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Daniel's 90 Detox


Daniel

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Day 15

Last night I thought I was having  trouble sleeping and was thinking of turning on the laptop to watch some movies.

I recognized this pattern, I would end up either, sleeping very late or perhaps even watching porn or playing videogames.

My mind trying to trick myself, haha...

Convinced myself to sleep, which I did a few minutes later.

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Day 16

I would call this my worst mental day so far during the detox. Yesterday I could barely focus. Spent plenty of time mindlessly browsing and even watching a movie. 
Which leads to a new task configure k-9 and  and stayfocusd for this type of behavior. 

In the evening I sleep later of what I am used to, at 12am. I event felt a slight craving for porn and videogames.
I dreamt I was watching porn, then remembered the detox, which means I would have to start over. Finally thinking should I lie about it at gamequitters?

Then I woke up.

Tasks: 

  • Strict setup with k9 and stayfocusd.
  • Strict night routine.
  • Go to the gym in the morning.

Saw the video: Caution: Gaming After Your Detox

Would I come back after 90 days? Seems for me it´s all or nothing I doubt I could play casually or in moderation.

Would it be worth it to try to get in twitch and or esports? This made me remeber the quote

"Nowadays, when you're not a Grandmaster at 14, you can forget about it." [15th World Champion Viswanathan Anand]

Perhaps Cam forgot to mention that the esport scene is usually for young people. 15-24 at most, and include the reasons they retire so young.

Edited by Daniel
Specified day, added random thoughts
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Day 17

Yesterday was a whole different history. Went to the gym early and had a great workout. It seems I have good workouts when pretty girls are around the gym, even if I don´t talk to them.

Finished the assignment I was having trouble with two days ago.

Went out with my girlfriend. I noticed that I have been giving much of my attention to my detox, school and gym and not enought attention to her and I told her.

Edited by Daniel
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Days 14-30 are generally the worst. If you manage to get through that, you'll be at a lot better place.

I like that you're honest about what you're going through (not everyone is, at least not at first). Depending on where you are in life, this will suck for a while, but it's amazing how your view on gaming changes after you start nearing the 90.

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Day 18

No cravings really, a bit of mindless browsing. The importance of being aware of our weak moments is extremely important. For example, at the beggining of our detox, most of us are weak when turning on a laptop, we would probably end up playing videogames, that's why we use filters and chrome extensions.

Being aware of when and why allows us to have an emergency mechanism.

 

Days 14-30 are generally the worst. If you manage to get through that, you'll be at a lot better place.

I like that you're honest about what you're going through (not everyone is, at least not at first). Depending on where you are in life, this will suck for a while, but it's amazing how your view on gaming changes after you start nearing the 90.

Now I get why the first week was a breeze. 

I think this is the perfect place for us to be truly honest about our feelings about gaming and our detox. It's basically an Al-Anon for gamers. We can talk to others or to ourselves and vent our feelings and thoughts. 

Edited by Daniel
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There's a thing called "a pink cloud" that's common in quitting all sorts of addictions; the initial surge of increased energy, elevation you get when you first quit.

It can give you a false idea that you've now beaten your addiction and life will continue to be awesome forever though, of course, that's not exactly what happens, lol. In my experience, it's more about having ups and downs with downs getting progressively less bad, which then turns into some kind of stability & steady improvement after day 60. At least that's me, and others seem to have a similar experience as well.

While I don't like telling others what to do, I really do believe it's massively important to post every single day even if it's just a few words. If nothing else it helps you remind yourself of what you're doing.

Edited by Marquess
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Day 19

Yesterday I had a long nap which messed up my sleep schedule a bit. When I was trying to sleep at bed I would have thoughts of the happy moments when I used to game. Games like Final Fantasy X, Zelda, Tibia, Metal Gear: Sons of Liberty, Age of Empires 2, Harvest Moon 64, all of them stimulated my imagination. I also had memories of my mother. When I was a kid she noticed how much I loved my videogames and of all the things in my room they were the only items I would keep clean and in order.

Another memory of my young years came back to me. I was probably 8 years old, when a group of friends from my school were exposed to pornographic movie. Only two of us decided to get out  of the room where they were watching it. The rest decided to stay.

I would also have slight cravings for porn thinking to myself "If I watch some porn and masturbate I would fall asleep quickly. Then I would think, maybe I can just watch a normal movie or a couple games of chess.

I handled the cravings and thoughts by reading "You are the result of yourself" by Neruda.

There's a thing called "a pink cloud" that's common in quitting all sorts of addictions; the initial surge of increased energy, elevation you get when you first quit.

It can give you a false idea that you've now beaten your addiction and life will continue to be awesome forever though, of course, that's not exactly what happens, lol. In my experience, it's more about having ups and downs with downs getting progressively less bad, which then turns into some kind of stability & steady improvement after day 60. At least that's me, and others seem to have a similar experience as well.

While I don't like telling others what to do, I really do believe it's massively important to post every single day even if it's just a few words. If nothing else it helps you remind yourself of what you're doing.

I appreciate all the input. Thank you.

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Day  20

Yesterday I was too busy to have any cravings. Family came over and I was driving them around. My father also wanted me to help him with my laptop. I barely got any of my activities done. Just went to the gym and the library. Instead of being annoyed I thought that I don't see them often and I will have the next 3 days free for me.

The question I always ask is: Are you Willing?

Are you willing to be with your cravings and not give in to them? Are you willing to stay true to not watching porn to be in alignment with your partner? Are you willing? :)

I am willing. I am going all the way Cam. I will keep the effort and time towards this detox. Adding or modifying tools as needed. I was already warned by Marquess that things will only get worse. I am ready. When I have a bad day, when things don't go according to my plan, I will keep the eyes set on the goal.

One could think I am overreacting. But if I give up, ain't my dreams in danger? So in a way my life depends on this detox.
Thanks for the response. I will save this question as tool to fight cravings.

 

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Day 21

After a stressful morning, my family went out of town. They will come back in a couple of days. I will now be able to focus on my school assignments.

My family rented a car. We realized that a policy of the company made little sense and my father was angry.

This reminded me of a scene "Batman: The Killing Joke" where the Joker is crying with his wife. The joker said to his wife "I can't evens support you" 

Support is the position I used to play Vainglory. I had this thoughts on the way to the airport, where we would pick up the car. Funny how the mind works.

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Day 22

Yesterday was very similar to Day 16. Lack of focus, lack of ambition. I felt like on those days when all I did was game but couldn't get my fix. Like a zombie.

It seems to me this reaction was due to a slight change in my morning and night routine. They night before I sleep at 11:30 and got up just a bit later than usual. No big deal really, but then I didn't  follow my morning routine and it all went downhill from there. I advanced very little in my school assignments and watched some movies, even a bit of TV. 

GameQuitters tools prevented me from gaming. Without them it could have ended different. I didn't really feel like posting this. I was thinking of making some generic post writting that the day went alright.

Perhaps out of shame or to pretend I'm still doing great with the detox. I'm thinking of writting down my goals and put them in my room walls could help me.

While I think this was a bad day I don't think it was the worst. The craving was not huge and I simply felt discouraged.

During the past five days I been writting my detox in this journal and at my personal website. This takes much more time, about 30 to 45 min. The benefit here is that I get feedback. The benefit at my website is that I am learning to use a hosted blog and practice my writting skills.

However I haven´t mentioned to what I am addicted at my website.

Edited by Daniel
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Day 23

Things got better. Could focus a bit more on homework and went to the gym.  I finally received the battery replacement for my Kindle but seems it won't hold charge. What a shame. :(

My cousin invited me to go to bar. While it sounds great, going out at 10pm doesn't appeals to me. Seriously, what's wrong with grabbing a beer while the sun is still out?

It's the second time in a row I decline.

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Day 24

Spent a lot of time with the family and managed to get some homework done.
I considered going out to grab a beer at a friend's place. My girlfriend declined because she has been working out and wants to avoid alcohol. Asked my cousin and gave me and unclear answer if he would go. Then at night it started raining. Oh well, I had to get up early anyway. Before falling asleep I remembered an old project of mine. Writting a book.
I am very excited about this, I actually have a several personal diaries from where I will get my material. However this project can't be a priority, at least not yet. Now I need more time xD

Consider organizing a time for you two to hang out during the day then if that's what you prefer. Take a leadership role in this. :)

Yes! Thanks for the advice Cam, I will definitly start doing this.
Sometimes I just don't like the social options I have on the table, but that's only because I have been too passive about it! I need to make my own social plans, invite people, and stay informed about current events that interest me. 

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Are you writing in Spanish, btw?

6 days to go until 30 and getting out of statistically most dangerous place ^^.

(This is not some kind of a hacky motivation trick at least not entirely. Cam leaked some preliminary data a while ago that strongly suggests the first 30 days are critical, and I think he'll publish it soon. It's interesting how similar everyone's experiences are.)

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Day 25

Yesterday had to do some errands which were out of town. My girlfriend wanted to come as well. It all went pretty good. When I came back I realized that two days ago I left my laptop charger at my cousin's house.

Realizing I couldn't use my laptop, I tried using my father's laptop, however it has less wifi range so I had to stay close to the modem. 
My father's laptop had no Microsoft Office to work with, I attempted to use dreamspark, gave up, then realized that the trial version would do fine.
Then I needed to charge my fathers laptop but there are few sockets near the modem and the other sockets are far away from the modem.

My girlfriend and I found the situation hilarious so we went to pick up the charger at my cousins house. Finished my assignment.

When I was done went to grab 4 Heinekens and a bag of snacks. (I knew we had enough with 3 but she always wants us to get 4.)

I realized my alcohol limit is 1 beer. Perhaps 2 but drink it slowly. Haha. That's cool I can actually buy quality beer and get tipsy with it. 

I noticed that even when I finished my homework I wanted to finish other tasks, like posting at my site, arrange files, videos, sort my projects, etc. However I gave priority to hang out with my girlfriend, cause I will be leaving the my state for a week.

*This journal is becoming more of a personal journal than a detox journal :P

Are you writing in Spanish, btw?

6 days to go until 30 and getting out of statistically most dangerous place ^^.

(This is not some kind of a hacky motivation trick at least not entirely. Cam leaked some preliminary data a while ago that strongly suggests the first 30 days are critical, and I think he'll publish it soon. It's interesting how similar everyone's experiences are.)

Yea I am writting in spanish at my site. It's my native tongue. I understand that an habit is developed in around 21 days, not sure how many days you need to get rid of one. However addictions are for life aren´t they? 

I used to write the days like that when I started the detox, something like "87 more days to go"

At my site my entries go like this "Day 25 of 90 days of detox"

 

Edited by Daniel
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I don't know. Addictions may be, on some level, for life, but I have to say I haven't expected to ever feel the level of indifference towards alcohol and gaming that I feel now as I'm nearing day 80.

It's always possible to relapse, and people do relapse sometimes even after years of being clean. It's fascinating how much better it gets though. Trust the process is a tired meme, but it appears to be true :^).

Love your alcohol limit. My limit, when it comes to beer, would probably be 15-16 even though I'd typically stop at 12 when I still drank.

Edited by Marquess
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21 days is roughly how long it takes to develop a new habit, but the break an old habit is more than just replacing it, because it has to do with identity and so forth. I focus less on the # of days and more on just showing up as my best every day. If you treat every day the same as every other day, boom. :)

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