thehondasc00py 212 Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 (edited) Thanks Mad Pharmacist I will check it out if I run into further trouble Media Day 21 Detox going niiiiiiicely. No desire to watch anything except my cherished nature documentaries. Watched Blue Planet II over the last week. Absolutely phenomenal. Some of the best television I ever watched. Mindblow after mindblow. The beauty of creation near brought me to tears at some points. So much devotion to life. A lot of cool stuff has happened. I lost my virginity in a brothel, got taught a bunch about sex. Now have doubts vanquished, experience, and resolve to ignite my sexual life. Very motivated. Free of fear! Not free FROM fear, but free DESPITE fear. I finally realised it. I've gotten it. Freedom was never about vanquishing emotions out of your life. No, fear and anger are part of it. Freedom was simply about acting DESPITE the emotion. Freedom from suffering under the emotion. It's not fear when you stop resisting it, fighting it, judging it. Drop the label "fear" and all its connected meanings and charges, and it stops being fear. It's just energy. Same for anger. Freedom is available right here and now. I've delved into the dating game. Had my first date on friday, I enjoyed it. Moving frame from "will she like me?" to "will I like her?" and "will I enjoy MYSELF?". Just want to push myself a bit on the physicality part which still does not yet come naturally or easily. Could not pull her to my place because I live so far away, damnit. But it doesn't matter. Second date tomorrow. Set up tinder today. Meeting more girls tomorrow. Carneval in Cologne this week. Many opportunities. Just got off the guitar. I can play the song "Inside of Love - Nada Surf" almost perfectly now. I love that song. I sing along too. It's a fantastic outlet for expression. I feel great after it. I feel great all in all. Very joyous and humurous and light-hearted. It snowed today. Cold af but very pretty. Shot some pics with a friend for tinder. Busy week, had and have a lot of appointments. Cryptos in the gutter, lost a spectacular amount of money but I don't mind anymore. I made other plans, travelling no longer a necessity. Happens if it happens. Job interview next week for the WWF. It's about being a Promoter on the street. Sounded perfect for me, I already have a bunch of experience approaching strangers - I enjoy it. I look forward to getting to know people there, maybe even travel from city to city. It sounds awesome. I saw the advert while scrolling Facebook while watching Blue Planet II, a show that makes quite clear the environmental damage of humans and the danger the oceans are in. So, it felt perfect, like a sign. I just had to sign up. Hope I get the job, very very positive I will. Got a new little house plant. It's some kind of fern I think. It looks fantastic and relaxes me just looking at it. My diet is great, I love it. My health, I have no doubt, is rock solid. I have loads of energy. I'm meditating less but it's ok because I don't feel as much need to, it's like my whole life is a kind of meditation, sometimes I;m present, sometimes absent, but always life is flowing without resistance. It just happens. Sometimes I wish I still had a piano though, I would love to play again. It's funny, technically I can play 3 (conventional) instruments - guitar, piano, flute. But only one song per instrument! Although I can pretty much play anything really. Went to this music jamming meetup which was very cool. Just full expression, no inhibitions, it was very nice. Meetups.com is fantastic, it's hooked me up big time to cool stuff. Oh, just thought of another thing. On behest of my parents, I visited this advanced, high tech creative university called SAE Institue on their Open Day. Very cool facility, very cool programs, like Game Art or Music Production, all stuff I would be good at, with very nice equipment and a huuuge practical focus. Sounds great on paper, eh? BUT..it's pricey, AND...it didn't give me a great feeling, envisioning myself here. It seemed..pretentious. All this high end production, making a sound juuuuust right, this editing right here juuuuust right. A lot of time and money for something empty. More movies and more games for the priviledged society. So much money for my education as some high end, snobbish producer or something. I mean, does the world really need more perfect music and pretty games? I would rather go out and immerse myself in life and help others do the some. Do my part for the environment, or the impoverished, or whatever. Use what I have for that end, for something good, you know. It felt wrong. I'm gonna have to consider because dream job would be something like camera team on environmental awareness documentaries or something, and say, a degree in filmmaking would be useful for that. I don't want to work a basic 2k/month job at the WWF forever obviously. Whatever I'll see where it takes me. Cool stuff. Also, while there I tried out Virtual Reality hahaha. So technically I broke the game-free life? Lol nah it was really cool though. Some sick game blasting robots coming at you from all directions. Hyper-real. I was so immersed in it it was crazy, it was like I could live out all my violent fantasies, I was doing crazy moves like grabbing a robot, using it as a shield against other robots, then shooting it in the head with the other hand like wtf, it was so cool but a little disquieting at the same time Ahhh VR, is humanity gonna be fucked when it hits in full force? Maybe. I came back though thinking "damn, now I really want to play Skyrim VR That shit would be CRISP. Oh man, coming out of that game was bizarre. Abruptly you're back in the 'mundane' reality, no robots, no guns, just your usual self and life again. Very interesting experience. I just wandered about in a kind of trance for like 10mins before fully coming back to my senses. Also while in the game I flung my right hand so hard at one point that the controller flew out of my hand and hit a girl standing nearby. Bit of an embarassment, that. Ah well. I just want to take a moment to praise VULNERABILITY and AUTHENTICITY. Good shit, good shit. This post is all over the place wihtout my usual clean writing style or any tryhardy nonsense, it's just raw authenticity and uncontracted expression and that's what I want my life to look likfe 24/7. That's what it's all about mayn. Not being here to be anyone but yourself. But before that, you need to fucking let go. Uncontract. Surrender. Maybe I'm talking priviledged nonsense. Maybe my life is just easy. I want to get out there and face some real hardships to put all this talk to the test, for sure. I'm inspired by Cam's trips to Tanzania. I want to get out there and get nitty gritty. I want to start working for something greater than myself. WWF is a start, that's why I'm very excited for this and what it could offer. Edited February 6, 2018 by thehondasc00py 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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