd done most of it last weekend. This was sort of going through drawers and cupboards and doing a proper clear out. My mum wants to hold on to stuff that I want to clear out. She's only going to keep it forever and then its going to get passed on to me and then I'm going to throw it out...???

I really want to move out. I still live with my parents and, although they are the most supportive parents I could ever have, their presence really grinds on me. They're always telling me what I should/shouldn't do or what I should've done which is the worst one. It's cold wear a coat/ have you got your lunch/ tidy your room. I had complete freedom and independence at uni and now it's gone. Ultimately I am saving money, and home has always made me feel safe. But is safe, in this context, good?

Whilst I was watching Netflix I was also working on some Ursula earrings for a costume party. I'm pretty stingy with money, or resourceful if you can look at it that way, and I try to not spend money on something I can potentially make. This was just some unwanted earrings + hot glue + nail varnish. Voila! Some accessories that look decent if you're standing 10 metres away. It'll do. 

Gonna continue some writing before bed.

Today I'm grateful for:

> My parents (despite what I say, I wouldn't have them any different)

[info-gatherer]

14 hours ago, Tycoon said:

Ultimately I am saving money, and home has always made me feel safe. But is safe, in this context, good?

Are you safe and happy? No need to change. Are you safe and unhappy? Or more specifically: what are you trying to stay safe&protected from? What scares you? You’ll never find out if you don’t break the bounds of your comfort zone. And if you already know the answer, then it’s even more worth going for it.

[Tycoon]

Day 9

I spend way too long writing these that I end up not having time in the evening! Here goes my attempt at writing this in 10 minutes.

Today was another cleaning day - this time I actually bagged everything up and removed it from my room. The space is looking a lot clearer now, I feel like I can actually breathe! I do feel like my room reflects my state and so now that I have a clear room, I have a clear mind.

I also did most of my packing as I'm on holiday over Easter. Usually I bring my 3DS but this time it'll just be my camera and some paper and pencils!

I'm outlining some more of my screenplay now. I can't believe I didn't put this much effort in before it's actually pretty simple (for now). The actual writing of each scene is where the pain comes in.

Some desires to game today. Just the one game of Overwatch to quench those desires... But I need to remember that I literally gain nothing from it.

((I failed to write this in 10 minutes :( ))

@info-gatherer thanks for writing these questions! I do need to find a clear answer to them. Maybe I should have used the word 'comfortable' instead of 'safe'. No need to worry about bills or the food shop and I know my parents will always be there to provide sound advice. Need to get out of my comfort zone for sure if I want to grow!

[JSmith]

6 hours ago, Tycoon said:

Just the one game of Overwatch to quench those desires

Just one game...you're stronger than I ever was.

[Dannigan]

Hey Tycoon,

I liked reading your journal.  You have a lot of cool interests. Voice acting?  That's awesome. 

In your earlier posts, you mentioned watching Netflix for a few hours, and feeling guilty about it.  It's like transferring your gaming addiction to another electronic outlet:  binging on movies or tv shows, or youtube.  I think you are very insightful and able to catch these traps earlier on, which is a good sign of growth.  You might not feel like you're growing as a person, but you are.  Incrementally.  : ) 

Keep up the good work!  I'll keep up with your journal from time to time.  Like you, I try to keep my online use to a minimum. 

Kind regards,

Dan

[Tycoon]

Day 10 (what??)

I couldn't wait to get home so that I could continue with my screenplay! This has never happened before as my default activity in the evening would always be games. I'm really enjoying it at the moment so let's hope this momentum continues!

I feel kinda sick today - I'm not sure if I'm catching a bug or if I've just not eaten enough (I skipped dinner yesterday as I wasn't hungry). I'll sleep on it and see how I feel!

@JSmith that's usually all it took before the guilt settled in and I realised I was wasting my time. I do miss the thrill of a PvP game though. The important thing here is that we're strong now!

@Dannigan thanks for the supportive words! Yeah interacting, or consuming, fiction is definitely an invitation to getting lost in those worlds.  Not always a bad thing when in small doses!! I want to have a hand in creating these worlds so that's what I'm working on now!

[Tycoon]

Day 11+12

I think it has taken a weight off my mind to know that gaming isn't my set activity in the evening. I am socializing a lot less online because of it, but I really do think I needed this time to myself so that I can focus on being creative and making a plan.

Spent the evening of Day 11 brainstorming more screenplay. Came to a blockade yesterday and didn't know how to progress and so I tried watching a show, of a similar genre, to get some ideas. This probably wasn't the best idea as I did get sucked in to watching it. It did help somewhat and so I will call that research!

I do still watch an Overwatch video at lunch every day, as well as listening to gaming soundtracks, and I keep up with gaming news. For now, the video and gaming news is used to fill those small gaps in the day. I'm not sure when I'll stop these as, even though I don't play, I like to keep up with the gaming world. My colleagues talk about the latest games and so I'm always passively filled in. 

Something I read in @Dannigan's journal about being part of a team to get back to socialising got me thinking. I used to do a ton of sport in my pre-gaming days (netball, rounders, cricket, hockey) but there came a point where this became less accessible and so I stopped. Gaming probably sparked the competitiveness again. This might be something I look into and see if there are any teams in my area (might need to work on my arm strength D:).

On Day 12 now, I'm just packing for my holiday and I'll probably do more writing before bed.

[Tycoon]

Day 13

I said yesterday that I'll keep up with the gaming world but really is there any point? I was so inspired today just thinking to myself about who I could be instead and I liked that person a lot better; someone who takes control of her life and makes plans and deliberate decisions. Someone who is healthy, and active and happy. Someone who really learns from her mistakes and doesn't stop at that hurdle that looks a little bit too high.

I'm actually going away for a week so I plan to get stuck into writing and do a ton of walking. May put this journal on hold for a week unless I find some internet.

Happy Easter all!

 

[Tycoon]

Day 14-21

Now back from my holiday and it’s like I’ve reset myself. I got outside and went for a walk each day. It’s more enjoyable to walk somewhere that’s not your hometown!

I also wrote a lot when I had time in the evening.

No game cravings! I’m actually thinking more and more about how it’s such a waste of time. People I know talk to me about games and I suddenly have very little interest to continue the conversation. It’s all I knew, and it’s all they knew about me. How boring!

Learning to enjoy the little things.

Today I’m grateful for:

Rain (it’s so calming)

[Bugg]

I know what you mean about the loss of interest in game related conversations, I can almost feel myself feeling bad for those people that they haven’t also realised how much of a waste of life it can be (but it’s not up to me to tell them). I’m glad your holiday was a good reset for you, I’m also going away for a week soon so hopefully that can be the reset I so desperately need in my life right now too! Thanks for the inspiration :)