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Everything posted by DaMudaPacker

  1. Was just thinking about that. I find that if I get away from my computer while craving, the craving quickly goes away.
  2. Journal Update #3: Day Count : 9 Honestly haven't felt like writing a journal, even a personal one, but eventually I came to realization that it's nice to unravel your thoughts. First, the goals (these will be the ones I didn't record here unfortunately). School Related: AstronomyOnline Quiz by Oct 26 - FINISHED A WEEK EARLY YEAHHHHHMid Term - Think I got a 3.8~ or so, could have done betterSecond English CourseReading for Friday - DONEPhilosophyCatch up on two weeks of readings + answer questions - WIPChinese CoursePractice writing - Yes!Finish homework assignment over the weekend - Yup!First English CourseFinish tutorial assignment - YESEverything has been going fairly well in life, did the laundry, cleaned my bedroom and work space, although it's gotten dirty again in the last few days since I last wrote. Goals for the Week! School Related: AstronomyTake notes earlier for upcoming exam in DecemberFinish photography project written portionEnglishRead the Illiad PhilosophyComplete second assignmentChinese CourseStudy for upcoming Monday testComplete Wednesday's homeworkSecond English courseStart essay outline Read this week's readingTemptations!: Welp it's been 9 days since I really went cold turkey on pornography and video games. I honestly haven't had any serious thought to buy another GPU and play games again, nor install any apps. I would say that video game temptation isn't a major issue, but pornography is a very different story. For the past 8 days, I have no urge to watch at all - I'm not entirely sure why, maybe because I'm occupied most of my weekdays with school. Weekends I have to really keep myself occupied or else the temptation lurks around the corner. I'm doing a lot of research and watching more anecdotal and theoretical discussions about pornography and I still have to convince myself that it's worth falling off the wagon when I'm tempted. Just need to keep my wits about and keep my eye on the goal. Loneliness: Another issue I've had this week is just general isolation. It's hard to make time for friends when everyone's schedule is so incompatible. I have a few acquaintances at school, but it's not enough to keep my content with my social life at this point. My close friends were planning to an amusement park, but I'm not 100% if that's still happening at this point due to unforeseen events. Just being very down and paranoid lately because of being isolated so much I think. Bright side is that I'm making good progress with people in my astronomy class since it's really one of the few classes were you can communicate with others. Job: Still haven't heard back from the job I applied to, I think I'm going to send out more resumes to other franchises even though the one I applied to has the best location for me. I have more photography gigs coming up which is great money, but I don't really learn many communication or time management skills. I truly believe that having a stable part time job will make me a lot happier just because it gives me more responsibilities and opportunities to speak with others which I really like.
  3. Journal Update #2: Day Count : 3 Journal the Second. Alright I originally intended to write this journal on Saturday, following a T/T/Sat schedule for my log. I'm thinking I change that to T/T/Sun because Sunday is when the new week begins and I can thoroughly plot out the week and write some comments about the overall week progression. Sounds good! Just studying for my Chinese test tomorrow, there are way too many vocabulary words so I'm just gonna take a productive break and write my log Things I've Achieved Since Last Log: Geee... not a lot honestly. It's harder to get into a productive habit than I thought I'm going to do a checklist from last log, that way I'll know my short comings and how long I've been delaying things. School Related: AstronomyOnline Quiz by Oct 14 - Nope, it was actually due on Oct 12 - Thankfully I have a really high average and it's not worth too much Readings for Mid-Term - Nope, still haven't started (crap)Second English CourseReading for Friday - Never intended on finishing this weekend, so this is cool PhilosophyCatch up on two weeks of readings + answer questions - Nope , no comments reallyChinese CoursePractice writing - Yes! - Still in the process of doing it as I type, but it still counts!Finish homework assignment over the weekend - Yup! - Very easy assignmentFirst English CourseFinish tutorial assignment - Never planned for the weekend, just more of a note - MUST FINISHED BY TUESDAY EVENINGLife Related: Get a proper sleep schedule - It's a work in progress, not green quality yet Specify my calendar more - Will be doing right after I'm doing practicing writingGet to the gym more - Gym has been spot on!Spend some time taking photos of the seasons - Did a photo shoot for a condo, screw it, it counts (plus I got paid)General Assessment: This is harder than it seemed. Emotionally, I've very enthusiastic about my life and the direction I'm embarking on, but actually putting the rubber on the pavement (did I say that right?) is much more demanding. Easier said than done I guess is the best way to put it. I would say that sleep is my weakness. I have terrible sleep etiquette and over the last few years, but months especially, my sleep has been very rocky. I'm very high in neuroticism and low in conscientiousness so I'm trying very hard to fix that by ordering my house and my schedule. I would like to say that this is simply a learning process and chalk up my mistakes to just being beginner's turmoil, but I have to reflect on the reasons I didn't achieve most things I put on my list. It's not so much I couldn't do them, but because I didn't have the discipline or energy to do them. Sleep: Very important topic for me. I'm trying to adjust my sleep schedule because I think it would be in my interest to wake up earlier and sleep earlier. Presently I am accustomed to 12am sleep and 9am wake. When I follow that schedule I am generally fine energy wise, but it's not the ideal time for me due to various reasons. Some of which are: I don't like going to the gym in the afternoon, but this schedule forces me to do so because of universityI don't like sleeping so late after the sun has set I think this contributes to my restlessness in bed (that sounded very dirty)I don't like waking up so lateI feel lazy doing so and have greatly ambition and willpower the earlier I riseOther things I can't think about right nowPlans for the Week: Unfortunately I won't be posting them here this time around because of time constraints. I'm not sure I have the time to post every detail here, but they WILL be posted next entry. I will however write my plans in my Google Calendar to keep myself in check. I will reflect on my Calendar success in the next post which should be on Tuesday, October 17th. Stay Hope you all have a great week! Feedback is appreciated!
  4. Definitely agreed about specifying my goals, that's why I'm trying to make my schedule be as descriptive as possible so I know exactly when something has to be done.
  5. Journal Update #1: I have officially quit all my video games! While I dropped all PC games last week, it was only today that I managed to finally sell my Summoners War account. Thus, this is entry #1, time to get serious! What I Have Completed: First draft of English Essay Quit all gamesFinished all my photos for Astronomy ProjectApplied for my first job!!!!!! (It’s a fast food chain - go figure )What I Have to Do Until the Next Journal: School Related: AstronomyOnline Quiz by Oct 14Readings for Mid-TermSecond English CourseReading for FridayPhilosophyCatch up on two weeks of readings + answer questionsChinese CoursePractice writingFinish homework assignment over the weekendFirst English CourseFinish tutorial assignmentLife Related: Get a proper sleep scheduleSpecify my calendar moreGet to the gym moreSpend some time taking photos of the seasonsMy Failures Since Last Entry: It’s been a very irresponsible couple of days since my last entry. I didn’t sleep very well, I hardly went to the gym, my diet hasn’t been great and I’ve been indulging in summoners war. All the bad vices combined at the same time. But I think that’s behind me now. I sold my summoners war account and am totally game free. Summoners War really took up a LOT of my time and I think because I stopped playing PC games, I was more attracted to my mobile “games” - they’re really more slot machines with animations. But now that I’ve quit, my focus is back and overall I would say I’m headed in a upper direction. So far I’ve already made good changes in my sleep schedule and quality which should translate into more productivity and energy. TL;DR went through a poor couple of days, but now I’m heading uphill and things will only get better from here!
  6. Woah, there's so much detail here and everything is so organized! Keep up the work and good luck on your running/healing progress!
  7. Big Changes It's funny how life can be so tame at times, but then it hits you with a tidal wave of disasters. Due to miscommunication and overall just tension, I decided to leave a group of friends who I felt very attached to, but as time goes on, I think we became more separated. And in the end, after having a dispute, we were giving ultimatums and saying things that no one should really say to each other. It's pretty upsetting and I'd be a liar to say I didn't cry a bit on the inside (real men don't cry! jk). Other events occurred, but I'd rather not share them. All in all, I slept at 4am due to all this, woke up at 2pm and now I'm off to the gym. I feel different in all honesty, just odd, like I'm not me anymore and that something is missing. Yesterday was a decently productive day, but I didn't get to do my readings or hit the gym because of all these events I couldn't have foreseen, though in hindsight, I kinda think I might have. Anyway, LETS KILL THEM WEIGHTS. Stay positive and all that!
  8. Let me just say that I resonate with this a lot. Skyrim was always the greatest offline game of all time for me, it was one of those games I would call an experience instead of just a game, and I definitely felt the same way about wanting to bust it out and dive back into it every now and then. And you can be certain that I was banking 100% on diving into Elder Scrolls 6 as soon as it releases, no questions asked. I sold my stuff anyway. And let me tell you, I really don't feel like playing it anymore. I've got great memories, and it's a beautiful game, sure, but the general game-free life as a whole still wins flat out easily. Hey, maybe some years down the road I'll give elder scrolls a spin, maybe not. But I already don't need or even want it anymore and I've still go so far to go. That's still a long time away though and there's so much to get done and so much to develop in the meantime. Those games aren't running away, your time on this Earth, however, is. Oh shoot I totally forgot about Elder Scrolls 6 But honestly, the more I play games, the less enjoyable and immersive they become. It's better that I take a very long break, develop my own life and then explore ES6 in the future. I don't think gaming is inherently bad, in fact I see good games as a form of art. But when I start to indulge on that art, that's when I have to take a step back
  9. Bit by bit goes a long way!
  10. Thanks for the welcome I already sold my GPU! But about the monitor... Oh boi. There's some real scumbags in this world. I bought this from an auction website that claimed it was "new", but in reality it's 2 years old, it's just in the retail box. Sons of... so I can't even sell this monitor as being a month old because in reality in 2 years old! I'm trying to contact credit card companies and the consumer rights commission, but I'm sure this is going to be a VERY long process. There's too much money on the line for me to back out of this. I'm stubborn The best case scenario, the credit card company helps me out since I'm still within 2 months of the original purchase date, but worst case I just sell it for the cheap on the second hand market and lose a few hundred Stuff I did Wrote my first in class assignment and overall I think I did okay. I should have prepared more for it and I definitely could have scored a 4.0, but I think I'm expecting something more along the lines of low to mid 3s. Not too upset over it even though it's worth a decent amount because I'm making large changes right now. Got a perfect score on my first astronomy project which I'm super happy about. Spent a lot of time and effort editing that so that's a big boost in my day! After classes I went around inquiring about job positions since I couldn't really mind any concrete information online for a lot of the positions I was interested in. Most of the responses weren't hopeful, but I think if I keep pushing at it, eventually I'll end up a bus boy or cashier - beats playing video games honestly. Got a sick fade at the barber too, feels so nice. I really don't know how to make my journal interesting, sorry! Goals for Tomorrow: Hit Deadlift PR + Train Hard at the GymFile complaint with the consumer rights peopleDo my readingsAstronomyEnglishPhilosophyPlan out a concrete scheduleCount my calories (bulking!)Chat with my friendsDo the laundryWrite my Resume + Cover LetterApply for positions I wantHope y'all have a great thanksgiving weekend if you're Canadian! IT SEEMS WE CAN'T EDIT OLD POSTS SO I WANT TO ADD AS WELL THAT I WANT TO QUIT PORNOGRAPHY TOO!
  11. I suggest you sell. You said it, you can buy another computer and play again someday. But right now you should focus on your goals, see how you feel when you achieve them and if you still want to play by then, give it a try. Think about the reasons that you currently may have for being emotionally attached to your pc (if you weren't, you wouldn't have problem selling it). Doing it could be also a form of commitment, taking a specific action to make a difference from what you've been doing. Those goals you've achieved are amazing man, don't sell yourself low! Reflect on your victories and how rewarding they felt. Yeah definitely going to sell the graphics card, but there's been a wrench in the works in regards to my monitor. There's a slight clutter of dead pixels so it really won't sell for as much as I hoped - I should have checked this right when I got the display, but oh well. I'm definitely going to sell the graphics card, which means I'll just break even and then I'll have to buy a super cheap one because my CPU doesn't have an integrated one. It still prohibits me from using my computer for games. To be honest, I've been gaming for so long that it just feels weird not to be doing it and the thought of stripping my computer that I've grown so attached to because I assembled the pieces and everything just feels a bit sad too. But there's too much money on the line not to sell this and invest the money into something else - anything else to be frank. The more time I spend gaming, the more money the card costs me because I'm spending time that I could be using to improve my future.
  12. CURRENT DILEMMA I’m thinking about selling my gaming pc which is actually worth quite a pretty penny. I’m going to keep the CPU because I use my computer for photo editing as well. But I want to sell my GPU and Monitor because there’s no reason I should have some expensive hardware when I didn’t even earn them myself. I got into the university of my choice and all, but I still don’t think it’s right for me to have what I have. It’s a very complex situation and I’m not sure I can put it out in proper words since I can barely think about it clearly. Maybe you guys can help. If I sell my hardware, I would have a decent start to a stock portfolio and I would have a lot more time on my hands to do productive tasks. I think what’s making this decision so hard despite its benefits is that I still love many games like Skyrim. It’s such a beautiful game and there’s so many great stories and quests and one day I would like to replay it. There’s many titles I still want to play like the older Fallout titles and maybe even Oblivion. I guess you could say I have one foot over the fence and the other behind it. I feel that selling my hardware is the responsible thing to do. Maybe when I have a lot of disposable income I can purchase the new hardware of the future! Computer hardware holds value like milk, but stocks, mutual funds or even retirement funds are much more likely to keep some value and almost certainly keep more value than computer hardware. Considering the time saved and instant funds, I would be setting myself up for success, or in the least not hurting my chances. WOULD LOVE FEEDBACK! Also consider that I would break even or even earn up to $200 from selling my hardware from the amount I originally spent.
  13. Yo guys, it’s DaMuda, back again for another journal log. Hopefully this one will be more successful than the previous ones Foruth times the charm I guess. I don’t even recall when my journal was to be frank. I would estimate it to be around a year or more ago? Before I tear into myself, let me just note some goals that I actually achieved since my last journal. 1. I lost weight 2. I got into the university of my choice 3. I’ve made a lot of progress in my social life - to the point where I’m mostly satisfied However, I’m still far from where I want to be. There’s a thought that I’ve been tangling with and it’s honestly keeping me up at night and it has been for months. The question is “How far could I go if I dedicated myself to improvement?”. If I spent the next month of my life, doing what I believe I should be doing, how much change could I see? It’s a tough question to answer, because I can’t really measure how quickly things can change and I don’t know where I would stop. After constant thought, I’ve concluded that “The further I go from my current situation, the more content I will be”. I’m 18 years old, birthday was only a few weeks ago and I think it’s time I become an adult as opposed to a child. My biggest time consumer right now is gaming, Summoners War and Battlefield 1. I spend probably at least 3 hours on that a day. When I wake up, it’s summoners war because I have in game energy that has to be burnt and arena wings I have to use in order to progress. At colllege, around lunch time, I have to open the game to do the same activities. Then once when I get home and once before bed. Rinse and repeat. I occasionally play BF1, sometimes until bed time. It keeps me up at night because of the guilt I feel of procrastinating. Why not game during spare time only? Two reasons. I can’t control myself and I can think of much better ways to spend my time. Whenever I say “It’ll be just one game”, it turns to four or more. I have a lack of self control around video games. Nextly, I think there’s better ways to spend my time. I love making progress in video games and I’m fairly good at most titles I play, but there’s more to life than constantly dedicating time to video games. I watched a documentary called “Dear Zachary” and the film really struck home a lot of important lessons. One of which was never to go out with a psycho bitch, but the other was that the relationship with people we love is extremely valuable. The amount of love that the people in that documentary felt for their friend was very touching. I felt that my time spent in gaming could have better spent with friends. Going out to watch movies, talking on the phone, or even texting. On a more personal level, I have an ever growing bucket list that I never work towards and I think it’s about time I really invested in that list as well. My Bucket List / Goals List 1. Get a 4.0 GPA 2. Finish those books I bought but never opened 3. Get a job you bum! 4. Have a more concrete schedule 5. Wake up early 6. Travel to China every summer 7. Learn Chinese fluently 8. Study law in my spare time 9. Get out more 10. Get a 315 deadlift I’ll have more items later, but these are just stepping stones for the next month(s). I’m not sure how often I’ll write this journal, because I’m also keeping a private one for myself. But I’ll figure that out as I go along. Thanks for reading!
  14. I'm a very pessimistic kind of guy to be honest, but I'll start looking at the brighter side from now on! And pooper! I broke my streak of no gaming. I launched Fallout 4 for 2 hours today because I had a lot of free time. Honestly, I didn't feel much enjoyment from it. Not really regretful but it assures me that I have no interest in gaming anymore. Back on Day 1! Gonna be going out with my friends today to relax and then I'm going to hit the road running tomorrow. So far I've just gone to the gym and did a bit of homework. I have to fix one really bad habit which is it that I'm a very slow person in the morning. I woke up at 7:15 and didn't get out to the gym until 9:15 mostly because I was still fatigued. After I had my coffee I was up and going again so the first thing I'm going to do now is make myself a coffee Also I've been counting calorie counting today. I'm getting invited to afternoon tea so I can't really count those calories, but I'll eat in moderation and guesstimate to still be under 2400 calories. Might start posting my daily diet and exercise routine every so often to give you guys a rough idea of my progress. Hope you lads have a great day!
  15. Scratch that. Receive my report card today. I got a 84 average, and the b* of it all is that if I had gotten to work faster, I would have at least a 93 or more! I didn't manage to get all my assignments in on time and that really lowered my grade. Damn the regrets! Adding new goal: 95 Average by the end of the yearI'm modifying my gym goal to working out once every other day on weights and maybe cardio either after the session or during the next day. I'll have to research whether cardio interferes with muscle repairing. Been just watching Netflix after the gym. The time is 7pm, and I think I'm just going to do work now because I'm so disappointed.
  16. Thanks for the back support guys! Get it? Back support? I don't have to do deadlifts, but I enjoy them a lot. Big lifts = big smiles. I'll be perfectly safe as long as I don't do anything stupid, which I rarely do in the gym aside from the rare mess up. So, it's been about a week since I've stopped playing video games and while I do feel great, I haven't gotten everything in order. It's time to plan out my next week and get everything into ship shape! Plans: Finish one assignment a day (this way I can graduate early and get a job or something)Sleep at no later than 11pm each day Go to the gym 4-5x a week, already doing this basicallyEat 2400 calories a day (have to focus on this)Continue to learn Chinese (haven't been doing this for the past two days)Do something creative doing spare time, probably reading booksGoing to finish an assignment for tomorrow and then hit the sheets. Gonna go to the gym tomorrow after school and maybe go out with friends if they're up for it, if not I just want to relax to some Netflix
  17. Thanks for warning! Btw. Is it A LOT money in Canada? Because for comparison in Poland I can survive with good standard with about a MONTH with 350$. Greetings, Mad Pharmacist Well I mean it's not the most amount of money in the world, but it's not a small amount either, you can get some nice stuff for $350. That's enough groceries for one guy for maybe two months or so. Onto the journal! I managed to get a lot of work done today at school and my teacher told me the work was amazing. I attend a university like school where we have seminars, but most times you can work on whatever subject you want. Sounds great, and it is, but most of us just end up goofing off. If I wasn't behind in school I could just rest for the day, but I am behind so I'll have to do more work right now Didn't end up going to the gym at 5am because I think I damaged my lower back doing deadlifts, maybe it's something with my form, but I'm taking today and maybe tomorrow to let it heal before I do anything that gets me injured. I've decided to not wake up at 5am because I've found it's not very time efficient and also I'm never awake during the day if I go for 5am. I'm far more adjusted to 6 to 7am and I can actually be well rested. If I were to wake up at 5am, I'd have to be sleeping by 830 or 9 and that's just not possible if I want to keep a social life too. Overall my mood has been better, but I'm still happy enough. Haven't felt enough satisfaction in my progress. Fighting!
  18. Oh well, I'm over the scam. Still hope Paypal can get the money back, but time will tell. Gonna sleep today at 9Pm and wake up at 5am to hit the gym so I can focus on school all day. Gonna schedule my day for tomorrow because not much has really happened for the past two days. But I do have to eat healthier and count my calories, been eating a bit much lately and that doesn't help with weight loss. SO, for the next 90 days, no junk food at all, no fried, no high fat and high caloric density crap. So schedule! 5am - 8am : Wake up, gym and prep for school 9am - 3pm: School 4pm to 7pm: Homework 7pm to 8pm: Dinner and rest 8pm to 9pm: Personal goals like learning Chinese, reading and overall relaxation.
  19. Man I don't even know where to start... Today I was scammed of roughly $350 USD after I tried to sell my account. Never use PayPal if you are a small time seller, take it from me. They are terrible at protecting small sellers. I'm not sure what else to say, I'm pretty sad right now, I was gonna buy my friends some gifts, but I guess not anymore. Part of me is telling myself to not be sad, and it's only $350, I'll have more money later, but it's hard not to feel a bit sad. Have been going to the gym, need to do more work, I'll write more tomorrow, really not in the mood. Sorry guys.
  20. Yes my friend. Plus it invades my private thoughts out in public at times and that's just not okay or normal for me.
  21. Thanks again guys for all the interest, kind words and discussion. No, I'm not religious in any way . My mother is Christian and used to bring me to Church, but I don't go regularly anymore - just to hang out with friends. And on the subject of wanking, I've decided to stop because I'm always super tired afterwards and it prevents me from being productive and thus it is degeneracy to me personally. If you can game, or drink, or wank without seeing consequences and it's just a hobby or occasional thing, then it's all fine. But when you have daily urges that you can't control like I do for both gaming and porn, then it has become an issue. Perhaps through ending porn and gaming, I can start to focus better because I lose focus a lot when talking to friends - I'll just daze off or when I do work, I'll just wonder off to somewhere else. Obviously gaming and porn aren't the only causes, but I do believe they've played an influence whether directly or indirectly. So the plan for the day. I woke up at 10am because I was out with my friends talking about our lives until about 12:30am, so I decided to let myself naturally wake up - proper rest is my biggest goal right now because without proper rest, I lack focus and mental processing abilities a lot. I guesstimate it may take a couple of days of good sleep for me to feel 100% again - I haven't for a long time. I'm not sure if I'm going to the gym today because I've gone for 3 days in a row and I could take a rest, but I also don't want to stay in doors all day either so I'm rather conflicted. Still very down in the dumps, but it's getting better! Have to learn the Chinese words again, and of course my English essay. Thankfully, I'm a decent writer Hope you lot have a great day la!
  22. Thank you guys for all the kind words and support - it's great to be back and hopefully stay a lot longer than before. I ended up going out and it will well worth my time. We set up the chapel with Christmas decor because it's a church haha and honestly Christmas trees are always charming to look at regardless of month it is IMO. Talked to one of my close friends about what I'm thinking about and just caught up, and I have to say, I really needed it. There's a lot of problems that really influenced why I play video games so much from work piling up and honestly just my school environment. Don't worry, I'm not being bullied or anything, but there's a lot of negative people to say the least. I have to keep happy and not worry about them so much. My friend told me to just focus on what's important and what I can fix, not worry about the big things until I can really do something about them. Do little things and such. I didn't end up doing the work I wanted to today, but tomorrow I'm going to hit everything fast and early. English essay is due Monday, so I really don't have a choice I did end up learning three Chinese words today. I'm doing three words a day and hopefully be able to write and read by summer - I can already speak fluently.
  23. Thanks Reno! Alright, well it's only 3pm right now, but I'm already slacking. Woke up at around 10am and went out for a McDonald's breakfast, roughly 600 calories and then went to the gym. Came home and I broke my no wanking goal already. Back the timer! Day 0 once again. I'm tired as hell right now and having major regret. Trying to decide whether or not I should go out tonight with some old friends or if I should stay at home and do homework. I think i'm leaning towards going out because staying in doors is really making my feel down today. Still in limbo mode where I'm sad because I'm not running away from my problems, but also excited at the same time. If there's something I'm happy about, I suppose it's that I haven't wasted my entire day so far like I used to in the past. I'm a lot more productive and efficient, but there's still a lot of improvements left to go. I tend to waste a lot of time during leeway between two tasks. Like when I wake up, I'll do nothing for 30 minutes just watching my phone and then get my day started. Gonna fix this bad habit in the days to come. TL;DR and for future easy reference: Goals for the rest of the day: Clean RoomStart my English essayGo out (maybe, if not then more workFails for the day: WankedNot as productive as I had planned due to slacking around and poor habits Overall mood as of 3pm: Feelsbadman
  24. I'm not sure how many times I've quit gaming, but this time, I'm completely serious. I've been off gaming for the past 3 days almost completely - I just have two more days of routine fights I have to do because I want to show respect for my guildmates and not abandon them for the weekly tally. I have to say, I haven't been this happy for a long time. For the past year I've scheduled my life around gaming. Come home - gaming, before going to sleep - gaming, waking up - mobile game. I've spent the past two years basically wasted and I have to say I regret it. To be honest, I could have stayed in violin lessons and be able to play my favourite songs or have worked out more for my declining health. I could have done amazingly in school and learned so much more. Wasted potential I suppose. But life is full of mistakes and I can't sulk any longer. So let's talk business. Goals: Stop gaming completely - even casuallyWorkout regularly, 4-5 times a week (Modified 5 x 5 with cardio)Eat healthier, more fiber and micro nutrients, less processed meats and meat in general (mostly red)Get into a good universityRead those books I've boughtFind a new productive hobby (I'm thinking writing or something art related because it's so relaxing)Go out more with friendsAppreciate life and everyone I have - because Lord knows I haven't been doing thatNo wanking, that's degeneracy Plans: Keep an updated personal journalSchedule my weeksMeditate every nightSmile moreHopefully those basic plans will be enough, I'll change/update them if needed, but so far they work. Oh turns out there's guidelines, I was just too exited. I'll figure out a better format in the morning after the gym
  25. Alright, about to go to sleep after I study for a test tomorrow. Went to the gym today, starting my new weight training + cardio routine, even though I hate doing cardio because lifting is way more satisfying and fun. It's starting to get cold again in Canada, which feels weird to say because it's almost mid February. I still need to make sure I do more work, but the amount that I'm doing has definitely gone up in the past few weeks. I still feel tempted to play the game I was addicted to and still spend time looking at accounts. But I'm able to snap myself out of it. I need to finish my work because I genuinely think it's why I'm always tired. I get a decent amount of sleep - it's not so little that I should be feeling this tired. I think it's because I stress out too much about my work and that I stare at the screen for too long and I'm too sedentary still. I dream everyday of spending a month of summer in China with my family and sitting down with a nice beer and some streetfood. It motivates to keep doing work and pushing. I've been listening to some podcasts and one that I've liked in Dan Pena who said that he doesn't need to rest a lot because he's high on life. I love that phrase "high on life". Interestingly, I need stressing about my sleep makes my sleep less effective and I just need to relax more. Hopefully meditating and overall "cleaner" thinking will help with that. Man, I love writing down my thoughts here, it's very therapeutic.