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  Hi, my name is Tom and I am a game addict. I'm a University student, 3rd grade. I had to study consistently from the beginning of this semester, but I kept procrastinating my job as a student. I kept playing video games because I thought I could study the whole things later.

  I loved playing video games that include some interactions with other players. I played Project Reality(It's a FPS game that requires some teamplay) a lot of times. I was fond of the moments when players in the same squad cooperate so well and achieve some goals. In addition, I could talk to various people around the world. I could experience some kind of... strategic brilliance from some of squad leaders.

  However, as time went by, I couldn't understand the things that professors teach. There were a lot of things to do, so I was overwhelmed. I couldn't handle the problems and I wasn't happy when I attend a class.

  Eventually, I also began to lose my confidence in the virtual world. The game I had been playing was strongly related to military things. I also worked as a soldier in South Korea a few months ago, and I learned couple of values that the army counts. But now, my life was far from those that I had learned.

  So I felt ashamed of myself. I was a really good student who had high grades long times ago. Most of my friends and people around me always told me that I would succeed in the future. But now, I failed and that fact made me depressed. After that time, I didn't go to school for two weeks, didn't eat properly, didin't wash myself, etc. I stayed at home playing other video games(not that FPS game again...) or sleeping.

  That's my story...(It's about 1 am... I think I should sleep for the next day...) I'll write down the rest of my story later(From the time when I got saved until now) Thanks for the reading.



Day #4

Time I woke up: 10am
Time I went to sleep yesterday: 12pm

Projects: 
- today : surveying exam
- thursday : structural mechanics assignment
- Friday : soil mechanics assignment & exam



Summary of Day #:

- woke up too late and failed to take exam... I felt so frustrated and I began to think about relapsing and dropping out of the college.

- But I decided to keep going because I can't be a good student this semester anyway. (+ some other reasons... blah blah blah... justifications...)

- had lunch watching gamequitter Youtube videos, began to make plans for the next things. Asked my friends information about assignments and other exams. (I didn't go to school for two weeks... so I had to ask a lot...)

- had a haircut because I looked too gloomy. My hair was too long so I decided to take care of it. It was uncomfortable.

- studied soil mechanics(a few pages)

- got a message from the army because of some drill. (Every Korean boys who were discharged from the army have to attend 8 hours of drill every year) The date was not good because there are 3 classes at the same day, so I tried to change the date but there were possibility that the college would allow us not to attend the class. I decided to wait and see what professors say.

- did laundry. especially blankets. cleaned up my house. did dishes right after I had lunch/dinner. didn't  procrastinate. took a shower and shaved beard.

- had a video telephony with my parents. I showed them my desk, my laptop, refrigerator, bed, closet, kitchen and my room. They looked satisfied.





What went well today: I studied, and prepared for the assignments and exam.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: cleaned up the house.

What I could have done to make my day better: 
- I should have woke up earlier in the morning and took the exam even if I'm so dumb to solve problems.
- Shortening length of break time

Today I'm grateful for: the friends who told me assignments and exams.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today : I didn't procrastinate most of the things. Even if those were small.
 

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(Only major events. lecture time is not included)

 

Day #5

Time I woke up: 6:50am
Time I went to sleep yesterday: 1am

Projects: 
- thursday : send survey data to team leader, structural mechanics assignment
- Friday : soil mechanics assignment & exam



Summary of Day #:

- woke up earlier in the morning than yesterday :D

- studied structural mechanics in the morning : principle of virtual work / reviewed 'shear force & bending moment' chapter

- I went to school to attend hydralics class. However there was no lecture. Funny thing was that I was not the only one who didn't know about that. There were 2 more students who went to the classroom... ;) I won't miss lectures from now on. Because there is possibility that I cannot be informed about next class, exam, or assignments.

- studied structural mechanics & did assignment in the afternoon : principle of virtual work

 

- In the evening, suddenly I got noticed by colleagues that I have to submit survey data until tomorrow so I did it roughly.

 

- studied structural mechanics & did assignment in the evening : principle of virtual work in truss

 

- I worked really hard to finish structural mechanics assignment but I failed to finish it. I did 60% of it and have to submit this tomorrow.

 

 

 

 


What went well today: solved a virtual work principle problem without a solution!

The worst moment of the day : I had to submit survey data but I knew nothing about it because I didn't study for a long time. I didn't even study at the last semester. I did nothing for one year. That made me so depressed. I was worried about that I could be unemployed after graduation.

Miscellaneous accomplishments: I did 60% of structural mechanics assignment.

What I could have done to make my day better: not using 'snooze' button. should have woke up right away when the first alarm rang

Today I'm grateful for

- My mom called me in the morning

- One of my survey team member made a good report with the team's data.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today : I think I am really stupid, but I didn't give up yet.

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(Only major events. lecture time is not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #6

Time I woke up : 6:50am
Time I went to sleep yesterday : 12:50am

Projects :
- Friday : soil mechanics assignment & exam



Summary of Day # :

- went to take survey class. But there was no class. Funny thing was that there were 14 people who went to take the class.


- I watched presidential debate for 30 minutes during my break time. I've been watching it when I'm having breakfast, lunch or dinner since a few days ago. It was additional 30 minutes.

- I'm being lazy because there were no class in the morning. I should be more productive like yesterday.


- Having hard time because there are tons of things to study in soil mechanics. I have a strong feeling that I can't do it all. It would be really tough to finish one single chapter. I deserve because I haven't studied for long. However it doesn't feel good anyway...


- When I feel depressed, I watch these videos. I'm going to drink a cup of coffee, listening to music, and get back to my things.

 video_object.png

 

 

video_object.png


- I jumped and laughed like an insane person to feel better... It felt really crazy but it works...

- There was a quiz when I went to structural mechanics class. It was a quiz that is not informed to students.


- A friend of mine came to my house. We're going to study the next soil mechanics exam.

- The friend and I had fried chickens for dinner. We couldn't stay together more because of exam. It wasn't good.

- I played too long at night, watching funny youtube videos. I kept thinking like, 'one more video... This is going to be the last one.' I was doing good but I failed today. I'm disappointed to myself.







What went well today : nothing...? I woke up early.


The worst moment of the day : Too many things to do in soil mechanics. I hate this.

Miscellaneous accomplishments : woke up early

What I could have done to make my day better : watched youtube videos too long in the night time

Today I'm grateful for : I had some questions about soil mechanics, and my friend helped me

One amazing thing that happened/I did today : nothing

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Great to see you hear after your tough times Tom.

Interesting to see you're doing civil engineering; my dad does that and I'm doing engineering myself. I hope you're enjoying most of it :)

Keep it up man, the world will welcome your commitment to real life in time.

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(Only major events. lecture time is not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #7

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- No more insomnia which had been occured for a few days


- I did my best when I took soil mechanics exam. I wasted couple of hours yesterday, but I didn't give up yet. One little thing that I achieved is the fact that I didn't escape like the past. I woke up early in the morning and reviewed the text book little quick. I don't expect good score. I wrote everything that I know. I want to keep working like this until the finals.


- I had lunch with my friend after the exam. I didn't tell my friends my mental status before. This time, I talked enough. I think it would be better if my friends know my status.


- I came back to my room and washed. I'm going to clean up the room quickly, and take things that I need for the next week's assignment and exam. After that, I'm going to visit my parents this weekend.


- I'm happy because the weekend is on the way.


- Began to work out. Someone said that it's good for depression


- Parent's home was not neat and clean so I cleaned some of the mess. I don't want to do it more. I'll spend my time as I planned. It's 10 pm. 2 hours left to sleep.


- I was studying hydraulics this evening and I visited game quitter forum during break time. There was a reply encouraging me to keep up the good works. I'm grateful for the reply.

- Added a script that enables me to write mathematical things in my blog. Looking forward to use it!

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I find your graph of time spent quite interesting, how do you make it?

I used an mobile app called 'Study checker'.

There are a free version and a sponsored version. I used a free one. :)

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(Only major events. lecture time is not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #8

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- Too many things to do. I feel stress. I have to help cafe work in Suwon on Saturday But I still have a lot to do at school. Assignments and preparation for an exam. Parent's house in Suwon is not clean so I need to do some chores additionally. After I finish one thing, two other things come up and say hi to me.

 

- Started work at 10 am and it's about 6 pm now. Really tired. I want to go home and get some rest.

 

- The work is finished today. I came back home, worked out little bit, and took a shower.  I'm going to do little things that are related to the work for an hour. I'm gonna study tomorrow and clean up the house. Today was a busy day, but there were several achievements and I'm proud of it.

 

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(Only major events. lecture time, and time on the road are not included. click the image to see bigger picture. Bed time is not correct, ignore it)

Day #9

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- I'm annoyed when someone tells me to do something miscellaneous.


- Went church. I don't believe in god. It's wasting time. I want to go home and do the rest of the work. After that I want to finish my assignment and start studying for the exam.


- I wonder how people decide to go to mental clinics. I planned to go there on Saturday, but I didn't. Perhaps I should go there next weekdays.


- I went to a market to buy something. I walked for a while. It was good because the weather was nice. It's spring and warm. There were bunch of flowers I could see.


FUCK THIS I WONT DO EVERY LITTLE SHIT IF NOBODY'S GONNA HELP ME OUT, STAND BY IDLY AND JUST WATCH. I'M GOING TO DO THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. NO MORE ALTRUISM.

 

- Why the fuck should I give a fuck about other people's thoughts? It is my life, not theirs. I have to live my own life. Not controlled by others.


- I became more stable after I took a nap.


- Back to Chungju city(the place where my college is). Had dinner and started Hydraulics assignment. It's good because the amount of work is small. Balanced between work and break. I'm ok now. Little bit bored.


- Break time passes so fast compared to study time. Interesting.


Done hydraulics assignment! I'm happy because I finished one thing!


- Trying to figure out a way to put math equations on my blog. I have a plan to take note on my blog. I can use wikipedia's sister project to do it. I need to choose.

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How lucky that you live in Korea :D

I would spend all of my money on Osulloc tea

lol really?

I just realized something funny while I was reading your reply, that Koreans like coffee rather than tea these days.

We don't even have a coffee farm!

 

I think I should have more tea from now on...

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(Only major events. lecture time, bed time, and time on the road are not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #10

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- I'm bored and tired to do something after I have breakfast, do dishes, and brush my teeth. But I didn't play video games. I read a few posts on game quitter forum.


- Attended hydraulics lecture. It was ok.


- Studied concrete engineering little bit before lunch time.


- 1 pm ~ 3 pm : Concrete engineering lecture. It wasn't exam, just a lecture but I became so depressed and awful. I couldn't understand the lecture mostly. There's another exam on Thursday and the professor added more things to study. I'm going to get F anyway, even if I study from now on. I don't know why I'm here at the university. I want to quit. It felt like getting tortured for two hours. It was too hard to control my emotions. I wanted to play video games again. It was too stressful. I wish I had a drug that makes me feel happy.


- 3 pm ~ 5 pm : Structural mechanics lecture. It wasn't exam, just a lecture but I became so depressed and awful. I couldn't understand the lecture mostly. There's an exam next week.


- After school, I went to a cafe with my friend, and had some talk while eating something. I felt better. It was really silly because my friend and I couldn't stay too long because of the exams. Why do I live? For what? I was sad because I have been living wrong and indecisive. It was better than the four-hours torture anyway.


- But, I attended all of the lecture today. That's a good thing that I've done today. I didn't escape.


- I tried to take note with wiki, but it took 1 hour to make this one. I should try that later when there's no exam nearby. It wasn't easy to use LateX.

 https://ko.wikiversity.org/w/index.php?title=%ED%8F%AC%ED%84%B8:%EA%B8%B0%EC%88%A0_%EA%B3%B5%ED%95%99/%EC%B2%A0%EA%B7%BC_%EC%BD%98%ED%81%AC%EB%A6%AC%ED%8A%B8_%EC%97%AD%ED%95%99_%EB%B0%8F_%EC%84%A4%EA%B3%84&oldid=14687

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I find your graph of time spent quite interesting, how do you make it?

I used an mobile app called 'Study checker'.

There are a free version and a sponsored version. I used a free one. :)

I'm going to try this app. Thanks for the resource! I like it!  :D

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- But, I attended all of the lecture today. That's a good thing that I've done today. I didn't escape.

^ This is excellent judgment and insight for the day even though some of your day was absolutely loathsome! You got a little bit stronger and won a victory no matter how small it seems! I'm also struggling with some terrible feelings during this withdrawal. You did great! :)

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- But, I attended all of the lecture today. That's a good thing that I've done today. I didn't escape.

^ This is excellent judgment and insight for the day even though some of your day was absolutely loathsome! You got a little bit stronger and won a victory no matter how small it seems! I'm also struggling with some terrible feelings during this withdrawal. You did great! :)

Thank you so much for the reply!

It really helps me :)

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(Only major events. lecture time, bed time, and time on the road are not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #11

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- I was really busy from 9 am til 4 pm. I took survey, hydrology, and concrete engineering. I regret missing those 3 exams this month. I became more depressed. Should I drop out?


- 4 pm ~ 5 pm : Studied concrete engineering listening to music.


- Why am I studying civil engineering? It doesn't interest me. It's not my thing. Why am I keep doing this? Because there's nothing else to do. Feels like I'm locked in a cell. Fuck...


- I WANT TO QUITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT


- When I expect horrible result from something, that's the time I want to quit.


OKAY.... JUST.... SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO YOUR THING. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT YOUR RESULT. YOU'RE ALREADY FUCKED UP BUT YOU HAVE TO FINISH IT BECAUSE YOU'VE MADE THE CHOICE. SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND PICK UP YOUR FUCKING BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry for the insanity.. I'm talking to myself, not you guys)


- Ahh... This video... is a really good video that motivates me.


- It's weird. I thought it was really terrible and making me mad to study, however, when I shut my mouth and clear my mind and do it, it slowly becomes interesting and good to me. Even if I get really low grades.

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It's nice to see you progressing, Tom. Great job so far!

Engineering is quite demanding but it is as much fascinating. If you just show up to your lectures, you'll be ahead of many of your classmates.

Be patient to yourself. I don't know how things work in Korea, but have you tried looking for a study group in your course? Being part of a study group made a huge difference when I was at University (Electrical Engineering).

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It's nice to see you progressing, Tom. Great job so far!

Engineering is quite demanding but it is as much fascinating. If you just show up to your lectures, you'll be ahead of many of your classmates.

Be patient to yourself. I don't know how things work in Korea, but have you tried looking for a study group in your course? Being part of a study group made a huge difference when I was at University (Electrical Engineering).

Quite honestly it seems to me more like he isn't there by choice.

Tom, do you *really* want to be in school studying what you're going there for? You have to remember that it doesn't end when school is over - after that, you have to go out into the field and do the work. If you absolutely despise what you're studying, you need to strongly consider going in a different direction. If you have no idea what that could be, I recommend you keep doing your best at school until you find something you're passionate about and want to pursue as a career. Just make sure when you do that it is something that you can make enough money off of.

I suppose it's also possible that these feelings you're having are just temporary because of how lousy you feel about yourself. When you feel bad about yourself, you then start to get miserable about everything else. It is critically important that you find a way to love yourself again. You have to really believe that you deserve everything good that comes your way. I get the sense that your state of mind is pretty much the exact opposite of this. I was like this once and I hated every minute of it honestly..

Let me know what you think of this and I'll see if I can try to give you some advice on how to deal with it, if it is indeed how you're feeling. And of course if you're willing to take some advice on it. :)

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(Only major events. lecture time, bed time, and time on the road are not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #12

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- Today is a holiday. I woke up early in the morning. I studied for 30 minutes, and surfed the internet for 30 minutes. After that, I did laundry and I felt tired so took a nap for 1.5 hours. It was not a productive start. The good thing is that my mind is clear.


Wasted too many hours watching comedy videos on Youtube. I don't play video games anymore, but I do something useless instead. Why can't I focus on the things I have to study? I planned to study the whole day today, but I screwed.


- I'm confused why I'm living like this. I think this life won't bring me something beneficial a lot to me. I don't even know what I want now.


- I'm going to use the rest of the night usefully. I don't have to be perfect. I can't be perfect.


Studied hard at the night time, though. I might have gave up already if I was like before.

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(Only major events. lecture time, bed time, and time on the road are not included. click the image to see bigger picture)

Day #13

Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )


- Woke up 7 in the morning and finished a survey assignment. Good start.


- I got bored because of study, so I cleaned up the room.


- I want to quit. I want to do other thing, but I'm in mid 20s. It's too late.


- Not playing video games is really easy to me. The problem is that studying instead of gaming is really hard. I can't concentrate for a long time. I become skeptic when I lose focus. Why am I doing this?


- I feel bad because I expect too much but I fail. I should be grateful for small achievements.


- There will be another exam next Wednesday. I have to study 3 chapters. I wasn't absent today, but I couldn't understand the things that professor was teaching. I'm so frustrated.


- 4pm ~ 6pm : I studied without distraction.


- Concrete engineering exam. There were a lot of things that I don't know. I wrote everything that I know. I had been studying for couple of hours but it was not enough, as I expected. It doesn't matter if I fail. I'm going to do my best during the rest of the semester. Rather than 'later... I'm gonna do my best in the next semester', I'm going to learn some little things at least.


It feels good because I worked out.

 

- When I go to Suwon tomorrow, I'm going to go home with my friend who also lives in Suwon. We're going to watch a movie <Hacksaw ridge> while we're on a bus. I'm looking forward to it.

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It feels good because I worked out.

 

- When I go to Suwon tomorrow, I'm going to go home with my friend who also lives in Suwon. We're going to watch a movie <Hacksaw ridge> while we're on a bus. I'm looking forward to it.

I always feel better on days I work out.

Someone told me I should watch Hacksaw Ridge. Was it any good?

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