thehondasc00py's 90-Day Videogame Detox

[thehondasc00py]

Yo I just sat down and contemplated/meditated for 90 mins straight and it felt AMAZING. Actually better than any game or movie, being so deep and conscious. If I do that everyday, the transformation I could experience could be tremendous.

So I've decided, since I've been renting a lot of movies lately...all my time spent on shows or movies, I'm going to invest into contemplating instead. Just sit down and observe reality. Observe BEING.

I have 20 days left of my game detox. Since the actual game detox itself has not been very challenging so far, I'm going to add another layer to it. For the remaining 20 days, I'm officially adding a media detox. So all visual entertainment. 

If I don't manage, cool, still got the game detox counter. But if I fully commit, I believe I can go 20 days without any media. It will be tough but I'm down for a challenge.

Lets do this! From tomorrow, I will go 20 days without visual media.

Instead I will sit down and just BE.

Should I really need a break to recharge, I shall listen to podcasts or just music, or grab one of my (many) yet unread books.

Gogogo

[thehondasc00py]

Game: Day 71
Media: Day 1

Yoooo I had an amazing morning. I got up, went straight to my desk and did some hardcore inner work for like 2 hours, went running, cold shower, Uni. I feel amazing. I have so much energy. Im crystal clear. I have jedi focus.

Some stuff I came up with.

Im gonna study now, might go out to Game (pickup) later if my mates are going, and put this new state of mind to the test. Embody my realizations. If not, until tomorrow!

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 72
Media: Day 2

It feels good to be doing these every day again. 

I had a wild day. Not from an outsider's perspective, because I spent 3 hours in the morning doing deep contemplation.

I went through the question: "what do I identify with?". "What is the mind"? Well, it seems to be the "space" that "Thoughts" happen in. What are thoughts?

• statements regarding "I" 
• questions regarding "I"
• statements and questions spoken by images "others" 
• movies/fantasies
• images
• sounds
• music
• labels

Well, actually it seems a Thought is any phenomena appearing in the mind. So then I sat for quite some time, staring out of my window, observing Thoughts. After any thought had come and gone, I asked "Did I just identify with that?" sometimes the answer was no, for some arbitrary random thoughts that were clearly not willed into existence by me, and had little to do with me, other times the answer was "yes", when the thought closely related to me or my situation. It seems that it is impossible to be aware of a Thought in real time if you identify it, only after it was passed do you realize "Oh, it was a thought and I identified with it." But in the moment the actual thought completely sucks you in.

So that was interesting and eventually I had had enough and went for my daily run, which required breaking through some resistance as I was all comfy in my warm room and it was cold inside. So I reminded myself that I need to be comfortable with discomfort, and went for it. It was cool because I just kept contemplating while running!

Later on I noticed I was quite agitated and egoic. I guess it may have been some ego backlash after contemplating, which is basically grinding the ego apart, so much lol.

After nightfall I really noticed some suffering arising. I knew I had wanted to go out and practice some Game, but I really didn't feel like it anymore. I felt pain. At first I tried to resist it and distract but remembered the most effective way to deal with suffering: open up and turn toward. feel into it, identify it, investigate it. what is this arising from, what is deeper than this? embrace, and love.

I contemplated it a bit. It seemed to be a mixture of loneliness/isolation which gave rise to me missing my family, but I think even deeper than that was Doubt and Uncertainty. I am venturing into unknown territory, I did not feel quite safe and secure, I doubted myself, some stuff came up. Ok cool. The suffering dissapitated and I started to feel that which is always there Beneath, recognizable when all the obstacles in the way have been removed: Love. Divine love, I allowed myself to wash and be purified within it, and tried to really rewire my mind to tap into that amazing, boundless resevoir of Love and Trust.

I busted out one of the most beautiful songs and commited to playing it on Guitar. Now, I have a guitar but I've never really played it. But I just bought myself a new cabel (its electric) today, so I plugged in, found the tab music notes for the song on the interweb, and started jamming.

I cant play, my guitar is out of tune, but fuck it. I played that song, sang it, and it was so cool.

So feeling pretty good again now I went out to town and hit up the club.

Of course, once again, I confirmed that I had had no reason to doubt myself, I was loose, open, confident. Of course I was, that's my new baseline. Me and my buddy just started rocking it out on the still empty dancefloor like we usually do. By the way, if you want to get loose, increase confidence and do something awesome, then go to a club at 10pm while the dancefloor is still empty but people are around and watching, and rock out on the dancefloor alone. Drop that silly ego and go wild. Have fun.

So yeah I approached a bunch of girls no prob and had fun being silly on the dancefloor, eventually I got a bit tired and stifled, and thought "Ok, time for a challenge."

"Right in the middle of this dancefloor (now full), amongst all the dancing people, I am going to stand absolutely still and meditate for 10mins".

I set my timer and went for it. To be honest, it wasn't even quite as hard as I expected. I just dropped caring, and just stood there LOL. It was awesome, I started feeling this great sense of FREEDOM. "Everyone can see me just standing still as a stick alone in the middle of the dancefloor, AND I DONT CARE! IM DOING THIS FOR MYSELF.". At like 3 minutes to go some jokester stuck his finger into my ear while I had my eyes closed, but I just laughed with him about it. It's just a bit of fun. They're having fun, I'm having fun. I recovered my composure and completed the rest of the 3 mins, then immediately went an approached the set of girls my friend had been dancing with.

The coolest thing? They were so into me. She had been asking my friend eagerly what I was doing, how old I was, etc. and after my 10mins were up, I immediately just walked up to them and introduced myself like a BAWS as if nothing had happened lol. It was hilarious. The thing was, by just standing there sticking out like a sore thumb and doing the opposite of everyone else, I had shown that I just dont give a FUCK, and thats just so attractive to a girl.

So I hung out with them, danced a bit. Unfortunately I didnt really do much more after that, and grabbed the last train back to my village which goes at 1:30pm which SUCKS because I would have atleast liked to get that girls number but didnt find a moment.

The thing is, approaching is easy. Dancing by myself is easy. Talking is easy. Hell, even standing awkwardly on the dancefloor for 10 minutes is (kinda) easy. But I have a real resistance to escalating with a girl. I KNOW I'm attractive, I even built up that passive attraction with my stunt, but I just don't use that.

Thats what I NEED to work on. Dancing not just by myself, but WITH a girl. Getting physical. Getting sexual. I need to open up to that. Push the envelope. Start DOING it or I'll never get to where I want to get. I'm going to set some concrete challenges based around that for myself next time I go out.

On the train back I thought it was a bummer that I left without getting that cute girls number, now Ill probs never see her again but we were into eachother and I could have done a lot more.

But fuck it, that's a scarcity mindset. I have ABUNDANCE. There's always more girls. The only limiting factor is myself. It's all up to me.

Ok I'll wrap up here. I'm planning on taking my next dose of mushrooms tomorrow so I'll see where that gets me.

PS: I've gotten into Lucid Dreaming again. I've had phases of trying to learn this before but with limited success. I'm going for it again and not stopping until I do it!

This means

• every morning record dreams into my dream journal
• throughout the day perform reality checks: check my watch and question my reality. Could I be dreaming? Take a few seconds to be still and observe existence and reality. How did I get here?
• affirmation(s) before bed: "I lucid dream."
• Every now and then try WBTB method (Wake, back to bed): Wake up to alarm in the middle of the night, briefly get up then go back to sleep again, trying to retain awareness and slip directly into a lucid dream.

 

[Hitaru]

Intense reflections man. Be careful with those altered states of consciousness 

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 74
Media: Day 4

Yesterday I rested, contemplated. Played some guitar. At night I contemplated the question "What is gaming"? Came up with this:

Pretty good session. Clarified and dropped a bunch of stuff.

Still though, I'm seeing flashes. Not sure I would call them cravings, just images...and beautiful memories...of World of Warcraft.

I see a mental image and feel a warm feeling. Today I had the thought of playing a couple weeks after my detox during Christmas holidays. Probably won't follow up.

I remember what Cam said about putting your Gaming past behind you for good, closing that chapter of your life. Reading posts on the StopGaming subreddit, I see people talking about how it is and always will be impossible for them to moderate. I can definitely relate. I don't think I will ever truly be able to moderate. In any case, it WILL be time spent that could be spent on things more useful for my life. Still, I cannot and will not put it behind me right now for good. I don't feel like I authentically can. I might break that word with myself. For now I will keep the option open. But my detox continues of course. Growth is a dynamic process. You never know exactly where it will and should take you, it's all about getting up to a higher vantage and drawing a new route to the next highest vantage from there.

It feels like old mechanisms and old behaviours belonging to old Selves clawing there way back up. I believe the best course of action is to allow them to surface but refuse to act upon them, reminding myself of my goals, everything I have achieved these past months, disidentifying from the thoughts (this is critical), keeping up reflection, this journal, keep doing new fun and engaging things in life. Don't let it grow too stale or routine.

Today was pretty cool and relaxing too. My media detox is going strong, it's just occasional flashes of WoW and memories that pop in to say hi every now and then. I must stay vigilant before I find myself unconsciously browsing news and youtube videos etc.

Spoke with my Mum about my studying situation. Told her I'm not passionate or wanting to be a scientist and that my talents are not utilized in this area. She sent me some study programs by email today about journalism, writing, etc. I think that might be much better suited to me. I'm very good at writing and enjoy it a lot.

I need to find a career path that utilizes my creative talents. That's where I can shine. For now though, I continue to try and stay on top of my studies here. Always a good idea to give things your all. Plus I will get credits that might serve me in the future. And if I pass all my exams there's a fat 1000Euro bonus from my parents waiting for me

Would totally spend that on travelling.

God, Ive been wanting to go travelling again. I've been reminiscing over my time in South East Asia and my amazing experiences though. When I open Facebook, I see photos of people I met there who are STILL on the road half a year later and I get kinda jealous

Someday. It's definitely calling me. So is gaming....Fuck it, I'm fine.

huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 75
Media: Day 5

Great day. Contemplated the question "What is Understanding?" Might post my conclusion here tomorrow. I'm going shopping and then yoga now. Fuck I'm hungry, fasted the whole day. Dinner after yoga will be tremendous.

Thought some more about what I want to do.

I'm now convinced Applied Biology is not the right program for me. This puts me in a conundrum as I'm in Uni, surrounded by my peers, having responsibilities, but in the back of my head the knowing that I will not complete this course.

I should still give this semester my best shot due to aforementioned reasons. I already caught myself skipping one class today in favor of contemplation though. Better watch out with that.

I've just been browsing a couple websites on how to start being a writer. There are multiple websites to find people hiring, even 2 subreddits where people look for freelance writers. I have no portfolio yet though, so I will start there.

My first step will be to create a blog.

Not sure what I will blog about yet. Probably personal development/spirituality. Whatever, it won't matter too much. I just need to get something started.

Then, pitch, pitch, pitch, until I land a gig. Paid or unpaid. Unpaid is fine, just need to get some experience and reference in.

I will start all of this this week.

That's all from me today, buy bye.

 

PS; I came across a competition for the best 100 word fiction short story. First prize is 20 000$!! Lol. Third price is still 1 grand or something. I'm gonna take part. The only problem: deadline is tomorrow. So I need to come up with a fascinating and well written story tomorrow, lol.

Edited November 21, 2017 by thehondasc00py

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 76
Media: Day 6

Just spent the afternoon researching blogging hosts and stuff. Fooled around a bit and created demo versions on SquareSpace and Blogger. Gonna try WordPress yet. Slightly overwhelmed. Will leave now. Kickboxing later.

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 77
Media: Day 7

Just spent some more time researching blogging, hosting, etc. I really wanted to set it up today but the hosting site I was going to purchase a domain on says there will be huge sales for Black Friday tomorrow so I will wait until tomorrow then jump into it.

This morning was spent visualising and I fleshed out what I want to do quite well. I created a VISION. It was awesome. I was on fire man. Now to take action and turn this into actuality..

 

[giblets]

I look forward to seeing your blog take shape! I have heard a lot of my security podcasts say that wordpress is very unsecure, however. I am not swept up on if there are any viable alternatives though.

[thehondasc00py]

23 hours ago, giblets said:

I look forward to seeing your blog take shape! I have heard a lot of my security podcasts say that wordpress is very unsecure, however. I am not swept up on if there are any viable alternatives though.

That's strange since WordPress is easily the biggest and most popular with 70% of websites and blogs being based on WordPress. If you ask anyone where to open a website, the go to answer will be WordPress (based on my research the past days). Yo thanks for the headsup. For my purposes it will surely suffice!

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 78
Media: Day 8

I have a lot to report.

This morning, for my morning contemplation, I decided I wanted to know why I still get urges and images relating to World of Warcraft. I wanted to know "WHY AM I STILL ATTACHED TO THIS GAME". It was bugging me. So I contemplated.

Quickly, out of my subconscious resevoir of intuition, a story formed. So, storytime.

Once upon a time there was a boy. He had tremendous creativity, confidence, joy, energy and curiosity inside him. As it happened, however, life threw a certain series of events at him with the result of him moving away from this authentic core being. He lost confidence, he lost trust. He forgot how to be curious, and forgot how to be creative. He withdrew into a bubble of unawareness and lack of purpose, where his talent and creativity was no longer being expressed (he would later learn it was his mission to rediscover these gifts, but that story is for another day). Sometime during this shift, something wonderful had been discovered: World of Warcraft. There are three aspects to this game: the grind, the competitiveness, and the artistry. Now, there were many very creative, passionate people sitting behind this game, turning it into something beautiful, and creative. There were also a bunch of smart people sitting behind this game figuring out how to keep as many people as possible playing. What resulted was a game on the one hand filled with dopamine triggers, reward systems, linear progressions and time gates, and on the other hand with stunning music, immersive atmosphere, inventive content and other awesomeness. The boy became not just hooked to the baseline compelling nature of the game like any other animal responding to reward would, he also became hooked on the competitiveness - finally he could be someone, above others (as he tended to see himself powerless and below others in real life), but above all he became hooked on the CREATIVE aspect. He vastly appreciated the game's art, for his own creativity and inherent inner artist were finally being engaged again. There were other games here and now - LoL: high in progression, very high in competitiveness, but low in artistry, it never kept him. Or Skyrim: medium in progression, 0 in competitiveness, but extremely high in artistry. This made for a much healthier and all in all enjoyable experience, and also never kept him. But World of Warcraft had the perfect balance, the whole package. That's what made it so compelling. So, without anything outside of that grounding him, it was only natural that he would want to spend as much time as possible with the thing providing all that value. It was always on his mind.

Now, to that, add warm, nostalgic memories, and the sense of immersiveness, safety and distraction it provides: THAT...is attachment to World of Warcraft.

I get flooded with the deep sense of emptiness, freedom and satisfaction I always get when I deeply contemplate a question, and the answer emerges.

I realize there was no reason to be annoyed by any urges. Are the thoughts ME? Are the memories ME? No? They are just passing, impermanent forms within experience? Well then just let them pass and do as they please.

Furthermore, as I could now see, the attachment made perfect sense. It was completely natural. And I'm just a human, a natural animal. Everything is functioning as it should. It could be no other way. So, it's all cool. By the way, apologies if that story is a little dramatic and corny. It just arose and I thought that was cool.

To the second part of my entry.

MY WEBSITE IT OFFICIALLY ONLINE.

Nothing on it yet, but here it is

Tomorrow Ill flesh it out and hopefully add some content.

Alright Im packing up, until tomorrow.

Edited November 25, 2017 by thehondasc00py

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 79
Media: Day 9

My dreams were fucking awesome. Probably the best dreams I've ever had. I was flying the world in my hovercraft, trekking through jungles, all of a sudden I was exploring the bloody MOON, and made out with a girl to wrap it all up. Lol. It was all so REAL, and not whacky, bizarre and frankly quite dark like a lot of my dreams are. I can sense lucid dreams are close. Made a new Habit Page for lucid dreaming: every day I will

• record into dream journal
• atleast 5 reality checks per day
• prospective memory exercise every day
• visualisation exercise every day
• try WILD every night

I think the dreams were so real and great because I spent about 2 hours prior to bed in deep meditation. Will repeat tonight if I don't go out

In other news..

Fleshed out my website further and added some content plus my first blog post. Exciting! But also a little frightening

Now, I wonder if this forum supports Signatures so I can shamelessly self promote just a little? I've seen some people having them but too scared to ask Cam hahaha
 

[giblets]

Site looks good so far, a lot of potential there.

[Hitaru]

On 25/11/2017 at 6:50 PM, thehondasc00py said:

Now, I wonder if this forum supports Signatures so I can shamelessly self promote just a little? I've seen some people having them but too scared to ask Cam hahaha

It does. As the guy with the banhammer I see nothing wrong with it. @Cam Adair's opinion may vary but honestly I don't think so.

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 81
Media: Day 11

Birthday entry mofuckers

Tripped on mushrooms again last night. Beautiful and transcendental, but ultimately not to last. What's there is always there, but the ego comes back and covers it up. My work continues.

Got some Uni work done today which is good. I must not slip up my Uni because of this writing gig. I do want to be a writer, and will probably terminate this course after this semester and either try and go straight into work, or find another program that utilises my creative talents more. But I should atleast pass this semester, get the credits, get the credentials, get the financial bonus my parents have put up on offer, it can only help.

I contemplated a few more sticking points last weekend but keep forgetting to upload here. Some more stuff about WoW attachment was revealed. In a nutshell: it also fulfills the need for connection and acknowledgement. As a guy living alone, I do feel that pang of loneliness/isolation after a weekend spent working alone and in my room. I've come to embrace it, but I realised something. Were I in a tribe like it was evolutionarily intended, sitting at the campfire, surrounded by my tribe etc naturally those feelings would not arise. WoW passes off as a kind of surrogate - in that world, you are surrounded by likeminded players, and, eg when questing, you are constantly acknowledged by NPCs, funny as that sounds.

Anyway better go work on my website a bit now, then go home and COOK. I'm ravenous, as I'm only eating one meal a day atm. Feels great though and saves money.

To commemorate my 20th birthday, I want to list my achievements dear to me from the past year. Because I really don't give myself enough credit.

• traveled solo for 3 months through Asia with nothing but my backpack and a little cash
• hiked up Java's tallest summit solo and in half the usual time
• went from a socially anxious people pleaser to a socially confident guy who knows his value and needs no alcohol to party or socialize effectively
• dropped a ton of emotional baggage and limiting beliefs
• faced loneliness, fear, isolation, even death (tripping) and came out stronger and wiser
• detoxed from video games for 81 days and even all entertainment now for 11 - would not have done it without discovering this community, thanks Cam
• started to transform the way I communicate into much more open, honest and fun 
• did some cool little comfort zone challenges like stand still as a stick in the middle of a club dancefloor for 10 minutes, dancing in public, etc
• created some cool music and became much more expressive and creative
• moved out, set up a fantastic apartment
• went from eating a lot of junk and craving food to a 100% clean, paleo, wholefood, nosugar, vegetarian diet -> became much more healthy, fit and energetic
• set up and maintained a bunch of good habits like running, meditating and stuck with it
• vastly improved my relationship with my parents
• became more conscious of what I am and what I want
• now started to set up my very own website

And that's it! Cool stuff. Lets make the next year even better, the very best year of my life so far.

 

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 85
Media: Day 15

Zen on Tuesday

On Tuesday, I found Zen. To ground my insights and transcend some remaining fears around psychedelics, I ingested 2 grams of psilocybin cubes.  Proceeded to seek out fantastical voyages, cosmic escapades and earth-shattering Truths.

I found fuck all.

I sought, and found nothing but the present moment. It was beyond my wildest expectations, because it wasn't an expectation at all. The plants had made it quite clear: I had been silly, a futile attempt to begin with. Everything was right here, right now. Right here, right now.

Feeling somewhat silly, and very much humbled, I spent the rest of the trip sitting in silence, observing the present moment. And there was nothing more to it.

A recreational tripper would have called it a completely underwhelming and disappointing trip, but to me, it was profound. The plants had made it quite clear: stop taking yourself so damn seriously. I had wanted insights about my life, and was told to just observe and live my life.. Sit your ass down and look at what is. And what is Now, is all you will ever need. That's empowering.

Humbled and empowered, at first glance a strange combination, yet it made perfect sense.

And then Zen made perfect sense. I got up and started to cook. When I was cutting up vegetables, I was cutting up vegetables. When I walked to my desk, I walked to my desk. When thoughts arose in my mind, thoughts arose in my mind.

It was so beautifully simple, and profound. It was all seen as Flow, right now, like on a screen. Nothing was held on to, no additives needed.

Chaos on Wednesday

What followed the next day as a reaction to the trip was the most brutal monkey mind. Thoughts and dialogue exploded in all directions. Very ungrounded. Yet, a subtle shift had occured. There was still a small sense of...oh, ok cool. Thoughts are happening.

Received the genius idea to do a dynamic meditation. Got shown this thing once when I stumbled upon a hippie festival during my travels. Basically, you shake, vibrate, jump and breathe for 15 minutes, this brings repressed subconscious baggage and emotions to the surface. Then you scream, and shout, and let it all out. Then you dance for 15mins. It's actually a bit longer and even more intense but I did a short version for at home. If anyone wants to check it out (I HIGHLY recommend, it's phenomenal) google "Osho Dynamic Meditation, or Osho Kundalini Meditation", the lighter version.

Anyway, doing this, whatever had been shaken loose onto the surface, was expressed and released. Afterwards, I felt incredibly grounded and fantastic. I made sounds I never thought I could make, and could not care less.

Went into town into a bar with an international meetup. Approached and conversed with tons of people, practiced my spanish. It was tons of fun. I was incredibly loose and at ease and enjoying myself immensely.

Bleh on Thursday

Felt unproductive and ego-backlashy. Hung on my mobile phone a lot->Suffering accumulated. When I was finally ready to put down the phone for good and contemplated, I quickly realized something..

"Oh, this suffering, my suffering, why is it here..hmm whatever could have caused this..I feel sad, oh oh"

SMACK. Oh wait. I've been identifying with it. I've been spinning narratives again. How silly! All those stories, all that grasping..Wake up.

In the moment it seemed so incredibly funny that the suffering was utterly replaced by joy and spontaneous bursts of laughter. I fell back into Zen, into observation. Nice. The lesson sticks.

Friday is Sighday

Sigh, said I would finally getting to writing some blog entries, did not. It's cool though. Will do tomorrow fo sho. Did a lot of Chemistry today. The good thing is that I'm motivated to completing this Semester again, also had a surprise mock exam in Cell Bio with the additional surprise of me actually getting most answers correct. Reassuring, I've totally got this.

Aight, much to do over the weekend. Shall report back.

 

 

[Mimetic]

I really like your journal. You express so much energy and optimism. Also i liked the word cockblocker lol. Never heard that before.

[thehondasc00py]

2 hours ago, Mimetic said:

I really like your journal. You express so much energy and optimism. Also i liked the word cockblocker lol. Never heard that before.

Thank you. I do my best to provide value not just to myself, but to anyone reading. I'm a passionate writer and enjoy bringing my internal world into the external. Here's another one: what do you call a cockblocking vampire? Count Cockblockula

Gaming: Day 86
Media: Day 16

Went to a friend's today and we celebrated Thanksgiving (a bit late). It was good to socialize. Being surrounded by people, just spacing out, having some laughs, it feels like recharging batteries. Let myself go on the food though. As the evening droned out my frontal lobe drained out and I eventually tucked into some scrumptious apple crumble so there goes my ketosis lol.

Ah well. Thanksgiving spirit I guess. Again, it's easy to take myself serious and get spun up in narratives, so nevermind that.

Not sure if I want to trip again tomorrow, I'll see how I feel but won't force myself. I definitely have everything I need right now, but I feel my regular trips are really purifying stuff out of my psyche. I remember Tuesday's Zen state post trip, was the most amazing state I've ever been in. The thing that honestly made the most sense at that time was just saying peace out to this life, traveling to Japan and enrolling into a Zen monastery to properly cultivate that presence. At the same time I knew I don't need to be in a monastery to fucking observe, it's just harder and slower in a fast-paced, chaotic society life.

In any case, a friend is coming over tomorrow evening (maybe I'll trip come morning) to do some Uni work together and we'll go to the Cinema to see the Agatha Christie movie I've been quite wanting to see. Won't count that in my media detox. Watching media alone and in my apartment is banned.

There was something else on my mind that needed expressing but it seems I've forgotten.

Oh yeah, got it. Pickup. I've dropped the ball hard. Don't feel motivated to take the train into town and hit the club. 

I'm juggling a bunch of shit again.

1. contemplation, meditation
2. university
3. my blog, producing music
4. earning money
5. Game (pickup)

Pretty much in that order of priority I guess but it's juggling nonetheless. That's what makes real advancements in any one area hard. Inability to specialize and focus on one thing.  And it takes a lot of extra mental effort to juggle.

And yet, when I looked at the couples today I was reminded that I want relationships with girls. I still have an unsatisfied need for sex (was horny af yesterday), having a girlfriend would be useful for connection and togetherness - needs, developing my skill and experience in Game transfers to a lot of other areas of life.

So yeah, I'm juggling but none of the balls are really developing as much as I want them to. Next weekend I'm forcing myself to go out and Game for sure, fuck this.

Also, I realised I want to start earning some money. I'm sick of being broke af. I'm putting an end to it.

2 months ago I bought 150Euro worth of bitcoin. Spent it all back then, checked yesterday and those 150 would today be 350. Yes, 350. It literally went up more than double.

So, that's annoying, but I realised I can apply my skills to investing. I want to research and learn it for some passive income. I just need capital first. I'm going to start by hustling on Fiverr. It's a website for small online gigs between buyers/sellers. I'll offer English-German translation services and whatever else I can think of. I'll have to browse more and try and find other writing gigs or whatever. I have a lot of useful skills just no references sadly but have to start somewhere. Hustle, build capital, then invest and put an end to this annoying scraping along month to month.

[Hitaru]

Thus spoke the plants. 

I'm quite a bit late, but happy birthday! Also, friendly reminder that if you ever have some doubt or question with Spanish, you can hit me up. We southerners have the sassiest accent, just sayin'. Mexican Spanish sounds really cool too. Depends if you're interested in composing baroque sonnets, tell the best jokes or ask all those mamasitas to dance. 

[thehondasc00py]

7 minutes ago, Hitaru said:

Thus spoke the plants. 

I'm quite a bit late, but happy birthday! Also, friendly reminder that if you ever have some doubt or question with Spanish, you can hit me up. We southerners have the sassiest accent, just sayin'. Mexican Spanish sounds really cool too. Depends if you're interested in composing baroque sonnets, tell the best jokes or ask all those mamasitas to dance. 

Ah si, eres de Mexico haha. Si, estudio espagnol en la Universidad perro mas practico es muy bien, gracias

Yo quero leo las espagnol journal periodistas en la section espagnol tambien

Edited December 2, 2017 by thehondasc00py

[Hitaru]

Soy español amigo, but I have nothing against mexicans, until they claim their voice acting of The Simpsons is better. Then holy war ensues. They dubbed however the Disney old movies my gen grew with, and somehow we don't change them for anything. The power of nostalgia... 

[thehondasc00py]

Gaming: Day 88
Media: Day 18

Tripped and had an enlightenment yesterday. Ego backlash is strong today. Very agitated und unmotivated. Thin fucking ice. Must stay strong. Dynamic Osho Meditation later. I feel resistance, even a little fear. Hope all that nonsense gets released. 2 days left of the 90 days? Cool, been thinking bout WoW though. Been thinking about playing over Christmas. Would probably not be a wise idea. Must reground, remind, refocus. Seems like everything is hard, solid, and stacked against me today. Must open up, embrace, and flow like water.

Got so much shit to get done too. Juggling, juggling. I get the ominous foreboding that the balls might be dropped in the near future. I'm going to do a lot of sport, a lot of writing, a lot of expression. Try and hustle one step at a time. Work at embodying my realizations yesterday: keep not taking myself so seriously. Always so seriousl! It's silly. It's all good when things get put into their proper perspective. Everything's cut from the same cloth, equality with all other things and beings. Above or below no one, no thing. Cloth can never really hurt cloth, so open up and flow like water, water can't be hit, only solidity can. Less Me, more Action. When I'm walking, there walking, when I'm typing, there is typing, when I'm feeling anger, there is feeling anger. Things are only Things, stop adding on concepts. It's all the same Being.

Alright that feels a little better. I shall go and get some stuff done, then drive into Cologne for the Osho session, then report back later.

This should be interesting.

[Brad_Hurst]

Hey bro,

Definitely make sure you don't relapse. You've been doing so damn well!
It's inspiring to see all the action you have been taking, keep it up man!

[thehondasc00py]

9 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:

Hey bro,

Definitely make sure you don't relapse. You've been doing so damn well!
It's inspiring to see all the action you have been taking, keep it up man!

Easy bro. Who said something bout relapse??? You must be on smt mate

Went and did a dynamic meditation, grounded myself, released all the stress, all the baggage, feel fan-fucking-tastic now. Well except for a phonecall with Mum which triggered me a little but it passed.

[Brad_Hurst]

8 hours ago, thehondasc00py said:

Easy bro. Who said something bout relapse??? You must be on smt mate

You mentioned you wanted to play WoW over Christmas that's all!