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Giblet's Journal

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22 Aug 17

Days to go: 237

Busy busy day yesterday. I have hit my threshold of when I need a break or mini-vacation, I think I determined before it is about every six weeks. I am relatively happy with my progress, but for me to stay sharp and focused at work I think I need a few days off every six weeks. I think I generate about 3 days of time off in that time so it seems like its a perfect fit. I've talked about it before in my journal so I have hit the point where I need some, now I need to put a plan into action.

No gaming urges for the first day in quite some time! Maybe due to the day whizzed by and I did not have time to to think about it. Definitely need to spend more time with my office closed so I can power through the work, I achieved a good amount yesterday by dragging myself back into focus and removing all distractions, no matter how small I think they were.

So I may have upgraded Raspbian too early and it's a bit buggy which is impacting what I can achieve on my computer. Until it gets rectified I think I might have to study at work after hours or somewhere else quiet like the library. Got the results back for my last assignment, 70%, which I am super happy with. Conveniently to keep me focused a new assignment is due in two weeks, so time to knuckle down and focus on that. I am up an extra hour early today to try and get a head start on it, making it the earliest I have been up in a very long time (0430).

Grateful corner

1. Being able to run every day

2. Being able to study without it being a financial burden

3. Child care, which I think is really accelerating my son's growth

Edited by giblets

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I'm glad your gaming urges have declined. Mine seem to come in waves lasting a couple days and then subsiding if I don't feed them.

Edited by Mettermrck

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26 Aug 17

Days to go: 233

I have been quiet for a few days for a multitude of reasons. The first being I am trying to progress my studies, going from one week behind to submitting an assignment on Monday so I can lead the online debate and then submit my findings a week later. While it is bad I was a week behind because I wasn't allocating enough time to study (and at the wrong time of the day), its still far better than when I was gaming. I averaged about 4 weeks behind when I was gaming, which made it a bit awkward when I had to do online discussions like these. I have been using the time in the morning to read and write notes rather than do my journal as according to the Asian Efficiency Podcast that is the day where your mind is the most active and ready to go. I am back today as for some reason the notes I wrote in my office didn't sync with my home computer so I need to go into work to get them, and it's too cold out right now :D

Another reason is technical difficulties with my computer. I upgraded to the latest and greatest software the week it was released, and boy is it buggy. My browser keeps crashing and there is delays in my network connecting. As a result I am a bit limited on what pages I can visit, and limited on my patience for it, so I have just been going to my university website and thats pretty much it.

Sadly I have woken up unwell which I assume I have caught from my son who will not stop coughing. I have a sore throat and a headache. I am annoyed as it will effect my running and I am on the home stretch to the marathon now. I only have an hour run to do today so I am still going to get out there and do it but I won't get the results I need. Tomorrow is a rest day.

Have wasted some time back looking at Doom mods, probably about 3 hours yesterday in total if you include the preoccupation and the lack of productivity that brings. I need to reflect on whether I am ready or want to play multiplayer with some peers. At this stage I am thinking no, I hate the preoccupation that always follows for hours. I could of used that time for studying and had my first online post ready now instead of needing to work on it this morning before going to a wedding.

Alright I think I am ready to go get my notes and get on with it again.

Grateful corner

My parents. They have flown over to help out this weekend with my son so I can go to a mate's wedding. Didn't have to beg or plead, they organised it as soon as they found out I really wanted to go.

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Nice, glad your posting again @giblets, i understand you, we all need more time to do things especially if we are looking forward to something at the end, hope you get better soon bro. Good luck at your friend's wedding.

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Doom is a timeless game. At the risk of tempting my self to game, I have spent a lot of time playing gameplay mods and megawads. It truly is an experience, having 24 years worth of user-created content, and a very popular DooM mod that I am reluctant to name here lest it tempt me to play again.

I guess what I'm saying is, be really careful with Doom. John Romero and John Carmack knew what they were doing.

I hope you and your son feel better soon. It really isn't cool being sick when you have a schedule

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29 Aug 17

Days to go: 230

So I figured it was time to come back and write an entry when a mate sent me a quick message and I responded with about 3 pages of words. I have been bottling it up lately and just channelling everything to the tasks at hand. My focus has been razor sharp and I am feeling fantastic as a result, but I have prioritised it over spending time reflecting and unravelling mind pretzels.

I think I have broken the back of the latest stint of thinking about games and preoccupation. Thankfully I didn't take anything up again so the counter still stands, it was a low week of productivity. I think the catalyst really was this assignment due and basically pouring my heart out to this friend that sent me a message. I hadn't told them I had given up gaming so it was really good to get their perspective on changes and developments from a new set of eyes. Though I am not going to mention it here again in case it triggers me some more, I feel a bit bad talking on a few people's journals about games in case I have triggered them, so I will take @iamthemithras approach and not mention their names anymore!

Gaming is no way part of the equation @Cam and no way will I allow it to be again. I have been invited to play some games with mates and I mentally said "go for it mate, it's just some multiplayer, no big deal, just don't get preoccupied". But ultimately I could not be bothered. They don't have the same grip over me anymore. The detox obviously worked! Mine must have taken a little longer, maybe around 100 days for it to really dig in hard and kick the habit. I wonder if it is different lengths for different people? Dependant on how long they have played or how dependant they are?

So I am still battling this flu which is hard work, but I forced myself to get out and run today anyway. I didn't go for my usual 8km, I just wanted to get out there and get running, even if it was for short time or distance and it wasn't very hard. It felt good to be back out there, the first two kilometres were really hard as my throat and nose was burning, but that subsided soon enough and I soldiered on. I ended up getting my average speed in the end which I was really happy with, 6:15 minute/km. My concern now is though I need to decide to try and go for 35km this weekend and then rest for two weeks prior to the marathon, or rest my sore ankle and go 4 weeks between long runs (> 90 minutes). Part of me feels relatively confident that I can do this at my current endurance without stepping it above 30km and with a 4 week break, and part of me thinks that no matter how fit I am I won't be able to push through a bung ankle. Something to think about for the next few days.

The wedding was awesome! A lot of fun. It was the first time my wife and I had baby-free so it was quite a novelty, but we burnt out pretty fast and went home before dessert was even served B| such party animals.

Grateful corner

The online debate. It is really forcing me to study and build my cognitive skills, as well as I noticed today that I am not taking criticism as personally as I usually would. Hopefully I can learn from this and implement it at work or in my personal life. Have been contemplating sending an email to my lecturer saying this but I thought it might sound too cheesy and that I was fishing for marks.

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I'm glad you overcame the gaming bout, giblets. I feel like I just did the same thing. I had a friend telling me that moderation was no problem, use it as a reward, etc etc etc. As soon as I started thinking about it I was browsing what games to play, what mods to install. Even without actually gaming I could see my time getting sucked away. Maybe not actual gaming time but a lot of free time and mental energy was being swallowed up by the.....very thought!....of gaming again. Finally, last night I was able to lay down that urge and walk away again in my heart. I have a feeling this won't be the last battle for either of us over the years. Great job!

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Glad your friends wedding went great for you, giblets, usually running would keep your sickness down as it generates heat to better fight the cold/flu, Fort Jackson BCT Gas Chamber drained me of my sinuses XD. Just keep abstaining from that gaming my dude!

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02 Sep 17

Days to go: 226

Been an action packed 4 days. Definitely not wasting any time right now, so I feel pretty happy with where I am right now. I wonder how much of that is hitting study first thing in the morning as soon as I wake up and put up a minimum of 400 words into the online debate, so then when I start getting ready for the day and for work I already feel accomplished. Part of it also could be I think I have really incorporated my to do list into my routine and no longer let my inbox rule my work schedule. Seriously, I think one of the main contributing factors to why people feel like the work day ends and they didn't achieve anything or what they wanted to do, is allowing themselves to be a slave to their inbox. It is a to do list that anyone can write on. Prioritisation is the key, not everyone needs to be responded to immediately or actioned immediately. This can be extended to people being addicted to their phones, not every message or call needs to be responded to immediately. It can wait.

I have finally started to come out the other side of this flu. It really slowed my training down for the marathon so I am a bit concerned about my fitness, especially noting that it is only 15 days away and I have only done one 30km run. But, it's too late to back out now. I ran yesterday for only 30 minutes to try and rebuild the habit of running every day, and ended up having a really good time (5:55min/km). Someone at work mentioned there is a father's day run tomorrow not far from my house so I registered for that (10km) and I intend running as fast as I can in it. From that there will only be about 4 more runs before I just rest for the marathon. I think, all things considering, my sickness, studies, work, family, that I have prepared as best as I could. Gosh I have such a love for running now! I am now actively scouring events all around Australia that I can get involved in, which will encourage me to travel more. And get me more shiny medals for my wall ;)

I think I need a new direction for this journal. As I have lowered its priority in the short term, I have started pondering what I want to achieve out of this journal, and if it can't be achieved in other, quicker ways. The end result has been my motivation to post has lowered a bit, I still have been reading everyone else's journals when I can, but I am struggling to work out what I want to use the journal for going forward. Maybe it is just a more solid reshaping of my goals is needed after now going past ~140 days of no gaming, which is to be expected. What motivated me to go down this personal development path might not be the same now, and a lot of water has gone under the bridge between now and then. I do have some reflection tasks given to me by @Cam and some other members of the Squad, so maybe that will be my start point.

Grateful corner

This community. Reading people's journals and comments and taking aspects of each of them to improve myself has resulted in some serious gains in personal development. I had to stop myself smiling so much yesterday afternoon when a few people at work were getting emotional about some issues and I simply remained calm and defused the situation. I doubt I would have been able to do that 141 days ago. Now if only I can defeat anxiety....

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I understand, gib. I feel like I'm getting a little burned out on daily journaling but I don't want to abandon it either when my 90 days is up. I've thought about a weekly update on the weekends, sort of a checkin. I would still try to read other journals and post as I can each day. 

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I understand, gib. I feel like I'm getting a little burned out on daily journaling but I don't want to abandon it either when my 90 days is up. I've thought about a weekly update on the weekends, sort of a checkin. I would still try to read other journals and post as I can each day. 

Very nice and noble of you to continue supporting the community!

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02 Sep 17

Days to go: 226

I have finally started to come out the other side of this flu.

Gosh I have such a love for running now! I am now actively scouring events all around Australia that I can get involved in, which will encourage me to travel more. And get me more shiny medals for my wall ;)

I think I need a new direction for this journal. As I have lowered its priority in the short term, I have started pondering what I want to achieve out of this journal, and if it can't be achieved in other, quicker ways. The end result has been my motivation to post has lowered a bit, I still have been reading everyone else's journals when I can, but I am struggling to work out what I want to use the journal for going forward.

I wish you good health!

I'm very glad to read about your passion for running and chievement.

Totally looking forward to learn about your strategic goals.

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02 Sep 17

Days to go: 226

I have finally started to come out the other side of this flu.

Gosh I have such a love for running now! I am now actively scouring events all around Australia that I can get involved in, which will encourage me to travel more. And get me more shiny medals for my wall ;)

I think I need a new direction for this journal. As I have lowered its priority in the short term, I have started pondering what I want to achieve out of this journal, and if it can't be achieved in other, quicker ways. The end result has been my motivation to post has lowered a bit, I still have been reading everyone else's journals when I can, but I am struggling to work out what I want to use the journal for going forward.

I wish you good health!

I'm very glad to read about your passion for running and chievement.

Totally looking forward to learn about your strategic goals.

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04 Sep 17

Days to go: 224

I feel like a million dollars today. Well, what I assume a million dollars feels like as I would have no idea, since I have never seen, felt, or had a million dollars. But anyway I feel great. Yesterday was Father's Day down here in Australia, so it was an action packed weekend. On Saturday my family went to this cool petting farm where you feed all the animals and pet lots of goats and sheep etc. My son went absolutely bananas and was chasing baby goats and hugging them to the ground. Funny little guy. Then yesterday, on Sunday, I participated in the Warrior's Father's Day Fun Run. This was a 10km run around the park here. I entered because I need to build evidence about my speed ready for being eligible for the faster groups in these races. It seems that the speed needed for the next group up is consistently 5:30min/km, so I set the goal of finishing the run in 55minutes. I managed to complete it in 51 minutes, so I was really happy with that, but boy it was hard. I assume because I am still battling the flu, but the first 5km was so painful, and the only way I managed to keep my speed (apart from reminding myself of the speed target) was I was overtaken by two attractive women.... who I followed until the end. Hey whatever works, right?

My last online debate is over for my studies, and I think it went well. I had 30 debate points versus my opponent's 10. I don't think that is a gauge of quality, as my opponent was very intelligent, but at least I was more involved, which should do well for my marks. Now just to refine all my points and address the counter arguments, and submit. Front loading my assessments was definitely a good idea, even though I felt stressed uncomfortable from time to time.

And finally, I feel a lot better from the flu. It's not longer clogging my head or in my throat. I still have a wet cough, which kept me up for a few hours last night, but I am definitely on the mend.

So, here I am. As I mentioned in my last couple of posts, I have been searching/reflecting on what direction I want to take this journal lately, to get a new target. I think, thanks to @Mettermrck's journal, I need to shift my posts from what I have been achieving or doing in the last day, to what I want to achieve in the next day. I am not saying I wont talk about what I have been doing lately, it still has a place if I have some mind pretzels (although I solve the majority of these now by running), but I will use it to shape my plans for the next day. Essentially a format in between my first 20-odd days posts and what I have now. I think that will help me to stay journalling, and form a battle plan for each day that will make me more productive. Identify what needs to be prioritised and what is not as important to feel more accomplished every day, which is what I have learnt from my fandangled to do list/notebook.

Battleplan for Today

1. Switch phone companies so my account does not auto renew.

2. Read 1 academic article and contribute to the next group's online debate.

3. Cook something new for dinner.

Grateful corner

 The parklands that are not far from my house. I don't really spend any time in them, but I really should, as the run yesterday showed me. Such a great spot and so much room for activities. Parking is free and it is a real family friendly atmosphere. As the endless push to be more and more urbanised builds momentum, these kind of spaces are going to be at a premium, unless I move out of the city! They have these cool bikes you can hire where the kids sit on the front and the parents sit on the back and pedal, I think I am going to head back there next weekend and give one a try to see if my son likes it.

Edited by giblets

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I think your journaling idea sounds great and is about what I'm planning myself. I look forward to hearing how you're doing going forward. Nice way to finish the race haha...whatever works! ?

Edited by Mettermrck

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I'm glad you overcame the gaming bout, giblets. I feel like I just did the same thing. I had a friend telling me that moderation was no problem, use it as a reward, etc etc etc. As soon as I started thinking about it I was browsing what games to play, what mods to install. Even without actually gaming I could see my time getting sucked away. Maybe not actual gaming time but a lot of free time and mental energy was being swallowed up by the.....very thought!....of gaming again. Finally, last night I was able to lay down that urge and walk away again in my heart. I have a feeling this won't be the last battle for either of us over the years. Great job!

This is true power and A sign that your choice of not gaming and doing other things instead is growing.

Mentally engaging activities like focusing and physical activities like holding yourself jn a squat position is pushing up your discipline and willpower.

Once I got that I am working on both and it works awesome for me !!

I am on my way to 7 days without gaming and Every day I wake up there are always opportunities  to push myself! 

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05 Sep 17

Days to go: 223

Days to the Marathon: 12

Not going to spend as much time on the site today as I did not hit my studies yesterday morning at all prior to work, which didn't put me on good footing for the day like it usually does. Mondays always suck anyway. I was also so tired for the most of the day which made things really challenging, I had to have a nap at lunch time to try and get myself pepped up for the afternoon. Hopefully I won't have that problem today so I can knuckle down and get more done, but some effects of the flu are lingering which is annoying.

Someone mentioned to me yesterday about an Ultra Trail, which is a 100km hike through the Blue Mountains, a really scenic part of the world just north/west of where I live. It is scheduled to take place in May next year, and it has perked my interest. I would like to see how I go in the marathon before I register to see if I have a chance of conditioning myself to doing anywhere up to 28 hours hiking (that's the time limit), but apparently the registrations sell out in the same day they open and they open in 8 days. I have a bit more time to think about it before I commit but the idea sounds interesting. Imagine being able to tell people not only have I completed a marathon but I have also completed an ultra trail...

Have decided that this year is the final season that I will do fantasy football, and have told my league that. I doubt they will be upset, but I have been doing it for 7 years, ever since I injured my shoulder the first time playing football and I saw it as a way to still be involved. I think it has achieved its aim, done its course, but it is time for me to jettison it and continue to move onward and upwards. I don't have the time to dedicate to it anymore, I have only made the playoffs once in that time span, and I will be moving next year for the job that I got so it's all pointing towards something that I need to move on from while I still have the chance to remember it as a great phase of my life. The next target on my horizon is a PhD anyway, so maybe it is my sub conscious telling me I need to cut more fat from my calendar so I can make room for it. Speaking of which, I need to sit down and map out the hours of my week and what I want to use them for, as I feel like my productivity has slipped a little from watching a bit too much youtube lately.

Battleplan for Today

1. Make 2 contributions to the online debate. Slipped yesterday by not doing this in the morning so need to rectify ASAP.

2. Identify a window in my calendar to take a mini vacation with the family. I am overdue for one and I think it would help at work if I could reset a little.

3. Find a training program to see if it is feasible to condition my body in time for the ultra trail.

Grateful corner

Mates at work that have patience for me and my personal vendettas I seem to still keep harboring. I like to think that they have patience for me as I have changed my temperament over the last two years (and increased the change in the last 100 days), but I don't know how long it will last if I keep making these vendettas with the system personal. I need to rather than getting angry at roadblocks and throwing my arms in the air, use my passion and initiative to come up with a new plan around it. While reflecting on this last night I came up with a proposal for my boss to allow me more autonomy and avoid a barrier that I keep having, I am enthusiastic that he will agree and I will get some momentum on other aspects of the job that I could work out ways around.

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06 Sep 17

Days to go: 222

Days to the marathon: 11

Days until assignment due: 5

It's an online debate @Vlad for my university studies. Throughout the semester each student takes a turn leading the debate twice, you allocate yourself a topic and chose a for or against, and then go at it for a week with the rest of the class submitting posts on whether they agree or disagree and why, and you pull them apart. At the end of the debate, I then submit a 3,000 word essay on my findings and addressing all the opposite comments. I've finished leading now, need to submit my essay on Monday and then contribute to every one else's debate. It's quite hectic I have found, but I have thoroughly enjoyed it, it has gone some way to teaching me to not take things personally, as well as really get involved in the course content when people call you out for not knowing the whole picture.

Yesterday was a bad day on so many fronts, and the flu is still is still kicking my ass I have discovered. I got a lot of work done by minimising all my distractions, but I still allowed myself to get emotional with some people at work. Again, this makes me feel like two steps forward and one step back. Part of me thinks I allowed myself to get emotional because I was so worn down and wasn't having a great day, and I should have recognised when I had reached that point and gone on some meditation or not reacted to anyone anymore. The other part of me thinks; am I manifesting my resentment for this job into the feelings for one person? Throughout my career there has always seemed to be one person or group that I have hated working with, and now reflecting on it I am wondering if it is because I see them as a representation of what I hate about my job. Why it is them I am not sure yet, maybe because their work practices are closely aligned with what I hate about the job or they are involved with the work I hate. Either way I need to get a grip on it. I did some searching last night on any articles or videos that might explain "why do I hate a person at work", but the only returns I got was "why do I hate people". If I am onto something with this problem, them maybe it has a different name or title that I need to work out.

I think I am getting really depressed with work at the moment though. Part of me thinks I need to just count down until the new job kicks in, but thats still 6 months away so the other part of me thinks I need to either sort out this issue or become a hermit. Not really sure if option C is going to solve the problem, it is the method similar to gaming; escapism, pretend the problem isn't there and maybe it will go away. It won't go away you idiot, it will just stagnate or get worse. Bottom line is I need a break.

Battleplan for Today

1. No contributions done yet. Slept for 11 hours last night instead as a combination of being depressed and the flu. Need to get some runs on the board here.

2. Do some more research on this thought process of manifesting my emotions on one person. It must be a common thing.

3. Hit the treadmill. The physio says it is softer on my feet with the injuries I am carrying. I am reluctant as it will be hard to regulate my speed and work out where my ideal pace is, but I need to get on with it.

Grateful corner

Whatsapp. Its such a great free, encrypted service that allows me to send short voice clips to friends. I have a friend that I went to university with ten years ago that is having a tough time with their job as well so we can send short voice clips to each other during the day without having to take breaks as an outlet. Probably should alter these to be more uplifting or affirmations as right now it is a bit of a vent, but I think it is mutually beneficial.

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07 Sep 17

Days to go: 221

Days to the marathon: 10

Days until assignment due: 4

I have begun watching motivational/inspirational videos in order to keep myself on the right path. I downloaded some last night when I was struggling with distractions from my study and managed to squeeze out an extra hour before going to bed, so hopefully that trend continues. I have downloaded a couple of videos of how to stay calm with people so I will keep them handy in case I am struggling with my emotions rather than beating myself up and getting depressed.

Switched my training up yesterday and tried the treadmill. The physio indicated I should incorporate one run on the treadmill per week instead of so many out on the pavement to try and ease some stress on my ankle which is still bothering me. It was definitely softer on my feet, but boy was it boring. I could only do 30 minutes before I was so bored I couldn't continue. The great thing about it is you can set your pace exactly to the speed you want, so I set it to 5 minute kms which is faster than I ever run, and I did quite well. I felt great after the 30 minutes. I am going back to the road today though, I need to extend those times out and only doing 30 minutes on the treadmill isn't going to help. Only a few more runs before I start resting for the marathon anyway.

Started studying as soon as I woke up again instead of coming on here. I have managed to do 40 minutes before I needed a break and came to my journal. Assignment is coming together nicely, I am trying to work on making it flow and breaking it up into the sections I want to cover before expanding it all out and aiming for the word count. I think I left it a little late to complete it with only 4 days left, but at least I feel comfortable 'sitting with it' and staying focused rather than having to battle gaming.

Has anyone seen @MettermrckxD

Battleplan for Today

1. Work on my assignment as much as possible. Everything else comes second.

2. Get back to interval training on the road today. Aim for 10+km.

3. Cook some rice and beans. Apparently it is healthy for you with high protein without needing meat or being very expensive. I have the ingredients, now just need to make it.

Grateful corner

Free apps. I am trialling aTimeLogger today to keep a track of how much time I am wasting outside of study. It is similar to the Study Checker app that @Tom2 uses, so I will compare the reports on completion and see what is better.

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