Koolman Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 (edited) Hey guys I want to do a journal for this process I think its important to keep track of how I feel about gaming in general. A bit about myself I am the type of guy who has quit gaming then came back then quit again then came back then now quit again. I feel a little trapped(I know that sounds desperate but my situation is less desperate then it sounds trust me)As of today I am 73 days no gaming and still going by the way I am typing all of this on a gaming PC with steam installed(Ya I am literally staring into the eyes of the beast and saying IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!!) My games are still there I only uninstalled them but if I really wanted to I could download them again and play. I am afraid to sell this PC or get rid of it because like I said I have quit then come back then quit again. What if I want to come back and I got rid of my very expensive gaming PC this thing cost $1000 not a lot of people would tell me that its a smart idea to sell the thing. SO I am stuck at an impasse. What if I still want gaming later? or what if there is this new totally awesome super game? I Don't Know I am scared to be honest. But Like Cam says wait 90 days then decide if you still want gaming I am not 90 days yet so whatever I just have to wait and see. Why do I want to quit well:/I had a big problem with gaming. I would play till almost 2 maybe even 3 a.m starting from the morning at maybe 10:00 a.m maybe earlier. I would be motivated to wake up earlier for what well not work but for more time to game. I imagine my parents were disgustingly disappointed in me and I hated to disappoint them especially since they saw me quit then come back a few times as well. I literally sold my Xbox one a few months before I bought a gaming PC before that I had other quit then come back history Its like I just cant be consistent even if I go 90 days so as you can understand I don't really want to sell this just in case that happens again. TO be fair I didn't know about GAME QUITTERS back then I don't think it was around so that's something new I have this time but I don't know if that will be it.I remember just laying down on the floor being suicidal depressed probably(I was depressed that's for sure) I had quit gaming hadn't played in a while but finally I couldn't take it and downloaded steam again after almost a year of having it deleted.1.SO I think I want a more controlled and organized life at least. If gaming is going to be there it cant get in the way of my obligations and other things.2. Dopamine resensitivity: Well based on some of the science I heard about gaming can jack up dopamine levels in an unnatural way for doing nothing pretty much. This is not good because if dopamine levels are raised too high and stay that high for a long amount of time then that can mess up our sensitivity to dopamine. Basically Imagine if there was this bad smell in your house that you got used to. A normal person would notice the smell cause they aren't used to it but you cant cause you have been constantly exposed to that strong small for a long amount of time Hence your sensitivity to that smell has been lost.So with dopamine because we are used too a constantly long dopamine hit through gaming our brains cant really sense other smaller versions of dopamine like looking at flowers and a nice sunset as someone who doesn't have their dopamine levels jacked up as a video game or even worse porn addict would. Having dopamine levels be at a good natural pace like past generations did would be a lot healthier and would also make living a normal life a lot more enjoyable.http://yourbrainonporn.com/list-internet-video-game-brain-studiesthe above link a source to some scientific studies on gaming's affects on the brain.Those are my two reasons I may expand more soon but this is good enough for me as of right now. Edited December 18, 2016 by Koolman
dandielionous Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 @Koolman Welcome. I am checking out the link on dopamine.I don't know why everyone keeps acting as though 90 days is the end of it. 90 days is the beginning. It may be the end of detoxing our brains from overdose of dopamine I don't know. But I know that when I belonged to AA they said don't try to start a relationship for a year. Some advised five years.It takes a while to put our lives back together. Everything isn't hunky dory magically at the end of 90 days. But it's a great place to start!On 73 days
Cam Adair Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Congrats on 73 days so far! That's awesome. Journaling will help a lot.
Mad Pharmacist Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 @Koolman How are you doing right now? Are you playing or not?
Koolman Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 @Koolman How are you doing right now? Are you playing or not?Day 84 So there has been temptation to play I literally have steam installed and am journaling this on a gaming PC( wow talk about walking on a tight wire) but I don't want to go back until at least 90 days I am 6 days away. I also have been almost 2 months without youtube. YouTube watching was a big bad habit for me that was hard to brake. I'm glad though that I have gone this long without it. I don't think I want to sell my gaming PC cause This is not the first time I quit games then came back. If I come back I don't want to have to buy a whole other system I will already have one. Plus I think its a waste to just delete steam and sell my Pc that was 1000 dollars. Maybe I will change my mind on this.Anyways I want to get the stuff I have to do done and I want to be a better person and hopefully improve myself bit by bit with all of this.
Cam Adair Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Good job Koolman. It's not a waste to sell your PC just because you spent money on it. It was an investment you made that you enjoyed for a period of time but now you have different priorities. It's a waste of time to continue gaming - just to avoid "wasting" money you've spent - when you know it's not aligned with your goals in life. There's a term called the sunk cost fallacy if you're not familiar with it, check it out.
Koolman Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 Good job Koolman. It's not a waste to sell your PC just because you spent money on it. It was an investment you made that you enjoyed for a period of time but now you have different priorities. It's a waste of time to continue gaming - just to avoid "wasting" money you've spent - when you know it's not aligned with your goals in life. There's a term called the sunk cost fallacy if you're not familiar with it, check it out.Thanks I decided to sell it the only issue is the issue I had at the beginning what do I do now i mean I am way passed 90 days like 140 something idk. But I'm not sure of what to do I don't have myself together I mean I have some purpose that religion gives me but still MAAN I feel like I can't even do that right or properly. I am trying to pull myself together and become a better man but i don't know. It feels like I will be the way I was before games the mayor of losersville, depressed, wanting something to do but with gaming gone nothing to do. I relapsed to YouTube couldn't go 90 days without it went like 70 something maybe less maybe more. Social media as well relapsed there. I am a mess probably the worst mess out there. I still have the urge to play games I just distract myself with internet use that's all. Wish everyone well. Hopefully I get better. I am at least happy that this time when I quit games I have GAME QUITTERS something I didn't have before. Which is awesome. I can write out how I feel if I feel like getting into games again etc.. honestly though this time I feel like quitting permanently. Like I haven't gone a year without gaming since I was I don't know maybe 5 probably a bit before that. Even when I did quit I never really had the intention I think to never play again. It was always for a short period of time the longest of which was like 9 months or a bit more. I always wanted to live in a similar fashion as I did then as a kid with my innocence and strength. Maybe this year I can go the whole year without it the 1st time in a LONG TIME. The issue is finding purpose in living again which will be kind of hard but I guess I can do that and it is definitely worth a try.
Cam Adair Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Good job Koolman. It's not a waste to sell your PC just because you spent money on it. It was an investment you made that you enjoyed for a period of time but now you have different priorities. It's a waste of time to continue gaming - just to avoid "wasting" money you've spent - when you know it's not aligned with your goals in life. There's a term called the sunk cost fallacy if you're not familiar with it, check it out.Thanks I decided to sell it the only issue is the issue I had at the beginning what do I do now i mean I am way passed 90 days like 140 something idk. But I'm not sure of what to do I don't have myself together I mean I have some purpose that religion gives me but still MAAN I feel like I can't even do that right or properly. I am trying to pull myself together and become a better man but i don't know. It feels like I will be the way I was before games the mayor of losersville, depressed, wanting something to do but with gaming gone nothing to do. I relapsed to YouTube couldn't go 90 days without it went like 70 something maybe less maybe more. Social media as well relapsed there. I am a mess probably the worst mess out there. I still have the urge to play games I just distract myself with internet use that's all. Wish everyone well. Hopefully I get better. I am at least happy that this time when I quit games I have GAME QUITTERS something I didn't have before. Which is awesome. I can write out how I feel if I feel like getting into games again etc.. honestly though this time I feel like quitting permanently. Like I haven't gone a year without gaming since I was I don't know maybe 5 probably a bit before that. Even when I did quit I never really had the intention I think to never play again. It was always for a short period of time the longest of which was like 9 months or a bit more. I always wanted to live in a similar fashion as I did then as a kid with my innocence and strength. Maybe this year I can go the whole year without it the 1st time in a LONG TIME. The issue is finding purpose in living again which will be kind of hard but I guess I can do that and it is definitely worth a try.I would suggest setting goals and surrounding yourself by a group of people who can support you with that on a more regular basis. Obviously the forum can help you with that, but having even more accountability will make a big difference. Without goals you lack focus and direction, and without those it's hard to find motivation, or a reason why you should even pursue a life beyond gaming in the first place. So I would definitely start there. What are 1-3 goals you have in the next 3 months. Not watching YouTube is cool... but then what? What do you want to do with that time instead? So those are some ideas you can implement.I'm launching a mastermind group soon that will meet on a weekly basis to talk about our goals and challenges to support each other to succeed in them. If you're interested in that, apply here. No pressure or anything, just an idea if that's something you resonate with.
Koolman Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 (edited) I wrote a poem here about why I want to quiteverytime i gamed I wasted time in the real world everytime i gamed I would rush my life everytime i gamed I would try to do my chores and things fastnever really took the time to look at my pastalways rushing everything like my games wouldn't lastthose stupid games made me lose potential which was vastmy family and friends didn't see much of mei would rush all the time that could of been quality from my dear loved ones and my dear familyi would quickly eat my food then play call of dutythen I slowly realized this is not what I want to bei have to do better for methis stuff hurts your eyes it doesn't help you seesee im wasting your time not reaching my aimsi don't want to go to gamestop and buy gameswasting my time and forgetting all the people's names. Wanting to play games so I'm rushing my Son Jamesthis is lame!i could be doing something else and reaching fame.investing in talent or maybe quality timewith my family and friends or making this rhyme working harder at work turning my nickle into a dimemaybe I'm lonely I'm a lonely lemon maybe I should find a limebut wasting all this time is a crime.it hurts my brain my whole system is affectedim sitting down and my body is being neglectedits no wonder I get rejected thats why I need to quit this with some time invested don't tell me it's just hobby! You just need some control no it isn't cause I want to reach my potential i have to quit and go through the struggle its hard but it's how people before me livedthey didn't have video games like I didthey struggled and workedand did great thingsthats why when I play those games my heart stingscause I'm not living the way they used to like kingsreaching their goals and flying with wingsthis is what I always wantedNow that I know about game quitters i think I got itIt helped me see I'm not alone and I can get guidance i don't have to be by myself and do pure self reliance no more not being with people and living in silenceliving In pure isolation and no real human connectionlaughing over the mic and they won't even mentionthat they are wasting time and not paying attentionto all the other creative things they could be doing with their time and and that they can be movinghelping each other reach their goalsmaking real connections and not empty holesholes of sitting and doing nothing cause none of its realno real things being done what's the big deal?they can go out somewhere and go have a mealat least here they can talk and see each other's zealsocialize and realize and see how they feelthey might say though what's the big deal?its just a few hours of our life?nobody's gonna steal the problem is you could have a wifea family and why fill it with strifewasting time like cutting it with a knife.but your right it's your life but the best for you is to livelive in reality and give!there is so much you could do and help out with too find some people to serve something good to doif your lucky it will help you grow some nerve you can turn around now and make that curvethats what I'm going to do and live differently nowyou don't think it can be done I'll show you how!so today I change my life I rearrange I'll try this again I won't stay trapped in a cage inside is filled with rage but I'll fix that it's time to engagei want to finally be a real man I'm at that age. So I want to thank cam for inspiring this stageif it wasn't for his work I would be stuck in games being a mage In some dumb game maybe a sagebut I'm not I have been inspired thanks cam don't you dare retire!there is passion in this there is firethere is a lot of potential in this and the need is direand now Change is what I desirelets start now and make our future brighter. Edited March 18, 2017 by Koolman
Koolman Posted May 21, 2017 Author Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) I was going to play video games yesterday but then I remembered this forum and the commitment I made. I decided to wait and now I don't feel the need to play as much. Most video games are about killing anyways which gets boring. I have made a YouTube channel and have been getting involved with it. It has brought a lot of passion into my life. I want to improve myself in other ways too. So I am still on my streak which at this point is 7 months. It's a good thing I uninstalled my games before setting off on this journey otherwise I would have broke this streak. My highest streak since I was a kid(maybe 7 years old) without games is 9 months. I don't think that has a healthy influence on the brain maybe. Just my opinion. Edited May 21, 2017 by Koolman
Koolman Posted May 27, 2017 Author Posted May 27, 2017 (edited) Relapsed for around 3 days. but I sort of expected it to happen. I uninstalled my games again but I am thinking of uninstalling steam entirely. I might give it some time but I expect these days at most this month to be my last days with gaming. Honestly games to me these days aren't really that great anyways. They're all about killing and shooting mostly. It gets boring. Why waste your time with the same thing over and over. It's like "Oh my God this zombie game! I get too shoot, and stab zombies!" Next year"OMG this zombie game I get to shoot, kill and shoot zombies"one year later"Omg I get too.. kill.. zombies?" Man it's a scam if nothing else helps you quit, then how about the fact that in my opinion your pretty much being scammed these days with video games. Gamers these days are being scammed for money. You pay 60$ for half a game then after a month charged a load of money for a bunch of extra stuff(dlc) that should already be in the game. You know what I might post about this on a different post/topic.Anyways when I relapsed I could see how addicted I was. I didn't even want to eat because I was too addicted to playing the game I was playing (if that's not addicted Idk what is) .I would say ok I'll turn it off at 3 pm, Then 12:00 am, Okay 1 hour more. All the while thinking about other things I could have been doing. I snapped out of it eventually and uninstalled everything except steam. Edited May 27, 2017 by Koolman
Cam Adair Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Glad you managed to get yourself back on track. What caused you to relapse this time?
EndOfAnEra Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 It is good that you caught yourself and cut it off. Maybe you should consider selling your PC, or at least pulling the GPU out of it (assuming your CPU/Mobo can do graphics since most do nowadays). Put it in a box somewhere or sell it off at least. Add an extra step to just the time it takes to download a game. You may have spent $1k on the PC, but maybe you can sell it off for $700 or so? put that money towards a laptop or something. Or if you prefer the PC, maybe strip it down to a basic PC and sell off what you can and buy a barebones Kindle or something if you want to read more and it doesn't have the features of tablets for other media or phone type games.I also enjoyed the sentiments in your poem, especially those about rushing everything in your life and the preoccupation of thoughts. Hearing that makes me thing I was more addicted than I'd admit.
Koolman Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 (edited) Glad you managed to get yourself back on track. What caused you to relapse this time?thanks cam for your continued support man. Oof it was nothing to do and lack of motivation to do other things. Lack of motivation to read, exercise etc.. I saw you exercise story with the guy who transformed himself it sort of inspired me but It's just with exercise this is how I see it ok :i exercise it takes lots of time and consistency. I gain some muscle, let's say I do it for a few months then gain some muscle but then I stop, I lose it all! So it's like pointless or I get old or get injured it's like eventually no matter how hard you work your just going to lose it. See that's what the other addicting thing about video games is, isn't it cam? All the progress you make it doesn't get lost, so it doesn't feel pointless (man sounds like I hit the jackpot in my psychology and why I play games) like in rpgs or other games you level up you get stronger more powerful eventually the most powerful in the game. As long as you save it those achievements stay and never go away. Unlike here in the real world and in this case exercise. You should make a video addressing this if you haven't already or at least a response to help with this. It adds to your point of constant measureable growth, the fact that this growth appears permanent and not temporary unlike many things in life.Thanks man. Edited June 9, 2017 by Koolman
Cam Adair Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 You're focused on the external results, instead of the internal ones. Getting "fit" is only a bonus from exercise. The real value is the improvement to your daily energy, psychological and physical health. The process of exercising guarantees gains in those areas every day.
Koolman Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Day 0relapsed, but I finally uninstalled steam. I also am not the admin on my computer, so luckily I cant install it back. So I can say its gone for good. I am sort of sad though.And for you guys to understand what kind of milestone this is for me, I have not uninstalled steam since I got this PC. So this is huge. This means I am closing the possibilities.However there is temptation for me to download it and play the last game that I played but that's why I went here I guess. This website reminds me of the commitment I made and how I have to improve. Also like I said I cant download it anyways as of right now, so there is no point. I guess I can exercise for improvement, Idk what to do, but I feel like this is the first step.
Onlysoul Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Pay attention to your new habits, way of living and so on. Past is past. You have only present moment. Dont think about relapses. Just move on and make what do you want and what is good for you! You are good enough! We are here to support you! Feel free PM or ICQ
Mettermrck Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 As a former Steam junkie I know how tough it must have been to let go of that long library of video games. It's not easy to forget but that's a big step for you!
Koolman Posted January 19, 2018 Author Posted January 19, 2018 I had a journal before but I can’t seem to find it no more. I went 7 months once but I relapsed and I’m back into gaming especially this one mobile game I’m obsessed with. It’s taking a lot out of my life. I’m thinking of trying respawn. But the problem is I really like this game and don’t know if I’m ready to leave it. It’s about super hero’s and collecting them and using them and I just love doing that. I put so much time and energy into it. It’s just hard to let go . I really want to continue but here I am posting this at 3 am. So maybe there’s s problem, but here’s the thing before that I was just binge watching tv shows on my phone which isn’t any better really. I just can’t seem to get out of this trap of always consuming myself with stuff. Never really doing something aside from consuming useless content. I want to get out of that and not be that way and at the same time not be bored. It’s hard but I’ll start by taking note and keeping track of myself. This might go nowhere but I should at least put some kind of effort into finding an answer.
J(e)RK Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Hey Koolman, welcome to the community. Allow me to attempt to help you turn this relapse into your day-to-day quitting process. A few things to remember are that the feeling of "I'm not sure I'm ready to give it up yet" is absolutely the reason why you should quit. That game doesn't matter to anybody except for the developers, and that's because they make money off of it. Remember to move past your sunk cost fallacy of "I already did so much for it" and realize that you don't want to put any more in. That's one of the biggest things about quitting. Also remember the why you want to quit, and make sure not to get ahead of yourself. I speak partially from experience, as I was done for a month and ended up relapsing on and off for about 2 weeks. I know now the reasons why I failed. 2 Last things I want to mention before I go: You probably will be a little bit bored. That's okay. Whenever you do feel bored, think about whether you really want to play video games or not, and from there you can work on your issues. If nothing else I have suggested here helps, just try to think about why you went back and what went wrong. For me, it took seeing a motivational poster in the break room at the facility I lifeguard in. It reminded me that getting burned out is a result of forgetting that all-important reason why I quit. Good luck, and I'm sure you'll do great. Salutations, J(e)RK 2
dwalk77 Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Hey Koolman, I can certainly relate what you’re saying about how it’s hard to let go. Sometimes I’ve even thought about memorializing the games I really liked, as in having a sort of gaming section in my house where it was sort of like an art gallery. As if that would give the games meaning and a sort of purpose. Something kept me from doing it though, I think partly b/c I knew it wasn’t real enough, it wasn’t that fulfilling. It sounds like you’re at a bit of a crossroad, and I can totally relate to that. I’m glad you posted here and aired out your thoughts, I think that’s a good thing. Hope to hear back soon what decisions you’ve made
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