90 Days Detox

[Daniel]

Day # 51

Current mood:

Happy

I am grateful for:

My cousin’s friend
My aunt
The memories of my youth

Workout:

No

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

Yes

Minimalism/Declutter:

Yes

Bed before 9PM

I will try

What went well today:

I met with my cousin’s friend. I didn’t go to church. I decluttered and sold some stuff.

What didn’t go well today:

Lack of planning for the flea market sale

What I could have done to make my day better:

Making a plan for the next time I go to the flea market

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Follow my schedule

GameQuitters thoughts:

Today I sold two old PS2 games I had in my closet. One of them was Final Fantasy X. I have noticed that some songs can cause me cravings. But only the songs that I used to hear on Twitch. I can listen to Final Fantasy, Majora’s Mask and have no problem. One soundtrack I have been listening is of the videogame Life is Strange. I never played this game but it seemed interesting. Maybe one day I will watch playthrough video, one that has a movie style edit.

Thoughts:

I enjoyed going to the flea market, even thou it was a tiring experience. It’s a profitable way of getting rid of unnecesary stuff. After being done with that I remember I saw some tv for about 30 min, I was really tired. My diet was not optimal, but tomorrow I am going back at it, working out and all. Last night I thought about my ex, and I realized that I rarely have talked my about heartbreaks or heartaches with anyone.

Current mood:

My heart is on the beat ♫

[Daniel]

Day # 52

Current mood:

Confused

I am grateful for:

My grandmother
My accountability partner
Music

Workout:

Weightlifting

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

No

Minimalism/Declutter:

No

Laptop off at 9PM

Just added this one I will try.

What went well today:

Today I woke up earlier than usual instead of sleeping in some extra minutes. I also shaved. I am trying to emulate successful people morning routine by waking up early, working out, taking a shower and shaving.

What didn’t go well today:

From my 3 tasks of the day I worked only on 2 and they are not done yet. I will probably add a MIT section for the journal.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I have been getting distracted too easily.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I am gonna try to get rid of youtube for a while

GameQuitters thoughts:

I felt anxious so I reached a couple of APs. I think I am feeling better now. I truly enjoyed reading trought @Stoic journal.

Thoughts:

I tend to procrastinate when I have responsibilities.  Most of this commitments are new and unknown to me as well. I felt a bit anxious and for some reason I remember badae and his meditation walks. I will follow his advice and take a meditation walk.

Current mood:

Hopeful.

[Daniel]

Day # 52

Current mood:

Dissapointed

I am grateful for:

The public speaking workshop
Dale Carnegie
ToastMasters

Workout:

No

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

Yes

Minimalism/Declutter:

No

Laptop before 9pm

No

What went well today:

No relapse

What didn’t go well today:

I skipped todays workout, sabotaged my own morning routine. I have been feeling fearful and I keep postponing  some of my responsibilities. My craving for videogames continues. In a smaller scale there has been a light craving for P.

What I could have done to make my day better:

Working out Monday to Friday is now a must.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will read some motivational quotes before tackling my projects

GameQuitters thoughts:

The craving for videogames continues. It´s not stronger, but it still there. I think it came back due to my fear or anxiety. I feel cravins because it has been my cope mechanism of avoiding reality. Music soothes me.

Thoughts:

I need to become brave. Think bravely. Act brave. Become brave. I remembered a tattoo a Calvin Harris has “Enter with Boldness” I remembered the 48 laws of power “Enter action with boldness”. I feel slightly better.

Current mood:

Ok

[Daniel]

Day # 53

Current mood:

Excited

I am grateful for:

The public speaking workshop
The librarian
Public transport

Workout:

Weightlifting

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

No

Minimalism/Declutter:

Got rid of a small toy

Bed before 9PM

Probably not

What went well today:

It was my first time doing a speech at the workshop.

What didn’t go well today:

I failed to talk for 5 minutes. I talked 4:54. I have been messing up with the meeting agenda. I am gonna make it again this weekend a be damn sure to get it right.

What I could have done to make my day better:

More preparation for the class.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Smile more. I should add the smile/pencil exercise to the journal

GameQuitters thoughts:

Lol screw you games, cravings were non existant today.

Thoughts:

I am really bad at public speaking! I really need to improve and a lot. It’s hard to improve while making the workshop at the same time. I feel happy, but lost. There’s more things to do tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like meeting new people. I miss being able to get interested in other people. I miss being more curious. I miss smiling. At the workshop my evaluator pointed out that I don’t smile enough or make eye contact with everyone. I do have something to hide, my past. A few days ago I thought that past love can’t be love, only present love. Hopefully I convince myself. Sometimes I feel like I don’t miss my girlfriend enough.

Current mood:

Tired, discouraged

[Daniel]

Day # 54

 

Current mood:

 

Dizzy

 

I am grateful for:

 

My girlfriend
My father
Triple C speakers

 

Workout:

 

No

 

Cold Shower:

 

Yes

 

Green Tea

 

No

 

Minimalism/Declutter:

 

No

 

No Laptop/SmartPhone before  10

 

This one is new. I haven’t been able to keep up with getting to bed by 9.

 

What went well today:

 

Today I went to pitch a public speaking course to a private school.

 

What didn’t go well today:

 

I was too anxious for today’s meeting. I skipped my workout. I felt my pitch could have gone better

 

What I could have done to make my day better:

 

More preparation for the meeting

 

What I will do differently tomorrow:

 

Breathe deeply

 

GameQuitters thoughts:

 

Yes. I have thought of several games. I can’t remember them all, but sometimes I have a craving to see the news of the game I was addicted too. When I feel anxious I feel like gaming away and forgetting the world.

 

 

Thoughts:

 

I need some time for myself. I want to be alone with my thoughts so I can order them. I need to set some priorities and correct some things in my life. But not for too long, I need to get back into action. The private school wants my CV. I feel uneasy about it. Too much to declutter, not only objects but the mind as well.. Sometimes I wish I could defragment my mind. Actually a factory reset could be nice as well.

 

Current mood:

 

Stressed, tired

 

 

Edited September 29, 2017 by Daniel

[Hitaru]

Sometimes we feel stuck and think the best way would be to stop completely and somehow reset the whole machine. I've felt like that a lot of times and came to believe it's nothing but some kind of perfectionism, which in turn is a form of procrastination. Instead of trying to declutter and unblock the whole thing in one push, why not try focus on getting the next thought or action the straightest you can. Then the next, and so on. It will begin to create habit and when you realize you'll be already moving in the right direction. You might feel it takes longer this way, but pretending to stop and think is 90% of the times only to stop. Whatever you may think, you probably have it already in mind. Actions reinforce thoughts, more thoughts sometimes challenge the previous ones instead. Has nothing to do with resting of course, resting is a need but also must be done intentionally. 

You're doing great man! Reflect on the road and be kind to yourself. Things will go just fine.

[HappyCat]

@Hitaru, perhaps this is what Cam called "take dumb action"?)

[Hitaru]

@Hitaru, perhaps this is what Cam called "take dumb action"?)

Hm, not exactly dumb, that would be (the way I understand it) for those moments when you think "I shouldn't be doing this" and other ways of bullshiting yourself. I mean more like avoid overthinking like the plague.

[Damiano]

Yes. I have thought of several games. I can’t remember them all, but sometimes I have a craving to see the news of the game I was addicted too. When I feel anxious I feel like gaming away and forgetting the world.

I have those moments as well, but i try to remember how I felt those moments in reverse, when i was gaming and had those clarity moments of, why i woudnt give to be out there end making an effort to be present. Keep working on strength, and move on. 

[HappyCat]

@Hitaru, so am I. 

[Daniel]

Day # 55

Current mood:

Ok

I am grateful for:

My Cousin
My Aunt
My Father

Workout:

Weightlifting

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

No

Minimalism/Declutter:

No

Laptop off before 10PM

Probably not

What went well today:

Went grocery shopping, woke up earlier than usual, blocked youtube on smartphone

What didn’t go well today:

Didn’t send the CV, procrastinated a bit

What I could have done to make my day better:

To make a better schedule

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Be more assertive

GameQuitters thoughts:

I thought about some games during the game but forgot about them. I still think about how awesome it would be to make a living streaming, despite the fact that it’s simple entertainment.

Thoughts:

Had an hour long conversation with my girlfriend. She was pissed off because I been busy this week and forgot to make time to call her. I remember this used to annoy me (the fact that she wanted to talk so much). At the end she calmed down, I gave her the attention she needed and stopped being pissed off.
If my life was everything I wanted would I want to talk all day about it?
My cousin invited me to BBQ tomorrow. What I usually don’t like it’s the time they make this. It starts at 9pm, usually at that time I am done writing my journal and just want to get in bed. Most of his friends smoke and that could give me a craving for a cigar. When I go to a party I usually end up having more than 1 beer.

Current mood:

Tired

[Daniel]

@Hitaru  I understand that overthinking is dangerous. I feel that some time for loneliness gives me enough energy to go back and socialize.

@dahankus I think I will go to first post on this thread to remember why I am doing this, because it's the right thing to do

@HappyCat Thanks for the vid, I will need to watch it tomorrow. 

Thanks everyone for the support, the anxiety and cravings are in check, but they are still there, staring at me.

[ChewyChickenBones]

 

GameQuitters thoughts:

 

I thought about some games during the game but forgot about them. I still think about how awesome it would be to make a living streaming, despite the fact that it’s simple entertainment.

 

 

 

 

I know that feeling.  D:

[Daniel]

I remembered a game I used to play, super smash brothers melee. I remembered the first time I played it, I was very young. I ended up having both n64 version and gamecube version. In a way it brought a bit of competitive side in the multiplayer. It was fun. But unlike FFX or Majoras Mask, I am not sure it was worth all the time I sink in smash bro's.

[Daniel]

Day # 56 / 90

Current mood:

Slightly discouraged

I am grateful for:

My aunt
My cousin
My uncle

Workout:

No

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea:

No

Minimalism/Declutter:

No

Laptop off before 10 pm

8:20 right now I hope I make it

What went well today:

I got some ideas, while listening to today’s speech

What didn’t go well today:

I failed to have some “me” time

What I could have done to make my day better:

Plan ahead. Really, to be successful you need to plan your days, your week.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will plan my day and follow through

GameQuitters thoughts:

Today I remembered another game. It was a zombie game I used to play on Facebook. In a way while playing videogames I have always been a “grinder” I had/have a high tolerance for repetitive/monotonous grinding during games. Now I imagine if I had grinded for other goals in my life and what I could have achieved. But I also want to stop regretting my life while gaming, it’s a toxic behaviour to think on what if…
Focus on the present so you can achieve the future you want. Let the past go.

Thoughts:

I barely made some time for myself. The time spent with the family was ok. But it’s more of my grandma wanting to spend the day like this, at church and with the family. Too much time wasted while doing something to simply like making a meal., but even so…too much time…Why do I behave like this? Is this human nature? Why I can’t just be content with my life? Always looking at the bad side of things. If I spent too much time with the family I focus on all the time instead of the good things. I am gonna go ahead and list the good things of the day and end the journal that way.

-I wrote many ideas during todays sermon, usually I simply get bored and give no attention.
-Ok I learned how to make a baked potato at the grill, which is good.
-I tasted a new beer I never tried, Bitburger.
-My cousin lent me a book “The godfather”
-Spent quality time with the family.

Current mood:

Tired, feeling rushed

[Hitaru]

In a way while playing videogames I have always been a “grinder” I had/have a high tolerance for repetitive/monotonous grinding during games. Now I imagine if I had grinded for other goals in my life and what I could have achieved. But I also want to stop regretting my life while gaming, it’s a toxic behaviour to think on what if…

Indeed, but it's not something you cannot redirect into your new life. That ability to grind and plainly be patient can be an amazing asset. Where else could you try to apply it?

I barely made some time for myself. The time spent with the family was ok. But it’s more of my grandma wanting to spend the day like this, at church and with the family. Too much time wasted while doing something to simply like making a meal., but even so…too much time…Why do I behave like this? Is this human nature? Why I can’t just be content with my life? Always looking at the bad side of things. If I spent too much time with the family I focus on all the time instead of the good things. I am gonna go ahead and list the good things of the day and end the journal that way.

I think it's because games have trained us to be perpetual "fixers" rather than observers, enjoy the present moment and be satisfied. In games there's always something to do, some kind of conflict to keep us busy and therefore entertained. It's a balance between knowing where you want to go but still live in the moment, each moment. 

[Daniel]

Day # 57/90

Current mood:

Satiated

I am grateful for:

Wifi
Spotify
Laptop

Workout:

Weightlifting

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

Yes

Minimalism/Declutter:

No

Laptop off before 10 pm

Did last night, I am sure I can do it again

What went well today:

Started intermittent fasting

What didn’t go well today:

I spent too much time reading articles

What I could have done to make my day better:

I need to start using nuclear option again

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I think a Pomodoro technique with nuclear option could work.

GameQuitters thoughts:

Today I saw a kid with a cap of majoras mask. Today I had light cravings. When I used to game a micromanagement browser game my sleep Schedule was super tight.

Thoughts:

The private school reminded me of sending them the CV. It scares me and excites me. Guess I will send it tomorrow. I am doing some changes. Intermittent fasting, I am also moving my workout to the afternoon. I will also have carbs during the evening, I felt they will help me improve my sleep.

Current mood:

Sleepy (and its only 8:30!)

[Daniel]

Day # 58/90

Current mood:

Chillin’

I am grateful for:

My mind
Cam Adair
Stayfocusd

Workout:

Weightlifting

Cold Shower:

Yes

Green Tea

No

Minimalism/Declutter:

No

Laptop off before 10 pm

Yes

What went well today:

Went to the gym, I usually skip this day

What didn’t go well today:

Cravings, procastination

What I could have done to make my day better:

Shaving, have a better attitude

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Shave and get focused

GameQuitters thoughts:

Cravings. “Why bother doing all this and getting out of your comfort zone? Is not worth it, just lay in bed and download a couple of games, it will be fun” The old videogamer on me refuses to fully give in. With all this “free2play” games it could be so easily to relapse, need to keep myself in check.

Thoughts:

I feel my vision of myself is getting clearer. “Miracle is meeting a man who knows where he is going.”

Current mood:

Happy

[Daniel]

Day # 59/60

 

Current mood:

 

Happy

 

I am grateful for:

 

The people that attend my workshop
My girlfriend
Spotify

 

Workout:

 

No

 

Cold Shower:

 

Yes

 

Green Tea

 

No

 

Minimalism/Declutter:

 

No

 

Laptop off before 10 pm

 

Yes

 

What went well today:

 

Sent the CV to the private school, went to the public speaking workshop

 

What didn’t go well today:

 

Few people attended

 

What I could have done to make my day better:

 

Wake up earlier

 

What I will do differently tomorrow:

 

Will wake up at 6

 

GameQuitters thoughts:

 

The cravings are still there. But I am aware.

 

 

Thoughts:

 

Today I dreamt with Cam Adair. I dreamt he visited Mexico and we hanged out at his hotel room with several people. He would play videogames a little bit, and I bought him a caguama (a beer of 1.2 Liters). He seemed serious. Eventually I wondered why was he still was playing videogames.

 

Current mood:

 

Happy

 

Edited October 5, 2017 by Daniel

[Daniel]

Stronger cravings. Even for watching streams. Watched a video of Cam. It seem's I messed up my dates I am actually at day 63

Ag 4 - GQ
Ag 7 - NF

Edited October 5, 2017 by Daniel

[Hitaru]

Today I dreamt with Cam Adair. I dreamt he visited Mexico and we hanged out at his hotel room with several people. He would play videogames a little bit, and I bought him a caguama (a beer of 1.2 Liters). He seemed serious. Eventually I wondered why was he still was playing videogames.

>@Cam Adair 

>Playing videogames 

But that's... religiously unapproved!

[Cam Adair]

[Daniel]

Day # 63/90

 

Current mood:

 

Worried

 

I am grateful for:

 

GameQuitters
My local gym
My bed

 

Workout:

 

Weightlifting

 

Cold Shower:

 

Yes

 

Green Tea

 

No

 

Minimalism/Declutter:

 

No

 

Laptop off before 10 pm

 

No

 

What went well today:

 

Still controlling the cravings

 

What didn’t go well today:

 

Videogame cravings keep persisting

 

What I could have done to make my day better:

 

Meditate

 

What I will do differently tomorrow:

 

I will observe my cravings

 

GameQuitters thoughts:

 

Today I googled a bit one of the games I was addicted to. Saw some images. Thought about watching twitch but didn’t. Thought about skipping the gym and just downloading the game but didn’t. Convinced myself to go to the gym and skip doing abs. Finally ended up going but still did abs and told myself I will not game today, I could consider some other day. I felt the no gaming today became more of a pride thing. I don’t want to start over. I remembered how I felt after binging games. I read some articles about a rehab called ReStart. So far this has been one of the hardest day during the detox.

 

 

Thoughts:

 

I have craved for chess as well. I am sleeping later than usual as well. I will try to sleep. One day at a time.

Espera, avanza. Esperanza.

 

Current mood:

 

Stressed

Edited October 6, 2017 by Daniel

[Damiano]

Hey man. Have you thought about what is giving you this harder cravings? 

From what I can tell it has something to do with your workshop not going the way you expected. Stuff like that will always make us more vulnerable to addiction. Some reach for alcohol, others for harder drugs. We reached for games to balance our minds back into comfort.

During this period I have had harder days, but whenever i catch myself thinking about gaming I go and do one of my "emergency actions" Take a walk, start exercising like crazy or I lock myself in my room, put on some music and start dancing.   It helps to change the chemistry in the brain that is leading to cravings.

 

[Daniel]

Day 0/90

I went through a 17 day binge. 

"All your efforts and all your achievements and all your attainments turning into dust, nothingness. What is the feeling, what happens next?"