Fagus Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Day 1:First day without games. Because I got so shocked by the perspective of willpower erosion, I stopped fapping and mindless browsing additionally.
Cam Adair Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I stopped fapping and mindless browsing additionally.Way to go!
Fagus Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 Day 2:The enormous amount of time I now have at my disposal is overwhelming. My normal routine would be to finish whatever I have to do as quickly as possible to get back to gaming, but now I just troll around because my day has like 8 more hours than it should have.
Cam Adair Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Plan ahead with an agenda one hour at a time. Break up those 8 hours into smaller blocks. That will help immensely.Â
Fagus Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 Day 3:Tonight I had a dream. I was on skype with my friends and we wanted to do some games later on. Then I remembered (still in the dream) that I had uninstalled all my games. So I told them, that I could not join, because my girlfriend wants to go out with me (a lie). I woke up and realised that I did not know yet, how to tell my friends that I wont ever play with them again. Most of my friends are not living nearby anymore and gaming has been a way to stay in contact. So this might become a problem.Otherwise, I restarted WoW just some weeks before my Detox. I hadn't played it for more than a year and it took quite some time to get everything working again. Installing addons, setting up the interface, sorting the inventory and get the characters in shape again. This was a lot of fun. So today I realised, this can also be done in my real life. Now that I quit gaming, I can improve my real character: me! So I inspected my inventory (wardrobe) to check which items (clothes) I still have use for and what else I need to improve my character. Via youtube I learned how to fold a t-shirt in 2 seconds. In the afternoon I want to do some sun bathing on the balcony, because I'm quite white, and some strength training. In all the years I was playing rpg's, I had a lot of fun improving my characters. Applying this to myself now is a good transition into a gaming-free life.@Cam: Prior to Day 1, I read Respawn, uninstalled all games and started the Detox. Yesterday I read Respawn again and recognized that at the first time I went over it in the way I was used to read stuff: just by scanning. So this time, with less haste, I've read more carefully and got your point that you have to fill the void that gaming left with something that fulfills the same needs. Because of my social anxiety, gaming has been the easiest to get the social component, because I could stay at home and still experience adventures with others. Maybe gaming was not the problem, but a way to supress my real problems, a possibility to escape reality. This makes things way more complicated. I have to find out who I really am, deal with my problems, while going cold turkey on the only thing that promised relief.I don't really fear a relapse, but more that I fall for some other unhealthy way of escaping. So far I'm completley straight in terms of any drugs. But if I fail now, things could become so much worse (I've read through some of the alcoholism posts). This might be the most important turning point in my life.
Cam Adair Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Yes, awesome! You're playing the ultimate video game right now: YOUR LIFE.
JSmith Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KK_kzrJPS8I agree.
Cam Adair Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KK_kzrJPS8I agree.Love Musk!Â
Piotr Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 It is your most important turning point in your life. Just keep going, cause the path you've choose is the rightous one
Marquess Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 (edited) Very self reflective. Keep going.It's really important to keep posting every day even if you don't feel like it, and even if it's just a few sentences. Edited August 7, 2016 by Marquess
Fagus Posted August 7, 2016 Author Posted August 7, 2016 Day 4:Thank you for all the positive feedback.Yesterday I went to a street food festival in town with my girlfriend. Normally I would turn her down and play the whole night, but not this time, because I've quit playing video games due to an ebook I bought recently. Sounds completely sane. Usually I hate people, but yesterday it was quite interesting and I think it couldn't be so hard to get some real friends. Since people like to have friends. And I wanted to drink alcohol. You guys told me that I will have cravings and urges, but no one said they will be about alcohol and not gaming. I assume, alcohol totally passed me, because I used to spend the time playing while others in my age were drinking. Anyway, I didn't drink that night. One of my friends quit gaming over 10 years ago. Our friendship broke, as he started drinking while I continued gaming. Do you think gamers have higher risk to get alcoholics once they quit?Today I was on a bicycle tour with my girlfriend. 65 km / 40 miles, quite a lot, but it felt really good to get the body working again and feel the sun and the wind.So far, nobody noticed that I have quit playing. I will not tell anybody. This is my own choice. I also need no accountability partner. If there is any pressure from the outside, I will relapse. This has to stay my way and I want to be accountable only to myself, since I'm the only one that can control my gaming.I find it quite fortunate that I have been wasting about 15 years of my life with gaming. Now life is for me like for a newborn. I have never taken any drugs, not even cigarettes or coffee. I dont have any debts and my body shows no signs of excesses others went through in puberty. Basically I start completely clean.I think my english is really bad and my treasury of words is really small, maybe I should change that.
Cam Adair Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Do you think gamers have higher risk to get alcoholics once they quit?It's possible for some but for others not so much. I do think at least during the detox it's best to avoid drinking because the first thing that "goes" when you drink is caution - so you're more vulnerable to justify gaming.Also, your english is better than you think but continuing to journal here will help improve it I'm sure!Love that you spent time with your girlfriend when you'd normally just game and avoid it. Great work!
Reno F Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I used to say to myself when I worked in the hospitality industry that everyone has some story or some personality trait that you will find interesting. Finding what it is is half of the fun.
Marquess Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 (edited) Imo the biggest problem for people who quit gaming, as far as alcohol is concerned, is not to become addicted to it (even though that's probably possible) but the increased risk of starting to game again.When you're wasted, you're more likely to watch a video or two, maybe check out a stream, and a beer later you're reinstalling for the old time's sake. And then somehow an entire month passes, and you're still playing the damn thing, lol.Depending on how much you drink, being hungover the next day can also hurt your chances of staying away from games.It's just not great.EDIT: just realized Cam said the same, gg me ^^.EDIT 2: But it's totally possible to switch one addiction for another, yeah. So that's another reason to watch out. Edited August 8, 2016 by Marquess
Fagus Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 Day 5:Exhausting day. Came home and prepared dinner with girlfriend, everything fine. Then my girlfriend left to go swimming, which she does 3-4 times a week. This is my trigger point. Usually I would spend the two hours she is away with gaming and other stuff I should not do. I know I could join her, but that is embarassing, cause she and everyone in her swimming club is just so much better than me. Also my job involves a lot of movement while she is working in an office, sitting all day long. So she needs compensation while I need relaxation and I get that by gaming. I really need some resting activities in exchange for gaming. I will check respawn now for recommendations. I play the accordeon quite well, but I cant read notes. Something that involes brainless movement of hands while still sitting relaxed somewhere would be perfect. But not fapping.Still managed to resist everything so far. If I get through the next day, I will surpass my all-time high of five days voluntarily not gaming. And I will not start drinking. It is really hard to stay away from alcohol in my environment, but I believe it is really cool if you can say that you are one of the few that can resist ^^Â I used to say to myself when I worked in the hospitality industry that everyone has some story or some personality trait that you will find interesting. Finding what it is is half of the fun.This is really inspirational, thank you so much!
Cam Adair Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 EDIT: just realized Cam said the same, gg me ^^.Great minds!I really need some resting activities in exchange for gaming.Any ideas?
Fagus Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Day 6:Resisting your cravings costs quite some energy but I suppose my willpower has already grown a bit. I went to the supermarket today in a hungry state and still managed not to buy any fast food rubbish. It feels easier to resist, when you stop the urge the moment it arises. It does not feel particular good at this moment, but giving in would be even worse. I learned this all too often.I am still searching for a replacement for gaming. When I come home I'm so tired that sitting down and playing some games is just too tempting. I reobtained my ability to enjoy silence and nature. I can spend a lot of time just sitting somewhere and watching my surroundings. I can't value this highly enough. In times of gaming, I was always in a hurry to get back to the computer. There are a lot of awesome places in nature and Cam's youtube videos are quite inspiring in that direction.I suppose the handling of time is something you got to relearn. Gaming is a part of the "everything, everywhere, everytime" culture, but in real life, everything that matters needs time. So a new hobby will not arise at the first days. A new hobby will not show the same results as gaming. There is no instant gratification and well, that's what makes things addictive. Having time and giving time is important to increase the quality of your life.
Pigeon Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 "I reobtained my ability to enjoy silence and nature. I can spend a lot of time just sitting somewhere and watching my surroundings. I can't value this highly enough."Â That is something amazing I also like, to slow down in this fast times and to see some more details.
Cam Adair Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 I suppose the handling of time is something you got to relearn.Yes, definitely.
Fagus Posted August 10, 2016 Author Posted August 10, 2016 Day 7:The first week is over. Today I bought some knives and tools for woodworking. Managed to cut myself two times. Still it's fun.Gaming is still part of my life. There are so many memories. The fact that I have quit this forever has not reached my mind yet. I still feel like this is just a short break and soon I can play again. I forgot the reason why I had quit at all. Yes it is unhealthy, but in moderation... ah I know this doesn't work, you don't have to tell me.This detox is a good thing to hold on. I will do these 90 days. But for now, I am not convinced to stop gaming for good. Anyhow, I recognized that I go to the computer first, when I get home. I want to reduce any computer activities, because it does not matter if I am gaming or browsing. All of this is used to numb myself and avoid a serious inspection of my situation.
Cam Adair Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Gaming will always be a part of your life, but that doesn't mean you need to play. It can be a chapter in your life that was fun and full of memories, and, you can move on to a new chapter where you create new memories with other activities.
Fagus Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 Day 8:Quite a mix of feelings today, but still hanging on.@Cam Adair watched your new video about how to overcome escapism. Helped me tremendously. I seriously start to admire you. You give me hope that there really is a way to reshape my life. Simply your example that it can be done is inspiring. I really want to thank you. A shame that you are almost exactly my age but so much further on this path.My next step will be to install this unspeakable agenda I avoided for so long.
Marquess Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 One thing to look out for is trying to do too much at once. I see a lot of people also quitting porn and all sorts of other things, but my advice would be not to overextend yourself on trying to quit every single negative habit.
Fagus Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 Day 9:Today I made an experiment. I wanted to play some games so hard, that I tried to imagine how I would feel exactly if I started again and what I would do in those games. Surprisingly my vision was not full of exitement. The games I had quit were already boring. What I wanted was not to play, but get that feeling I had years ago when games have still been fun. But that feeling is lost. I understand the process now. An alcoholic does not enjoy the taste of alcohol anymore. He just wants to get back that feeling of beeing drunk, but needs to drink a lot more to get it. I will not get that immersion back, I had ten years ago, when I first entered some of that virtual worlds. So my cravings are completely in vain.I need to find this immersion in the real world. Since I realized now, that my usual way to immersion is shut, I can direct all the energy of my cravings and urges to find a new one. But this time, it has to be a healthy one.Â
Cam Adair Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Day 8:Quite a mix of feelings today, but still hanging on.@Cam Adair watched your new video about how to overcome escapism. Helped me tremendously. I seriously start to admire you. You give me hope that there really is a way to reshape my life. Simply your example that it can be done is inspiring. I really want to thank you. A shame that you are almost exactly my age but so much further on this path.My next step will be to install this unspeakable agenda I avoided for so long.Thanks man! Really appreciate the kind words. I'm just trying to live by example. I wish I started 10 years before I did too, but I'm glad I started when I did. Be glad you started now too. In 10 years you'll be blown away at how much progress you've made.
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