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Raven

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Today is day 2 today. Day 31 of celexa. Don't feel to great yet. Real low last night. Feelings of not wanting to live anymore. Being housebound agoraphobic is a nightmare. At least I can use this time to study. I did not realize how much games where a band aid for my depression and anxiety. Today I will make it through

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Welcome to the community @Raven

The bad feelings will pass. It may sound like bullshit when you're struggling, wishful thinking or patronizing, whichever way your depressed brain wants to take it to justify not accepting the fact, and keep having control over you. Whatever happened is in the past now, what remains is a chemical imbalance. The future is a clean slate, even if you don't perceive it right now. You cannot decide how to feel in the moment but you can influence how you'll be feeling, through your actions. Carefully study what builds progress and makes you feel good (or even "less bad") and do it consistently.

I was heavily depressed at several points of my life, including when I first quit gaming. Went to docs, took meds, all the ride. No magical solution, it gets better with time and learning to let go of what's holding you back. And I'm not a special case, many people in this community had similar experiences as well, so you're not alone, no matter how you feel or how your mind wants to twist it, you're simply not alone in this. Matter-of-factly, no patronizing or drama, plain truth. Try your best to remember it. 

Keep journaling, keep fighting, and I wish you the absolute best!

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Welcome to the community @Raven

The bad feelings will pass. It may sound like bullshit when you're struggling, wishful thinking or patronizing, whichever way your depressed brain wants to take it to justify not accepting the fact, and keep having control over you. Whatever happened is in the past now, what remains is a chemical imbalance. The future is a clean slate, even if you don't perceive it right now. You cannot decide how to feel in the moment but you can influence how you'll be feeling, through your actions. Carefully study what builds progress and makes you feel good (or even "less bad") and do it consistently.

I was heavily depressed at several points of my life, including when I first quit gaming. Went to docs, took meds, all the ride. No magical solution, it gets better with time and learning to let go of what's holding you back. And I'm not a special case, many people in this community had similar experiences as well, so you're not alone, no matter how you feel or how your mind wants to twist it, you're simply not alone in this. Matter-of-factly, no patronizing or drama, plain truth. Try your best to remember it. 

Keep journaling, keep fighting, and I wish you the absolute best!

Thank you man it means alot having someone who has been there. Yes I feel quitting gaming is a good step but it was a way to pass the time now it is time to mature and grow up and stop blasting my brain with dopamine. Withdrawal is expected and the road is long. 

I will try to be consistent here as I think community is important

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Day 3 today. Had a rough night last night due to fears from my family about my illness. This week has been tough as I got scared by suicidal thoughts popping into my head and dark depression. I think quitting gaming ripped the neuro chemical bandaid off my wound and now the pain is letting itself out. All speculation of course

I am conserned over my friend who has anger issues and talked about going on a shooting spree. I think it is a cry for help I hope his girlfriend can help him out as I don't know what to say. I can't prove he will do it but if I have concerns I will have to tell him.

Withdrawals are boredom and depression. Agroraphobia and staying in your house is super boring. At least my sister is here but she is also very boring to be around as she is addicted to social media, binge eating, and television! Danm these unactive people.

 

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Day 7. Rough day with a rough start, weird dreams freaked me out this morning and I have had high anxiety all day. Gonna start using afformations and I also  am starting my new workout routine as my old one isn't working for me. Really hoping the AD kicks in soon because I am suffering. But pain brings strength and I think quitting gaming has forced me to experience emotions fully.

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I think quitting gaming has forced me to experience emotions fully.

Yes, this happens, and it's a major part of your growth opportunity. No need to run from them anymore, just feel them fully and let them pass. 

 

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Hi Raven, do you meditate?

No I do not. I got scared about it because I heard it can bring what is called the dark night or something. Make depression and anxiety worse. Maybe I overblown the article but that is my anxiety talking

I think quitting gaming has forced me to experience emotions fully.

Yes, this happens, and it's a major part of your growth opportunity. No need to run from them anymore, just feel them fully and let them pass. 

 

I was watching this video when I saw this lol. I can relate to your story to a T

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@Cam Adair Do you recommended your respawn book but just the basic? I don't make income but my birthday is coming up and I would love to get the full package but will the book do for now?

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OK so apparently I got my days mixed up. TODAY is day 7. 

Today I have been productive. Made my yard look real nice, also deleted my steam games! Boo Ya! The weight has been lifted folks. 

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Hey @Raven!  Sorry to hear that you're under the weather.  That's awesome you were still able to work out and get your house cleaned up.  That's one of the things Cam talks about in Respawn, not allowing our feelings to dictate our actions.  It's an easy thing to say out loud, but way harder to do, so props!  You're working hard and moving in the right direction.  Keep us updated!

Edited by nowaydown1

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Hey @Raven!  Sorry to hear that you're under the weather.  That's awesome you were still able to work out and get your house cleaned up.  That's one of the things Cam talks about in Respawn, not allowing our feelings to dictate our actions.  It's an easy thing to say out loud, but way harder to do, so props!  You're working hard and moving in the right direction.  Keep us updated!

Thank you for the support! 

Day 9

Bit of a head cold today. Couldn't do too many things today. Still managed to workout and clean the house up so that is good. 

Bit by bit goes a long way!

Yes sir!

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12 days game free. Had a great Thanksgiving. People make me feel normal even though I have agoraphobia. They never press the issue and I can have a couple of days without worry. Now back to the grind. And exposure therapy. Still feeling a bit sick but going to finish my workout today.

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Day 13 a bit tired today but the sun is out so I am enjoying that. Going to win the day and be productive. Haven't even thought of games during this time which is good. The mood is a bit on the lower side but that is because I am dreading the task of exposure therapy. I might do light work today. We will see. Overall I am enjoying the change that game free living is providing me. My poor brain must have been so fried

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Hard times today. All day alone and scared. Bad thoughts and suicidal thoughts when depression becomes strong. Sometimes I feel like I can't break free from my mental illness. I feel stuck at home. It has been two years. 

I am going to go t o my supposed to be dose of Celexa asap. I am on a subtherapeutic dose right now so what do I have to lose? Just scared about side effects but it cant be worse than the depression itself. Just ha d to vent. I am getting more nights like this since winter is approaching and I feel even more trapped

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Hey there, you got 2weeks of not gaming. This is a good start and something you can be proud of. Especially if you struggling with depression right now.

I hope the med's kick in and help you to feel better. One thing which can help a bit is to get out of the house. A small walk (10-20min) in the outside releases a lot of good chemicals in your body. Even if the weather is bad the light is still a lot more intense then inside. I see how the agoraphobia can be hindering but maybe you'll have a garden or a somewhat similar space to get some light. There are also infra-red lamps which are shown to have similar effects. Maybe it could be worthwhile to research that a little.

The challenge can be daunting but if you go one small step after another in the right direction one you'll become a little bit better everyday. Sometimes that is hard to believe. Or you think it doesn't matter if the successes are so small. But trust me. These little wins are what matters in the long run. If you like to read I would really recomment you the slight edge.

PS: I recognized that cam didn't read/answered your question. I only bought the basic version of his book and it has all the necessary advice and challenges you'll need to start. (he also recommends the slight edge in there btw)

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Hey there, you got 2weeks of not gaming. This is a good start and something you can be proud of. Especially if you struggling with depression right now.

I hope the med's kick in and help you to feel better. One thing which can help a bit is to get out of the house. A small walk (10-20min) in the outside releases a lot of good chemicals in your body. Even if the weather is bad the light is still a lot more intense then inside. I see how the agoraphobia can be hindering but maybe you'll have a garden or a somewhat similar space to get some light. There are also infra-red lamps which are shown to have similar effects. Maybe it could be worthwhile to research that a little.

The challenge can be daunting but if you go one small step after another in the right direction one you'll become a little bit better everyday. Sometimes that is hard to believe. Or you think it doesn't matter if the successes are so small. But trust me. These little wins are what matters in the long run. If you like to read I would really recomment you the slight edge.

PS: I recognized that cam didn't read/answered your question. I only bought the basic version of his book and it has all the necessary advice and challenges you'll need to start. (he also recommends the slight edge in there btw)

Thank you for the reply. I am enjoying the day today and yes I am proud of my 2 weeks sober. When did the withdrawal start to lift for you? Cam says around 3 weeks is that accurate? 

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Day 16. Finally braved the full dose of my Celexa today. As usual nothing exciting happened it was all anticipation. My grandparents came over for a visit and that made me feel really great the rest of the day. 

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I actually can't remember a special point where the withdrawel stopped. It was more like a wave function. Sometimes the urges were stronger and sometimes I stopped thinking about games all together. The urge to binge consume was stronger if I was stressed or felt pressured, It was/is my coping mechanisme to evade negative feelings by binge consuming stuff. It helps to be aware of that and it gets a little better over time. Right now I don't feel urges to play anymore, but it took a lot of time. And of course I still evade negative feelings from time to time. THis happens just with other mechanisms which are more constructive.

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I actually can't remember a special point where the withdrawel stopped. It was more like a wave function. Sometimes the urges were stronger and sometimes I stopped thinking about games all together. The urge to binge consume was stronger if I was stressed or felt pressured, It was/is my coping mechanisme to evade negative feelings by binge consuming stuff. It helps to be aware of that and it gets a little better over time. Right now I don't feel urges to play anymore, but it took a lot of time. And of course I still evade negative feelings from time to time. THis happens just with other mechanisms which are more constructive.

Makes sense man. Its a journey not a race to the destination. I don't want to miss the beautiful scenery along the way. 

Today has been alright. Semi-productive but a bit tired. Gotta focus on my tasks on my job board. Got the idea from one of the GQ podcasts. Also, I use habitica and have been using that since February and I love it!

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