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Daniel's 90 Detox


Daniel

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Day 26

Yesterday we had a family meal at grandmothers house. It's good for her but I start to realize that getting a bunch of busy adults together, the same day, the same time, for the same activity can be hard. It's probably only pulled off because we are family and there's free food involved.

I read Marquess blog and ended up reading about Ingress game. It reminded me of the time when I played Urban Dead. d

Right now I'm traveling via bus while writting, in a way I'm trying to emulate Tynan. Must people are asleep because they either sleep late last night (aimlessly clicking their phones) or have nothing to do right now. 

I don't know. Addictions may be, on some level, for life, but I have to say I haven't expected to ever feel the level of indifference towards alcohol and gaming that I feel now as I'm nearing day 80.

Funny isn't it. Seeing how something we craved so much get's left behind.

Love your alcohol limit. My limit, when it comes to beer, would probably be 15-16 even though I'd typically stop at 12 when I still drank.

That's what I usually hear people need, I am like wtf? 12? But then again I think that tolerance level is achieved drinking frecuently on the weekends.

21 days is roughly how long it takes to develop a new habit, but the break an old habit is more than just replacing it, because it has to do with identity and so forth. I focus less on the # of days and more on just showing up as my best every day. If you treat every day the same as every other day, boom. :)

Love those boom comments, lol

 

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Boom. Found this

Experts agree that there’s no typical time frame for breaking a habit, and the right recipe is going to be a mix of personality, motivation, circumstances, and the habit in question. "People who want to kick their habit for reasons that are aligned with their personal values will change their behaviour faster than people who are doing it for external reasons such as pressure from others,"says Berkman

Will read it at night.

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Experts agree that there’s no typical time frame for breaking a habit, and the right recipe is going to be a mix of personality, motivation, circumstances, and the habit in question. "People who want to kick their habit for reasons that are aligned with their personal values will change their behaviour faster than people who are doing it for external reasons such as pressure from others,"says Berkman

Personal values is the key here, 100%. When you align your life with your values, magic happens.

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Day 27

I´m staying at a hotel with my father. The bed at the hotel is so comfy I didn't want to wake up. I will be staying a week, but I will keep up with my posts and homework.

Yesterday I was traveling via bus to Mexico City and then took a plane to Mérida, Yucatán.

There´s a lot of foreigns here, probably from USA and Europe. I think it´s because it´s really cheap for them to stay here (unlike Acapulco here you pay in pesos not in dollars)

The streets are really clean with colonial buildings, lots of musems and shows everyday. Mérida has a low crime rate so if you plan to come to México, this one is great choice.

Now during my walk at the airport I remembered how Tynan did this hundreds of times with Todd. Many other times he did by himself. I´m sure a lot of people were traveling alone, that would be great adventure.

I saw so many devices at those samsung charging stations. One of the best devices for Vainglory would be the S7. I know this because Samsung used advertising when I used to play.

There was a kid playing a game on his cellphone, probably 8 years old, he wasn´t putting attention to his enviroment only being dragged around by his parents. I was like not so long ago.

I have been thinking that my gaming addiction was developed by my depression. When I was 16 I had something very similar happen to me.

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Day 28

I always begrudged the people who found their passion when they were young. I felt like I would never find my passion and would have to wait forever. 

All my friends had one (or at least I thought so). Soccer, baseball, swimming, Tae-Kwon-Do, Hacking, Playing the guitar, Playing the piano, Going to Church, Ballet. 

I instead played videogames. Some of my friends followed their passions, some didn't. I still think of videogaming specially vainglory from time to time. I think the real test will be when I upgrade my phone and avoiding Vainglory. But with Cams tools it will be easier, plus I deleted my accounts xD

I'm still at Mérida will post pics soon!

*Current effects about porn: From some time ago I noticed porn disgusts me. Sometimes, while watching tv with my cousin, a random nude or sex scene would come up and it bothered me.

**My accountability partner last post was 10 days ago. In the meantime I will be posting at Marquess journal.
I think Marquess is right, posting daily keeps your awareness sharp.


In a way posting daily follows the pattern of those videogames where you have to wait like 12 or 24 to play again. Exchanging habits perhaps...

 

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Yes posting daily helps your awareness a lot, for sure.

Some find their passion when they're young but what I've found is you will have many passions in life. I played hockey for 15 years when I was younger, but now I don't anymore. I just started surfing 3 months ago and I love it - huge passion. And I'm 28. So you'll find many throughout your life. The key is to not get caught up in whether you have them or not and just keep exploring and following your heart. :)

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Day 29

Yesterday I had some flashbacks of when I used to watch porn. Right now, I tried to remember name of pornstars and I could come up with at least 5 in less than a minute.

Lately I been making this posts more like a journal. The problem is that I haven't been focusing on my detox symptoms and thoughts related to withdrawal. I believe these are very important, not only to me but for other who stumble upon our journals, this could give them and idea of what lies ahead in their path and give them hope.

One more days and I will achieve 30 days without, masturbation, pornography and videogames.
I will write more details of how the detox has affected me at day 30, 60 and 90.

At the moments I'm juggling 3 journals, eventually I will drop two of them and stick to only one. That journal will become a moral exercise of my life.

Yes posting daily helps your awareness a lot, for sure.

Some find their passion when they're young but what I've found is you will have many passions in life. I played hockey for 15 years when I was younger, but now I don't anymore. I just started surfing 3 months ago and I love it - huge passion. And I'm 28. So you'll find many throughout your life. The key is to not get caught up in whether you have them or not and just keep exploring and following your heart. :)

15 years is a long time, you surely have fond memories about hockey. I remember you mentioned hockey at your E-Sports video.
A psychologist once gave me a metaphor. You should treat life like an ice cream shop, try different flavors, otherwise, how will you find the ones you like? This is specially useful during depression.

###

Picture is a painting depicting of the spanish conquest, it's located at the goverment palace at Mérida.

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Man, you rock with your achievement of 30 days without three habits.
Nice picture btw. I love looking at painted pictures where you can see every streak of paintbrush; they just have soul compared to dotted printed images.

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Day 30

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested.”

First milestone achieved!

Lately I been falling asleep with my body tired and my mind with ideas to fulfill the next day. This is how I felt when I was passionate about life. I would seem that there are not enough hours in the day. But perhaps I'm not being efficient with my time.
It is important to notice that I also see a doctor to treat my depression. I'm sure this has helped me accomplish this milestone.

But how do I feel after 30 days without masturbation, videogames and pornography? (MPV)

Masturbation:

While some claim that is healthy, there's an even more healthy habit, safe sex. After sex I feel more energy, I want to go and do stuff, but after masturbation, I just wanna lay in my bed and fall asleep. After sex with someone you love, you feel better while cuddling. After masturbation I felt lonely and this weird feeling of emptiness that I can't quite explain..
In my case my girlfriend is younger than me, and she wants sex more often than me. I try to have sex even less often than I would want to.
I've been masturbating on and off since 13.

Videogames:

When you are busy, there's no time for videogames. I still think of videogames, from all three the one I miss the most is this one, specially the one that I played during my depression. Perhaps if I had no needs or goals I could play, but I do have needs and goals.
When my cousin talks to me about PokemonGo I feel weird about him. Like something is wrong with him, he is a couple of years younger than me, has a relative easy and good paying job, beautiful gilrfriend...and he...chases imaginary pixels in his free time? It's like I could sense his life is empty and he is not passionate about it.
However I'm no one to judge his life, those are his decisions. It's does help me see what I don't want in my life, following dumb trends is one of them. The cravings are super rare. Actually when I see the chance yo play, I ask myself why I'm not craving this?
I've been playing videogames since I was 6 years old.

Pornography: I took a couple of weeks for this one to go away. And it came real fast. Reality hits you, watching other people have sex....in a screen? wtf?! Disgusting.  Sex is and intimate and private act. I've been watching pornography on and off since I around 14-15.

Conclusion: When someone else asks you, what did you do today? Will you be able to answer "Oh I played videogames, then watched some porn and masturbated" 

Since a long time ago I was looking to break this vicious circle, by avoiding MPV. Right now, my life a lot better without those habits. Thanks, Cam


###

Picture is Mérida´s Cathedral

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Day 31

  • During the first day of my detox I felt fear. I thought to myself I am actually doing this. What am I gonna do when I want to play?
  • During the first week I lurked a lot, probably visited the forum 4 times a day and googled about videogame addictions. There are cravings, but I was making sure to use the tools.
  • During the second week I fully understand the tools. Felt cravings.
  • During the third week you develop a lot of awareness about your detox thoughts and cravings
  • During the 4 week you feel excited about having some weeks under your belt.


You wanna know what I crave now? Talking to pretty girls, haha. Specially young girls 18-25. I just feel like it would be the right thing to do.

Also I feel that I can´t stay too long laying in my bed (unless I had a huge meal which makes me want to take a 20 min nap)
 

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Day 32

My trip ends today, tomorrow I will back to my state.

The trip was pretty amazing, spent most of my money on chocolate and habanero sauces.

Looking forward to keep up with school asignments, hitting the gym and seeing my girlfriend.

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Picture is my agenda with the Seinfield method when I achieved 30 days. Notice how my agenda is empty before the detox, reflecting my depression.

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Day 33

A couple of days ago I was thinking that most cultures are raised with the mindset of achieving happiness.
Can you see the mistake in this mindset? It is very ambiguous.
It means that your happiness is the ultimate goal no matter what, and it can be achieved even at the expense of your own well being or at at the expense others. This way of thinking is closely related to consumerism.
You could say "playing videogames makes me happy, so I will chase happiness playing all day for the rest of my life"

Another type of mindset is looking forward to perfect oneself, help others achieve perfection and to perfect the universe. This mindset makes me think that by chasing this task happiness will follow.

###

I'm back home. Today,  I had a very odd feeling while I was walking. It was a mix of peace, serenity and joy.
Cravings... what are cravings?

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Day 34

Today I spent some time with my girlfriend. However the night before I masturbated thinking about a fitness model. 

While I didn´t watch porn I did take a look at some of her videos and pictures.

I think all this was the result of a mix of different factors.

I deactivated nightwatch filter. It´s back on.
My messed up sleep schedule due to the trip. Hopefully it will return to normal today.
The fact that I´m giving more attention to watching other women.
Had a week without sex.
Some doubts I have with my relationship.

As conclusion I can say that I was getting too confident with my detox, and this is a reminder that I can´t let my guard down.
Had no problems with either porn or videogames

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When I started my detox, I didn't try to cut back on porn in any way. However, I find myself watching it less and less even so; I'd almost say the issue is with the lack of quality porn as it all seems more banal now. Similar happened to my attitude towards social networks.

Tbh, my general opinion is stay off video games and fap away. Not gaming itself is hard enough.

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Day 35

I'm still lacking some focus, specially for school, gotta keep up the motivation.
I feel like I need extra focus when changing routines. I was very focused when I went to Mérida, so it was ok. But when I came back I let the focus slip.

I will keep abstaining from videogames, masturbation and porn. Need to focus on my goals.

 

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